Guy texts but won't call or meet

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 12, 2011 5:04 PM GMT
    I feel like this is a fairly common topic around here, but I'm in desperate need of some brutally honest advice/perspective because it's driving me nuts.

    The summary is there's this guy I started talking to on grindr (I know, I know) that texts me all the time, but every time I mention talking on the phone or hanging out he ignores it.

    I've called him twice in the span of the 2 months we've been talking, of course he didn't answer, so I left a voicemail both times. First time just saying hey, and second time asking if he wanted to hang and grab some coffee or dinner and a movie, no pressure. He would text me the next day and not even acknowledge that he got my message, and when I asked him what he thought about my suggestion he'd drop the conversation.

    So yeah, at this point I figured he just doesn't like me and I need to move on. I feel like I put myself out there enough and chased him a little and he didn't reciprocate, so that's that. The thing is, I keep trying to forget about him, but he keeps texting me, a few times a week. Usually it's just the typical "sup", and he doesn't really try to continue the conversation.

    He's on grindr all the time. Really, every single time I log on he's online. So I guess I just don't know what he wants from me. Is it just your usual "he's just not that into you" scenario? I just don't get why he keeps texting me.

    I wanna move on and forget about him if he's not interested, but with him texting me a few times a week it's really throwing me off. Should I just directly ask him if he's into me or if he's just bored and wants someone to chat with? I would just like some closure/clarity, would help me put my mind at ease, so then at least I would know for sure and not always be wondering.
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    Sep 12, 2011 5:08 PM GMT
    been there had that own the shirt lol Ive had this happen a few times he his playing games guys like him will never meet most likely he is stringing others alone as well. move on and block him on grindr
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    Sep 12, 2011 6:13 PM GMT
    Without even reading it... no no no honey...you gotta drop that.

    I would rather a guy never text or call me, but actually still meet in person versus a guy to text me but never try to meet up.

    I find it the most annoying thing ever. Don't use me for entertainment while you're bored at work or because you're stuck in some dull relationship.

    The last person who behaved in the way you described, I seen him at the bar with a guy who I believe he was involved with. We chatted for like 20 seconds, and then for the rest of the night he act like he didn't even know who I was.

    Prior to that, he would text me all the time...but whenever I mentioned hanging out, I'd stop hearing from him.

    9 times out of 10 if they can't meet...they are involved with someone. A person not interested would not text someone back. They just want attention that's all. I wouldn't even get bent out of shape. He could even be straight and just testing the waters with no intent on meeting anyone.

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    Sep 12, 2011 9:38 PM GMT
    When I read what you were describing I immediately thought the guy is a fake. I'd be willing to bet that isn't his picture and he isn't who he's describing himself to be. It could be any number of things, but however you slice it, it's not good for you. I suggest you block him and move on.
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    Sep 12, 2011 9:39 PM GMT
    Dump it! Its just a tease, nothing more.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 12, 2011 9:39 PM GMT
    Time to put on your big boy pants and stand up for yourself.
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    Sep 12, 2011 9:47 PM GMT
    FAKE! Block, done.
  • stee99

    Posts: 317

    Sep 12, 2011 9:55 PM GMT
    He wants you to chase him, but only on his terms.
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    Sep 12, 2011 10:03 PM GMT
    I even had this happen with a guy that lived across the road from me in another apartment complex. found out later he wouldn't meet up because he had a bficon_evil.gif
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    Sep 12, 2011 10:03 PM GMT
    Giving him the benefit of the doubt, he may be aloof, a flake and hate talking on the phone. Those attributes aside, he doesn't want to meet you and is still on grindr... You gotta accept that he doesn't want you.
  • Fact

    Posts: 249

    Sep 12, 2011 10:04 PM GMT
    He's Def. a fake.. probably a girl who knows haha u should report him. then block him. orrr simply call him out on his shit. if u call him out he'll be the coward and run as always and never talk to you again. ur too good for that kinda shit bro dont let people take advantage of you.
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    Sep 12, 2011 10:17 PM GMT
    He has "Look like Tarzan, speak like Jane" syndrome. Dump the nelly little bitch.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Sep 13, 2011 12:55 AM GMT
    Scruffypup saidHe has "Look like Tarzan, speak like Jane" syndrome. Dump the nelly little bitch.
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    Sep 13, 2011 2:21 AM GMT
    waste of time
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    Sep 13, 2011 2:34 AM GMT
    This is why I don't like texting people. It's so impersonal, ambiguous and just vague. So you're texting with this dude but he doesn't want to speak directly with you on the phone nor does he want to meet you in person. Not a good sign.

    img2.jpg

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 13, 2011 2:41 AM GMT
    very, very fake. I had this a couple of times, before I blocked the dipshit and deleted his number.
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    Sep 13, 2011 2:45 AM GMT
    I had the opposite happen, of calls and meeting in person revert back to texts only. It's a distancing move, and easier for a guy to either a) ignore you and b) deceive you.

