Tired of friends saying "You're so hot" or "You're an amazing dude"

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    Sep 09, 2011 5:26 PM GMT
    So basically, more recently, I've had so many friends and coworkers tell me that I'm a hot guy...or that I am an amazing guy who other guys are missing out on when they turn me down or fuck with me (not responding to texts and then in time, just not talking to me anymore)

    But if I am "so hot" or "so amazing" why is it that I have NEVER been in a relationship or really had a dude interested in me? I really want to say it is my location but who the fuck knows??

    I feel like this HAS to happen to some other guys out there...or it has happened to them in the past. So for those of you who have experienced that, can you tell me what you did to actually change that?

    I know my question is kind of broad and may not really have an answer, but I am just sick of everyone telling me stuff like what I said above and then when I tell them I've never had a boyfriend, they are extremely shocked.

    The "WHAT?! How do you not have a boyfriend already?!" is the fuckin worst. HELP! icon_sad.gif
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    Sep 09, 2011 7:58 PM GMT
    you'll find a guy...and I agree with everyone. I'm fug...I'll never find a guy. Want to trade lives?
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    Sep 09, 2011 8:24 PM GMT
    You're hot, (judging by your pics), and I'm not your friend, so they're not lying, you really are hot! Would you rather be ugly and single?, at least, there's a light at the end of the tunnel for you, for others, not so much icon_razz.gif
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    Sep 09, 2011 9:03 PM GMT
    Thanks for agreeing with my friends...it definitely is a little encouraging. But I guess what I am wondering is...Is it, not necessarily bad, but "off" that I haven't been in a relationship yet and I am 22? I feel like college would have been the time when I went through the most relationships...but not a single one!

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    Sep 09, 2011 9:26 PM GMT
    PaintDude saidThanks for agreeing with my friends...it definitely is a little encouraging. But I guess what I am wondering is...Is it, not necessarily bad, but "off" that I haven't been in a relationship yet and I am 22? I feel like college would have been the time when I went through the most relationships...but not a single one!



    You're fine, man. I didn't have a boyfriend until I was 25. I may be a late bloomer or whatever, but there's no timeline to this. It was just that long until I found something I thought I was looking for.

    As to "You're so hot, why don't you have a bf" comments... they suck and they're incredibly insensitive. People are trying to be encouraging, but I know what you mean: it ends up just reminding that you don't have someone. Just realize that "hotness", however strong an attractor that may be, is not the only ingredient - and not even the most important one - to finding, much less maintaining, an actual relationship.

    - Larkin
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    Sep 10, 2011 5:37 AM GMT
    If you want a boyfriend, are you actively putting yourself out there?
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    Sep 10, 2011 4:40 PM GMT
    Dahas saidIf you want a boyfriend, are you actively putting yourself out there?


    Define "actively putting yourself out there."

    I am being me. I am a very social guy, participating in the Greek life at my school, which unfortunately consists primarily of straight guys and straight girls...but I KNOW there has to be other guys out there like me because there are HUNDREDS of them in fraternities.

    I am actively at the social events and hanging out with sorority girls one on one, with all of them knowing I am gay. That's when the "You're so cute, i don't see why you don't have a boyfriend/hookup buddy already!" comes into play.

    In terms of gay bars/clubs. There is only one in my city and ONLY on Thursday nights. And I am active in going out to that to attempt to talk to other dudes. But because of my personal tastes, I am just not really into the gay scene. I am slowly meeting more and more gay guys here, and attempting to hang out with them more in hopes of meeting more, but my time is really limited. Especially once school starts.

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    Sep 10, 2011 4:41 PM GMT
    Yeah, they are lying. You aren't that hot.














    icon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 10, 2011 4:45 PM GMT
    You want a boyfriend too bad. You could be the coolest guy in the world but if you're screaming "LOVE ME!!!!" people are going to run.

    You just have to not want it and it'll happen. Don't be that guy that's always looking to fall in love, or that guy that meets someone and instantly envisions what life would be like with him. Just have fun and don't place so much importance on guys liking you.
  • red_series

    Posts: 136

    Sep 10, 2011 4:45 PM GMT
    If you need a boyfriend for the sake of having a boyfriend and there are no suitable options around then the only choice you have is to lower your standards. That said, why bother?? You're 22, it's not as if you're long in the tooth. Someone will come along eventually. Learning to be happily independent makes for a stronger relationship when you do find the right person, so just enjoy it.
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    Sep 10, 2011 5:17 PM GMT
    PaintDude said
    Dahas saidIf you want a boyfriend, are you actively putting yourself out there?


