My boyfriend seems suspcious

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 12, 2011 2:07 PM GMT
    So i have been dating a guy for 2 months and we are currently in a monogamous relationship, however, his past sexual history makes me squirm, he has hooked up with about 20+ guys in the past 2 years alone.

    He is 21 and I'm 18, he told me that he likes me and that he is faithful and that he has never cheated in a relationship blah blah blah.

    However one thing that really gets me angry is when i see him online on grindr, or manhunt. I told him to delete it because we are in a relationship and that there is no point on needing it, however he has said that he has a lot of 'friends' on there and that he uses it for social network and things like that. I told him to pick either me or grinder, and he told me that he can't promise that he won't ever go on it even if its for a few minutes to see what gay friends he has around at a club or event. Also i made him delete his manhunt profile in front of me.

    However i slept over at his house the other night and i noticed he was browsing guys profiles on some website called badoo.

    I told him about this and he deleted it straight away.


    My problem is, how can i trust him after he wants to go on all these websites and hookup apps. He also said he wouldn't mind having a threesome in our monogamous relationship, when that is not what I'm looking for at all.

    What is your guys opinion on this? P.S I've never had a boyfriend before him. Thank you.
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    Sep 12, 2011 3:33 PM GMT
    No one goes on manhunt or grindr looking for a friend. Guys use grindr, manhunt, scruff, adam4adam, etc., to find a dick or an ass. Your bf is looking for something. With regard to your sexual promiscuity question, one's prior sex history is not a reliable indication of one's abilty or willingness to enter into a monogamous relationship.
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    Sep 12, 2011 3:35 PM GMT
    Did you join this website just to ask us this question? Look... to be honest, it comes down to if you trust him or not... i mean people look at other people on facebook and stuff all the time (maybe manhunt is a little over the top)... just looking at other people isnt... well the worst thing in the world. BUT, what you need to figure out is, if hes just looking, or if he is actually communicating with these people... If hes flirting with other guys while with you thats BS, but if hes just looking, is it really hurting your relationship? But then again, taking into consideration that hes been with so many guys... he might just have that craving to be with more people besides you... which is probably something you should watch out for... lol


    In reality it comes down to this. Is he faithful to you or not? If so, stick with him if you love him, if not, cut him loose.
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    Sep 12, 2011 4:13 PM GMT
    DOMINUS saidNo one goes on manhunt or grindr looking for a friend. Guys use grindr, manhunt, scruff, adam4adam, etc., to find a dick or an ass. Your bf is looking for something. With regard to your sexual promiscuity question, one's prior sex history is not a realiable indication of one's abilty or willingness to enter into a monogamous relationship.


    100% agree
  • aldss

    Posts: 70

    Sep 15, 2011 10:31 AM GMT
    WOW!!!!! talking about threesomes 3 months into a relationship, that cant be good. What happened to your honey moon period? believe, this guy is not serious.

    I would say so much more but I cant be bloody bothered.
  • kuroshiro

    Posts: 786

    Sep 15, 2011 10:38 AM GMT
    DOMINUS saidNo one goes on manhunt or grindr looking for a friend. Guys use grindr, manhunt, scruff, adam4adam, etc., to find a dick or an ass. Your bf is looking for something. With regard to your sexual promiscuity question, one's prior sex history is not a reliable indication of one's abilty or willingness to enter into a monogamous relationship.


    Actually, that's not entirely true. I was a member of all of those (sans scruff) and not once hooked up. I was mainly there to chat and, well, make friends. Which I did... so you may wanna rethink what you said ;)

    As for the OP: I cannot trust people who are like that. A friend of mine was on DList... which is where I met him actually. I found out he had a boyfriend and he admitted that he'd flip if he knew he was on a site like that, but really? DList is like the gay MySpace. Somewhat harmless. Course then he popped up on Gay.com for a while as he was seriously trying to meet new gay guys in the area for friends (as he was new). Sadly, after viewing some of his comments on several of the risque photos of members on DList it made me change my perception of him.

    If you're in a relationship with someone, there shouldn't be a need for sites like that. You can make new friends at bars/social outings. Personally, I'd dumb his ass. I have zero tolerance for shit like that.
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Sep 15, 2011 10:42 AM GMT
    Thank goodness, someone that actually talked to their boyfriend before posting.

