"Southern Hospitality"....myth or reality?

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  Sep 05, 2011 3:50 AM GMT

  I am in Hartwell, GA, visiting my mom and step-dad for the Labor Day weekend. In my driving, time in grocery stores, restaurants, at the parks while bike riding and running, car wash, etc.... I have encountered so many exceptionally RUDE and unfriendly individuals, that it really shocks me!....car plates and the southern draw ...I am sure that they are "southerners"....even online on a variety of websites.....the same unbelievable attitudes..... What has happened? This isn't about gay/straight, black/white, north/south, male/female, rural/urban or anything like that......across the board....very unfriendly! Seriously! I don't get this bad a time when I am almost any place else.....
  What is "Southern Hospitality"? I am having a hard time finding it.....and it is just a little disappointing. Do I need to be further north, south ???

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  Sep 05, 2011 4:00 AM GMT

  I'm sorry for these encounters. I can't speak for Georgia, but I can speak for Texas.
  
  It's the same degeneration of cultural and social propriety all across the board. But I think we are still mostly polite Southerner, or Northerner. I went to northern states but only for a couple of days. I really didn't encounter too many rude people, yet there wasn't the same warmth that I see here in TX.
  
  When I go shopping or am walking, people I don't know say hello on the street, people smile. People open doors for me. That didn't happen in the north. People are more neighborly.
  
  Regardless, most people are still quite polite.

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  Sep 05, 2011 4:48 AM GMT

  Thanks....I am sure it is a fluke....but apparently it is my turn in the twilight zone... LOL!
  BTW...I lived in Texas, in Lubbock.....it was WARM as HELL, but not friendly...I am glad that you found the "friendly pocket" of TX....

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  Sep 05, 2011 4:50 AM GMT

  I live in Lubbock. It is very hot and never freaking rains and has real dust storms. And everything is brown and yellow. Regardless, I don't think the people are unfriendly. Most people are polite if not outright "friendly." In fact, I haven't had a problem, provided I do stick to a small group of people.

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  Sep 05, 2011 4:52 AM GMT

  I'm from New York, and I would say people up here are much more rude. There are a lot of nice people, but if you try to start friendly small-talk with a stranger they will think you are weird. When I went down to Nashville the people seemed much friendlier, although I was meeting people that were from all over the country, but most of them were Southern.
  
  There are assholes wherever you go though, so it really doesn't matter lol.

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  Sep 05, 2011 4:54 AM GMT

  I live in Northern Virginia, which practically has little to no traces of Southern culture these days compared to the rest of Virginia. It's definitely a different environment as you drive about 20 miles west (more Appalachian) or south (more Southern).
  
  I've visited a lot of places in the heart of Virginia, been to Atlanta, and spent a year in San Antonio, TX. Well, I can tell you right now that San Antonio was a lot more Mexican than Southern to me. I visited Austin a few times, but obviously Austin isn't like the rest of Texas, eh? But from what I remember about Atlanta and random places in Virginia, I can't say that people were too different from where I grew up. Some people are polite and go out of their way to help you while others are indifferent. This is what I've encountered in most places I've visited, so I think regional attitudes and values have become blurred.
  
  The Northern way of minding your own business has never bothered me. Having lived in Spain and Russia, much of Europe is the same way. I don't feel offended by people who don't take interest in me or shower me with flattery. I appreciate honesty more than pretending to be nice. I'm introverted anyway. I only say something when I actually have something to say, not just so I can hear myself talk or try to schmooze someone.
  
  I have to admit, though, that with people who are into small talk, I tend to bullshit, haha. I hardly ever say anything serious about myself. I just make up crap to humor the other person.

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  Sep 05, 2011 4:55 AM GMT

  Sporty_g saidI am in Hartwell, GA, visiting my mom and step-dad for the Labor Day weekend. In my driving, time in grocery stores, restaurants, at the parks while bike riding and running, car wash, etc.... I have encountered so many exceptionally RUDE and unfriendly individuals, that it really shocks me!....car plates and the southern draw ...I am sure that they are "southerners"....even online on a variety of websites.....the same unbelievable attitudes..... What has happened? This isn't about gay/straight, black/white, north/south, male/female, rural/urban or anything like that......across the board....very unfriendly! Seriously! I don't get this bad a time when I am almost any place else.....
  What is "Southern Hospitality"? I am having a hard time finding it.....and it is just a little disappointing. Do I need to be further north, south ???

