How do I get this guy's attention...?

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    Sep 04, 2011 3:33 AM GMT
    So, I've hit a rough patch in the dating scene lately and have took sometime to gather my thoughts and just concentrate on other things for a while. Now I think it's time I get back to going out and date again.

    So, I have this group of friends that go to MSU right now that I met this past summer. One night we all went out, and another one of their friends came out to the straight bars with us. I started to talk to him and he mentioned something about having an ex boyfriend so I knew he was gay. He is very handsome and tall and looks like he works out on a regular basis. Cute smile, and eyes that can melt glaciers. We talked for a while and then the next day we added each other on facebook.

    Since I'm the sort of blunt guy that I am, I messaged him and asked if he ever wanted to go out sometime and grab something to eat. A week later he hadn't responded and so when I saw him online I asked if he had gotten it and he said yeah. He "wasn't really looking for anything right now for dating, but he was always up for going out to the bars or something."

    I really like this guy. I can tell because usually when I'm around good looking guys that I'm not interested in, I just sort of feel comfortable and able to talk to them and just casually befriend them. This guy, I feel weak at the knees, I get butterflies when I see him around campus, and I smile just thinking about him. Since I'm usually really picky, this rarely happens and I know it when I feel it.

    And here's the thing. Every single one of my friends says that I'm the coolest guy ever, and that any man would be lucky enough to date me. Even people I just meet while going out with my friends tell me I'm the coolest. It's just difficult because they know how great of a guy I am since they know me, but this guy doesn't because we don't hang out a lot and I feel like I'm never given the chance to show him how awesome of a guy I am.

    How do I get his attention and show him what others see in me?
  • JP85257

    Posts: 3284

    Sep 04, 2011 3:37 AM GMT
    Send him pics of your junk.
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    Sep 04, 2011 3:52 AM GMT
    Two things.

    1. You've already posted the "everyone thinks I'm cool and gorgeous but I never get the guy I want" post. It's just a self pity device. Deal.

    2.
    Allathlete said
    Since I'm the sort of blunt guy that I am, I messaged him and asked if he ever wanted to go out sometime and grab something to eat. A week later he hadn't responded and so when I saw him online I asked if he had gotten it and he said yeah. He "wasn't really looking for anything right now for dating, but he was always up for going out to the bars or something."


    He's not interested in you. Move on.
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    Sep 04, 2011 4:01 AM GMT
    Ariodante saidTwo things.

    1. You've already posted the "everyone thinks I'm cool and gorgeous but I never get the guy I want" post. It's just a self pity device. Deal.

    2.
    Allathlete said
    Since I'm the sort of blunt guy that I am, I messaged him and asked if he ever wanted to go out sometime and grab something to eat. A week later he hadn't responded and so when I saw him online I asked if he had gotten it and he said yeah. He "wasn't really looking for anything right now for dating, but he was always up for going out to the bars or something."


    He's not interested in you. Move on.


    You've never gone after someone you thought was worth it? And why wouldn't just say he wasn't interested...?
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    Sep 04, 2011 4:09 AM GMT
    Allathlete said
    Ariodante saidTwo things.

    1. You've already posted the "everyone thinks I'm cool and gorgeous but I never get the guy I want" post. It's just a self pity device. Deal.

    2.
    Allathlete said
    Since I'm the sort of blunt guy that I am, I messaged him and asked if he ever wanted to go out sometime and grab something to eat. A week later he hadn't responded and so when I saw him online I asked if he had gotten it and he said yeah. He "wasn't really looking for anything right now for dating, but he was always up for going out to the bars or something."


    He's not interested in you. Move on.


    You've never gone after someone you thought was worth it? And why wouldn't just say he wasn't interested...?

    My suggestion is not to give up. Why not take him up on his suggestion to go to "bars or something", and just not call it a date. Just go as friends and see what happens.
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    Sep 04, 2011 4:09 AM GMT
    Allathlete said
    You've never gone after someone you thought was worth it? And why wouldn't just say he wasn't interested...?


    Mates aren't prizes to be achieved. They are a result of mutual attraction and willingness.

    And the gay population is the queen of flakes. Not only will they never, ever outright say they're not interested in you (they avoid it like the plague) they'll often go out of their way to make you believe they actually are and then disappear or ignore all your messages. You need to read between the lines. And in this case it's not hard. When guys are interested they respond the nanosecond after you contact them. Nanosecond. If they don't, they're not.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11819

    Sep 04, 2011 5:00 AM GMT
    Dude...Your first sign was he didn't respond to your message...Then he tells ya he doesn't want to date....He may be gettin over a bad break up....or whatever...Back off for now...If you continue to press the issue...He'll build up more walls....my opinion....BUD
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    Sep 04, 2011 5:14 AM GMT
    sorry to burst your bubble but the guy on top of me who looks like hes taking a shit on his bed is right, you need to break away from your little dream fantasy and look at things how they are, you dont need to try harder, if hes interested in you he would have replied right away, plus if your as amazingicon_cool.gif as you say you are you should have no problem getting another guy. im wondering now what is an amazing and cool guy, can you tell me what that is cause i would love to knowicon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 04, 2011 5:16 AM GMT
    Allathlete saidSo, I've hit a rough patch in the dating scene lately and have took sometime to gather my thoughts and just concentrate on other things for a while. Now I think it's time I get back to going out and date again.

