I can't accept that I am gay.

  • Nayro

    Posts: 1825

    Sep 05, 2011 2:57 AM GMT
    Tonight we had a party. And for the so many time, some1 came up to me while we were all drunk and asked me when I was gonna come out of the closet. Im not out. So I said Im not gonna come out, there is nothing to come out for. She looked me right into the eyes and asked me again, so I looked her straight back and told her the same thing again. She believed it. It made me feel bad though. I lied about what I am. Cause I am gay. I know. I just don't want to accept it yet. I want a 'normal life'. Why is some1 elses sexual orientation so important to other people? What the hell does it matter if some1 is gay or not? It is their life. Mind your own business. Sigh.. Im just a little emo I guess cause I had some drinks and this really bothers me. Something about me apperantly says Im gay. I don't want that. I asked her what it was that made her think Im gay. She said it was because I always hang around with girls after work. But I am one of 4 males that work there with like 13 women working there ( its a bar ). So its not that weird that I hang out with collegues..

    Pff..I dunno..
  • Musicman91

    Posts: 1529

    Sep 05, 2011 3:10 AM GMT
    I agree people make such a big deal about guys coming out as gay. Who cares. I had a similar situation this week I was walking to my friends and passed by two guys and as I walked by I heard one say "He's gay." I actually stopped for a minute because I was so stunned. I don't think I really come off "sterotypical" and I have never had anyone come right out and ask if I was or wasn't. I am proud of who I am but being gay isn't all of me. So I guess I was stunned that he said I was gay without even knowing me lol.

    Come out when your ready and comfortable not for anyone else.

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    Sep 05, 2011 3:17 AM GMT
    Because if you continually deny who you are, you'll never be truly happy. Your friend asked you about a part of your life that she'd most likely want to share with you which may include who your future partners may be. If you're not open about being gay at all or even accepting it, how can you share that part of your life?

    Sexual orientation shouldn't be negatively thought about, but it does matter because if you deny the truth about yourself to you and others, you're always lying. Have some integrity! Search within yourself and find out what's within. That's just my 2 cents worth.
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    Sep 05, 2011 3:30 AM GMT
    Daelin saidTonight we had a party. And for the so many time, some1 came up to me while we were all drunk and asked me when I was gonna come out of the closet. Im not out. So I said Im not gonna come out, there is nothing to come out for. She looked me right into the eyes and asked me again, so I looked her straight back and told her the same thing again. She believed it. It made me feel bad though. I lied about what I am. Cause I am gay. I know. I just don't want to accept it yet. I want a 'normal life'. Why is some1 elses sexual orientation so important to other people? What the hell does it matter if some1 is gay or not? It is their life. Mind your own business. Sigh.. Im just a little emo I guess cause I had some drinks and this really bothers me. Something about me apperantly says Im gay. I don't want that. I asked her what it was that made her think Im gay. She said it was because I always hang around with girls after work. But I am one of 4 males that work there with like 13 women working there ( its a bar ). So its not that weird that I hang out with collegues..

    Pff..I dunno..



    ...you study psychology......look in the mirror and analyze yourself and your actions, reasons, etc.....the unknowns of what might happen if you acknowledge what others already suspect....your personal insecurities, etc. they all play along with your background and culture, etc.....Who you are and where you fall in the sexual spectrum is still in flux in your mind, because you don't see any positives or uses to being gay and out. The peace of mind of being honest should not be underestimated or overlooked. Obviously it is upto you to pick when and to whom you come out to, but you may want to consider the messages you are getting from your friends, because you must be sending vibes to someone.....
    GAY doesn't need to fit a stereotype.....the entire point of being out is being honest and defining what gay is to you....flaming, rainbows, lisping, etc or none of that,except that you get off to guys. It is OK to be straight, gay, bi, trans, asexual, intersexual....it is what you make of it...so make peace with it.....I sense this is a drama caused by alcohol, and that you are more sure of yourself than you are letting on here...sober up and be happy and confident in who you are. At 22...you are right where you should be with questions and personal insecurities.....time and experience will help you. Good Luck! icon_cool.gif
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    Sep 05, 2011 3:35 AM GMT
    You don't need to do it today, especially after drinking, but just realise your life is going to be better when you can look people in the eye unapologetically and say "F**** yes, and you should meet my boyfriend."

    You have a lot to offer someone when you are ready. Work on being ready. When you are, you are ready to meet Mr. Right.