  
  
  I think it really depends on where you go. I'm in Asheville, NC right now for a weekend trip and the hospitality is beyond amazing...I have never felt so at home like I do here. Everyone is so friendly here and willing to help. I think the mountain towns or cities have a lot more hospitality than the major ones...just from what I've noticed.

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  Sep 05, 2011 5:08 AM GMT

  As a consultant I especially like landing a southern contract for all the friendly, gentlemanly and ladylike behavior -- at the office and elsewhere. That said, north America in general is usually pretty nice --at least to me.

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  Sep 05, 2011 5:19 AM GMT

  It's the younger generation. Whether you're in the south, or west, or east, or north.. Kids these days don't understand what manners are, or what it means to show a little class.

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  Sep 05, 2011 5:22 AM GMT

  xrichx saidIt's the younger generation. Whether you're in the south, or west, or east, or north.. Kids these days don't understand what manners are, or what it means to show a little class.

  
  
  Not completely true. I've met plenty of rude and obnoxious older adults in my life. Personally I think my brother's generation (Generation X) is a lot colder than my generation, haha.

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  Sep 05, 2011 5:23 AM GMT

  Southern people are fake with a huge layer of proverbs and euphemisms.

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  Sep 05, 2011 5:24 AM GMT

  xrichx saidIt's the younger generation. Whether you're in the south, or west, or east, or north.. Kids these days don't understand what manners are, or what it means to show a little class.

  
  
  On the contrary a lot of the older generation is so ossified mentally that they don't understand the ennui and overall torture the younger generation has to deal with when they're rountinely bombarded with platitudes.
  
  "How are you" is not manners. It's a conversational jail cell.

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  Sep 05, 2011 5:24 AM GMT

  JakeBenson saidSouthern people are fake with a huge layer of proverbs and euphemisms.

  
  
  Haha, I have to admit that I often question their sincerity when it comes to their infamous, warm disposition. Personally I'm not much for facades. If you aren't thrilled to see me, don't pretend to be.

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  Sep 05, 2011 5:31 AM GMT

  pocketnico said

  JakeBenson saidSouthern people are fake with a huge layer of proverbs and euphemisms.

  
  
  Haha, I have to admit that I often question their sincerity when it comes to their infamous, warm disposition. Personally I'm not much for facades. If you aren't thrilled to see me, don't pretend to be.

  
  
  Thank you.
  
  

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  Sep 05, 2011 5:32 AM GMT

  . . . it's all about a culture built upon a dying cult and ethos . . . white folks in the South are deracinated because they serve a foreign god and they at last have that dawning upon them . . .

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  Sep 05, 2011 5:39 AM GMT

  It does exist.... to an extent. Keep in mind, "the South" is not the "the South" anymore. You have had a major influx of people who are not legit Southerners and consequently do not have that Southern cultural influence.
  
  I can assure you with all sincerity... you will know immediately if you are talking to someone who has migrated to the South, and someone who is from the South. Being a native Southerner, I can tell you there is a limit to what native Southerners will tolerate, and that will subsequently impact the hospitality they are willing to afford you. I can only speculate as to why they treated you the way they did.

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  Sep 05, 2011 5:50 AM GMT

  JakeBenson saidSouthern people are fake with a huge layer of proverbs and euphemisms.

  
  Aww.. bless your heart.

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  Sep 05, 2011 6:05 AM GMT

  xrichx said

  JakeBenson saidSouthern people are fake with a huge layer of proverbs and euphemisms.

  
  Aww.. bless your heart.

  
  
  exactly my point

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  Sep 05, 2011 6:26 AM GMT

  carminea said
  
  It's the same degeneration of cultural and social propriety all across the board. But I think we are still mostly polite Southerner, or Northerner. I went to northern states but only for a couple of days. I really didn't encounter too many rude people, yet there wasn't the same warmth that I see here in TX.
  
  When I go shopping or am walking, people I don't know say hello on the street, people smile. People open doors for me. That didn't happen in the north. People are more neighborly.
  
  Regardless, most people are still quite polite.

  
  
  I would say i experience the same, all the way from the Carolinas to the Caribbean... people are warmer... and indeed, there is degeneration of propriety across the board :/

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  Sep 05, 2011 6:27 AM GMT

  JakeBenson said

  xrichx said

  JakeBenson saidSouthern people are fake with a huge layer of proverbs and euphemisms.

  
  Aww.. bless your heart.