    So, I have this group of friends that go to MSU right now that I met this past summer. One night we all went out, and another one of their friends came out to the straight bars with us. I started to talk to him and he mentioned something about having an ex boyfriend so I knew he was gay. He is very handsome and tall and looks like he works out on a regular basis. Cute smile, and eyes that can melt glaciers. We talked for a while and then the next day we added each other on facebook.

    Since I'm the sort of blunt guy that I am, I messaged him and asked if he ever wanted to go out sometime and grab something to eat. A week later he hadn't responded and so when I saw him online I asked if he had gotten it and he said yeah. He "wasn't really looking for anything right now for dating, but he was always up for going out to the bars or something."

    I really like this guy. I can tell because usually when I'm around good looking guys that I'm not interested in, I just sort of feel comfortable and able to talk to them and just casually befriend them. This guy, I feel weak at the knees, I get butterflies when I see him around campus, and I smile just thinking about him. Since I'm usually really picky, this rarely happens and I know it when I feel it.

    And here's the thing. Every single one of my friends says that I'm the coolest guy ever, and that any man would be lucky enough to date me. Even people I just meet while going out with my friends tell me I'm the coolest. It's just difficult because they know how great of a guy I am since they know me, but this guy doesn't because we don't hang out a lot and I feel like I'm never given the chance to show him how awesome of a guy I am.

    How do I get his attention and show him what others see in me?


    How much more of a rejection signal do you need for you to back off? He said he's not interested in dating already.

    Read between the lines: He's not interested in dating YOU.
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    Sep 04, 2011 5:19 AM GMT
    Ariodante said
    Allathlete said
    You've never gone after someone you thought was worth it? And why wouldn't just say he wasn't interested...?


    Mates aren't prizes to be achieved. They are a result of mutual attraction and willingness.

    And the gay population is the queen of flakes. Not only will they never, ever outright say they're not interested in you (they avoid it like the plague) they'll often go out of their way to make you believe they actually are and then disappear or ignore all your messages. You need to read between the lines. And in this case it's not hard. When guys are interested they respond the nanosecond after you contact them. Nanosecond. If they don't, they're not.

    That is pretty true, except if you have talked and solidified whatever thang you guys have going on, then it's ok for the rate to slow down. But OP, one week? It's time to move on.
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    Sep 04, 2011 5:28 AM GMT
    I would say enjoy your time at State....I miss it already and its been three months since I left.

    Also I would look closely at the type of dudes you tend to go for...if this is a recurring problem of unrequited interest, be introspective and figure out what is going on. If its a random occurrence, then I would just move on indeed dude.

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    Sep 04, 2011 5:39 AM GMT
    mybud saidDude...Your first sign was he didn't respond to your message...Then he tells ya he doesn't want to date....He may be gettin over a bad break up....or whatever...Back off for now...If you continue to press the issue...He'll build up more walls....my opinion....BUD


    Yeah, he did get out of a long relationship a couple of months ago. You might be right.
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    Sep 04, 2011 5:42 AM GMT
    Ariodante saidTwo things.

    1. You've already posted the "everyone thinks I'm cool and gorgeous but I never get the guy I want" post. It's just a self pity device. Deal.

    2.
    Allathlete said
    Since I'm the sort of blunt guy that I am, I messaged him and asked if he ever wanted to go out sometime and grab something to eat. A week later he hadn't responded and so when I saw him online I asked if he had gotten it and he said yeah. He "wasn't really looking for anything right now for dating, but he was always up for going out to the bars or something."


    He's not interested in you. Move on.


    I agree.
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    Sep 04, 2011 5:43 AM GMT
    archon saidsorry to burst your bubble but the guy on top of me who looks like hes taking a shit on his bed is right, you need to break away from your little dream fantasy and look at things how they are, you dont need to try harder, if hes interested in you he would have replied right away, plus if your as amazingicon_cool.gif as you say you are you should have no problem getting another guy. im wondering now what is an amazing and cool guy, can you tell me what that is cause i would love to knowicon_biggrin.gif


    It's not the problem of getting other guys, it's that this feeling of butterflies and such doesn't come around often, so when it does, I try to do something about it. I've had a lot of guys come up to me that weren't my type, soo maybe I'm not his type...

    And you'd just have to meet me to figure that out.
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    Sep 04, 2011 5:45 AM GMT
    Alright. Maybe he's not interested. Guess it's back to waiting for another guy to give me these feelings.
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    Sep 04, 2011 5:47 AM GMT
    Allathlete saidAlright. Maybe he's not interested. Guess it's back to waiting for another guy to give me these feelings.

