Why do gay guys waste time falling for their straight friends?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 07, 2011 8:29 AM GMT
    Or married men for that matter? Somebody please enlighten me. One reason my straight friends are so comfortable around me, I think, is because I make it clear I just cannot view them as sex objects, even the ones who are -- objectively -- really handsome. It's like a mental block or something. I just don't view them sexually, the same way I could never be attracted to a "hot" family member (ew).

    I simply cannot bring myself to find straight men attractive in any serious or meaningful way, i.e., sure I may think [insert random straight guy] is attractive but not to the point of pining after him or even fantasizing about him.

    If there's no chance, why bother? It's as useless (and bizarre to me) as an adult falling for a teenager. I mean, play in a league where you actually have the option of winning, no?

    This came to me when thinking about "straight" guys doing gay-for-pay porn -- a concept I also find ludicrous -- and when talking to a still deeply closeted buddy who recently and finally got over his str8 (as far as we know) best friend after a year of unrequited obsession. He is wondering what he could have possibly been thinking when there's so many goodlooking gay and bi guys who he actually has a chance with. I was like, that's what I've been trying to tell you dude.
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    Sep 07, 2011 9:04 AM GMT
    Maybe it has something to do with the want-what-they-can't-have mentality? I used to have this kind of mentality until I woke up and realized I'm not going anywhere.

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    Sep 07, 2011 9:21 AM GMT
    Stupid people do stupid shit.
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    Sep 07, 2011 9:28 AM GMT
    Never had any attraction to any of my straight friends. But then, none of them are what I would consider sexy so perhaps if I was friends with a really hot guy it would be different.

    I certainly wouldn't fall for them or make a fool of myself chasing after them though. Like you say, it's pointless - much better to focus on a guy who CAN reciprocate.
  • fitartistsf

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    Sep 07, 2011 12:49 PM GMT
    You can't control who your heart falls in love with...
    I fell in love hard for 2 of my straight friends over the years. I've never told one of them, the other, it ruined our friendship (although his wife and I are on good terms, and she knows I loved him before she ever came on the scene). It isn't a good idea, I agree, to fall in love with a straight guy, but again, the heart wants what it wants.......
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    Sep 07, 2011 1:26 PM GMT
    Folks seem to enjoy a challenge and the mystery of the unattainable. Just ask straight women who fall for gay men. It's like, "Huh? I did not just hear you say that you love me." ;-)
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    Sep 07, 2011 1:26 PM GMT
    Because they have issues.
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    Sep 07, 2011 1:29 PM GMT
    Guy101 saidBecause they have issues.

    lol. this.
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    Sep 07, 2011 1:29 PM GMT
    Guy101 saidBecause they have issues.


    that was my first thought.
  • bad_wolf

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    Sep 07, 2011 1:36 PM GMT
    fitartistsf saidYou can't control who your heart falls in love with...
    I fell in love hard for 2 of my straight friends over the years. I've never told one of them, the other, it ruined our friendship (although his wife and I are on good terms, and she knows I loved him before she ever came on the scene). It isn't a good idea, I agree, to fall in love with a straight guy, but again, the heart wants what it wants.......


    This^
    Regardless of orientation you'll fall whoever you are attracted it, but to obsess over it, with some delusion that they will turn for you. Seriously, wank off to a mental image of them but that’s probably as close as they’ll ever get.
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    Sep 07, 2011 1:47 PM GMT
    It's one thing to be attracted to someone but it's quite another to be lusting, obsessed and deluded with thinking that something is gonna happen with someone you know isn't interested in you or isn't like "that" unless you like serving roofie coladas.

    40225035v3_480x480_Front_Color-Yellow_pa

    What's the difference between a str8 guy and a gay guy?
    A 6 pack of beer.

    Which usually results in playing a lovely game called...

    my-favorite-drinking-game-just-the-tip-e

    images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQDJAqCw9NXuqARDU65GWP
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    Sep 07, 2011 1:51 PM GMT
    I was pissed when 4 loko was banned. That was very helpful icon_redface.gif
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    Sep 07, 2011 2:22 PM GMT
    I don't know about others but when I first came out, I was into a lot of straight guys. It's like that movie Broken Hearts Club said, something like once you're out and gay you think you have a chance with all guys. That was my thinking.

    And part of it was the thrill of the chase. I used to enjoy trying to seduce straight guys into having some fun, perhaps after a little drinking. But I realized after gaining more confidence and self-respect in my being gay that this was all incredibly foolish. I wouldn't want a girl trying to seduce me after all. Now, all I want is openly gay guys because if they can't openly reciprocate my feelings, it's a waste of my time.
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    Sep 07, 2011 2:25 PM GMT
    Maybe cuz they look manly more than gay men ?
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    Sep 07, 2011 3:47 PM GMT
    Has a lot to do with not having to act on their homosexuality. Gay men who like themselves are attracted to guys they can have something real with.

    Gay men and gay/bi men who are married to women who hook-up lack morals and scruples. They are degenerates.
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    Sep 07, 2011 3:49 PM GMT
    Have a more masculine appeal
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    Sep 07, 2011 3:58 PM GMT
    When I was younger I was head over heels for my best friend...We had falling out for good year before we reconciled... I guess it was the fact that we were close and I had a misguided notion to think that was in fact akin in being in a relationship.


    I'm over it and I can never fall in love with a straight guy ever again....They're still hot though some of them lol icon_lol.gif
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    Sep 07, 2011 3:59 PM GMT
    Did you know that on dating websites, gay men use "straight" or "married" to describe themselves? I was told they get more hits that way. Pathetic. The integrity of some gay men...it's no wonder gay rights are so easily banned.
  • jayrod08

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    Sep 07, 2011 4:09 PM GMT
    I think its the thought of trying to get what u know u can't have
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    Sep 07, 2011 4:10 PM GMT
    Nothing to do with mystery, or challenge or wanting what you cannot have.

    It's 100% desperation for approval. They view themselves as lesser men than straight guys, and if they can either elevate themselves to their level, or bring the guy down to theirs, then it makes them feel better.

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    Sep 07, 2011 4:29 PM GMT
    fitartistsf saidYou can't control who your heart falls in love with...


    Can't you though?
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    Sep 07, 2011 4:40 PM GMT
    Thisuserexists saidNothing to do with mystery, or challenge or wanting what you cannot have.

    It's 100% desperation for approval. They view themselves as lesser men than straight guys, and if they can either elevate themselves to their level, or bring the guy down to theirs, then it makes them feel better.




    Wow. So you're comfortable diagnosing all gay men who have sex with straight men this way? I thought you were smarter than that.
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    Sep 07, 2011 4:45 PM GMT
    TroyAthlete said
    fitartistsf saidYou can't control who your heart falls in love with...


    Can't you though?



    I think often you can't. You CAN control how you react to your feelings, however. icon_wink.gif
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    Sep 07, 2011 4:51 PM GMT
    meninlove said


    I think often you can't. You CAN control how you react to your feelings, however. icon_wink.gif


    But practically, what's the difference?

    I do believe I have complete control over not falling for a thirteen year old boy, for example.
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    Sep 07, 2011 4:56 PM GMT
    TroyAthlete said
    meninlove said


    I think often you can't. You CAN control how you react to your feelings, however. icon_wink.gif


    But practically, what's the difference?


    From your profile: "Grad student in clinical psychology-therapy"

    What valid therapeutic approach says that people can just control their feelings? Sounds perilously close to ex-gay therapy.