How to make your relationship great & last?

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    Sep 05, 2011 9:07 AM GMT
    We all seek advice when things are going bad in a relationship. What do you guys do to keep your relations great & last? Thought it might be good to hear some positive reinforcement sometimes.

    Examples would be: leaving love notes, special date ideas, trusting them, etc.
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    Sep 05, 2011 9:21 AM GMT
    I'm not saying my relationship is perfect in any sense, but I think generally we have a good and happy relationship! It's been 4.5 years so far.

    We try to have a date night midweek where we usually go to the cinema and have something to eat, even if it's just a quick and dirty burger!

    We don't really do love notes as such but we have a chalkboard in the kitchen that we sometimes scribble little messages to each other on, and we e-mail each other during the day while at work.

    I think it's also important just to be practical in a relationship, especially when you live together, own property etc. Divide the chores up fairly - I cook and do the grocery shopping, I do the laundry, sometimes ironing, he does cleaning and gardening.

    I also think it's important to have time to yourself as well as quality time together. I don't think it's healthy to spend ALL your free time together.
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    Sep 05, 2011 4:06 PM GMT
    Remember your "honeymoon phase" and what attracted you to him initially and what you found out over the years that makes him even sexier today.
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    Sep 05, 2011 4:12 PM GMT
    After almost 19 years (next month), I can tell you it is built on communication, honesty, and trust.

    Without those three attributes, no relationship will work the way it should. It hasn't always been easy. There have been a lot of thorns in our bed of roses. lol But.... we work hard at it.

    The problem with most relationships ending, in my opinion, is that one or both parties are just not willing to work hard enough at making it work but, when you do and you have that history and memories to look back on, nothing is more precious, gratifying, or treasured.

    So... hard work in communication, honesty, and trust.
  • denvermark

    Posts: 19

    Sep 05, 2011 4:16 PM GMT
    I think honest communication is the key to the 11 great years that my hubby and I have been together. No matter what else happens, if you have the ability to really talk with each other, you can work through almost anything together.

    Some small, but important things go a long way too. Never go to bed angry with each other. And every day, find a way to let him know you care. A simple heartfelt "I Love You" works great, but making a couple minutes to cuddle every day is even better.
  • denvermark

    Posts: 19

    Sep 05, 2011 4:19 PM GMT
    PaulNKS saidAfter almost 19 years (next month), I can tell
    So... hard work in communication, honesty, and trust.


    +1 on this. And congratulations on 19 years! That's inspiring for us.
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    Sep 05, 2011 4:22 PM GMT
    Congratulations to all the committed couples on here! it truly is uplifting and inspirational icon_smile.gif
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    Sep 05, 2011 4:50 PM GMT
    The ability to see through each others eyes and think with each other's hearts.


    -22 years together.
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    Sep 05, 2011 4:50 PM GMT
    i wanna know too
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    Sep 05, 2011 5:09 PM GMT
    Well next month is our 14th year anniversary. A very long time but it really doesn't feel that way.
    I truly believe in soul mates otherwise I can't understand how the hell me and my Bf are so alike...I mean to the tiniest detail. Of course we differ in other aspects (like food...I try everything, he has to analize it all and even then he won't taste it...such a bighead!) but I really don't think there is any secret to a longtime relation...I guess to just love like you would like to be loved. Talk a lot and just enjoy each others company.
    I know all this sounds like a load of crap, but honesty...the secret is that there IS no secret. Either he is the man of your life or he isn't.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 05, 2011 5:26 PM GMT
    redbull saidWe all seek advice when things are going bad in a relationship. What do you guys do to keep your relations great & last? Thought it might be good to hear some positive reinforcement sometimes.

    Examples would be: leaving love notes, special date ideas, trusting them, etc.


    yup ... take him out .. avoid problems .. try to be the one who imbibe problems .. till everything is okay ...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 06, 2011 10:25 PM GMT
    Honesty, transparency, complete trust, mutual respect, and frequent communication are critical.
  • ny247365

    Posts: 12

    Sep 07, 2011 2:24 AM GMT
    I love this post! To those who have been in a relationship for many years... have you ever had to deal with slip ups in the sense of infidelity? My boyfriend and I are in the process of building a pretty solid foundation based on open communication and transparency, but I can't help to acknowledge that we're only human and prone to make mistakes. I truly believe that one can be in love and committed to another, but have a moment where they do something that may cross the line based on pure sex, rather than a deeper connection. Of course, ideally this would never happen, but I like to be realistic and mentally prepared for what I am and am not willing to work through... so is a slip up something that you just forgive and leave in the past or is it an immediate deal breaker and on to the next? I just feel like getting to a point where you've been with someone for 20+ years requires a great deal of flexibility and durability. Thoughts?
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    Sep 07, 2011 2:42 AM GMT
    Thanks for posting this. It is really great to read that we as gay men are wanting to sustain a good, solid relationship. I can't wait to finally meet someone who want to have a long-term relationship with me and understand that it's something that will not happen overnight and that it's something that we will continuously have to work at. I'm very happy for you guys who have been in a relationship and have been monogamous and faithful even when it was difficult to be.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 07, 2011 2:47 AM GMT
    Trust
    Communication
    Chemistry
  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    Sep 07, 2011 2:58 AM GMT
    Communication. Communication. Communication.

