nightmares about coming out

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    Sep 07, 2011 6:07 PM GMT
    I'm pretty much out to the people that matter: close friends and close relatives. But I'm not out to my parents yet. I planned on coming out to them when I get a bit more financially stable. However, the mere thought of how they might react gives me nightmares sometimes. (My parents are very conservative Filipino Roman Catholics.)

    Last night, I dreamed that I came out to my dad and that he pulled out a gun and tried to shoot me! After dodging bullets, he pulls out a knife and comes after me. Next thing you know, it's like I'm the hapless running victim in a slasher flick. icon_eek.gif

    These kinds of nightmares only used to come around once in awhile, but they've become more frequent for me recently. I think I'm at the point where I subconsciously believe that what happens in these nightmares are actually how things are gonna play out in real life. Each time makes it that much harder to work up the balls to come out to them. icon_sad.gif

    For those of you who aren't out yet or are partially out, do you ever get nightmares like this? How do you deal with it?
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    Sep 07, 2011 7:07 PM GMT
    I never had nightmares, but I did dread coming out. So I did it very gradually: made sure they read certain articles in the paper, brought up particularly horrible stories of parents rejecting their kids (Prayers For Bobby is a good one The Family Heart another) and bought them up as a church issue, not directly as a gay issue. Then I started talking about Chris more and more, so that he was part of their life long before we did the move in, and finally, I just started showing up with Chris. The affection between us was clear. Mom caught on very early in the process, as I learned later from some of her friends; Dad died before Chris arrived - and that hurts a lot - I wish Dad had know us as "us". Be careful, but ultimately, the benefits for me were wonderful, and later on, Chris helped me take care of Mom.

    Good luck.
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    Sep 07, 2011 9:54 PM GMT
    Introduce them to Alex Mapa!
  • hawkeye7

    Posts: 565

    Sep 07, 2011 10:42 PM GMT
    Tazzari brings up the best book I have every found on the subject of coming out. "A Family Heart", by Robb Foreman Dew, I read this on my way to the Stonewall 25 Celebration in NY in 94. It gave me hope. I sent it to my parents that week, I think I even highlighted a few passages. It took them a while, but they came around in time. You have to give them the time to deal with the death of the child they thought they had and the birth of a whole new person. It took mine two years and when my Dad kept bitching about me to his friends, they finnaly gave him a talking too. To this day I owe Doug and Bill for dragging my father into the 21st centruy. My father has cancer now and I a so glad I can have the conversations that we have now about everything. Trust me, you don't want to miss it, no matter how long it takes to get there.

    If your mother wants an email of a mother who has been though this I will be glad to give it to her. My mother will talk to anyone about our journey.

    You must remember this is a journey, for you and them, and they will need to deal with this in their own way but you can't lie to them. The lie is far worse than the truth, the truth will set you free.

    The freedom is amazing. Have a good journey my brother, and someday you will get to help another of our brothers this way.