    People judge you already - apparently you ping the gaydar of girls. Just motivate yourself to find the acceptance lying there underneath your skin to just own it. You will be a lot happier. There is a big wide world in front of you - be willing to enter it icon_smile.gif
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    Sep 05, 2011 4:15 AM GMT
    Hunny, your 22, you have friends coming up and asking when your coming out.

    Hunny, it's time, they've accepted it, now your turn.


    Your not normal? Your gay not a monster, your normal.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Sep 05, 2011 4:20 AM GMT
    You can make your life what you want it to be. It is, after all, your life.
    Don't feel you have to "come out of the closet", but you should be encouraged to live your life in a way in which you are happy and fulfilled.
    Is that being straight or faking it for you?

    Coming out of the closet doesn't mean you have to broadcast it to the world.
    It doesn't mean you ultimately can't have children. Don't use the "normal"
    phobia to convince yourself you can't accept yourself. Remember, your sexual orientation is one aspect of who you are. Don't rule your life by it, rather it is you.... who determines how you want to life your life!

    Be happy!

    icon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 05, 2011 4:31 AM GMT
    Being gay shouldn't be an all encompassing fact of life. When some asks people are, for most people being gay or straight is below many things.

    Look what you have in your profile. You will answer that you are Daelin, you study psychology, your like humor and like to have fun and that you are spontaneous and you like positive people.

    I know you hurt tonight, but please do nothing rash when you have been drinking. Alcohol exacerbates problems. Don't start to second guess yourself. That girl and her perspective will make you feel alone if you let them. You are normal.
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    Sep 05, 2011 5:03 AM GMT
    I used to feel the same way until I found some positive gay role models. I realized that I felt that way because I was brainwashed by society and I felt like there was something wrong with me. After finding positive gay role models, I eventually realized that there's nothing wrong with me and that there's nothing wrong with being openly gay. Start telling people one by one in any way you feel comfortable telling them (text/email is fine as long as you get your point across). If your friends are good friends, they'll support you and they'll make you feel more comfortable about it and they'll make the coming out process easier on you.
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    Sep 05, 2011 5:14 AM GMT
    First off- I don't even need to look at your profile to know that you're around the same age as I am, give or take 3 years. Second off- the fact that you have your pics on here is a step in the right direction. Even in spite of the drunken posting. It is hard to accept the fact that you are a sexual minority- or even a minority in general. You're not alone- I'm in the same boat and from time to time I struggle with my bisexuality and even my identity as a person every once in awhile. I wish I could give some better advice, but I really don't have the experience to do so. However, I'm pretty sure that we're all in this together. Therefore you're in good company.
  • petermalaka

    Posts: 158

    Sep 05, 2011 5:18 AM GMT
    man i just accepted being gay this year and im 21... took a while of beating my sefl up about it, trying to be straight (and failing haha) but you know, i just realised that I love dick and ass too much icon_razz.gif , and didn't care [as much] anymore. It takes a while, but you have to do it at your own pace.

    I'm not out yet though, that the next step i guess icon_eek.gif
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    Sep 05, 2011 5:21 AM GMT
    You're as gay as your eyes are blue. Everyone see it. Everyone knows it.

    And yet you lie to their faces. You're not fooling anyone, and yet you are making a fool of yourself.

    What's worse is that you are showing a lack of integrity and cowardice.

    You are carrying a heavy stone which you have no need to carry.

    Your friends are telling you that it's ok to be you, but you choose to be something you're not.

    You can deny the truth all that you want. The truth is still the truth. And, until you accept the truth your life will be a hell of your own creation.

    Sorry to be so harsh.

    If I were there I would fuck an admission of "I'm gay!" out of you. icon_twisted.gif
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    Sep 05, 2011 5:40 AM GMT
    Whenever these threads come up about coming out at work we will see many times in the thread, "It's nobody's business, but your won." While that certainly is true, we live in the real world. Straight people never think "'It's nobody's business but mine" as far as their relationships and dating goes. That is one of the most frequent subjects of conversation and while you can always say, I'm there to work not to discuss my personal life, some conversation and being social is always a part of work. If you are not a part of it and always avoid those relationship conversations, it will make people wonder and the most likely assumption they will make from your silence on the subject is that you are gay. Might not be fair, but that's the real world. I can almost guarantee that you know of your closest co-workers, who is married, who has kids, who is dating, etc.. They never said to you, "I'm straight", but you know they are just from what has been revealed in their day to day conversation.
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    Sep 05, 2011 5:41 AM GMT
    *hug* =D
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Sep 05, 2011 5:45 AM GMT
    Dude....We all come out on our terms...not your family or friends....Your sexuality is your personal affair...don't feel guilty about shit....
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    Sep 05, 2011 5:46 AM GMT
    The best feeling in the world is when those girls come up to you and say "So are you gay?" and you look at them straight in the face and say "Yup, and my Boy friend is hotter than yours will ever be."

