busted!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 11, 2008 10:04 PM GMT
    So I come home the other night from work, and my bf is sleep on the lounge, with the laptop open.

    I wanted to come on here and check out the forums etc, and I had to close his windows from Gaydar, Manhunt and Dudesnude.

    I don't have any problem with him surfing porn or checking out gay websites, but Manhunt and Gaydar makes me feel there is a hidden side to our relationship because he never spoke to me about it.

    What would u do?
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    May 11, 2008 10:07 PM GMT
    Do you trust this guy?

    If you do I wouldn't worry about it
    but I'd still say
    ...so what's happening on Manhunt lately
    just to let him know that he's been busted

    If you don't trust him
    that's a whole different story
    and if that bothers you you might wanna rethink this guy
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 11, 2008 10:07 PM GMT
    My boyfriend and I have been together three years now. I still have a gay.com account from my single days who's mail I check every couple of months. He has a few accounts on other such sites. We both know the other's user name and password to those sites, which makes both of us feel more comfortable. Perhaps a compromise like that would reassure you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 11, 2008 10:08 PM GMT
    have a chat to him, see why, then as long as hes happy in the relationship, be kewl with it and continue on with life.
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    May 11, 2008 10:10 PM GMT
    MunchingZombie saidWe both know the other's user name and password to those sites, which makes both of us feel more comfortable. Perhaps a compromise like that would reassure you.


    I fail to see how something like that builds trust.

  • May 11, 2008 10:16 PM GMT
    Dudesnude, to me, is more a porn thing... look what I've got, lets see what everyone else has...

    gaydar, I've never been to, so I don't know anything about it.

    someone mentioned gay.com, and I really wouldn't worry about that one, it's just a chatroom. I hang out there all the time and am rarely looking for hookups there. Actually I usually get annoyed when I'm just hanging out and people try to hit me up for sex there...

    Manhunt is a different story. It's an online bathhouse, plain and simple. And anyone who says otherwise is either deluding themselves or lying their ass off...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 11, 2008 10:22 PM GMT
    he couldn't have been enjoying those sites TOO much. ...he did fall asleep after all. icon_biggrin.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 11, 2008 10:29 PM GMT
    I think what you've described is serious. It involves trust. You need to have a serious conversation about it. That DOESN'T mean a confrontation, but rather the need for understanding. You need to approach it in a way that isn't confrontational (I emphasize that), but rather that builds trust between you.

    I think if he talks it over and emphasizes what he's doing things are looking a little better, if he clams up and gets defensive, I'd understand that you may have a problem.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    May 11, 2008 10:42 PM GMT
    I'd ask him why he likes to go to those sites.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 12, 2008 1:41 AM GMT
    I'd ignore it, or explore the websites myself. I certainly wouldn't make a big deal over it.

  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    May 12, 2008 1:48 AM GMT
    It is a big deal. Honesty and loyalty are the bedrock of any relationship... regardless of the innocence that might be involved with his visiting these sites, you clearly do not currently view your boyfriend as honest and loyal.

    If nothing else you need to have talk with him so that it is clear to him if his visiting those sites bothers you, or different talk if you just want him to be open about it so that it doesn't feel like anyone is sneaking around.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 12, 2008 1:53 AM GMT
    lolcats funny cat pictures
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    May 12, 2008 1:55 AM GMT
    caslon: well there is always that suggestion. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 12, 2008 2:03 AM GMT
    Caslon: I think you may need to read my thread about the consequences of lolcatz abuse
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 12, 2008 2:22 AM GMT
    TigerTim saidCaslon: I think you may need to read my thread about the consequences of lolcatz abuse


    You know not where you tread! icon_twisted.gif ! icon_twisted.gif ! icon_twisted.gif !
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 12, 2008 2:26 AM GMT
    Ok here's the deal...Don't say anything about it to him for about a week. After then find some BS reason to ask him to use his computer (yours has a virus or whatever)...Chances are that if he's reckless enough to leave those windows open even AFTER he's fallen asleep, he's probabaly reckless enough to not delete his history, pull up the history and see just how often he's visiting. Plan your next move from there.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 12, 2008 2:30 AM GMT
    I can only speak for myself but, I can't stand control freaks. Some guys find security in a controlling partner, I'm not one of them.

    My usual behavior is to be an absolute bottom slut but, when I meet a man that really shizzles my kanizzle, I'm totally loyal to them, and I still masturbate to gay porn. Right now, I'm vershizzled and loyal to my man. If he pulled that control crap on me, (and he hasn't) it would diminish him in my eyes.

    Perhaps you could discuss it with your partner, but not in a challenging way. Maybe he sees fun activities you two could do that he may like. After doing it, he may not like it afterall. You can change this from an internal conflict on your part to an opportunity to get closer.

    Maybe you two could go on Dr. Phil.




  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 12, 2008 2:36 AM GMT
    Well in a case like that I would be weary since curiosity usually ends up killing someone. LOL. Just take it with a grain of salt but at the same time I'd focus on the possiblity that maybe something going on while you aren't there. it's one thing if he was just browsing around checking things out. It's another if he frequents these sites on a daily basis.

    If it bothers you that much then nip it in the bud and just ask him. A friend of mine had a similar incident like this and it went bad. He found out about the sites his bf was visiting and didn't mind it at first and decided to play a little experiment with the situation. He continued to let his bf go to these sites while his bf didn't know that he knew. Long story short because he chose not to address the situation his bf ended up cheating on him with soneone he meet online. It was a sad and unfortunate thing to see happen but in all honesty if my friend hadn't decided to play games and just man up and talk to his bf about it then the temptation would never have happened.

    Talk to your bf and if he has nothing to hide then he'll answer all your questions easily and honestly without feeling threatened.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 12, 2008 2:36 AM GMT
    oh he wasnt doing anything. he wouldnt have left those sites open. and he didnt mention it because he is innocent of hanky panky...he was just surfing for wack-off pics. Stop all this self-inflicted drama!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 12, 2008 2:46 AM GMT
    In agreeance w/ Guy101 I know of a similar situation that hit close to home with me. Porn sites are one thing but hookup sites can be shakey ground.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 12, 2008 2:50 AM GMT
    Gees i can get on a plan fly interstate for lunch, and most times be home for dinner. I say nothing. Don't even talk about my day. yet I've been up to no wrong!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 12, 2008 2:53 AM GMT
    When me and my partner started our relationship, we agree to close down our manhunt and gaydar accounts and remove all non-genuine friends (i.e. Fuck buddies and trashy scum) from our MSN accounts.

    This has worked well for us. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 12, 2008 2:55 AM GMT
    Caslon. Alot of things that seem innocent tend to be the exact opposite. It's not self inflicted drama and in situations like this they usually start small and then escalate into something big.

    While the bf might just be searching for pix to wack off to it might go far beyond that if given time and then the drama will probably begin. This guy has a right to know. Again, if the bf has nothing to hide and feels he didn't do anything wrong then a simple chat will clear everything up and everyone can just move on with their lives.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 12, 2008 2:58 AM GMT
    Tie him up and drip hot wax on his nipples whilst screaming: CONFESS, CONFESS, CONFESS! icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 12, 2008 3:01 AM GMT
    Gosh, this is so easy. Log in and create a profile yourself. Start a dialog with him and see where it goes.

    Maybe he's just a window shopper.