Sexual Liberation Leads To Less Cheating

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 08, 2011 2:20 PM GMT
    Interesting study and relationship.

    http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2011/09/07/cheating_rates_decline_for_gay_and_straight_couples_alike_.html

    Folks of all sexual orientations who are in committed relationships have become more monogamous over time, or that's what a study that was published Family Process found. There are some hinky things in the reporting on this piece at USA Today. For instance, the only heterosexual couples mentioned are married, but gay couples who are committed but have no formal union were also recorded. Additionally, the reporting conflates cheating with sex outside of the relationship, even though many couples have an understanding that allows for outside relationships. In fact, nonmonogamous cultural norms in gay male culture go a long way toward explaining why they're far more likely to have sex outside of a committed relationship than everyone else.

    Still, even with those caveats in place, the results of this survey are stunning. The rate of sex outside of the marriage has dropped for every category of people studied dramatically between 1975 and 2000. Twenty-eight percent of straight men in 1975 had sex with a woman outside of their marriage, but in 2000, it was only 10 percent. For straight, married women, the rate dropped from 23 percent to 14 percent. For gay men, 83 percent to 59 percent, and for lesbians, 28 percent to 8 percent. The USA Today article focuses mainly on gay couples and how the mainstream acceptance of homosexuality has a lot to do with increasing rates of monogamy. There's a lot to think about there, since it is true that cultural acceptance has introduced far more stability into the lives of gay people, and the gay marriage movement has also increased the pressure to value monogamy.

    But that doesn't account for all of the change, since straight people have grown far more monogamous, too. The explanation for this offered in the USA Today article doesn't ring true to me, that it's all about increased awareness of STDs. They had STDs in 1975, and people worried about them then, too. Plus, the unintended pregnancy rate was much higher then, and most research I've found suggests that straight people worry far more about pregnancy than any STD. AIDS really doesn't account for the difference, since most straight people really don't see themselves at risk, even if they're cheating. They worry more about the stuff they worried about in 1975: the clap, herpes, warts.

    No, I think something else is going on here. Monogamy rates are probably rising, hard as it may seem to believe, because of sexual liberation. People are cheating less because people are less desperate and unsatisfied. Nowadays you're expected and even encouraged to delay marriage and childbirth and spend your youth experimenting both sexually and in relationships, and so now people who make commitments have both gotten some of the curiosity out of their systems, and they have a better idea of what will make them happy when they do settle down. There were simply more bad marriages in the past, created because of the pressure to marry young, and people in bad marriages are more likely to cheat. I also think it's because people are more open about sex. If you have a need that's going unfulfilled, there's more cultural space to deal with it first by opening your mouth and speaking to your partner instead of leaving the house, casting around for someone who can fulfill it. I'd also add that there's less stigma attached to divorce now, so people are far more likely to end a bad marriage in the early stages of it going sour. No need now to go through the process of laying waste to your marriage through cheating and fighting in order to justify the divorce, not when you can simply say, "I'm not happy anymore," and divorce amicably.
  • smudgedude

    Posts: 260

    Sep 08, 2011 5:09 PM GMT
    theantijock saidSo being honest with yourself and open with others and playing with enough people to know all of that increases the chances of winding up with someone who satisfies you and who you satisfy therefore helping bring together two people who are actually compatible?

    Gee, why didn't gay people think of doing something like that?

    What's next, they'll stop saying that enjoying others while maintaining a committed relationship isn't necessarily cheating? Oh no, the entire system is breaking down.


    i know. it can't be right. that sounds entirely too easy and logical.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 08, 2011 5:20 PM GMT
    theantijock saidSo being honest with yourself and open with others and playing with enough people to know all of that increases the chances of winding up with someone who satisfies you and who you satisfy therefore helping bring together two people who are actually compatible?

    Gee, why didn't gay people think of doing something like that?

    What's next, they'll stop saying that enjoying others while maintaining a committed relationship isn't necessarily cheating? Oh no, the entire system is breaking down.



    I know it seems like common sense now, but a few decades ago that wasn't always the case. A lot of people got married out of social pressure rather than by choice, especially for women. Women weren't truly women until they got married and such. So many people ended up in marriages they never cared about from the beginning. My mom got married at 16 because her mother thought women should be married by the time they graduate from high school. Not long after she got married and had my brother, divorce was starting to become more common, so she jumped at the opportunity to get a divorce. Although there used to be a lot of stigma towards older single women and divorcées also.