    Life is still 'Normal' after you come out.... it's just a different normal. Being scared of that is certainly understandable, but honestly, the amount that changes is so minor and insignificant THAT'S what's scary. After this whole huge acceptance and admittance, really nothing changes.. sure some friends might look at you a bit different, some might like you more or less, but you truly find out who is IMPORTANT in the long run. It's a great way to weed out the bad ones, honestly ;)

    It's all about understanding and accepting that you are who you are and who you are GOING to be no matter whether you admit that you are gay or not. Telling people "No" doesn't change who you really are..
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    Sep 05, 2011 5:46 AM GMT
    You can have a normal life. You need to feel secure and just be proud of who you are. Don't let others dictate who you and what is normal. Tell that lady to mind here business.

    You need a hug icon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 05, 2011 5:51 AM GMT
    Hey man, I know it can seem like the biggest and scariest thing in life to come out. But, I did it. And you know what? I feel a whole lot better about life having made the decision to be fair and honest to myself.

    It seems as though people are supportive of you being gay, and even are (rudely) pushing you to come out. Just know that to be honest to yourself is a fine way to have a happy life.

    Also, being attracted to men doesn't need to define your entire existence. It's a facet of you that you don't have to share with everyone, but your friends can help you through this.
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Sep 05, 2011 6:01 AM GMT
    Sometimes our friends can see right through us. They're telling you they accept you for who you are. Maybe they see you're not happy and that you'd be happier if you were out. Why not lean on these friends. You might find a big weight lifted from your shoulders. I remember how scary it was before I came out. The closet was all I knew. I never imagined I'd be out. But once I took those steps, I was out to virtually everyone important to me within a year. Then the closet became the scary place. I could feel it trying to pull me back in. But, once you've had a taste of freedom, captivity and chains are no longer an appealing option.

    Good luck where ever your path takes you.
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    Sep 05, 2011 6:04 AM GMT
    I can accept that you're gay my brother.
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    Sep 05, 2011 6:12 AM GMT
    lilTanker saidHunny, your 22, you have friends coming up and asking when your coming out.

    Hunny, it's time, they've accepted it, now your turn.


    Your not normal? Your gay not a monster, your normal.


    lilTanker has all the answers.
  • Twenty_Someth...

    Posts: 1388

    Sep 05, 2011 6:13 AM GMT
    GuyCrazy87 saidBecause if you continually deny who you are, you'll never be truly happy. Your friend asked you about a part of your life that she'd most likely want to share with you which may include who your future partners may be. If you're not open about being gay at all or even accepting it, how can you share that part of your life?

    Sexual orientation shouldn't be negatively thought about, but it does matter because if you deny the truth about yourself to you and others, you're always lying. Have some integrity! Search within yourself and find out what's within. That's just my 2 cents worth.


    Exactly dude! +1

    It's scary coming out, because you don't believe in who you are until you do. Once you get past that initial fear of the unknown, you really start to accept and love yourself, and then it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. (And in my experience, the people who matter will love you even more...) And then after a while you don't even remember why coming out was such a big deal in the first place.

    Not trying to queer pressure you into doing anything you aren't ready for, but would like to give you a pretty good nudge in that direction!!

    Good luck man!
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    Sep 05, 2011 6:17 AM GMT
    lilTanker saidHunny, your 22, you have friends coming up and asking when your coming out.

    Hunny, it's time, they've accepted it, now your turn.


    Your not normal? Your gay not a monster, your normal.

    Agreed. Once friends ask you when you're coming out, that means that they've accepted who you are and what you like. Now, it's your turn.
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    Sep 05, 2011 6:19 AM GMT
    So Im not completely out so i cant 100% help you in this area, but i (with lots of encouragement from people on here) just said f*** it and I came out to one of my close friends yesterday.... guru is right tho, once you get past the initial part, its so much easier, and it doesnt seem like such a big deal anymore..
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    Sep 05, 2011 6:30 AM GMT
    lilTanker saidHunny, your 22, you have friends coming up and asking when your coming out.

    Hunny, it's time, they've accepted it, now your turn.


    Your not normal? Your gay not a monster, your normal.


    Um actually having someone coming up to another person and saying when are you going to come out of the closet in front of other people is clearly not his friend. There are a lot of girls that are bitchy out there so there's a good chance that she's been gossiping about him too.