    Define "actively putting yourself out there."

    I am being me. I am a very social guy, participating in the Greek life at my school, which unfortunately consists primarily of straight guys and straight girls...but I KNOW there has to be other guys out there like me because there are HUNDREDS of them in fraternities.

    I am actively at the social events and hanging out with sorority girls one on one, with all of them knowing I am gay. That's when the "You're so cute, i don't see why you don't have a boyfriend/hookup buddy already!" comes into play.

    In terms of gay bars/clubs. There is only one in my city and ONLY on Thursday nights. And I am active in going out to that to attempt to talk to other dudes. But because of my personal tastes, I am just not really into the gay scene. I am slowly meeting more and more gay guys here, and attempting to hang out with them more in hopes of meeting more, but my time is really limited. Especially once school starts.



    Last time I was in Santa Cruz, I was surprised by how gay friendly it is. Maybe it's an East Coast vs West Coast thing. I'm surprised that there's only one part-time gay venue.

    Being really involved in Greek life is probably not helping you. The sorority girls will love you because you're not trying to get into their pants, but you're still a guy that they can go to social events with. Fraternities tend to make for closeted gay men, though. So, there may be brothers who are too afraid of being outed to approach you.

    You say that your time is really limited and that you aren't into the gay scene. Okay, you and everyone else. There's a difference between being busy with school and being closed off from the gay part of your life. Just be sure that you know where that line is for you so that you're not artificially limiting yourself.

    Really, though, college isn't always about having serial relationships. Relax and enjoy meeting other guys and socializing. All the serious relationship stuff can come later.
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    Sep 10, 2011 8:03 PM GMT
    [quote]

    You say that your time is really limited and that you aren't into the gay scene. Okay, you and everyone else. There's a difference between being busy with school and being closed off from the gay part of your life. Just be sure that you know where that line is for you so that you're not artificially limiting yourself.

    Really, though, college isn't always about having serial relationships. Relax and enjoy meeting other guys and socializing. All the serious relationship stuff can come later.[/quote]

    See the thing is I am not even meeting guys. It's not just the relationship that I'm lookin for. I don't even have the POTENTIAL to find one because I am not meeting any guys. I try at that bar on Thursday nights and like I said, I am slowly but surely meeting people. My range of gay friends has expanded to all of... 6 guys? Haha.
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    Sep 10, 2011 8:04 PM GMT
    u r bored ? haa damn .. i want to be bored like u also icon_smile.gif
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    Sep 10, 2011 8:14 PM GMT
    Also, going along with what yeahim40 was talking about, some guys may be afraid of being outed, so they don't approach me. I also think that a lot of guys just don't know I am gay!

    So I was looking into maybe getting something that could tip people off as to my sexuality? Like a "NOH8" bracelet or something like that....

    Anyone have any suggestions as to how I might be able to provide hints to other guys? Besides full on hitting on them?
  • Rawrdo

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    Sep 10, 2011 8:20 PM GMT
    Sometimes your friends might be honest, sometimes they might be just trying to be nice. Either way it doesn't really matter, so there's no reason to get too hung up on that. It's kind of like the half empty half full glass, the amount of water in the glass is still the same, regardless of what's being perceived. All I can really recommend is see if there's a GLBTQ(insert the rest of letters here) at your college and start getting to know more gays. That way at least you'll be definitely more exposed than closeted frat guys, AND your gaydar sense will slightly improve as you get to pick up on more cues and mannerisms of other gay men. Think of it as this way, it's not about finding the right guy, but finding the right guy's friends. There's way more of them, and your chances will be higher anyways.
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    Sep 10, 2011 8:24 PM GMT
    Being "Hot" and being in a relationship is so apples and oranges. They're both great - you can have em both - but you don't need one to have the other.

    Anyone who's only caring about you being sexy is probably not the same person who's wanting a long lasting relationship.

    A relationship is so much more than just lust and sex. I dunno but somehow I can't imagine hanging at a bar is going to be the best place to find a long fulfilling relationship. Bars to me mean more sex, less strings.

    I found mah loverman on Flickr. We've been together almost 3 years now. It was months of chatting + a way that let us really get to know one another very well before we even met. We learned about one another's interests, chatted, and shared an obvious common love for photography/art. We became friends before we moved our relationship further. I think that was essential for us.