    I'm glad people now are realizing that there's more to life than getting married (or having to find 'the one'). People should be entitled to what makes them happy regardless if it happens sooner or later in life.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 08, 2011 5:29 PM GMT
    riddler78 saidInteresting study and relationship.
    Twenty-eight percent of straight men in 1975 had sex with a woman outside of their marriage, but in 2000, it was only 10 percent. For straight, married women, the rate dropped from 23 percent to 14 percent. For gay men, 83 percent to 59 percent, and for lesbians, 28 percent to 8 percent. .


    Not really discussing what the article is talking about, but why is the number above so much higher for gay men, and even more so why is this acceptable? icon_rolleyes.gif

    I know ground rules for any relationship I am in means you mess around with me and me only. Do otherwise and cya!
  • slimnmuscly

    Posts: 541

    Sep 08, 2011 7:38 PM GMT
    somewherenew said
    riddler78 saidInteresting study and relationship.
    Twenty-eight percent of straight men in 1975 had sex with a woman outside of their marriage, but in 2000, it was only 10 percent. For straight, married women, the rate dropped from 23 percent to 14 percent. For gay men, 83 percent to 59 percent, and for lesbians, 28 percent to 8 percent. .


    Not really discussing what the article is talking about, but why is the number above so much higher for gay men, and even more so why is this acceptable? icon_rolleyes.gif


    Because most gay men think like men, not like women, and are less likely to impose the same rules on their relationships that women expect.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 08, 2011 11:19 PM GMT
    Oooh, i like. Good reasoning!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 08, 2011 11:24 PM GMT
    slimnmuscly said
    Because most gay men think like men, not like women, and are less likely to impose the same rules on their relationships that women expect.


    Then is it "Cheating" if those rules are not imposed on that relationship? I would say no.
    I am talking about a committed relationship with no "Hall-pass". Why is the rate of cheating so high in gay men in committed relationships?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 08, 2011 11:27 PM GMT
    Maybe just fewer people are getting married at all, and those that still are are the ones serious about it...
  • commoncoll

    Posts: 1222

    Sep 09, 2011 12:00 AM GMT
    Free online pornography
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 09, 2011 2:03 PM GMT
    somewherenew said
    Why is the rate of cheating so high in gay men in committed relationships?


    There are many reasons for this (in no particular order):

    1. Men in general are more likely to cheat than woman so in a world without women the percentages are going to be higher.

    2. Gay men by their very nature are unconventional, and in many cases do not wish to live according to arbitrary rules set up by main stream society. They don't feel sex is cheating, because it is simply a form of entertainment for them when they are not with their partner.

    3. Many gay men are still very afraid of coming out of the closet, and a long term commitment would make it more obvious that they are gay. As a result, some gay men subconsciously or consciously sabotage their relationships.

    4. Straight couples have a huge support system which prevents them from straying. They have family, co-workers, religious communities, neighbors and friends that either explicitly or implicitly support being in a monogamous relationship. More often than not, this is not the case for many gay men.

    5. Society has cultivated straight men over many thousands of years to be in monogamous committed relationships. Over those same years gays have been made to believe that gay relationships are not normal and should not be cultivated.

    6. For many years the only logical way to manage being normal, and being true to yourself was to marry a woman and cheat on her with men. Cheating became part of the norm for many gay men.

    7. Married straight men often have children that would be negatively impacted by their cheating.

    8. Married straight men who cheat and get caught will have to go through a messy, time consuming and often expensive divorce. More often than not, gay men can very easily break up and move on with little to no financial concerns.

    This is certainly not all the reasons that gay men are more likely to cheat than straight men, but it covers some of the main ones.

    As the study suggests, things are changing due to sexual liberation, and an increase acceptance of gay committed relationships. The more we grow as a society to accept other types of relationships, the more support the gay community will have in maintaining strong relationships. This is one of the reasons why having the right to marry is so important.





  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 09, 2011 9:53 PM GMT
    If my man cheats on me his ass is going to be thrown to the dumpster.