    I'm going to disagree slightly with the posts above. Rather than find out what he is interested in terms of the websites/apps, find out what he is interested in terms of you. Find out what being in a relationship means to him, and then share that you are looking for a committed relationship, which at least for now means just the two of you. Many men and women find their self worth through other peoples sexual attraction to them. If that is critical to him, he may not yet be ready for a long-term permanent relationship.

    PS, if he is just looking to see if friends are physically close, Facebook and other apps have that same ability.
  • petermalaka

    Posts: 158

    Sep 15, 2011 10:47 AM GMT
    i go on grindr to make friends icon_razz.gif
  • FreakTheBeat

    Posts: 151

    Sep 15, 2011 10:50 AM GMT
    Sounds familiar..... my ex. found some sites, asked, talked. he got rid of em because i got asked him to. Found some again, got the same answer. I see a pattern....I asked him to answer truthfully & I trusted him. Caught him in some sh*t and well....clearly he lied, and now he's my ex. icon_smile.gif He's wanted me back, but i know better icon_smile.gif Believe what you want!
  • petermalaka

    Posts: 158

    Sep 15, 2011 11:05 AM GMT
    this thread makes me wonder if looking on grindr for potential boyfriends is a really really stupid idea
  • neosyllogy

    Posts: 1714

    Sep 15, 2011 11:13 AM GMT
    petermalaka saidthis thread makes me wonder if looking on grindr for potential boyfriends is a really really stupid idea


    If you don't trust people then looking for a bf is a stupid idea, period.
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    Sep 15, 2011 11:30 AM GMT
    DCEric saidThank goodness, someone that actually talked to their boyfriend before posting.

    I'm going to disagree slightly with the posts above. Rather than find out what he is interested in terms of the websites/apps, find out what he is interested in terms of you. Find out what being in a relationship means to him, and then share that you are looking for a committed relationship, which at least for now means just the two of you. Many men and women find their self worth through other peoples sexual attraction to them. If that is critical to him, he may not yet be ready for a long-term permanent relationship.

    PS, if he is just looking to see if friends are physically close, Facebook and other apps have that same ability.


    You mean communicate????? Why on EARTH would you want to do something like that?? lol icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 15, 2011 11:30 AM GMT
    DOMINUS saidNo one goes on manhunt or grindr looking for a friend. Guys use grindr, manhunt, scruff, adam4adam, etc., to find a dick or an ass. Your bf is looking for something. With regard to your sexual promiscuity question, one's prior sex history is not a reliable indication of one's abilty or willingness to enter into a monogamous relationship.


    STOP READING... cause THIS hit the nail on the head and is all the advice that you need.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 15, 2011 11:58 AM GMT
    You kinda answered you own question, OP.

    You can't trust him. The fact that he's on such sites when he has a BF (you) is a BIG RED FLAG.

    DangerWillRobinson.jpg


    I'm not saying things can't work out but from the way things are going I wouldn't put much stock into the relationship.
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    Sep 16, 2011 2:48 AM GMT
    It sounds like your relationship is on a boat going under waterfall, just waiting to die. Anyone who hooks up with dozens of guys in a year is screwed in the head to begin with. Jump out before his raged hormones drown you. You have got a whole life ahead to find better guys. Handle it with ease.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 16, 2011 2:56 AM GMT
    Sounds like he's fucking around on you. Play safe. Enjoy the relationship while it lasts.

    BTW, you're really cute. Your BF is stupid if he's not satisfied with you.
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    Sep 16, 2011 2:58 AM GMT
    I'd move on personally if he wants to run this game on you. You are better than that but that is just my advice icon_smile.gif
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    Sep 16, 2011 3:01 AM GMT
    CamFilm saidSo i have been dating a guy for 2 months and we are currently in a monogamous relationship


    Fail

    CamFilm said however, his past sexual history makes me squirm, he has hooked up with about 20+ guys in the past 2 years alone.


    Double Fail


    CamFilm saidHe is 21 and I'm 18


    So much fail



    CamFilm saidHowever one thing that really gets me angry is when i see him online on grindr, or manhunt.