    Summary: yep, he's just not that into you dude :/
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    Sep 13, 2011 4:14 AM GMT
    It could be he sees you as someone of huge value. Have you thought of that?

    But with a catch; he doesn't feel in love with you as you are with him. You are something wonderful to have, as he possibly sees in you a lot of admirable qualities. But he's not in love, and that's what matters, I feel.

    -Doug
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    Sep 13, 2011 4:28 AM GMT
    Trollileo said
    meninlove said It could be he sees you as someone of huge value. Have you thought of that?

    But with a catch; he doesn't feel in love with you as you are with him. You are something wonderful to have, as he possibly sees in you a lot of admirable qualities. But he's not in love, and that's what matters, I feel.

    -Doug
    I had the same situation as the OP and this is pretty much what the guy told me without telling me. About three months into our texting relationship (after he flaked out on going for a hike twice-like a real hike, not the figurative one) he confessed to me that he had just gotten into a relationship and that his boyfriend was very protective of him so even though our relationship was purely platonic at that point we couldn't hang out at all, but told me I was a great guy and would like to remain friends.



    Ugh, those situations used to make my hair stand on end. I spent considerable time pondering over the whys that I was there, as the object of my desire was not seeing me as the object of his. It always sounds simple in retrospect, lol.

    -Doug
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    Sep 13, 2011 4:34 AM GMT
    bebobelbo saidThanks for all the advice you guys.

    I really don't think he's a fake, just because he has tons of pics on facebook and even more he's tagged in from friends and family. I almost wish he was a fake, would make things simpler, lol. Maybe he is involved with someone else and is just trying to get some attention on the side, but again on facebook there are any pics or comments that indicate he's involved (not like that's a guaranteee or anything). But who knows, like it was mentioned before, maybe he's just bored and using me as an option.

    Part of me wants to make an excuse for him and say, judging by his pics from about a year ago, he used to be sort of overweight so he may have some self-esteem issues about actually meeting up now. But he can get on grindr and text and get all this attention whenever he's bored without risking anything.

    I'm fine with him not being into me, just wish he'd stop texting me because it messes with my head and just when I think I've forgotten about him it sort of makes me go back to square one. I wouldn't even be worrying about it this much, but he's literally 10 minutes from me, and there's not exactly a ton a guys to choose from where I live. Makes it suck even more, lol.

    I just wish I could stop thinking about it. Is he doing the exact same thing to other guys on grindr? Why does he even bother texting me? Why me? Etc., etc.


    So just a few months ago I went on a date with a gorgeous guy I met on Grindr. Everything went phenomenally. He was charming, we shared a lot in common, etc. In fact, it was going so well it seemed at least too good to be true. It set off my bull shit detector.

    I ended up going home with him that night. He made so many statements about how he wanted to see me again when I left the next morning, was incredibly affectionate, etc.

    Then began the radio silence. He blocked me on Grindr, and didn't respond to my texts. After 3 unreturned texts in a week, I deleted his number.

    I don't tolerate anyone that doesn't respect me enough to return a text within 4 days.
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    Sep 13, 2011 4:47 AM GMT
    He's either shy or misrepresenting himself. I actually had the opposite happen. Had a guy, we were supposed to meet up after talking for weeks but he was a no show and didn't respond to my texts. I labeled him a fake. Then he texted me back a few days later, saying he was scared and got cold feet because of the whole online thing. He eventually met me and we hooked up a couple times and actually have remained friends. That was 3 years ago. He still keeps in touch. Same for 2 other guys. I have encountered a couple fakes, they usually want you to check out their profile on some new website and they don't take the time to text back and forth with you. They just want hits on their new website.



  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Sep 13, 2011 11:43 PM GMT
    Block him! He sounds fake!
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Sep 13, 2011 11:51 PM GMT
    bebobelbo saidGrrr... he texted me again today. I was trying to just keep it casual but somewhat interesting. Every single response from him was one word. I wasn't even asking him yes or no questions or even questions for that matter other than the initial "how about you?" It really makes me laugh just looking back at the convo.

