Porn as a performance crutch?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 12, 2008 5:04 AM GMT
    Perhaps, I didn't look far enough back in the forums to see if this has already been discussed (to death) but I am curious to find out other opinions on a similar topic. First. What is the point of watching porn? I mean do any of you really sit and watch a porn video from beginning to end and say "Boy, that was good!" and then switch over and watch HGTV?
    I mean, isn't the whole point of porn is it's to be used as a tool for those people too lazy to use their minds to masterbate? That's the point, right? Porn="I want to masterbate" Second. A while ago I was dating a guy on a regular basis...and one afternoon we were having sex in his bedroom when all of the sudden, he turned on his TV and started playing a porn video.
    I was like "WTF?" I took it as an insult...as if he was saying "I need more visual stimulation than you're providing". I immediately got up and left and never went out with him again...I've told that story many times to friends and they've all basically told me, "You're way too sensitive" and that watching porn while having sex is way common. I don't doubt its common, but it sorta just tells me that men (I'm generalizing!) are so obsessed with porn, that its used as a crutch, because without it, they can't even "perform" one on one.
    Thoughts?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 12, 2008 5:13 AM GMT
    I dont think porn is all that and to be honest Ive only ever owned one dvd and couldnt even tell ya where it is, which is worrying icon_lol.gif

    I do agree though I think you are over sensitive had it occurred to you that guy may have thought you were a little to either: a) frigid or b)"vanilla" and he wanted to use it as a hint to try something a little more risky? or c) just missing put on all his subtle advances of what he wanted to do and so he had to be les subtle?

    Personaly I think if someone put porn on every time they had sex then its possibly a crutch and if they spend all their time watching that rather than paying attention to you then you have a problem.

    Did this guy own a vast array of porn and kinky gear as well?
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    May 12, 2008 5:26 AM GMT
    bfg1 said
    I do agree though I think you are over sensitive had it occurred to you that guy may have thought you were a little to either: a) frigid or b)"vanilla" and he wanted to use it as a hint to try something a little more risky? or c) just missing put on all his subtle advances of what he wanted to do and so he had to be les subtle?
    Well, we'd had sex a few times before this episode and from my memory, it was the one and only time he'd pulled this on me...it just totally caught me off guard...I think the only sexual hang-up I have is, I'm not one to jump in bed with just anyone and I prefer to have one sexual partner @ a time...other than that, I'm always willing to try just about anything once or twice, even if it "scares" me...I still run into this guy now and then and he always comes over and suggests we "go out soon?"....but honestly, I have no interest in him. The more I sit here and think as I type, I will admit that I am definitely put-off with men obsessing with porn...so having had him turn porn on in the middle of sex, seriously pissed me off on a hundred different levels. I'll admit that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 12, 2008 5:36 AM GMT
    so did you tell him that? He obviously seems oblivious to that.

    Maybe he just lacked the confidence to say "actually your my dream guy and I really would like you to do x y or z to me as they are in this film"

    Other than that he is just a dirty perv owns 22 rain macs and stands in bushes all day long, but he doesnt sound like that to me!

    Chalk it down to experience and if it happens again rather than reacting like that set the boundaries out sooner and make it clear that porn is a turn off to you. It was only a second date or whatever and the poor guy is probably wondering what the hell happened. He didnt know that this was your "hang up" (not that thats a bad thing)

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    May 12, 2008 5:56 AM GMT
    No, he's actually a nice guy...I did tell him though..it wasn't like I just got out of bed and left....but, I did quickly "spoil the mood" by sorta going on the defense....I don't recall the exact words, but it was generally, "What the f*ck?" He did say something to the affect that he thought it would be a "turn on" for me.icon_rolleyes.gif Whatever...
    It's never happened again (to me) but as I mentioned, I've told the story to many friends and they (for the most part) all say...."We do that all the time" (Watch porn while having sex).
    Call me "old-fashion" but I like my sex to be between me and the other guy...not me, the other guy and the DVD player and TV.icon_wink.gif
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    May 12, 2008 10:59 AM GMT
    Some guys can used to doing things in a CERTAIN way

    Kinda like when you have an old car an you need to pump the gas three times and jiggle the ignition to get it to start?
    Well it's the samething
    (But it's all in their heads)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 12, 2008 11:59 AM GMT
    I think this is an interesting topic.

    About six months ago I had one particular fuck buddy who in his late 20s who would insist on having porn in the background while we were getting jiggy jiggy. He seemed to be obsessed with it and even after he came he'd still want to watch it (and invite other guys round as well, but that's another story).

    Sometimes putting on porn can help set the mood or even break the ice when you are hooking up with someone for the first time. But some guys do seem obsessed with it.

    Since becoming single 18 months ago my interest in watching the stuff has dwindled to zero. I find it boring, repetitive and a waste of time. I guess I don't need it anymore because my sex life is great without it.
  • janu88

    Posts: 346

    Dec 26, 2010 3:26 PM GMT
    alot of men need porn to perform...
    i guess , since they have desensitized themselves from reality with porn.

    its a huge issue, actually porn/masturbation... since 13 excessively...
    just isnt psychologically healthy.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 26, 2010 3:57 PM GMT
    I think I have been watching way too much porn lately.
    I actually watch a lot of porn usually, because I masturbate often and I always watch porn while doing it - I just like it better that way. I also have sex on a regular basis (let's not discuss how often does that mean, cuz it's a whole new topic), but I have recently discovered that sometimes when a guy is blowing me or we are having sex, I feel like there is something missing. Actually this is when I found out that dark rooms in clubs are a good substitute for porn-a-holics : )) I don't mean the trashy "macho only" kind of gay bars, I mean nice and clean places : ))

    However, porn is just porn and I don't think it's such a big deal. People can do with it and they can do without it, so if it gives him more pleasure, why don't you simply try to enjoy it too? I am sure things will come to a better ending for both that way icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 27, 2010 3:27 PM GMT
    interesting topic.
    actually over the last 4-5 years I have watched very little "industry made" porn because I can get it all LIVE here (chat room) or on other sites with guys camming and chatting, etc. (see my other post on Camming and Infidelity)

    I wonder if 50 years ago--and if this type of forum was available--someone would have posted "if a guy i'm having sex with pulls out his porn mag collection and has to have them all open on the bed, is this a reflection against me...."

    Times change but overall a guy's visual stimulation doesn't. I think many are wired to need more.

    Having never been in the situation I can empathize with smalltownboy's situation. If the guy didnt' say anything at all but suddenly switched on the dvd I'd have felt the same way and thought it was a reflection on my performance.