So I need an attitude adjustment....

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    Sep 08, 2011 2:57 AM GMT
    After returning to RJ after a hiatus, I realize that I am getting nowhere. So I need to change my attitude.

    1) I accept other gay men but how do I avoid being perturbed by the more extreme individuals? What should I do to embrace these people?

    2) How do I become more liberal in my outlook? I been reading things but nothing has really changed my thinking.

    3) Remove my brotacular persona and be more...je ne sais quoi.

    Point being is that I am eating humble pie, so I am putting on my bib so let me have it!
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    Sep 08, 2011 3:02 AM GMT
    Who says you have to be a cookie cutter gay man? If you have good reasons for your stance on things, maybe you shouldn't give in just because people say you should. And "TA" bitches everyone out, so that means nothing.
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    Sep 08, 2011 3:09 AM GMT
    agri_sci saidAfter returning to RJ after a hiatus, I realize that I am getting nowhere. So I need to change my attitude.

    1) I accept other gay men but how do I avoid being perturbed by the more extreme individuals? What should I do to embrace these people?

    2) How do I become more liberal in my outlook? I been reading things but nothing has really changed my thinking.

    3) Remove my brotacular persona and be more...je ne sais quoi.

    Point being is that I am eating humble pie, so I am putting on my bib so let me have it!


    1) Don't embrace, tolerate. Ignore if you have to. Even when I'm upset and lashing out, I see the humor in the situation, do you?

    2) Don't be more liberal, be more tolerant. You can understand where someone else is coming from without changing your own views and watering down your conservatism; it is how I disagree without demonizing. I'm not a tea partier, but I get the movement.

    3) I don't know, sorry.
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    Sep 08, 2011 3:11 AM GMT
    agri_sci saidI realize that I am getting nowhere. So I need to change my attitude.


    Where are you trying to get?
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    Sep 08, 2011 3:31 AM GMT
    unfounded7 said
    agri_sci saidI realize that I am getting nowhere. So I need to change my attitude.


    Where are you trying to get?


    To the same degree of respect I get from my straight friends who I disagree with.

    Note: My oratory skills are far superior to my written ones so if I sound vague or confusing...my fingers simply cannot channel my thoughts as well as I speak.
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    Sep 08, 2011 3:34 AM GMT
    TroyAthlete said
    agri_sci saidAfter returning to RJ after a hiatus, I realize that I am getting nowhere. So I need to change my attitude.

    1) I accept other gay men but how do I avoid being perturbed by the more extreme individuals? What should I do to embrace these people?

    2) How do I become more liberal in my outlook? I been reading things but nothing has really changed my thinking.

    3) Remove my brotacular persona and be more...je ne sais quoi.

    Point being is that I am eating humble pie, so I am putting on my bib so let me have it!


    1) Don't embrace, tolerate. Ignore if you have to. Even when I'm upset and lashing out, I see the humor in the situation, do you?

    2) Don't be more liberal, be more tolerant. You can understand where someone else is coming from without changing your own views and watering down your conservatism; it is how I disagree without demonizing. I'm not a tea partier, but I get the movement.

    3) I don't know, sorry.


    I do tolerate but its to the point where I see no reason to engage the gay community anymore. I laugh at the fact that many of them seek so desperately their piece of the chalice (Kabalistically Speaking) yet the answer is right there!

    I have alot of liberal friends and we have no issues. Again, I am finding this only in a gay context to be a problem. One of my best friends is a ultra-liberal feminist yet we manage to be close and never have an argument.

    Therefore....what is the raison d'etre of this paradox with the gay community?
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    Sep 08, 2011 3:36 AM GMT
    Scruffypup saidWho says you have to be a cookie cutter gay man? If you have good reasons for your stance on things, maybe you shouldn't give in just because people say you should. And "TA" bitches everyone out, so that means nothing.


    I do not have to be but at the same time, in this period of transition in my life, I wonder if the price I am paying to be myself is too deal...a pearl of great price eh Hester? But seriously dude...I am really tired of being as my friends call me...The Walking Oxymoron...Gay Jewish Republican with brotacular tendencies lol (I do laugh)
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    Sep 08, 2011 3:37 AM GMT
    agri_sci said

    I do tolerate but its to the point where I see no reason to engage the gay community anymore. I laugh at the fact that many of them seek so desperately their piece of the chalice (Kabalistically Speaking) yet the answer is right there!