    I mean someone can't possibly have that bland a personality, right? And if he's not interested, he should quit texting me, especially when he initiates and then just gives boring 1 word responses. icon_sad.gif Hell if only judging by texts, I have straight friends who you would think are more interested in me than this guy.


    Forget about him! He must have a really hot picture and or you sound really desperate. It is online , this is going to sound really lame but before I even knew their was such a thing as gay people or gay chatrooms or whatever I pretended I was a chick but this was ONLY 1 occasion and I felt weird about it so I stopped, this was back with aol and dial up haha. Seriously anyone could make a fake profile and if it ain't fake then he's just not that into you.

    Rule 1 don't get attached to people from just messaging online, it's just gonna be a waste of your time. If you meet the person then that's a different story.
  • max777

    Posts: 1

    Sep 13, 2011 11:52 PM GMT
    He has a Boy friend!!!!!!! Hello

    bebobelbo saidI feel like this is a fairly common topic around here, but I'm in desperate need of some brutally honest advice/perspective because it's driving me nuts.

    The summary is there's this guy I started talking to on grindr (I know, I know) that texts me all the time, but every time I mention talking on the phone or hanging out he ignores it.

    I've called him twice in the span of the 2 months we've been talking, of course he didn't answer, so I left a voicemail both times. First time just saying hey, and second time asking if he wanted to hang and grab some coffee or dinner and a movie, no pressure. He would text me the next day and not even acknowledge that he got my message, and when I asked him what he thought about my suggestion he'd drop the conversation.

    So yeah, at this point I figured he just doesn't like me and I need to move on. I feel like I put myself out there enough and chased him a little and he didn't reciprocate, so that's that. The thing is, I keep trying to forget about him, but he keeps texting me, a few times a week. Usually it's just the typical "sup", and he doesn't really try to continue the conversation.

    He's on grindr all the time. Really, every single time I log on he's online. So I guess I just don't know what he wants from me. Is it just your usual "he's just not that into you" scenario? I just don't get why he keeps texting me.

    I wanna move on and forget about him if he's not interested, but with him texting me a few times a week it's really throwing me off. Should I just directly ask him if he's into me or if he's just bored and wants someone to chat with? I would just like some closure/clarity, would help me put my mind at ease, so then at least I would know for sure and not always be wondering.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 13, 2011 11:56 PM GMT
    I feel like you need to be empowered, because right now, you are acting helpless and weak!! Yes, I said it...only because you need to hear it. Where the hell is your pride...your self-respect?!? Right now, you are letting some rando-guy, who you don’t really even know, treat you like crap, and you’re running right back to him, making yourself available at his every beck and call!

    Pull yourself together!! I understand how you feel, really, I do. But in this game, sometimes feelings have to be pushed to the side and logic needs to take over. So, let’s look at the situation as it stands.

    Old dude says “sup” and nothing more. He doesn’t seem to want to carry on a conversation over text. He has issues with talking to you on the phone. And he is reluctant and hesitant to meet. Yet, you’ve fallen head over heels from the part of him that HE has chosen to share with you. And now, you are immersed in what seems to be a fantasy that this guy is the one for you (okay, that sounds harsh, but I’m definitely not trying to be mean...it’s to give you the punch in the gut called reality).

    It may not be that he’s not into you...the fact of the matter is that you’re way too into him! You’ve managed to catch feelings in a situation that is really damaging and distracting for you. Notice I said the situation is damaging and distracting for you. You have got to turn this around and make it about you...it’s not about him. He is going to do what he does, and honestly, you may NEVER find out why. And he’s probably not going to be straight-up and tell you. So, why continue to dwell on this guy and miss other opportunities, or spend your precious, valuable energy trying to decipher an enigma inside a conundrum inside of a guy with obvious issues.

    Like someone said earlier, stand up for yourself!!! If you respond back when he texts, then you’re putting yourself at risk. If you spend your days imagining some fantasy that this guy is going to “get right” and suddenly do everything that you think he should be doing to maximize your relationship, you are setting yourself up for disappointment and failure in that department.
    Please, listen to all of the guys (way too many to quote) who have given you sagacious advice...forget this guy. Don’t reply to texts. Don’t waste your time trying to figure him out. Don’t spin your wheels, hoping he’ll come around (he won’t). Don’t check to see if he’s on Grindr. Give him the cold shoulder, and find someone that will respect, appreciate, and reciprocate your feelings.

    You’ve got plenty of guys on here that are supporting you, so be strong!! And don’t put up with bullshit...think of yourself as being too good for that. Good luck!! icon_smile.gif