My boyfriend just doesn't understand my obsession with bodybuilding....help please

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    Sep 10, 2011 3:37 AM GMT
    So I am 25 and have been moderately obsessed with fitness/bodybuilding since 1997 (when I bought my first Muscle & Fitness mag.) I have always been an avid lifter most of my life until last year when I walked into Gold's Gym Venice for the first time. It was then that my training became much more directed to a bodybuilding lifestyle.

    My issue is that my boyfriend (now of almost 2 years), has never been supportive of me going to the gym or the "get big" lifestyle. I think part due to the fact that he comes from Switzerland where he says that if you have big muscles your looked at like a freak. So sports and fitness have never been his thing. No big deal - doesn't bother me that he doesn't work out. However, since we started dating, he has always been slightly negative towards my training and nutrition habits.

    I don't take steroids and I certainly don't look like Tanner Parkes (http://thetannerparkes.com/) - which is my goal look (for now). I drink protein shakes and take vitamins and supplements and he always argues that it's not natural for me to drink protein and supplements. He says that he "doesn't take any of that stuff and he is ok - so why can't I be like that."

    He just doesn't get it - and I was ok with that. But lately it seems to becoming a bigger issue. A few months ago I go into wrestling - but he made me give it up because he just couldn't stand "the thought of me 'rubbing' up against another man." Even though they are all straight and it for me was really about the sport and not looking at buff guys and getting off to them. He would say, "Why can't you pick some other sport?" It was just a never ending argument. But all my supportive facts wouldn't win my side - so I just gave it up to save our relationship.

    So I turned back to bodybuilding and set my goals on getting big enough to compete - even just once. (He doesn't know this yet). I train 4-5 days a week and I have made progress. But he sometimes gets in the way - nutrition wise. He doesn't like to eat super strict like a bodybuilders diet is.

    Anyhow, before this turns into a novel, tonight he came home to me drinking a protein shake and this prompted another discussion which I viewed as an argument. He asked again why I need to drink protein. And he was afraid cause I "liked" a few more fitness pages on facebook - mostly for some contests they had for supplements. He says that he is worried I'm gonna start taking hormones and steroids. I have assured him time and time again that I wouldn't ever do that. I said that I like doing it "just because" - which I admit isn't the best answer, but I love going to the gym because of the way I feel. I like feeling my muscles contract and I like seeing progress - which I also admit is vein of me - but hey, bodybuilding is a vein sport.

    So my question to all of you is how do I explain and get him to understand the bodybuilding way of life? I know that I want to get big (even though he has mentioned more then once that he doesn't find big muscles attractive). I truly love him despite some of our differences and I definitely don't want to end our relationship. But I also refuse to give up working out. Has anyone else ever delt with this type of problem? I really am lost in what to do here.
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    Sep 10, 2011 3:43 AM GMT
    I read through your long and detailed post. Maybe your inability to convey your obsession with bodybuilding to your BF is that you overwhelm him with detail.
    You love bodybuilding, it gives you great self fulfillment, c'est tout. What's not to understand?!
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    Sep 10, 2011 4:39 AM GMT
    Doesn't sound like you two will last long. There's a fundamental lifestyle difference between you two.
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    Sep 10, 2011 4:53 AM GMT
    GAMRican saidDoesn't sound like you two will last long. There's a fundamental lifestyle difference between you two.


    I was afraid someone might say this. The other issue at hand is that I am about to finish my Paramedic and get my license and I really want to move to another location for work - but he wants to stay in LA. His work is here, and my work can be anywhere except LA
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    Sep 10, 2011 4:58 AM GMT

    Any obsession is unhealthy. I would be concerned too if I was your bf, even though I like big muscles.

    If this was about video game obsession, partying obsession, gambling obsession, political obsession, would you view it as something the partner needs to accept or something the obsessed needs to control?
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    Sep 10, 2011 5:03 AM GMT
    do what you love doing, never give up what you like for no one, its a part of who you are and i he don't like it then he can go to hell, your life do what you want not what someone else wants.icon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 10, 2011 5:42 AM GMT
    archon saiddo what you love doing, never give up what you like for no one, its a part of who you are and i he don't like it then he can go to hell, your life do what you want not what someone else wants.icon_biggrin.gif


    I love my boyfriend, but I agree with you
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    Sep 10, 2011 5:49 AM GMT
    your boyfriend is selfish, he should love everything about you, just because its you.icon_biggrin.gif