    Obviously everyone is different, but I'm just saying.. If ppl think "omg YOU are single?" and say this solely b/c they want to jump your bones themselves, then they're looking at things the wrong way.
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    Sep 10, 2011 8:29 PM GMT
    Woah, you can meet people on Flickr?!?! Hahaha, I just got myself a Canon Rebel T2i DSLR camera and am just starting to get into photography. Cobalt, shoot me a message! Explain how this happened! Haha.

    And Rawrdo, yeah I think I will have to actually check out the GLBTQ center on campus. I did once, about 3 years ago, and it was mostly feminine men. But you're right, I just need to befriend them. Just because I meet them, doesn't mean I have to fuck them right? icon_razz.gif

    But I figured befriending all of the sorority girls would ultimately lead me to their gay friends....apparently I am their only gay friend... -____-
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    Sep 10, 2011 8:33 PM GMT
    Friends are supposed to encourage you. It's the job of friends. They're not your agents in the world of relationships.

    Keep your eyes and ears open to read between the lines of the responses you get from guys. They're not going to tell you "Although you are attractive here's a list of why we are not going on a second date and much less will not get to relationship level". They're going to be polite. Or just ignore you. Or disappear. It won't necessarily be anyone's fault, but it's up to you to learn as much from each experience.

    Maybe you come off as needy, over-text, over-message, over-call (I'm not saying this is you, but these are extremely common missteps of guys who are actively looking to get into a relationship instead of letting one happen naturally). Maybe it's not your time to be in one. You need to both be active and not push.

    Best solution? Put yourself, your life, your job, school, career, whatever in the forefront with a side of receptiveness to social opportunity. That's the best way to eventually ease into a natural, healthy relationship.
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    Sep 10, 2011 8:37 PM GMT
    What type of crazy people are telling you that your hot? I would not touch you with a 10ft pole.
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    Sep 10, 2011 8:52 PM GMT
    Ariodante said

    Best solution? Put yourself, your life, your job, school, career, whatever in the forefront with a side of receptiveness to social opportunity. That's the best way to eventually ease into a natural, healthy relationship.


    I definitely plan on doing that. It's my last year in college (hopefully) and I have 3 quarters to go. Each one has three upper division classes all for my major so my priorities are going to be set straight, for sure. And I am looking to pick up a new job which will earn me a lot more money than my current one.

    Thanks for the words of wisdom Ariodante. It definitely helps hearing it from other guys out there that aren't my straight fraternity brothers all the time. Hahaha.


    Simon78928 said

    What type of crazy people are telling you that your hot? I would not touch you with a 10ft pole.



    Hahahahahahahaha. You're funny.
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    Sep 10, 2011 8:55 PM GMT
    A few times I had a similar situation, I think it's just that we're young, maybe picky, or whatever. But why does the shock from people finding out you never had a bf before bother you? In a way, it's flattering. If you're tired of people telling you this stuff, you can also say you prefer to be single.
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    Sep 10, 2011 9:30 PM GMT
    Yea dude, you live in Santa Cruz. Gay dating is tough there, even at UCSC (I'm a UCSC alum). Most of the gay men I met there were either annoyingly flamboyant or hippies, or both. To each their own, but that wasn't what I was looking for in a guy. icon_wink.gif

    Have you tried making a trip over the hill to San Jose? I hear they have a decent gay population there!
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    Sep 11, 2011 12:38 AM GMT
    PaintDude saidThanks for agreeing with my friends...it definitely is a little encouraging. But I guess what I am wondering is...Is it, not necessarily bad, but "off" that I haven't been in a relationship yet and I am 22? I feel like college would have been the time when I went through the most relationships...but not a single one!



    if it makes you feel better, I would love to look like you.....

    It's not weird to not be in a relationship yet at 22 , especially if you are gay.
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    Sep 11, 2011 12:46 AM GMT
    Simon78928 saidWhat type of crazy people are telling you that your hot? I would not touch you with a 10ft pole.


    You're j/k right? why would you say something like that? and I'd expect it from a hot guy at least icon_lol.gif
  • musicdude

    Posts: 734

    Sep 11, 2011 12:48 AM GMT
    Don't fret. I have and still get the same comments from people around me. My first real relationship (and love) only happened this past year (end of my 22nd year...beginning of 23rd). All good things happen given time. All you should focus on for now is yourself and your independent happiness. The right one will come along ;)