Seven-year itch

  • Devinci

    Posts: 16

    Sep 12, 2011 2:27 AM GMT
    Anybody experienced the seven-year itch? The first six years with my partner were good... but the last one is very though... Is it normal?
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    Sep 16, 2011 3:52 PM GMT
    I'd be lucky to last seven months! What do you think seems to be the issue? Is it on your part that you don't find the relationship fulfilling?
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    Sep 16, 2011 4:12 PM GMT
    perhaps need a spontaneous trip to get out of the grind? write a letter to each other with things you love about them? some memories that you absolutely cherish. go over pics from the past and remember the moments and how special you made each other feel.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Sep 16, 2011 7:09 PM GMT
    The routine can really be a killer. For some people, the whole 'date night' seems forced, but it can be a good thing to plan a date and have it he a priority - no phones on, no tv, etc.

    Of course, you can also do other things like rent a hotel suite or explore role playing and costumes. Maybe he'd get off on blowing "the pizza guy".
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    Sep 16, 2011 7:10 PM GMT
    You think about relationship counseling.
  • BCSwimmer

    Posts: 209

    Sep 16, 2011 7:33 PM GMT
    I understand the 7 year itch is quite a common phenomenon so much so that sociologists have studied to determine if there is a hard-wired cause. So, yes I would say it is "normal".

    Personally I experienced some 7 year itch symptons with my late spouse (which we were able to discuss because we had such an open and honest communication). We were able to both commit to continuing and thank goodness we did as our relationship only grew richer and more deeply. I think that when hurdles come up if you both commit to overcoming them that it can only improve things as a relationship grows to a more profound level. People who have been together for decades often attest to this.

    (As an aside, regrettably my spouse succummbed to a brain tumour last year that he battled for the last 7 years of our nearly 17 years together.)

    I guess my 2 cents on this is that, in any relationship, it is having complete honesty (and a desire to make it work) that will determine if a relationship will continue: so be willing to "speak your truth" and request that your partner does the same.
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    Sep 16, 2011 7:43 PM GMT
    I experienced the seven year itch and the fourteen year itch. I expected the twenty-one year itch, but it never happened. After that things just got better and better. (At fourteen years, I was playing cards weekly with a group of guys...all in relationships of fourteen and fifteen years...they all split up!)

    From the sounds of your comments, you're doing the right things...seeking counseling and trying to work through it. From my own perspective, I would recommend that you try to think about all the good things that brought you together in the first place. Also, look at the forum threads on RJ about the guys who can't find someone...you've done that. Isn't it worth some struggle to not to have to face singleness again? Try to regenerate the spark that got doused with the routine of life...you'll never get it back 100%. I also think it helps to focus on the long term...that's one of the reasons you're together...you like each other and want to be together forever.
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    Sep 16, 2011 10:32 PM GMT
    Devinci said
    Sometimes, it is easy to fall into a routine... work, sleep, work, sleep, work, sleep...



    Ugh...that's why I find some older men so BORING! Seems like that's all they do. Go to work, go to sleep. Go to work, go to sleep. I'm going to bring this up to the guy I been seeing for about 7 times LOL.

    That's why I love what I can do. It's easy to break a routine by looking on the map, picking and destination...and just going there.

    I don't understand why if people work so much they don't use that money to do things together. Go to a movie, to a light happy hour.

    Most guys that I know that have been together for 20, 30, 40 years...do stuff together. One of my clients is on his 25 year anniversary and is spending the entire year taking his wife on vacation.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 31, 2011 2:43 PM GMT
    I think so. I mean they made a move about it starring Marilyn Monroe.

    seven_year_itch.jpg

    However, I don't know what to tell you outside of to do something extraordinary with your partner, since like you said- you fell into a rut. Change is natural. I wish I could help you out more, but alas- I have had the seven day itch, rather than the 7 year itch. (granted, being with my middle school sweetheart is a weird concept, even to a guy who has lived in the midwest his entire life)


    EDIT: Well fuck what I said.
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    Oct 31, 2011 3:03 PM GMT
    Devinci saidAnybody experienced the seven-year itch?
    Yeah, but we broke up halfway through at 3.5 years.
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    Oct 31, 2011 3:16 PM GMT
    hmm, I heard theres like several itches... One theory was that humans were hardwired at seven years because from the moment of pregnancy till at about the age of 6 young kids become more independent from their mothers (for instance, at that point they enter official schooling in the west).. so that for the mothers, it was advantageous to have partners who would stick around till then and protect them (a mother with a child is especially vulnerable to predation)..

    after that point, it may be a good genetic point to "shuffle" with the relationships to ensure that multiple progeny would benefit from genetic diversity on the side of both parents, genetic diversity leading to a higher chance of children surviving diseases...

    thus ensuring progenic survival from both parents' sides
  • commoncoll

    Posts: 1222

    Oct 31, 2011 8:23 PM GMT
    Devinci saidI finally left my partner... The last few weeks have been difficult, but I truly think it is the good decision to take...

    I am sorry you lost a relationship. You seem to be optimistic about it. I wish you both a prosperous life.
  • Kjonyou

    Posts: 93

    Nov 07, 2011 6:44 AM GMT
    GreenHopper said

    it may be a good genetic point to "shuffle" with the relationships to ensure that multiple progeny would benefit from genetic diversity on the side of both parents, genetic diversity leading to a higher chance of children surviving diseases...

    thus ensuring progenic survival from both parents' sides


    I saw a show on the science channel diving into this. The actual sciece seems to show that men desire multiple partners, yes for the gene pool. However, moving on was not part of that equasion. It's actually more benificial for people to stay together long term because knoledge, social organization, group coheasian create a more stable envirionment. If everyone bailed after 7 years there would never be a family structure to pass on knoledge from grand parent, to parent to child.

    In modern day humans, people who stay in long term relationships, meaning 20 or 30 years live longer then those who remain single most of thier life. Statisticly speaking of course.
  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    Nov 07, 2011 6:56 AM GMT
    BCSwimmer said(As an aside, regrettably my spouse succummbed to a brain tumour last year that he battled for the last 7 years of our nearly 17 years together.)


    That's horrible! I'm so sorry to hear that. I can't even imagine how one overcomes something like that.
  • ATLANTIS7

    Posts: 1213

    Nov 07, 2011 7:04 AM GMT
    l get the one or two year itch?
  • BCSwimmer

    Posts: 209

    Nov 07, 2011 7:05 AM GMT
    drypin said
    BCSwimmer said(As an aside, regrettably my spouse succummbed to a brain tumour last year that he battled for the last 7 years of our nearly 17 years together.)


    That's horrible! I'm so sorry to hear that. I can't even imagine how one overcomes something like that.


    Thank you for your kind words. Honestly I don't think it's something that is overcome per se, but rather you create a "new normal".