How and When do you ask someone about their STD status?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 10, 2011 10:55 AM GMT
    I've never been out at a gay bar or dated anyone, but if I ever decide to I would like to know how and when do you ask a guy about his STD status?

    I mean of course you don't just ask him as you meet him, but let's say you connect with a guy and it seems to lead to something intimate/sexual, how do you bring the question up, even if you are going to have safe sex? And if you do, is it a mood killer/rude question?

    Safety for me is a big deal, I guess I'm a little too paranoid over it, hehe.

    As you can see, I'm not very experienced in this area, so I would appreciate any help. icon_smile.gif And I hope no one gets offended by this question...

    Thanks!
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    Sep 10, 2011 12:03 PM GMT
    If it's a hook up, I just say you have condoms right? and I also ask you wear condoms right? and if they say no, I prefer raw, it just a no-no and I don't sleep with them. Then, I ask so you're HIV- and STD free right? and I'm good at detecting lies so I know when they're telling the truth or not, but I always play safe tho but I rarely hook up anymore.
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    Sep 10, 2011 12:17 PM GMT
    at any point before you have sex. Ideally before your naked because your guaranteed a lie otherwise

    I would just stick to having sex with boyfriends who your in love with (but that is just me personally)
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    Sep 10, 2011 12:19 PM GMT
    This is a very good question. You should be asking each and every time you engage in having sex. Why wouldn't you?

    If you are going the distance and seeking a relationship there's no real easy way to ask such a question in my opinion.You just calmly ask "Are you clean?" to wish they either answer yes or no and, regardless of the answer, you should offer as a suggestion that you both go and get tested together.

    If it's a random hook up then it should be the same as above minus the ability to go get tested. You just ask and make sure you have condoms handy.If you don't and still feel the need to do the deed then it's a game of Russian Roulette and caution is clearly thrown into the wind.

    You should never have to "play p.c." when it comes to your own safety. If you're too afraid to ask such a question then you probably shouldn't be having sex and if you do without asking such questions then you shouldn't be surprised when certain things happen.
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    Sep 10, 2011 2:04 PM GMT
    Thanks! icon_smile.gif
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Sep 10, 2011 2:06 PM GMT
    DKKD saidI've never been out at a gay bar or dated anyone, but if I ever decide to I would like to know how and when do you ask a guy about his STD status?

    I mean of course you don't just ask him as you meet him, but let's say you connect with a guy and it seems to lead to something intimate/sexual, how do you bring the question up, even if you are going to have safe sex? And if you do, is it a mood killer/rude question?

    Safety for me is a big deal, I guess I'm a little too paranoid over it, hehe.

    As you can see, I'm not very experienced in this area, so I would appreciate any help. icon_smile.gif And I hope no one gets offended by this question...

    Thanks!
    easy, you ask them when you are thinking about having sex. if you two are sexually interested in each other that subject should come up immediately
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Sep 10, 2011 2:32 PM GMT
    I work it into conversation and explain that I always play it safe and I don't have any health issues, etc. scenario:

    "you look like you like to work out"

    "yeah, I'm into health and fitness. My health is very important to me. I've always been really cautious about partners too, and playing it safe."

    Usually by the end of this conversation we know each others whole medical history, lol. I think most guys want to know these answers as much as you do. If they don't want to talk about it, that would be a red flag for me. Either way though, as long as you play it safe, there shouldn't be that much of an issue.
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    Sep 10, 2011 5:45 PM GMT
    I'll say something like by the way I'm hiv negative how about you? I'll also mention I always use condoms. if they block you or dont answer on a internet site then you have your answer. Safest way is to always assume everyone could be hiv + regardless of what they claim. something like 20% of those who are hiv+ don't even know it
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 10, 2011 6:30 PM GMT
    When single & dating around, guys would kill me because they would wait until we were butt ass naked ready to "insert here" & ask, your clean right? Your asking me now?! Wtf!
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    Sep 10, 2011 6:36 PM GMT
    redbull saidWhen single & dating around, guys would kill me because they would wait until we were butt ass naked ready to "insert here" & ask, your clean right? Your asking me now?! Wtf!


    Err, if you know you're not "clean", you could also be proactive about bringing up the health conversation before it gets hot and heavy yourself.

    To the OP, it's not really something you ask a guy who's aiming to hook up with you later the same night because they're liable to just lie. It's best to have a day or two to have ample time to have talked about it and for you to be able to see the truth of his words in his behaviors.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Sep 10, 2011 7:36 PM GMT
    Trollileo saidI just don't have sex. It's easier.


    How about a foot massage handsome guy? icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 10, 2011 8:26 PM GMT
    Whenever you want!!!

    This should never make someone feel awkward. If it does, there is something wrong.
    I believe this is one topic that should never be one you have to walk on egg shells with.

    You are putting yourself at risk if you do not ask so DO NOT feel scared...its you're right to know!!

    And BTW, I admire you ask those questions.
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    Sep 10, 2011 11:48 PM GMT
    ASK.... however, they could lie.... (which would be a drag)...
    in fact i keep my health card in my wallet... and i gett tested every 3, 4 months...
    have fun budd... be safe. icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 11, 2011 6:20 AM GMT
    When guys ask if I'm clean I respond with "Yes, I have a shower every day and I even brush my teeth!
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    Sep 11, 2011 7:35 AM GMT
    I would flat out just ask "Do you have any STDs?" in the course of a conversation....might throw them off a little but unless they're hiding something, they shouldn't have a problem answering the question. If they say they don't know, that's a gamble you have to decide whether you wanna take or not. I think if people were more straightforward about asking, STDs wouldn't be as big a problem.
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    Sep 12, 2011 3:13 PM GMT
    lilTanker saidWhen guys ask if I'm clean I respond with "Yes, I have a shower every day and I even brush my teeth!


    Exactly. "Clean" in this context is a derrogatory, degrading term for people with HIV/AIDS (although I'm sure it is not intentional).

    As for the OP, educate yourself on HIV/AIDS from a repuatable source so that you can make an informed decision no matter what you do.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 12, 2011 3:17 PM GMT
    After they cum in you ask "you don't have anything right"

    icon_rolleyes.gif

    If they say uhh run to the toilet and clean yourself out down there.



    DISCLAIMER:

    Results may vary. Consult a physician before attempting.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Sep 12, 2011 3:19 PM GMT
    I think if its purely a social relationship, you don't need to know anything....
    if it's something that is going to progress to something more, you probably should have a conversation about it prior to the time you get really intimate.
    I'd bring it up if you are having a serious conversation about a topic and volunteer your status first.