I am entirely new to the gay scene - anywhere. (NYC)

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2011 3:05 AM GMT
    I am entirely new to the gay scene - anywhere. In fact, I'm not even new, yet. I am in NYC, closeted, and would NOT like to come out, but would like to explore what the other side of me wants.

    How does one even START to do this? Thank you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2011 3:13 AM GMT
    Craigslist? icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2011 3:15 AM GMT
    Re-read your profile. See who you are. Do you want to remain that or change? Are you happy with yourself as you are? That is a first step.

    IMO the real goal in life is to be happy/satisfied with oneself and one's life, and make changes when desired or needed.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2011 3:17 AM GMT
    Remember this: there isn't really a gay 'scene' like there isn't just a 'straight scene'. All kinds of gay men out there: jocks and nerds, professionals and construction workers, sensitive and hard-ass types, liberals and conservatives. Part of the joy (and heart-ache) is finding your 'group' and then your guy in that group that you can relate to and he to you. Trial and error. Don't wait another minute...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2011 3:56 AM GMT
    BuddyinNYC saidRe-read your profile. See who you are. Do you want to remain that or change? Are you happy with yourself as you are? That is a first step.

    IMO the real goal in life is to be happy/satisfied with oneself and one's life, and make changes when desired or needed.


    I am happy with myself. I don't "need" to come out of anything, let alone the closet. However, I would like to see what leading the other side of life would be like, but don't know where to go.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2011 3:57 AM GMT
    yankinbc saidRemember this: there isn't really a gay 'scene' like there isn't just a 'straight scene'. All kinds of gay men out there: jocks and nerds, professionals and construction workers, sensitive and hard-ass types, liberals and conservatives. Part of the joy (and heart-ache) is finding your 'group' and then your guy in that group that you can relate to and he to you. Trial and error. Don't wait another minute...


    Right, but, where do I start? I assume I should choose a bar and sit there for a while, then try another bar. It's not like I can just walk up to anyone. I never did that with girls, either.

    Entirely new.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2011 3:58 AM GMT
    Anduru saidCraigslist? icon_lol.gif


    Missing the point, but I appreciate the comment.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2011 4:04 AM GMT
    ReallyNew said
    yankinbc saidRemember this: there isn't really a gay 'scene' like there isn't just a 'straight scene'. All kinds of gay men out there: jocks and nerds, professionals and construction workers, sensitive and hard-ass types, liberals and conservatives. Part of the joy (and heart-ache) is finding your 'group' and then your guy in that group that you can relate to and he to you. Trial and error. Don't wait another minute...


    Right, but, where do I start? I assume I should choose a bar and sit there for a while, then try another bar. It's not like I can just walk up to anyone. I never did that with girls, either.

    Entirely new.


    Since you are completely in the shadows and don't want to come out, yeah - try going into a bar. Your not a kid, so it should be relatively easy for you to walk into a new environment and not fall apart. You can be as anonymous as you wish. You will have more fun if you are open to being noticed and talking.

    People - gay or straight - rarely "just walk up to" anybody ever. Especially in NYC. But you of course know that.

    Search "gay bar" and throw in your zip code. Choose from there.

    Go out. Experience life. There are many opportunities.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2011 4:57 AM GMT
    Lose 40 pounds (or lie about it)
    Move to a trendier neighborhood (or lie about it)
    Earn another advanced degree (or google enough you can be convincing about it)

    Right now you are a complete mess. Work on yourself a little first, become that which you seek, then you are ready to wade into the most depressing dating pool in the world, at least based on about 60% of world mass I have occupied thus far.

    Watch some episodes of Will & Grace, especially ones involving Barry, since it is pretty telling about how how shallow and depressing of a world you are about to enter.