    There you go! That's the right attitude!
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    Sep 04, 2011 5:50 AM GMT
    waimea said
    Allathlete saidAlright. Maybe he's not interested. Guess it's back to waiting for another guy to give me these feelings.

    There you go! That's the right attitude!


    Nice to see some positive comments, hate the haters! Good luck allathlete!
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    Sep 04, 2011 6:16 AM GMT
    Allathlete saidAlright. Maybe he's not interested. Guess it's back to waiting for another guy to give me these feelings.


    I'm clearly the odd man out here. I think you should pursue him. The longest relationship I've ever had (with a guy) was someone I was not attracted to at all when I first met him. He kept on being friendly and eventually swooned me or something I dunno wtf he did but it worked. Don't be annoying but be persistent icon_smile.gif
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    Sep 04, 2011 6:16 AM GMT

    And you'd just have to meet me to figure that out. [/quote]

    hahaha very funny, i don'ticon_razz.gif think so
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    Sep 04, 2011 6:18 AM GMT
    k3l3k0 said
    Allathlete saidAlright. Maybe he's not interested. Guess it's back to waiting for another guy to give me these feelings.


    I'm clearly the odd man out here. I think you should pursue him. The longest relationship I've ever had (with a guy) was someone I was not attracted to at all when I first met him. He kept on being friendly and eventually swooned me or something I dunno wtf he did but it worked. Don't be annoying but be persistent icon_smile.gif

    What did he do? A love spell? Love potion? Can I have his #? I'll even pay for it.
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    Sep 04, 2011 8:00 AM GMT
    Allathlete! listen to the advice of everyone on here... though he may get interested in the future, RIGHT NOW he was clear that he had no interest in dating, only in being friends... that MAY or MAY not develop into something, but thats not something one should be going after, because that will wind up you going after what you cant have. Now Im not saying you're not a great guy, everyone knows you are, including everyone on here... but sometimes ppl are just emotionally unavailable, lord knows I get like that sometimes too... for the time being, put him out of your mind as dating material.. because if you go any further into it, and he does not come around at the end, no matter how strongly you chase after him, you will wind up hurting yourself... dont do it!
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    Sep 04, 2011 8:02 AM GMT
    waimea said
    k3l3k0 said
    Allathlete saidAlright. Maybe he's not interested. Guess it's back to waiting for another guy to give me these feelings.


    I'm clearly the odd man out here. I think you should pursue him. The longest relationship I've ever had (with a guy) was someone I was not attracted to at all when I first met him. He kept on being friendly and eventually swooned me or something I dunno wtf he did but it worked. Don't be annoying but be persistent icon_smile.gif

    What did he do? A love spell? Love potion? Can I have his #? I'll even pay for it.


    I agree with k3 as well, but like I said, just be yourself, and he may or may not come around, dont go putting your heart into it from the get go though
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    Sep 04, 2011 8:03 AM GMT
    Allathlete said
    archon saidsorry to burst your bubble but the guy on top of me who looks like hes taking a shit on his bed is right, you need to break away from your little dream fantasy and look at things how they are, you dont need to try harder, if hes interested in you he would have replied right away, plus if your as amazingicon_cool.gif as you say you are you should have no problem getting another guy. im wondering now what is an amazing and cool guy, can you tell me what that is cause i would love to knowicon_biggrin.gif


    It's not the problem of getting other guys, it's that this feeling of butterflies and such doesn't come around often, so when it does, I try to do something about it. I've had a lot of guys come up to me that weren't my type, soo maybe I'm not his type...

    And you'd just have to meet me to figure that out.


    Just show him your video of you dancing the Tango and then put on your shy humble charm of self-conscious blushing at the ensuing compliment ;)
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    Sep 04, 2011 8:37 AM GMT
    GreenHopper saidAllathlete! listen to the advice of everyone on here... though he may get interested in the future, RIGHT NOW he was clear that he had no interest in dating, only in being friends... that MAY or MAY not develop into something, but thats not something one should be going after, because that will wind up you going after what you cant have. Now Im not saying you're not a great guy, everyone knows you are, including everyone on here... but sometimes ppl are just emotionally unavailable, lord knows I get like that sometimes too... for the time being, put him out of your mind as dating material.. because if you go any further into it, and he does not come around at the end, no matter how strongly you chase after him, you will wind up hurting yourself... dont do it!


    QFT
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    Sep 04, 2011 8:52 AM GMT
    just bad timing really bro. when the time is right, everything will fall into places, whether you will be in it or not. i will say, stay as friends. he is vulnerable and for someone to break up with such a hottie as you describe, there might be something gone really wrong and i bet he's hurt deeply.

    stay friends and cross finga, he might see how great you are, and work it from there.

    chur