Anyone had situation of the friend who they like but he'd rather look for his "10?"

  • melloyello

    Posts: 149

    Sep 12, 2011 5:10 AM GMT
    irrelevant
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    Sep 12, 2011 5:17 AM GMT
    keep trying, he will crack.icon_idea.gif
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    Sep 12, 2011 5:18 AM GMT
    You said, "I just want to go "Well here's one who won't" but I doubt that matters."

    I did, too. In a few relations I would have loved to have.
    (of course, it turned out just fine, startlingly so, that they never happened, in retrospect, because Bill came along later. icon_wink.gif )

    I don't think it does matter to him in the way you need, and it's just that way, no fault of anyone, not you or him.

    -Doug
  • melloyello

    Posts: 149

    Sep 12, 2011 5:26 AM GMT
    [quote] I don't think it does matter to him in the way you need, and it's just that way, no fault of anyone, not you or him. [ quote ]

    Yeah, I'm not like mad or anything. I'd just like to be over it and not feel that way and just be like "Oh theres Steve and his husband whose name I don't need to remember cause he'll have moved on in 2 weeks" like our other friends are.

    I also have to say I'm alittle jealous at his ability to continually pick up new men. I know it doesn't usually (ok, ever) work out but the sometimes I wish it was that easy for me.
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    Sep 12, 2011 5:35 AM GMT


    "Yeah, I'm not like mad or anything. I'd just like to be over it and not feel that way"

    lol, I always found it took as long as measured by the degree I cared for that person, The more he mattered the longer it took. I learned what I loved in a man, and when he came by I could recognize it, so the hurt now, I think, is part of learning something wonderful yet having to let go of heart's desire while you learn at that same time.

    It's very hurty.

    -Doug
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    Sep 12, 2011 11:43 AM GMT
    Its weird because I look at him and while he's an attractive guy, he's no means a 10. His ears stick out alittle far and he had bad acne once and he continues to work out but doesn't have the body he had when he was 24. And it sucks because for some reason it all just works for me and that combined with his personality makes him a 10 in my book, which is the one that counts for me.[quote][cite]QUOTE GOES HERE


    My situation is obviously different, but It'd be nice to think there's a guy out there that appreciates me the same way you appreciate your friend. I realize my reply offers no advice for you: yet I wanted to say that you're wise beyond your years. You've already figured out that a "10" is the sum of far more that the perfect body. I admire you for that.

    Keep trying to get your friends attention. He'll be lucky to have you.
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    Sep 12, 2011 12:06 PM GMT
    Honestly speaking I am that guy most people want to have and collect not sure why but I aim for different things. You can't pick who you love but love who you pick. Make it easier on you and focus on someone else. We all want to be loved/lovers but the easier prays tend to be pushed away.

    My advice to you/your friend would be to have an honest talk 1-1 about your feeling and then move on. The more time you spend focusing on him you are missing on more guys that you think. Good luck and true love comes to those who need and want it. icon_neutral.gif
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    Sep 12, 2011 2:20 PM GMT
    You say he is aware of your feelings towards him and he has politely fended off your advances

    It's all wishful thinking or fantasy. Face up to it that he is not interested in you as a bf or lover and move on. You are basically torturing yourself and unknowingly (but you should know) putting him in an uncomfortable situation each and every time.

  • melloyello

    Posts: 149

    Sep 12, 2011 2:55 PM GMT
    beneful1 saidYou say he is aware of your feelings towards him and he has politely fended off your advances

    It's all wishful thinking or fantasy. Face up to it that he is not interested in you as a bf or lover and move on. You are basically torturing yourself and unknowingly (but you should know) putting him in an uncomfortable situation each and every time.




    I appreciate the responses. I think everyone has been in a situation like that. Its not really causing any tension anymore. I am sort of "over it" but sometimes the feelings creep in there. He'd met some guy over labor day and it had already fizzled out as of last night, I think thats what prompted me to post here. I was torn between saying "I'm so sorry, is there anything I can do?" and "I told you so." So I guess thats a step huh? ;)
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    Sep 12, 2011 3:08 PM GMT
    I'm not being a tool when I say this.... I mean this out of a lot of respect.

    However, a lot of people on this site seem to be really insecure about their feelings.

    It seems to me that a lot of people are worried about what could be instead of what's best right now and how to make it through their qualms.

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    Sep 12, 2011 6:17 PM GMT
    Defenseon saidI'm not being a tool when I say this.... I mean this out of a lot of respect.

    However, a lot of people on this site seem to be really insecure about their feelings.

    It seems to me that a lot of people are worried about what could be instead of what's best right now and how to make it through their qualms.

    icon_smile.gif


    That is some good advice. We all have our insecurities but you as a friend should be there for him and tell him what you think but respectfully. A good friend never lies but also consoles
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    Sep 12, 2011 9:11 PM GMT
    My advice is to just be a good friend to him.

    My parents were in a similar situation. My dad was you, and your guy was my mom. She kept dating hot losers and refused to see my dad in anything like a romantic way. Dad didn't chase her romantically necessarily, but was always a good friend to her and a support when she needed it. Eventually she came to realize that she loved him - he was her best friend - and they've been married 33 years.

    If he's fended you off politely, there's no saying it'll never happen between you, but you need to not push in that direction. Just be a good friend and if things are meant to work out they will.
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    Sep 12, 2011 9:37 PM GMT
    melloyello saidNothing like being unable to meet someone who you a) are attracted to and b) (more importantly) like spending time with and desire to integrate into your life and they don't feel the same way about you. And there's nothing you can do to change it.

    Some things are not meant to be. A story I've told here before, and mentioned some of it in another thread today.

    I met this guy and really fell for him. We dated for 2 years, everyone in the local gay community seeing us as a couple. But I wasn't good enough for him. He told me I had everything, and the best sex of his entire life, but I didn't have one thing: enough money for him, a millionaire. I always paid my own way, never took money from him, but he wanted it all in a guy: looks, personality, talent, and money. So I lost, he said he'd never make me his partner, he wanted that "10" as you say, as he saw it.

    But I waited and waited, thinking maybe he would come around. After the first year I learned he was cheating on me. But still we dated in public, because these guys he fucked were surprisingly classless, and when he attended black-tie events I was the only one he could bring along, the only one who knew how to conduct himself, who owned his own tux, who made contributions to his charities. And so I waited, and waited, and waited in vain. I was smitten, and stupid.

    But as he always said to me: "I love you Bob, but I'm not in-love with you." Fair enough, and time ran out.

    So I finally threw in the towel, and moved here to Florida. And met my current partner, who is the love of my life. And then this guy tells me he always really loved me, and now he wants me.

    Well, too late. I only have one heart. I offered him mine too many times to count, and he rejected it. Then someone else accepted it, and I'm not breaking his own heart, and disgracing myself, nor upsetting the happiness I have here.

    So beware of these guys who are always looking for something better, the "10." You may be it today, you might not be it tomorrow. And when they run out of candidates, and find they have nothing to show for it, old age on their doorstep, then they'll be willing to accept second-best. Well, by then second-best may no longer want them. Maybe they can hope for third or fourth-best. icon_razz.gif
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    Sep 12, 2011 9:56 PM GMT
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    Sep 12, 2011 10:37 PM GMT
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    I like that lol
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    Sep 12, 2011 11:21 PM GMT
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    This.