    Grindr > adam4adam (never believe anyone claiming to be an NYU student a block away from S'mac) > okcupid > plentyoffish > * > craigslist

    And come out of the closet. At your age, everyone already knows. Just own it. Crank up total femme bitch mode and flaunt it. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2011 5:06 AM GMT
    Take your time, but go outside your normal safety boundaries. Despite what some people have said...don't change yourself. For me when going out, I'm turned off by everyone trying to be "someone." In reality everyone just looks the same cookie cutter. So be yourself..don't loose that thing that makes you unique. Have fun exploring yourself and the community.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2011 5:58 AM GMT
    ReallyNew said
    Anduru saidCraigslist? icon_lol.gif
    Missing the point, but I appreciate the comment.
    I was being facetious. icon_wink.gif

    You live in NYC, there are plenty of gays around. Maybe hitting the bars is a good idea, but I would ask someone who knows the bars what they're like beforehand. Each bar will probably have a reputation for what types of guys it attracts.

    Also maybe try looking for gay adult support groups? When I went to the GLBT group at my college there were a couple of people who were still in the closet, and there's basically a code of silence so nobody gets outed.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2011 6:46 AM GMT
    spaghettimonster saidLose 40 pounds (or lie about it)
    Move to a trendier neighborhood (or lie about it)
    Earn another advanced degree (or google enough you can be convincing about it)

    Right now you are a complete mess. Work on yourself a little first, become that which you seek, then you are ready to wade into the most depressing dating pool in the world, at least based on about 60% of world mass I have occupied thus far.

    Watch some episodes of Will & Grace, especially ones involving Barry, since it is pretty telling about how how shallow and depressing of a world you are about to enter.

    Grindr > adam4adam (never believe anyone claiming to be an NYU student a block away from S'mac) > okcupid > plentyoffish > * > craigslist

    And come out of the closet. At your age, everyone already knows. Just own it. Crank up total femme bitch mode and flaunt it. icon_biggrin.gif


    1.) I don't lie, except to myself, and as part of my job.
    2.) I have that college degree, and a graduate degree.
    3.) Moving within NYC makes no sense. You can get anywhere within 15-minutes.
    4.) You are correct, once I lose 20 pounds (not 40 - that'd make me anorexic with my broad shoulders - so, no. So, after 20 pounds, I'll follow that advice and walk into a few bars.
    5.) And no, I have absolutely no intentions of initiating any conversation; but I am a welcoming individual if I am approached.
    6.) Again, for me, this is a choice - not one out of pressure, and...
    7.) You are incorrect, nobody knows. I don't have any "tells," though you may pick up some.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2011 6:46 AM GMT
    NewDirection saidTake your time, but go outside your normal safety boundaries. Despite what some people have said...don't change yourself. For me when going out, I'm turned off by everyone trying to be "someone." In reality everyone just looks the same cookie cutter. So be yourself..don't loose that thing that makes you unique. Have fun exploring yourself and the community.


    That's more me - and advice I endorse for all.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2011 6:50 AM GMT
    Anduru said
    ReallyNew said
    Anduru saidCraigslist? icon_lol.gif
    Missing the point, but I appreciate the comment.
    I was being facetious. icon_wink.gif

    You live in NYC, there are plenty of gays around. Maybe hitting the bars is a good idea, but I would ask someone who knows the bars what they're like beforehand. Each bar will probably have a reputation for what types of guys it attracts.

    Also maybe try looking for gay adult support groups? When I went to the GLBT group at my college there were a couple of people who were still in the closet, and there's basically a code of silence so nobody gets outed.


    My apologies, then. That is good advice, though (I am not famous, and do not claim to be) in my profession (not religious based), the identity that is truly mine, and established, combined with the clients and organizations I represent to the public, therefore prevent me from going to any of those groups.

    The number one reason being that I may reveal something about myself too much so as to be identified, and/or there may be someone attending that I actually know that has less to lose than I in an "outting" type situation.

    I think the idea of sitting in the back of a few bars and sitting with a drink is probably the best idea for the first two weeks.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2011 6:52 AM GMT
    ReallyNew saidI am entirely new to the gay scene - anywhere. In fact, I'm not even new, yet. I am in NYC, closeted, and would NOT like to come out, but would like to explore what the other side of me wants.

    How does one even START to do this? Thank you.


