Daelin saidTonight we had a party. And for the so many time, some1 came up to me while we were all drunk and asked me when I was gonna come out of the closet. Im not out. So I said Im not gonna come out, there is nothing to come out for. She looked me right into the eyes and asked me again, so I looked her straight back and told her the same thing again. She believed it. It made me feel bad though. I lied about what I am. Cause I am gay. I know. I just don't want to accept it yet. I want a 'normal life'. Why is some1 elses sexual orientation so important to other people? What the hell does it matter if some1 is gay or not? It is their life. Mind your own business. Sigh.. Im just a little emo I guess cause I had some drinks and this really bothers me. Something about me apperantly says Im gay. I don't want that. I asked her what it was that made her think Im gay. She said it was because I always hang around with girls after work. But I am one of 4 males that work there with like 13 women working there ( its a bar ). So its not that weird that I hang out with collegues..
...you study psychology......look in the mirror and analyze yourself and your actions, reasons, etc.....the unknowns of what might happen if you acknowledge what others already suspect....your personal insecurities, etc. they all play along with your background and culture, etc.....Who you are and where you fall in the sexual spectrum is still in flux in your mind, because you don't see any positives or uses to being gay and out. The peace of mind of being honest should not be underestimated or overlooked. Obviously it is upto you to pick when and to whom you come out to, but you may want to consider the messages you are getting from your friends, because you must be sending vibes to someone.....
GAY doesn't need to fit a stereotype.....the entire point of being out is being honest and defining what gay is to you....flaming, rainbows, lisping, etc or none of that,except that you get off to guys. It is OK to be straight, gay, bi, trans, asexual, intersexual....it is what you make of it...so make peace with it.....I sense this is a drama caused by alcohol, and that you are more sure of yourself than you are letting on here...sober up and be happy and confident in who you are. At 22...you are right where you should be with questions and personal insecurities.....time and experience will help you. Good Luck!