Threesomes with partner

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    Sep 05, 2011 5:26 AM GMT
    So me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost two years. We have both been in long term relationships before and have been out since we were both 16. I am 20 and he is 21 and we have been monogamous thus far. We both understand that there is the potential that we could both change as people in the future, but as of right now, we want to spend out lives together We are best friends.

    Since the beginning of our relationship we have agreed to be monogamous, however I have always expressed my openness to playing around together. He has always expressed his fears about this, until the other night when I jokingly brought it up and he told me that he has fantasized seeing me get fucked by other guys. After a long conversation we both realized we had the same conflict. On the one hand, we wanted to experience being young and enjoy our twenties, having many sexual experiences. On the other, we want to be together and don't want to be romantic with anyone else. So we agreed to hooking up/playing around together. We also agreed that this isn't something we want to do later on in life, just now while we are young and in college.

    Does anyone have any experience with this? I turn 21 next week and he has been 21 for a few months, but hasn't gone to the clubs because I couldn't go, so we don't have much experience with initiating threesomes with other people. How does that work? What is the best way going about this?

  • Sep 05, 2011 1:29 PM GMT
    I think that once you open your relationship there's a 90% chance it's on it's way out. I wouldn't want to share the person I'm with and even more so I wouldn't want them to be ok with sharing me. If experimenting or having sex with other people is all that intriguing to you then break up and go have ur "fun." You'll soon realize it wasn't worth it.
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    Sep 05, 2011 1:42 PM GMT
    I have to agree with the guy above me. This is part of what killed it with mine... it's taken ma a lot of time to admit that, but it is.
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    Sep 05, 2011 1:47 PM GMT
    If you're opening your relationship because you're no longer attracted to each other, then opening your relationship will simply accelerate the end of your relationship. If you're opening your relationship because you just want to inject more excitement into your already exciting sex life and/or want to experiment with other people, then I think it's not such a bad thing as long as you are aware of the potential pitfalls of open relationships. In any event, you need to think through this very, very carefully because not everyone has the gumption or emotional strength to deal with open relationships. If you ultimately decide to invite other people into your relationship, you and your partner must sit down and carefully craft your own parameters or guidelines before proceeding. For example, no sleep-overs, no sex with friends or ex bf's, no kissing, no anal, no repeats, no individual hookups, no contacts with other people without your bf's consent, etc. Once you have agreed on your guidelines, both of you must strictly adhere to them; otherwise, your relationship is bound to fail. Remember that open relationships are not for everyone, and there are always going to be unanticipated consequences with which you must be prepared to deal. Good luck.
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    Sep 05, 2011 1:54 PM GMT
    Why don't you try hiring an escort for a threesome to start with, to see if you do actually want to do them? It would be one of the least drama-free ways of doing it I guess because you could both look online for someone you both liked the look of, and there's no awkward conversations or follow-ups.
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    Sep 05, 2011 2:23 PM GMT
    If you want to do it, go for it. Just be honest about what you want with your partner throughout this process, and ask the same of him. It really doesn't have to be that complicated.
  • massbuildah

    Posts: 276

    Sep 06, 2011 1:39 AM GMT
    No it definitely doesn't need to be complicated, but it does need to be discussed. Honestly! Being honest about what you want and what you can't handle is what makes it a success if you choose to do it. And while you are in the act, remember it is something you are doing together, with each other and for each other......so don't forget each other!!
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    Sep 06, 2011 1:51 AM GMT
    Ive been with my partner 5 years and have had the same experience that you two are facing. I was inexperienced sexually at the time we met. I was 27 he was turning 20. We have had a few threesomes in the past but are over that fantasy phase of our relationship. At least you have been honest and open about your feelings to each other and are only considering playing together other than solo. If you do decide to play together set some rules and stick to them. It's often hard to find a guy that is into both parties. But I'd suggest you don't keep in contact with whoever it is after the fact and ensure the feeling are only physical, an emotional attachment may spell disaster. Youst trust each other 100% on this also. It won't be the end of your relationship but it isn't something I would do regularly. Good luck guys
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    Sep 06, 2011 2:04 AM GMT
    Seattlekid1990 said[...] On the other, we want to be together and don't want to be romantic with anyone else. So we agreed to hooking up/playing around together.[...]


    I don't know if semantics make a difference to you, it does to me since I have a background of dealing with languages and dialects.
    In my understanding romance is between people who love and cherish each other.
    Sex with a stranger can be great and amazing fun, but in my experience is not romantic. If and when romance kicks in then you and your man will be done.
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    Sep 06, 2011 2:22 AM GMT
    honestly 3somes are a disaster for a couple. i have friends who had their fun with 3somes and it definitely tore their relationship of 6-7 years apart. so if you wanna stay monogamous then just meet people and stay friends and say no to fuck partners.. just saying.
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    Sep 06, 2011 2:40 AM GMT
    Adding a 3rd person to your relationship will probably kill it. People in an exclusive sexual relationship, no matter what they finally agree upon as "okay" with the 3rd person, open the door to one or both of the partners becoming attracted and drawn to the 3rd party. For me, it would be an immediate deal breaker. Yes, it's fun to make a 3 way a fantasy, but it's poison in real life.
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    Sep 06, 2011 2:45 AM GMT
    waterpolodude619 saidI think that once you open your relationship there's a 90% chance it's on it's way out. I wouldn't want to share the person I'm with and even more so I wouldn't want them to be ok with sharing me. If experimenting or having sex with other people is all that intriguing to you then break up and go have ur "fun." You'll soon realize it wasn't worth it.


    Of course I would not want to share you either!
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    Sep 06, 2011 2:46 AM GMT
    Probably doesn't matter anymore. Profile deleted the same day he made it. The boyfriend must have found it on the computer.
  • gacouple69

    Posts: 8

    Nov 16, 2011 5:43 AM GMT
    Been with my partner for 16 yrs. We play with a third once in a while, BUT ONLY together. Its all in fun, we both know we love each other and if either one didn't want to do it, and we have, we would ask them to leave. Its spice as we call it. We have a fantastic sex life. You do have to talk about it between the two of you so no one gets jealous. My husband loves to watch me with another man. He gets so heated up he says its unreal. We sometimes have the best sex after the guy leaves.
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    Nov 16, 2011 7:57 PM GMT
    My story is a lot like yours. I had done 3 ways before so didn't think it was a big deal but my man was more worried.It took about 2-3 yrs in before we decided to take the plunge.

    Now, me and my man do threesomes from time to time. We just have to both find the other duded attractive and always play safe. The guy from the start knows he is just a one hit wonder and most of the time he is OK with that.

    The only problem we have if when the guy keeps wanting to come back for more or they ask only to have sex with one of us. So just be up front about what you expect and how things will go.

    Every now and then we find a crazy but more than a few have become close friends with.
  • BlackBeltGuy

    Posts: 2609

    Nov 19, 2011 1:15 AM GMT
    POISON. will eventually kill the relationship. I have been in 5 year and 12 year both monogamous. The first one wanted to add another and as soon as I saw him kiss someone else (just kiss) it ended shortly after.. it maybe me but i just cannot see someone I love be with someone else intimate.
    I become a crazy Greek man.