    I have alot of liberal friends and we have no issues. Again, I am finding this only in a gay context to be a problem. One of my best friends is a ultra-liberal feminist yet we manage to be close and never have an argument.

    Therefore....what is the raison d'etre of this paradox with the gay community?


    I don't know dude. I get along with just about everybody except a very rare few. But those are specific individuals. Certainly no problem with entire communities of people. And I know relatively conservative gays who are also movers and shakers within boystown and get on quite well. So I couldn't help explain it without knowing a lot more about you. Maybe someone else can icon_sad.gif
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    Sep 08, 2011 3:38 AM GMT
    Talk to me. I lived in Wixom, MI next to you and I can tell you all to feel better online (and offline). Seriously. I can see and smell bullshit a million miles away.
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    Sep 08, 2011 3:43 AM GMT
    wrestlervic saidTalk to me. I lived in Wixom, MI next to you and I can tell you all to feel better online (and offline). Seriously. I can see and smell bullshit a million miles away.


    I have a degree in agriculture so I am acquainted with bullshit! haha Thats what sucks...I am too aware!
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    Sep 08, 2011 3:45 AM GMT
    TroyAthlete said
    agri_sci said

    I do tolerate but its to the point where I see no reason to engage the gay community anymore. I laugh at the fact that many of them seek so desperately their piece of the chalice (Kabalistically Speaking) yet the answer is right there!

    I have alot of liberal friends and we have no issues. Again, I am finding this only in a gay context to be a problem. One of my best friends is a ultra-liberal feminist yet we manage to be close and never have an argument.

    Therefore....what is the raison d'etre of this paradox with the gay community?


    I don't know dude. I get along with just about everybody except a very rare few. But those are specific individuals. Certainly no problem with entire communities of people. And I know relatively conservative gays who are also movers and shakers within boystown and get on quite well. So I couldn't help explain it without knowing a lot more about you. Maybe someone else can icon_sad.gif


    I think it is because I am so vocal...I am a force of nature. I have been told by older gay gentleman that I am out of place because despite my rants on here, I am a confident, respectful and kind person that is too cerebral and principled haha
  • creature

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    Sep 08, 2011 3:52 AM GMT
    Don't look at the gay community any different.

    1) If you are perturbed by extreme individuals, no matter what their sexuality is, then that is your normal reaction. Don't change it just because you feel inclined to accept someone because they are gay.

    2) Do you want to become more liberal in your outlook or do you feel compelled to do so because you believe the majority of gays are liberal and therefore you feel you must conform? You cannot force yourself to realign your position if there is resistance. But if the question really is how can I politically see things in a liberal light. Then the answer to read some publications or perhaps watch some programs that are notably liberal to see how they present the information.

    3) Is your brotacular persona creating issues? What is the reason for wanting to change? Is your motive honest? Why can't you be happy with the way you are? Someone will love you for living an honest life, not trying to be something you are not.
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    Sep 08, 2011 3:52 AM GMT
    agri_sci saidTo the same degree of respect I get from my straight friends who I disagree with.

    Why do you need respect here? In the realm of the interwebs, I'd guess most only respect those who they agree with.
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    Sep 08, 2011 3:57 AM GMT
    Travel. Like, to third world countries. Don't stay in hotels. Stay in hostels.
    Do volunteer work with underserved populations and in third world countries.
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    Sep 08, 2011 4:00 AM GMT
    creature saidDon't look at the gay community any different.

    1) If you are perturbed by extreme individuals, no matter what their sexuality is, then that is your normal reaction. Don't change it just because you feel inclined to accept someone because they are gay.

    The problem is that it is consistently only gay men. I never have this problem outside of it regardless of race, religion etc. I am not singling gay me out but rather trying to wrap my brain around this demographic that I really can't...engage with efficiently

    2) Do you want to become more liberal in your outlook or do you feel compelled to do so because you believe the majority of gays are liberal and therefore you feel you must conform? You cannot force yourself to realign your position if there is resistance. But if the question really is how can I politically see things in a liberal light. Then the answer to read some publications or perhaps watch some programs that are notably liberal to see how they present the information.

    I have read publications and I used to be a democratic socialist. I see the points they make but disagree.

    3) Is your brotacular persona creating issues? What is the reason for wanting to change? Is your motive honest? Why can't you be happy with the way you are? Someone will love you for living an honest life, not trying to be something you are not.


