Jul 10, 2007 11:45 AM GMT
ok how should i start off with this?
i was wanted to post about this in some teen forum but it might be a bit awkward so i decided to came over here... atleast everyone is mature and experianced quarter of their life.
ok, basically i'm been thinking about me being really gay or not. i know it sound silly, you guys must be thinking "oh come on, you're already here... in this forum" but please read on.
alrite, i had an elder sister when i was young and she was 11 years older then me, unfortunately she passed away when i was 4-5 y/o. since i came out of nowhere, all my cousins are atleast 6-7 years older then me and never play with me because whenever they make me cry they will get into trouble. yes i'm a real cry baby.
well it's all because i'm smaller size then average boy and cry alot in primary school, bullies pick on me is a common thing and i just never tell my parents about it, it's alway girls that stand up for me, since then i have more girlfriends than boy. bully became worst and my whole high school life was like hell, everyone in school only call me "sissy" instead of my name even people i dont know. all i can do is try my best to beat them in academic! my high school was the worst one all the way long.
then, here comes the confusion all the way in school i was thinking why cant i get a brother or someone who can protect me, i always wish for a brother. someone can keep them shut their arse-ho mouth. somehow i just start imagine someone who like a big brother to me who can take care of me or something, or maybe i just being gay...
i always wish i can have a big big brother who can take care of me, well in non sexual way just like what a big brother will do to younger brother kinda way, how it feels like anyway???? i dont know why, but there is some part of my brain just say it's just plain wrong and it sound really gay, i never talk about this with anyone but i'm really scare. everything so tough rite now and i'm confused.
to be honest, i never hang out with a big bunch of guys in my whole life, i never when to club or pub before and i drank only alcohol once.... and yes i'm just turn 19. i feel really insecure sometimes, and girls give me comfort somehow and i never fall for any girl before....
i was wanted to post about this in some teen forum but it might be a bit awkward so i decided to came over here... atleast everyone is mature and experianced quarter of their life.
ok, basically i'm been thinking about me being really gay or not. i know it sound silly, you guys must be thinking "oh come on, you're already here... in this forum" but please read on.
alrite, i had an elder sister when i was young and she was 11 years older then me, unfortunately she passed away when i was 4-5 y/o. since i came out of nowhere, all my cousins are atleast 6-7 years older then me and never play with me because whenever they make me cry they will get into trouble. yes i'm a real cry baby.
well it's all because i'm smaller size then average boy and cry alot in primary school, bullies pick on me is a common thing and i just never tell my parents about it, it's alway girls that stand up for me, since then i have more girlfriends than boy. bully became worst and my whole high school life was like hell, everyone in school only call me "sissy" instead of my name even people i dont know. all i can do is try my best to beat them in academic! my high school was the worst one all the way long.
then, here comes the confusion all the way in school i was thinking why cant i get a brother or someone who can protect me, i always wish for a brother. someone can keep them shut their arse-ho mouth. somehow i just start imagine someone who like a big brother to me who can take care of me or something, or maybe i just being gay...
i always wish i can have a big big brother who can take care of me, well in non sexual way just like what a big brother will do to younger brother kinda way, how it feels like anyway???? i dont know why, but there is some part of my brain just say it's just plain wrong and it sound really gay, i never talk about this with anyone but i'm really scare. everything so tough rite now and i'm confused.
to be honest, i never hang out with a big bunch of guys in my whole life, i never when to club or pub before and i drank only alcohol once.... and yes i'm just turn 19. i feel really insecure sometimes, and girls give me comfort somehow and i never fall for any girl before....