  
  
  exactly my point

  
  
  All politeness is fake babe.... Im always like that as well.. I might not give a shit about the person Im speaking to, or even not be able to stand them, but Ill stay polite, friendly and cordial at all times....

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  Sep 05, 2011 6:29 AM GMT

  Alpha1 saidIt does exist.... to an extent. Keep in mind, "the South" is not the "the South" anymore. You have had a major influx of people who are not legit Southerners and consequently do not have that Southern cultural influence.
  
  I can assure you with all sincerity... you will know immediately if you are talking to someone who has migrated to the South, and someone who is from the South. Being a native Southerner, I can tell you there is a limit to what native Southerners will tolerate, and that will subsequently impact the hospitality they are willing to afford you. I can only speculate as to why they treated you the way they did.

  
  
  Yeah, the Southerner is generally much quicker to be offended... We expect more social cordiality

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  Sep 05, 2011 6:30 AM GMT

  yourname2000 said

  Alpha1 saidIt does exist.... to an extent. Keep in mind, "the South" is not the "the South" anymore. You have had a major influx of people who are not legit Southerners and consequently do not have that Southern cultural influence. We have an absurd number of people from Ohio and New Jersey in South Carolina, and I have yet to grasp why they are here since they tend to be the first in line to 'bash' SC.
  
  I can assure you with all sincerity... you will know immediately if you are talking to someone who has migrated to the South, and someone who is from the South. Being a native Southerner, I can tell you there is a limit to what native Southerners will tolerate, and that will subsequently impact the hospitality they are willing to afford you. I can only speculate as to why they treated you the way they did.

  
  See, now that's the sort of Southern expression that I've grown to adore...reasonable, reasonable, reasonable --and gracious and eloquent throughout-- and then, with the last sentence, just the softest lick of a dig.
  
  Deeeeeliscious.
  

  
  
  Yup, thats what Im talking about too.. the cordiality, no matter what

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  Sep 05, 2011 6:30 AM GMT

  JakeBenson said

  xrichx saidIt's the younger generation. Whether you're in the south, or west, or east, or north.. Kids these days don't understand what manners are, or what it means to show a little class.

  
  
  On the contrary a lot of the older generation is so ossified mentally that they don't understand the ennui and overall torture the younger generation has to deal with when they're rountinely bombarded with platitudes.
  
  "How are you" is not manners. It's a conversational jail cell.

  
  
  Speak for yourself

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  Sep 05, 2011 6:53 AM GMT

  JakeBenson saidSouthern people are fake with a huge layer of proverbs and euphemisms.

  
  

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  Sep 05, 2011 1:51 PM GMT

  Hartwell is mostly made up of people who have weekend or retirement homes at the reservoir. Whether they earned or inherited the property (or the money to purchase it), they're often your typical Type A social climbing azzholes. Then you have the natives who were there before the river was dammed and want things the way they were - and the weekenders who are there to tear up the lake with their jet skis and throw beer cans off the docks. Not a valid demographic sample of "Southerners," in other words.
  
  And a lot of those people are from Atlanta, the urban-sprawl capitol of the country. My South Carolinian mom told me long ago that no true Southerner considers Atlanta to be part of the South except geographically. (SC and Georgia have never been on the friendliest of terms to begin with, LOL...)
  
  Resentment towards "Yankees" is out there in a major way. It can be expressed playfully (the ubiquitous "I like GRITS - Girls Raised in the South" bumper sticker) or not so nicely. My family (parents from SC, kids born n' raised in Ohio to be "bicultural," kids-in-law and grandkids all Northern) got the drill down pat a long time ago. The parents with their watered-down drawl conduct all business, and go first in line when everybody's buying something. It defuses any attitude that might be there.
  
  Manners are still pretty much intact, even as the accent weakens and "y'all" gets bumped aside by "you guys." An individual's parents and elders expect to be "sir'ed" and "ma'am'ed." It's impolite to pass someone on the sidewalk without greeting them. A few years back, my aunt (who was 82 at the time) strolled into the breakfast area of a Charleston hotel only to have a man and his teenaged son - the latter without prompting - leap to their feet and say, "Good morning." The room was practically empty. To my folks, I remarked, "People are still like that here?!" "You better believe they are!"
  
  And yes, a lot of it is cloaked in false sincerity and flawed tradition. When you realize this it still doesn't change how good it feels. Knowing damn well that it's not all that great for someone to see you doesn't make you want to hear it less. The rest of the country could use more of that brand of phoniness. Sho nuff.

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