How to go to bars alone

  • erotochub

    Posts: 6

    Sep 08, 2011 7:34 PM GMT
    I am relatively new to San Francisco, so really don't know anyone. I figured I should go out more to get to meet guys and all, but I just am not quite sure how to do it by myself. Any ideas?
  • Neferti

    Posts: 55

    Sep 08, 2011 7:40 PM GMT
    I was just in San Fran a few months ago for work and went out a few nights solo while I was there and met a lot of great guys. I can't really say there is any trick. Just go to the club/bar, order a drink and find someone you want to talk to. Go up to them and open with a compliment and say you're new and just out meeting people so they know you're not just trying to get in their pants.
  • sbwlguy

    Posts: 566

    Sep 08, 2011 7:41 PM GMT
    Personally I'm not the kind who would go to a bar by myself. I'll just find it too awkward.

    Meet someone online and decide to go out together? If you explain your situation I'm sure there'll be someone who'd love to help you out.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 08, 2011 7:47 PM GMT
    Use grindr or adam4adam to make a friend with a clear stated goal of just going out to a bar to look around. Its what I have done in every city. The crazies will just block you, the normal ones keep talking and won't turn you into a lampshade in their apartment. But still: don't drink too much and watch your drink at all times icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 08, 2011 7:53 PM GMT
    spaghettimonster saidUse grindr or adam4adam to make a friend with a clear stated goal of just going out to a bar to look around. Its what I have done in every city. The crazies will just block you, the normal ones keep talking and won't turn you into a lampshade in their apartment. But still: don't drink too much and watch your drink at all times icon_smile.gif


    I agree its actually quite fun meeting people on grindr. But i always make it explicitly clear that i'm not looking for hook ups. The crazies do block you instantly so filtering to the few good ones that are fun to talk to is easy. Then just plan to have a drink with them or dinner. Met some good friends that way.
  • sonnet129

    Posts: 116

    Sep 08, 2011 8:16 PM GMT
    That's all I ever do. How? You're with yourself, just you. Step in the door. There you are.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 08, 2011 8:17 PM GMT
    you need swagger
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 08, 2011 8:18 PM GMT
    go drunk icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 08, 2011 8:33 PM GMT
    Go. Order a drink. Be open energetically. Say hello to people. Don't accept a drink from anyone. You'll be fine.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 08, 2011 8:50 PM GMT
    hairymusclejock said
    spaghettimonster saidUse grindr or adam4adam to make a friend with a clear stated goal of just going out to a bar to look around. Its what I have done in every city. The crazies will just block you, the normal ones keep talking and won't turn you into a lampshade in their apartment. But still: don't drink too much and watch your drink at all times icon_smile.gif


    I agree its actually quite fun meeting people on grindr. But i always make it explicitly clear that i'm not looking for hook ups. The crazies do block you instantly so filtering to the few good ones that are fun to talk to is easy. Then just plan to have a drink with them or dinner. Met some good friends that way.


    Yup yup. I live in San Jose, and when I head to the city for the night, I do this. I change my profile to say that I am "Looking for friends to get a drink with while I visit. YES I MEAN GET A DRINK WITH." The crazies block me, those who want only to fuck ignore me, and the others (all 5 of them) hit me up. I have met some cool couples, other visitors who need someone to hang with, etc. Always worked out well, and only one time did I end up having sex! icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 09, 2011 3:31 AM GMT
    Trollileo said
    spaghettimonster saidUse grindr or adam4adam to make a friend with a clear stated goal of just going out to a bar to look around. Its what I have done in every city. The crazies will just block you, the normal ones keep talking and won't turn you into a lampshade in their apartment. But still: don't drink too much and watch your drink at all times icon_smile.gif
    One piece of advice I was told (in a Christian middle school) was that if a drink leaves your hand it stays out of your hand.