    It really isn't an issue but rather my strength because I got alot of people to be more accepting of gays because of it. Why do I want to change? The is that you have to go along to get along. I am tired of the way I am treated. I am happy with who I am, my motive is not poor self-image but rather make myself less intimidating. People do love me and respect me...more that I know but gay men usually want to be casual acquaintances.
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    Sep 08, 2011 4:01 AM GMT
    unfounded7 said
    agri_sci saidTo the same degree of respect I get from my straight friends who I disagree with.

    Why do you need respect here? In the realm of the interwebs, I'd guess most only respect those who they agree with.


    Not on RJ but in real life.
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    Sep 08, 2011 4:02 AM GMT
    GAMRican saidTravel. Like, to third world countries. Don't stay in hotels. Stay in hostels.
    Do volunteer work with underserved populations and in third world countries.


    I lived abroad for a summer...in hostels. Honestly, that is not going to help things...this is a very intellectual problem. It's not even my ego at this point but rather how to temper my personality to be a better individual.
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    Sep 08, 2011 4:08 AM GMT
    Hmmm. When you say you are not getting anywhere, what do you mean?

    If you are happy with yourself, isn't that what counts?
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    Sep 08, 2011 4:10 AM GMT
    DCTallJock saidHmmm. When you say you are not getting anywhere, what do you mean?

    If you are happy with yourself, isn't that what counts?


    I am happy with myself but I am not being an effective communicator with gay men. I am understanding and open-minded but seemingly that is still not effective.
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    Sep 08, 2011 4:19 AM GMT
    As long as you're not being mean, I don't see the reason for an attitude adjustment, you just need to look for like-minded men. You certainly can expand your horizons on who you hang with. But don't let people make you feel completely uncomfortable.

    Some people lose ALL their inhibition, and forcing that on other people isn't right.
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    Sep 08, 2011 4:21 AM GMT
    mikeinslc saidAs long as you're not being mean, I don't see the reason for an attitude adjustment, you just need to look for like-minded men. You certainly can expand your horizons on who you hang with. But don't let people make you feel completely uncomfortable.

    Some people lose ALL their inhibition, and forcing that on other people isn't right.


    I tried to find like minded people...they are usually heterosexual men.
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    Sep 08, 2011 4:22 AM GMT
    agri_sci said
    mikeinslc saidAs long as you're not being mean, I don't see the reason for an attitude adjustment, you just need to look for like-minded men. You certainly can expand your horizons on who you hang with. But don't let people make you feel completely uncomfortable.

    Some people lose ALL their inhibition, and forcing that on other people isn't right.


    I tried to find like minded people...they are usually heterosexual men.


    Well you might need to start looking in places where you find more conservative gay communities.
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    Sep 08, 2011 4:23 AM GMT
    mikeinslc said
    agri_sci said
    mikeinslc saidAs long as you're not being mean, I don't see the reason for an attitude adjustment, you just need to look for like-minded men. You certainly can expand your horizons on who you hang with. But don't let people make you feel completely uncomfortable.

    Some people lose ALL their inhibition, and forcing that on other people isn't right.


    I tried to find like minded people...they are usually heterosexual men.


    Well you might need to start looking in places where you find more conservative gay communities.


    That means looking for closets...I do live by an Ikea....
  • creature

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    Sep 08, 2011 4:25 AM GMT
    After reading your responses, my guess is that it's them and not you. I don't know if you have a problem with being an effective communicator with every gay person you have met, but I don't see anything that requires you to change.

    You're fine just the way you are icon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 08, 2011 4:26 AM GMT
    agri_sci said
    mikeinslc said
    agri_sci said
    mikeinslc saidAs long as you're not being mean, I don't see the reason for an attitude adjustment, you just need to look for like-minded men. You certainly can expand your horizons on who you hang with. But don't let people make you feel completely uncomfortable.

    Some people lose ALL their inhibition, and forcing that on other people isn't right.


    I tried to find like minded people...they are usually heterosexual men.


    Well you might need to start looking in places where you find more conservative gay communities.


    That means looking for closets...I do live by an Ikea....



    Mmmm, no but there might be things you can join. Log Cabin Republicans, and searching in more conservative communities. There's the orange curtain in California. Also, a lot of guys are being flamboyant to get attention, they may be more naturally conservative. Be open. But make sure people have some respect for your values.