    FFfffaaaaaiiiiilllllll

    CamFilm said I told him to pick either me or grinder, and he told me that he can't promise that he won't ever go on it even if its for a few minutes to see what gay friends he has around at a club or event.


    To inFAILnity, and beyooooooooond!!!!!

    41iuYgWuH5L._SL500_AA300_.jpg
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    Sep 16, 2011 3:01 AM GMT
    aldss saidWOW!!!!! talking about threesomes 3 months into a relationship, that cant be good. What happened to your honey moon period? believe, this guy is not serious.

    I would say so much more but I cant be bloody bothered.


    +1
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 16, 2011 3:07 AM GMT
    I do use grindr only to make friends but if i enter into a serious relationship all those friends will move to my email and the app would be gone if my partner feels uncomfortable with it. But again just because he uses the app doesn't mean he wants to hookup. Its just what you want out of it. I met a committed couple on there who have become really good friends of mine. they are monogamous and new to the area. only one of them is on grindr to make friends and his bf is completely ok with it. Just don't judge him for his past. people change. Make sure you talk to him about your apprehensions. Communication is key. And if you still aren't ok with it ask him to get rid of it. If he does care about you he will do it.

    But like the others have already pointed out. if he's talking about 3somes when you've made it clear that you want a monogamous relationship then that is a red flag.
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    Sep 16, 2011 3:42 AM GMT
    Some guy on this thread said "fail" because you said "21 and I'm 18."

    Pragmatically I'd like to shout at everyone in this thread that there are gay couples out there who are "38 and 45" and who are complaining about exactly this same shit!

    Mister- you be careful and use condoms. Otherwise relationships are sticky and messy not matter how old you are, and I can only wish you good luck.
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    Sep 16, 2011 3:58 AM GMT
    westanimas saidSome guy on this thread said "fail" because you said "21 and I'm 18."

    Pragmatically I'd like to shout at everyone in this thread that there are gay couples out there who are "38 and 45" and who are complaining about exactly this same shit!



    < some guy

    Anyway, nobody that young should be entering into (what they believe is) a long term monogamous relationship they see as their lifelong committed partner where they're keeping checks and monitoring the social activity of their 18 year old life partner. Relationships are no different than a career in terms of learning HOW they work, what works, what doesn't, the accruing of experience, maturity and wisdom. I don't doubt a 38 year old can be as immature and inexperienced as an 18 year old, but he's had the time to learn at least, an 18 year old hasn't.
  • ATXnative

    Posts: 240

    Sep 16, 2011 4:03 AM GMT
    Honestly, it sounds like you are trying to control him too much. He is going to do what he wants, regardless of what you do or say about it. Trust him or don't, if you don't .... it won't ever be good. If you tell him what to do, I guarentee you he'll leave you as soon as another better guy comes along on one of those sites.
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    Sep 16, 2011 4:08 AM GMT
    Ariodante said
    westanimas saidSome guy on this thread said "fail" because you said "21 and I'm 18."

    Pragmatically I'd like to shout at everyone in this thread that there are gay couples out there who are "38 and 45" and who are complaining about exactly this same shit!



    < some guy

    Anyway, nobody that young should be entering into (what they believe is) a long term monogamous relationship they see as their lifelong committed partner where they're keeping checks and monitoring the social activity of their 18 year old life partner. Relationships are no different than a career in terms of learning HOW they work, what works, what doesn't, the accruing of experience, maturity and wisdom. I don't doubt a 38 year old can be as immature and inexperienced as an 18 year old, but he's had the time to learn at least, an 18 year old hasn't.


    I know several couples who found their life partners at 18 or 19. Ok they're the lucky exceptions, but intentions from the get-go are either a matter of good faith or bad faith, no matter how old you are.
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    Sep 16, 2011 4:15 AM GMT
    FannyBandit saidHonestly, it sounds like you are trying to control him too much. He is going to do what he wants, regardless of what you do or say about it. Trust him or don't, if you don't .... it won't ever be good. If you tell him what to do, I guarentee you he'll leave you as soon as another better guy comes along on one of those sites.


    ^that too. you are wayy to young right now and only been dating for 2 months. time is a great teacher. Learn from experiences. Don't think everything is finite. Make the most of each day and your time with him. and always be safe and protect yourself. I hope things work out for the two of you.