    Lol ok I repeated it thrice.

    Be humble. Be open. Be vulnerable.
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    Sep 07, 2011 3:14 AM GMT
    We were at one of our favorite local restaurants last night, and we casually know the gay couple who own it. Today I was reliably informed they've been together 30 years, something I didn't know before. 30 years! What a wonderful model for our community.

    One of the things I always do with my own partner is to speak many endearments, that are just for him and no one else. Every time I enter the front door I call out "Hello my love!" And "My love" is attached to almost everything I say to him. "Yes, my love," "No, my love," etc. It's like "my love" is his name, and I'll use it in public, too, even in non-gay settings, like stores, restaurants and whatnot. And I say other things as well, that I blush to repeat here.

    Point is, I don't speak to him as if he were just some guy like a roommate living here. He's MY guy, my very special guy, and my speech tells him that.

    I could itemize some other things I do with him, but I thought I would mention this one little thing, often overlooked. How do you address YOUR guy?

    (BTW, he usually calls me "dear" and a few other things I'll refrain from sharing here, but no less affectionate)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 07, 2011 3:22 AM GMT
    It'll be 12 years for us in October. Communication (about EVERYTHING), absolute trust, and love are the keys. We love each other because of our faults, not in spite of them. There's nothing that I haven't told him, and the only secrets I've ever held from him are what I'm getting him for his birthday. I trust him with my life, and he takes that responsibility very seriously. I love him more than I can describe in words.
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    Sep 07, 2011 4:05 AM GMT
    1st off - communication. Can't have a solid foundation or the roof will collapse.

    2nd - surrounding our self with other healthy relationships, true friends.

    3rd - telling each other "I love you" few times a day.

    4th - we both are affectionate towards each other, so that is a big help.

    5th - healthy sex life, making time for some good lovin. Quality not quantity (sometimes a few spontaneous sex is AWESOME)

    6th - do things you did in the beginning when you met, revive some cute, fun, intimate times. Pretend it's the first few dates, remember those butterflies??

    Lastly.... Remember we are all human, we make mistakes. Accept faults in that person, cause those faults are what you found in the beginning just as you found the positives. Hopefully the positives out weigh the negatives.
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    Sep 07, 2011 4:31 AM GMT
    25 years this year here. There's some good advice on this thread, especially to communicate communicate communicate. Other stuff:

    Be kind to each other.

    Forgive, even (perhaps most importantly) when you don't forget.

    And - don't break up. It sounds ridiculous, but it works. No matter how angry you get, no matter how bleak things look at any one point, breaking up is not the solution. Don't treat it as an option and it won't be.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 07, 2011 4:33 AM GMT
    Communication and Trust like what i have with Marques icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 07, 2011 4:39 AM GMT
    Keeping things fresh and interesting. Not falling in routine.

    The biggest thing would be to blend your individualism to form a new individual with your significant other. By doing that, there will be a few sacrifices here and there. not compromises, sacrifices. Are we still at an age where people are willing to sacrifice from time to time for the sake of the couple instead of the individual? I would like to hope so...
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    Sep 07, 2011 4:42 AM GMT
    showme said25 years this year here. There's some good advice on this thread, especially to communicate communicate communicate. Other stuff:

    Be kind to each other.

    Forgive, even (perhaps most importantly) when you don't forget.

    And - don't break up. It sounds ridiculous, but it works. No matter how angry you get, no matter how bleak things look at any one point, breaking up is not the solution. Don't treat it as an option and it won't be.



    QFT
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    Sep 07, 2011 4:45 AM GMT
    Ohh... I forgot, have time to your self and friends, it's good not to be connected to the hip 24-7, go out have a few drinks, donate to the poor(strippers) be crazy!!! Come home and appreciate what you got.
  • ashleymneil

    Posts: 9

    Sep 07, 2011 12:42 PM GMT
    For all guys out there the things remain the same.

    There are many men seeking men who want their relationship to last longer. And for that you need to give it the importance which it commands.

    Give some time to your partner as is the case in other relations and first and the foremost understand your partner's needs. This will only improve the relations with your partner.

    Anyways, wish you all best of luck for your future..