    From the same insular and conservative background: not everything we heard as kids was wrong. This is really, really good advice. There are wolves in sheep clothing, just because a guy seems nice five minutes after you meet him, does not mean there isn't something darker. And a super quadruple warning on taking drugs with your new friend ... I think drugs are really bad generally, but a million times worse in a strange city with someone you just met.

    torrentprime said
    hairymusclejock said
    spaghettimonster saidUse grindr or adam4adam to make a friend with a clear stated goal of just going out to a bar to look around. Its what I have done in every city. The crazies will just block you, the normal ones keep talking and won't turn you into a lampshade in their apartment. But still: don't drink too much and watch your drink at all times icon_smile.gif


    I agree its actually quite fun meeting people on grindr. But i always make it explicitly clear that i'm not looking for hook ups. The crazies do block you instantly so filtering to the few good ones that are fun to talk to is easy. Then just plan to have a drink with them or dinner. Met some good friends that way.


    Yup yup. I live in San Jose, and when I head to the city for the night, I do this. I change my profile to say that I am "Looking for friends to get a drink with while I visit. YES I MEAN GET A DRINK WITH." The crazies block me, those who want only to fuck ignore me, and the others (all 5 of them) hit me up. I have met some cool couples, other visitors who need someone to hang with, etc. Always worked out well, and only one time did I end up having sex! icon_wink.gif


    Most ignore me, my profile has words with more than two syllables in it and it is explicitly clear I am just in town on business and do not know anyone, but would like to go out and get a drink rather than sit in my hotel room alone. Grindr is really underrated for that kind of thing - in my city I have met some interesting travelers. No sex ever, my election. But still a reason to leave the apartment and have an interesting face to face conversation over a drink.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 09, 2011 4:46 AM GMT
    I have been going out alone to bars/clubs for YEARS. Even when I lived in Miami I did it all the time. Matter of fact, that's when it was most easy. I remember my first day out was Super Bowl Sunday 2007. I went to Palace (Alone) on Ocean Drive and ended up meeting a group of 5 guys with pitchers and getting FUCKED up.... It wasn't until I moved to Texas followed by Colorado that it suddenly became significantly harder to do. People in these states tend to go in 'cliques' and if you're alone...it can be tough. They almost act suspicious if you're alone. Takes a certain amount of patience. I heard California is different though.

    I've also gone out with people as much as I've gone out alone. Personally I feel going to bars with people can be a double-edged sword.

    I feel when I go out with people, it can be a hindrance unless it's a BIG group. But even that can cause problems because you spend all night looking for people instead of dancing. LAME! But to go with 1 guy can make everyone think you're fucking each other. In the club, whenever you're seen with another guy 1 on 1...you're fucking. And if you're trying to expand your horizons that can backfire.

    Othertimes, I'm not looking and just want to have fun so I'll go with someone (like birthdays, gay pride, etc when being alone isn't fun).

    I would meet guys from adam4adam and grindr with caution if going to a bar. There have been times I've met guys for the first time, go to the bar...and they ditch me. In cases like that, take your own car or pick them up. So if they ditch you, they can walk home LOL. When a guy has a wingman...that makes him look better than him going on his own. So it'll be easier to pick someone up if that's his intentions.At this point, I no longer invite or accept invitations to go to bars with guys as a 1st date or meetup.

    ...Another reason I like going alone or with well-trusted friends only is I never have to worry about being ditched. I can come and go on my own time. I came alone so if I leave alone...it's not big deal.

    ...I went alone this past Labor day, and ended up waking up in another guy's bed icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 09, 2011 10:22 AM GMT
    Stop asking for a hand to hold and go grab someone by the hand. icon_razz.gif

    Here use these:

    tumblr_lr5x6dLM7J1qe07wuo6_250.giftumblr_lr5x6dLM7J1qe07wuo5_250.gif
    tumblr_lr5x6dLM7J1qe07wuo4_250.giftumblr_lr5x6dLM7J1qe07wuo3_250.gif
    tumblr_lr5x6dLM7J1qe07wuo2_250.gif
    tumblr_lr5x6dLM7J1qe07wuo1_250.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 09, 2011 10:40 AM GMT
    I go to bars alone most of the time. When I first started out I would just drink a little alcohol before I went, in order to ease the nerves. Once you go there a few times and you realize no-one really cares that you're alone, then you start to do your own thing. Realizing this, and not caring too much what other people thought, I then started going to bars completely sober, and started to enjoy the atmosphere. There are bound to be some awkward moments or whatever, but then again, you don't know any of these people and chances are you'll never ever see them again ;)

    I am really shy too, but things you should do are:

    1. Try and find a seat somewhere! Especially if you're nervous, if you stand by yourself you might start becoming self-conscious that you're standing alone and it will show in your body language.

