JUST FRIENDS!!!

  • SS07

    Posts: 1

    Sep 11, 2011 8:35 AM GMT
    Hey Everyone!

    I'm recently out and new to the gay scene. I'm also a newbie to the Dallas area.

    This is a new start and direction in my life. I want to find more gay friends to go out with, lunch, errands, etc. to just find my group...problem is--the word "platonic" is not in the book of gay!!! WHAT GIVES!

    I've tried meeting people online, at the bar, mutual friends, etc--and I always give the "friendship" disclaimer--everything will go great for about an hour, and then BOOM! it switches to "how can i get into his pants mode". IE: inappropriate touching, texting, phone calls at 3am.

    WHY?!?!?!

    This is disquisting! is our community really like this? if it is, this is awful---we ask for acceptance and rights within the community but act like this???

    Any suggestions on where to meet cool gay individuals?
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    Sep 11, 2011 11:55 AM GMT
    I refuse to answer this thread till I get in your pants. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 11, 2011 12:26 PM GMT
    I can understand where you are coming from and I hope you have success in Dallas. It's probably not a good idea to become a regular in the bar scene, because the people seem to be there to get laid and boozed up.

    Find a charity that is close to your heart and volunteer. While gay friends are great to have, I would not forget about the straight community. A good church that is gay friendly can open up opportunities.
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    Sep 11, 2011 12:33 PM GMT
    There are a couple of ways to get platonic friends. If you want people who are going to be completely just friends, find guys either much more or much less attractive than you so as to eliminate any sexual tension early on. I also wouldn't recommend looking for guys in bars for friendships.

    That said, I don't really see the downside of letting attraction lead to friendship. My best gay friends I met because I was attracted to them or them to me. Only a couple of times did it lead to any fooling around, but in all cases the sexual tension evaporated pretty soon for one reason or another and we became really good friends.
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    Sep 11, 2011 12:48 PM GMT
    Getting hit upon goes with the territory...


    The way I handled it when I "used" to go out (even with a bf) was say something like, "Thanks for the compliment, but I'm not that type of guy...so stop it!" (I know, sounds harsh, but you can't be a pussy in a shark tank!)

    The ones that got the hint, eventually became friends. The ones that didn't...well, they're prolly still hitting on the young 'un's...


    As for your question, i can't say anything for Dallas, but drag shows are fun to watch, and some of the performers are really good to know, as they do fundraising for the various gay groups.
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    Sep 11, 2011 1:05 PM GMT
    I have one close gay friend and he always tries to hit on me...Now I take it as a joke..I always manage to shut him down though...Poor thing lol
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    Sep 11, 2011 1:43 PM GMT
    Hang out with straight people...
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    Sep 11, 2011 3:57 PM GMT
    It sounds like you want the gay version of the tv show, Friends. Or the sexless version of Queer As Folk..The truth is, many of the groups of gay guys you see lunching in an outdoor cafe, probably met each other during a threeway or while sling shopping at the local S&M Mart.. Maybe even while eyeing a hot pair of jeans at a dept. store.
    And yes, Im stereotyping & a touch cynical, but like the other guys say here, gay friendships are a process, just go with it. Some friendships remain flirty, others stoically platonic. Take time to figure out who you are before you worry about filling in the friend slots..
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    Sep 11, 2011 3:58 PM GMT
    am 100% with u ...
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    Sep 11, 2011 4:03 PM GMT
    sn75230 said

    This is disquisting! is our community really like this?


    Yes. Every gay is known to have sex with any single gay guy around the block. That's why grindr was invented. When you have fucked every single gay guy in your neighborhood, it's time to move.
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    Sep 11, 2011 4:09 PM GMT
    sn75230 saidHey Everyone!

    I'm recently out and new to the gay scene. I'm also a newbie to the Dallas area.

    This is a new start and direction in my life. I want to find more gay friends to go out with, lunch, errands, etc. to just find my group...problem is--the word "platonic" is not in the book of gay!!! WHAT GIVES!

    I've tried meeting people online, at the bar, mutual friends, etc--and I always give the "friendship" disclaimer--everything will go great for about an hour, and then BOOM! it switches to "how can i get into his pants mode". IE: inappropriate touching, texting, phone calls at 3am.

    WHY?!?!?!

    This is disquisting! is our community really like this? if it is, this is awful---we ask for acceptance and rights within the community but act like this???

    Any suggestions on where to meet cool gay individuals?


    Not all of Dallas is like that. The only lasting friendships I made were not on grindr or at the bars, but out running on the Katy Trail. Where you meet people *usually* (definitely not always) dictates what kind of person they are going to be - if you try to meet friends on grindr or at the bar, just keep in mind that they are there to score ... and they think you are too but they might just think you are not being as forwardly willing to admit it.

    Try the DMA, DSO, Nasher Sculpture Center, go run on the Katy Trail ... normal people things where normal people hang out icon_smile.gif
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    Sep 11, 2011 4:16 PM GMT
    some guys on line use the terms looking for friends when they are really looking for sex. guess they feel less slutty lol
    ive posted just looking for friends with the same results we meet they get pissed off because they didn't get sex. imo the majority of those claiming looking for friends on sites like grindr a4a and manhunt are not being truthful.
    ive never had a gay friend that I found attractive I normally looked for friends that were monogamously coupled. or guys that I just found not very attractive
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    Sep 11, 2011 4:20 PM GMT
    spaghettimonster said
    sn75230 saidHey Everyone!

    I'm recently out and new to the gay scene. I'm also a newbie to the Dallas area.

    This is a new start and direction in my life. I want to find more gay friends to go out with, lunch, errands, etc. to just find my group...problem is--the word "platonic" is not in the book of gay!!! WHAT GIVES!

    I've tried meeting people online, at the bar, mutual friends, etc--and I always give the "friendship" disclaimer--everything will go great for about an hour, and then BOOM! it switches to "how can i get into his pants mode". IE: inappropriate touching, texting, phone calls at 3am.

    WHY?!?!?!

    This is disquisting! is our community really like this? if it is, this is awful---we ask for acceptance and rights within the community but act like this???

    Any suggestions on where to meet cool gay individuals?


    Not all of Dallas is like that. The only lasting friendships I made were not on grindr or at the bars, but out running on the Katy Trail. Where you meet people *usually* (definitely not always) dictates what kind of person they are going to be - if you try to meet friends on grindr or at the bar, just keep in mind that they are there to score ... and they think you are too but they might just think you are not being as forwardly willing to admit it.

    Try the DMA, DSO, Nasher Sculpture Center, go run on the Katy Trail ... normal people things where normal people hang out icon_smile.gif


    rofl_seal.jpg

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    Sep 11, 2011 6:18 PM GMT
    Well babe. now you know how women feel =) Dont worry you will find a few that are more to your liking
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    Sep 11, 2011 6:22 PM GMT
    http://youtu.be/zzlzI3BnoGw
  • suedeheadscot

    Posts: 1130

    Sep 11, 2011 6:29 PM GMT
    I feel for you bud, it must be frustrating having all these men after you...wait...what am I saying??!?

    Seriously, its a lonely time starting out in a new city. Same advice as what worked for me when I left Scotland for Birmingham: try the gay social groups/sports groups etc. There must be tons of gay social groups in Dallas! And if not, start one!!!
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    Sep 11, 2011 6:33 PM GMT
    waimea said
    sn75230 said

    This is disquisting! is our community really like this?


    Yes. Every gay is known to have sex with any single gay guy around the block. That's why grindr was invented. When you have fucked every single gay guy in your neighborhood, it's time to move.


    Waimea, u ok? You seem out of sorts :/