    Grindr
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2011 7:22 AM GMT
    ReallyNew said
    Anduru said
    ReallyNew said
    Anduru saidCraigslist? icon_lol.gif
    Missing the point, but I appreciate the comment.
    I was being facetious. icon_wink.gif

    You live in NYC, there are plenty of gays around. Maybe hitting the bars is a good idea, but I would ask someone who knows the bars what they're like beforehand. Each bar will probably have a reputation for what types of guys it attracts.

    Also maybe try looking for gay adult support groups? When I went to the GLBT group at my college there were a couple of people who were still in the closet, and there's basically a code of silence so nobody gets outed.


    My apologies, then. That is good advice, though (I am not famous, and do not claim to be) in my profession (not religious based), the identity that is truly mine, and established, combined with the clients and organizations I represent to the public, therefore prevent me from going to any of those groups.

    The number one reason being that I may reveal something about myself too much so as to be identified, and/or there may be someone attending that I actually know that has less to lose than I in an "outting" type situation.

    I think the idea of sitting in the back of a few bars and sitting with a drink is probably the best idea for the first two weeks.


    Alright, this is just getting too weird.

    So, at some non-specific time in the near or distant future you may or may not lose 20 pounds allowing you and your broad shoulders the confidence to spend some time with a Shirley Temple or a glass of Elderberry Wine or whatever you drink in the back of a bar whose name, location and crowd are a complete and total mystery to you. While you are sitting in the darkest back corner you will be a "welcoming individual" but have no intentions of initiating a conversation. That's your plan.

    If you are concerned about anyone getting too close to you, just read them that line you wrote above about your clients and revealing your identity to them. Trust me - EVERY dude in the room will move away and give you plenty of space.

    Why is this the plan for the "first two weeks" btw? What happens in the third week? Do you move to the middle of the room ? Do your shoulders get broader? How do you get from 13th and B to 69th and West End Ave in 15 minutes?

    Yer in yer 30s Dude. No one gives a shit about your high profile secret career. Get outta the house and yer head and have some fun. If there are things you don't wanna discuss over small talk at bar or GLBT organization -- don't. Tell 'em your a freelance PR consultant and change the subject by asking them something - anything - about themselves. They will forget they ever asked you.

    If this weren't something you HAD to do - you wouldn't be here asking rhetorical questions and supplying your own lists and answers. It is taking up more mental space than you may realize. And the clock is ticking.

    Good luck.

  • Vaughn

    Posts: 1880

    Sep 13, 2011 7:31 AM GMT
    NYC is a good place to be....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2011 7:36 AM GMT
    ReallyNew saidI am entirely new to the gay scene - anywhere. In fact, I'm not even new, yet. I am in NYC, closeted, and would NOT like to come out, but would like to explore what the other side of me wants.

    How does one even START to do this? Thank you.


    You're a bear. Find some other bears and go look for honey and catch trout.....or whatever it is you bears do.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2011 5:49 PM GMT
    JakeBenson said
    ReallyNew saidI am entirely new to the gay scene - anywhere. In fact, I'm not even new, yet. I am in NYC, closeted, and would NOT like to come out, but would like to explore what the other side of me wants.

    How does one even START to do this? Thank you.


    Grindr


    What? What does that mean?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2011 5:54 PM GMT
    Cash said
    ReallyNew said
    Anduru said
    ReallyNew said
    Anduru saidCraigslist? icon_lol.gif
    Missing the point, but I appreciate the comment.
    I was being facetious. icon_wink.gif

    You live in NYC, there are plenty of gays around. Maybe hitting the bars is a good idea, but I would ask someone who knows the bars what they're like beforehand. Each bar will probably have a reputation for what types of guys it attracts.

    Also maybe try looking for gay adult support groups? When I went to the GLBT group at my college there were a couple of people who were still in the closet, and there's basically a code of silence so nobody gets outed.


    My apologies, then. That is good advice, though (I am not famous, and do not claim to be) in my profession (not religious based), the identity that is truly mine, and established, combined with the clients and organizations I represent to the public, therefore prevent me from going to any of those groups.