    2. Always get a drink, whether it's water or alcohol, so that your other hand is 'occupied'. Most of the times, we're not very sure what to do with two spare hands -- so people tend to cross their arms or put them in their pockets!!! -- but at least with a drink in one hand, it gives the appearance that you're doing something.

    3.Don't look at the floor or stand in the corner where no-one can see you. I always try to sit on the couch or seat where everyone can see me.

    4. Try and make eye contact, however, I was, and still am never good at this at all.

    5. It sounds a bit cooky, but smile to an imaginary person across the room or to yourself about something funny. To other people, if they see you smiling, you automatically seem more approachable...but don't do it so often that it seems contrived and a bit weird.

    6. Don't be afraid to move/ dance to the music. Just because you're alone doesn't mean you have to sit there like a wooden plank. Imagine what you're like when you're tipsy/drunk and think what you would do then!

    *** 7. There will always be times when no-one approaches you -- it's happened to me quite a few times -- but just enjoy the atmosphere more than trying to look for guys. You will get good days and you get bad days.***

    Hope this helps somewhat.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 09, 2011 10:44 AM GMT
    Don't go to bars alone, it makes you look pathetic. It's like how you look when you go to the cinema alone!
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Sep 09, 2011 10:48 AM GMT
    tyklong saidDon't go to bars alone, it makes you look pathetic. It's like how you look when you go to the cinema alone!


    +1

    If you have to... buy the house a round-you will have many friends then.icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 09, 2011 11:15 AM GMT
    ^^^Disagrees with the two posts above.

    People who can't go to bars or movies alone are the pathetic ones because it shows they can't do anything alone (insecure) and are too worried about appearances and lack a nice little thing called confidence.

    Going to the bars or the movies alone is like when you go shopping in store. In a sense that's pretty much what you are doing when you go out anyway. You are shopping for something entertaining and fun (take that however you want). You got out to bars for the sheer enjoyment of music and being social and if anything else happens then it's a bonus.

    Just be clam, cool and secure in what you are doing when you go out and you should be fine. Go to a bar and spark a conversation. Best topics are : Sports, exercise, cars, music, movies and travel are great topic openers.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Sep 09, 2011 11:25 AM GMT
    Guy101 said^^^Disagrees with the two posts above.

    People who can't go to bars or movies alone are the pathetic ones because it shows they can't do anything alone (insecure) and are too worried about appearances and lack a nice little thing called confidence.

    Going to the bars or the movies alone is like when you go shopping in store. In a sense that's pretty much what you are doing when you go out anyway. You are shopping for something entertaining and fun (take that however you want). You got out to bars for the sheer enjoyment of music and being social and if anything else happens then it's a bonus.

    Just be clam, cool and secure in what you are doing when you go out and you should be fine. Go to a bar and spark a conversation. Best topics are : Sports, exercise, cars, music, movies and travel are great topic openers.


    icon_lol.gif speak for yourself. Just be the clam u are.
  • Neferti

    Posts: 55

    Sep 09, 2011 11:31 AM GMT
    tyklong saidDon't go to bars alone, it makes you look pathetic. It's like how you look when you go to the cinema alone!


    I can understand someone not wanting to go to a bar alone. Someone is going to have to explain the appeal to me of going to the movies with another person though. You're not supposed to talk ... much, so what's the point in worrying about having someone to go with?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 09, 2011 7:26 PM GMT
    Neferti said
    tyklong saidDon't go to bars alone, it makes you look pathetic. It's like how you look when you go to the cinema alone!


    I can understand someone not wanting to go to a bar alone. Someone is going to have to explain the appeal to me of going to the movies with another person though. You're not supposed to talk ... much, so what's the point in worrying about having someone to go with?


    I had the same question too and there was once i was so excited about a movie that i went to see it alone, what i felt like missing is nobody there to wait for me and ate the popcorn with me. And later, nobody to talk to about the movie in the WC too. I guess the fun factor is about having someone to share the ideas with live, right at that moment instead of doing it on facebook later.

