The Berlin Wall Treatment

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    Sep 06, 2011 11:33 PM GMT
    So Im visiting this friend of mine for two weeks. To make a long story short, we have a long history together. I still have a bit of a thing for him and he knows it. I've re-assured him that I wasnt visiting to re-start an old flame or just to have sex.
    However now that I'am here visitng I feel he's placed a wall between us. I can understand if somebody puts up a barrier in case they might get hurt, but from my perspective he seemed to have put up the Berlin Wall.
    Its one thing to protect yourself, but to cut yourself off and be completely inaccessable?

    How can I make him relax enough so that we could at least have a decent conversation as just friends? Cuz right now he's treating me like a distant relative whose only putting up with me. :S
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    Sep 07, 2011 3:51 AM GMT
    O yeah, Ive put up the Berlin wall before... what can I say? If Im treating you like a relative that Im putting up with... there's probably very little chance of me coming around after that... because for it to get that far is already extreme into the extreme :/
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    Sep 07, 2011 5:10 AM GMT
    GreenHopper saidO yeah, Ive put up the Berlin wall before... what can I say? If Im treating you like a relative that Im putting up with... there's probably very little chance of me coming around after that... because for it to get that far is already extreme into the extreme :/


    Okay, but you got to admit that it kind of just ruins the moment. I mean wouldnt it be more pleasant if the wall was broken down a bit to at least have decent conversation?
    Putting up a wall to protect yourself, but to the extent that you can even really have a conversation? icon_confused.gif
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    Sep 07, 2011 7:22 AM GMT
    He's putting the wall up to "protect himself..." but not to protect himself from falling head over heels for you. For whatever reason, whether it's a reasonable belief or not, he feels that if he exhibits any form of emotional vulnerability or transparency, you will move in for the kill like a vulture circling a carcass.

    The only way he will relax is if you tell him to his face that you don't WANT to be with him, and never will. Until then, he will always wonder if your interactions are undertaken with an ulterior motive.

    I've been in his position and it's a distressing place to be. I had to tell a friend to his face that no, I didn't love him in that way, and that I never could. He refused to accept more subtle signs.


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    Sep 12, 2011 10:32 PM GMT
    Did he invite you, or did you invite yourself? Two weeks is a long time to visit. Maybe he is, indeed, just putting up with you because he doesn't want to hurt your feelings by saying that he doesn't want you staying there that long--or at all. Rather than try to bring the wall down, maybe you should just treat him as you would someone you don't know very well, and make every effort to stay out of his way, and just be grateful to have a free place to crash during your vacation.