    The number one reason being that I may reveal something about myself too much so as to be identified, and/or there may be someone attending that I actually know that has less to lose than I in an "outting" type situation.

    I think the idea of sitting in the back of a few bars and sitting with a drink is probably the best idea for the first two weeks.


    Alright, this is just getting too weird.

    So, at some non-specific time in the near or distant future you may or may not lose 20 pounds allowing you and your broad shoulders the confidence to spend some time with a Shirley Temple or a glass of Elderberry Wine or whatever you drink in the back of a bar whose name, location and crowd are a complete and total mystery to you. While you are sitting in the darkest back corner you will be a "welcoming individual" but have no intentions of initiating a conversation. That's your plan.

    If you are concerned about anyone getting too close to you, just read them that line you wrote above about your clients and revealing your identity to them. Trust me - EVERY dude in the room will move away and give you plenty of space.

    Why is this the plan for the "first two weeks" btw? What happens in the third week? Do you move to the middle of the room ? Do your shoulders get broader? How do you get from 13th and B to 69th and West End Ave in 15 minutes?

    Yer in yer 30s Dude. No one gives a shit about your high profile secret career. Get outta the house and yer head and have some fun. If there are things you don't wanna discuss over small talk at bar or GLBT organization -- don't. Tell 'em your a freelance PR consultant and change the subject by asking them something - anything - about themselves. They will forget they ever asked you.

    If this weren't something you HAD to do - you wouldn't be here asking rhetorical questions and supplying your own lists and answers. It is taking up more mental space than you may realize. And the clock is ticking.

    Good luck.



    Well, your post here was simply uncalled for in the way it was put, and the manner in which you nearly entirely misread me.

    And, yes, if nothing comes out of a two week trial, I'll simply stay where I am, where I've been comfortable. I might give it four weeks. Who knows? But, contrary to what you imply, there is no NEED to do something now - and I could care less about any clock. Furthermore, I've claimed nothing as it relates to any professional position, and do not state that someone or anyone should care. Hence, that statement also was unhelpful.

    Overall, I'd say you get frustrated with people who are indecisive... Not that I was asked.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2011 5:54 PM GMT
    Vaughn saidNYC is a good place to be....


    Love NY. I guess I'll see what else it has to offer.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2011 5:56 PM GMT
    dekiruman said
    ReallyNew saidI am entirely new to the gay scene - anywhere. In fact, I'm not even new, yet. I am in NYC, closeted, and would NOT like to come out, but would like to explore what the other side of me wants.

    How does one even START to do this? Thank you.


    You're a bear. Find some other bears and go look for honey and catch trout.....or whatever it is you bears do.


    I hate bears! I'd rather weigh 160 and become a hairless feline than be, or be with a bear! No roars!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2011 6:16 PM GMT
    ReallyNew said
    Cash said
    ReallyNew said
    Anduru said
    ReallyNew said
    Anduru saidCraigslist? icon_lol.gif
    Missing the point, but I appreciate the comment.
    I was being facetious. icon_wink.gif

    You live in NYC, there are plenty of gays around. Maybe hitting the bars is a good idea, but I would ask someone who knows the bars what they're like beforehand. Each bar will probably have a reputation for what types of guys it attracts.

    Also maybe try looking for gay adult support groups? When I went to the GLBT group at my college there were a couple of people who were still in the closet, and there's basically a code of silence so nobody gets outed.


    My apologies, then. That is good advice, though (I am not famous, and do not claim to be) in my profession (not religious based), the identity that is truly mine, and established, combined with the clients and organizations I represent to the public, therefore prevent me from going to any of those groups.

    The number one reason being that I may reveal something about myself too much so as to be identified, and/or there may be someone attending that I actually know that has less to lose than I in an "outting" type situation.

    I think the idea of sitting in the back of a few bars and sitting with a drink is probably the best idea for the first two weeks.


    Alright, this is just getting too weird.