    But talking about going to cinema alone is another topic right? ;)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 09, 2011 7:44 PM GMT
    Guy101 said^^^Disagrees with the two posts above.

    People who can't go to bars or movies alone are the pathetic ones because it shows they can't do anything alone (insecure) and are too worried about appearances and lack a nice little thing called confidence.

    Going to the bars or the movies alone is like when you go shopping in store. In a sense that's pretty much what you are doing when you go out anyway. You are shopping for something entertaining and fun (take that however you want). You got out to bars for the sheer enjoyment of music and being social and if anything else happens then it's a bonus.

    Just be clam, cool and secure in what you are doing when you go out and you should be fine. Go to a bar and spark a conversation. Best topics are : Sports, exercise, cars, music, movies and travel are great topic openers.


    I have to agree with you that there are people who are so pathetic and insecured that they always need to be in an entourage to get inside the bars, clubs, or whatsoever.

    However, what's the best intention of someone going to the bar alone? To practice social skills? or to just merely enjoy the music? Whatever your intention is, it still shows that you are quite bored enough to get into a bar alone and plus that makes you look pathetic (even if you don't think yourself as pathetic) because everyone assumes people going to party places alone might have problems with socializing (and again, this is what most people think but it doesn't mean you're actually that way).

    If you can yell "I don't care" to whatever normal thinkers say, then leave out all the rumors and enjoy the fun your way.

    For me, i think i am a normal thinker in a bar because i don't think i can have much concern about someone being alone in a bar, it's not my best place to get to know someone deeply.

    Of course i would support the OP's idea if he had some reasons why he needs to go to the bar alone but i don't support the idea of doing that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 09, 2011 8:50 PM GMT
    i always go to bars alone.... just be wary of ur drink, and ur crotch, and you'll be fine. besides, i hate having to answer to someone else, if ur out with them....
    good luck...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 10, 2011 12:04 PM GMT
    MikemikeMike said
    Guy101 said^^^Disagrees with the two posts above.

    People who can't go to bars or movies alone are the pathetic ones because it shows they can't do anything alone (insecure) and are too worried about appearances and lack a nice little thing called confidence.

    Going to the bars or the movies alone is like when you go shopping in store. In a sense that's pretty much what you are doing when you go out anyway. You are shopping for something entertaining and fun (take that however you want). You got out to bars for the sheer enjoyment of music and being social and if anything else happens then it's a bonus.

    Just be clam, cool and secure in what you are doing when you go out and you should be fine. Go to a bar and spark a conversation. Best topics are : Sports, exercise, cars, music, movies and travel are great topic openers.


    icon_lol.gif speak for yourself. Just be the clam u are.


    Far from being a clam, buddy. I'm just very secure about myself and don't require the assistance of others in order to meet others and have fun. Just to let you know I'm as comfortable in a group as I am alone. It's called being confident in yourself and your abilities You should try it some time.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Sep 12, 2011 4:16 PM GMT
    yourname2000 saidThe rare times I go out to gay bars I actually like going alone. They're so hit and miss that I like having the freedom to take off and go down the street without organizing a big exodus. I'll often hit 3 or 4 in the first hour or so and then decide which one I want to settle into. Once you're there, meeting people is easy. If you're the "alone guy", there's always 3 or 4 groups of guys who want you to join them. Or friends or friends of friends who are already out.

    Conversely, whenever I go with my straight friends (which is 95% of my going out) we have to organize the damn thing a week ahead of time....there's so many people that we need reservations and usually end up going to the same couple of places because of that. And once everyone is there, we're all there for the entire night. It's a blast, but there's no point in other people being there...my hands are full with just the folks I came with.

    I personally think a guy has got a lot more time "on the make" when he's alone and can walk around, settle in a new spot to stalk some prey. Or shake it up and dance, chat up a stranger/bartender, whatever you need to do show some personality.


    Of course you go alone-you leave the same way tooicon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 12, 2011 4:18 PM GMT
    Guy101 said

    Far from being a clam, buddy. I'm just very secure about myself and don't require the assistance of others in order to meet others and have fun. Just to let you know I'm as comfortable in a group as I am alone. It's called being confident in yourself and your abilities You should try it some time.


    I'm guessing you missed the joke here. icon_smile.gif