    So, at some non-specific time in the near or distant future you may or may not lose 20 pounds allowing you and your broad shoulders the confidence to spend some time with a Shirley Temple or a glass of Elderberry Wine or whatever you drink in the back of a bar whose name, location and crowd are a complete and total mystery to you. While you are sitting in the darkest back corner you will be a "welcoming individual" but have no intentions of initiating a conversation. That's your plan.

    If you are concerned about anyone getting too close to you, just read them that line you wrote above about your clients and revealing your identity to them. Trust me - EVERY dude in the room will move away and give you plenty of space.

    Why is this the plan for the "first two weeks" btw? What happens in the third week? Do you move to the middle of the room ? Do your shoulders get broader? How do you get from 13th and B to 69th and West End Ave in 15 minutes?

    Yer in yer 30s Dude. No one gives a shit about your high profile secret career. Get outta the house and yer head and have some fun. If there are things you don't wanna discuss over small talk at bar or GLBT organization -- don't. Tell 'em your a freelance PR consultant and change the subject by asking them something - anything - about themselves. They will forget they ever asked you.

    If this weren't something you HAD to do - you wouldn't be here asking rhetorical questions and supplying your own lists and answers. It is taking up more mental space than you may realize. And the clock is ticking.

    Good luck.



    Well, your post here was simply uncalled for in the way it was put, and the manner in which you nearly entirely misread me.

    And, yes, if nothing comes out of a two week trial, I'll simply stay where I am, where I've been comfortable. I might give it four weeks. Who knows? But, contrary to what you imply, there is no NEED to do something now - and I could care less about any clock. Furthermore, I've claimed nothing as it relates to any professional position, and do not state that someone or anyone should care. Hence, that statement also was unhelpful.

    Overall, I'd say you get frustrated with people who are indecisive... Not that I was asked.


    My apologies, then. That is good advice, though (I am not famous, and do not claim to be) in my profession (not religious based), the identity that is truly mine, and established, combined with the clients and organizations I represent to the public, therefore prevent me from going to any of those groups.

    The number one reason being that I may reveal something about myself too much so as to be identified, and/or there may be someone attending that I actually know that has less to lose than I in an "outting" type situation


    Then what in the Hell did THAT mean?!?!??!

    I am not frustrated but get annoyed with faceless dudes(?) who troll RJ, offer nothing, ask rhetorical questions and show no interest in any advice given by members because they clearly already have no intention of doing anything.

    Essentially, you want a hot gay lover to come and find you in your living room, ask no questions and support your anonymity while you "explore."

    It will not happen. Sit in the dark in a bar or your living room or your head. The result will always be the same.

    And if you think with a 40 inch waist, 20 pounds is all you need to lose because of your amazingly broad shoulders, you are too delusional to leave the house let alone be allowed into a bar with alcohol.

    Again, Good Luck!!!

    icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2011 6:31 PM GMT
    Cash said
    ReallyNew said
    Cash said
    ReallyNew said
    Anduru said
    ReallyNew said
    Anduru saidCraigslist? icon_lol.gif
    Missing the point, but I appreciate the comment.
    I was being facetious. icon_wink.gif

    You live in NYC, there are plenty of gays around. Maybe hitting the bars is a good idea, but I would ask someone who knows the bars what they're like beforehand. Each bar will probably have a reputation for what types of guys it attracts.

    Also maybe try looking for gay adult support groups? When I went to the GLBT group at my college there were a couple of people who were still in the closet, and there's basically a code of silence so nobody gets outed.


    My apologies, then. That is good advice, though (I am not famous, and do not claim to be) in my profession (not religious based), the identity that is truly mine, and established, combined with the clients and organizations I represent to the public, therefore prevent me from going to any of those groups.

    The number one reason being that I may reveal something about myself too much so as to be identified, and/or there may be someone attending that I actually know that has less to lose than I in an "outting" type situation.

    I think the idea of sitting in the back of a few bars and sitting with a drink is probably the best idea for the first two weeks.


    Alright, this is just getting too weird.

    So, at some non-specific time in the near or distant future you may or may not lose 20 pounds allowing you and your broad shoulders the confidence to spend some time with a Shirley Temple or a glass of Elderberry Wine or whatever you drink in the back of a bar whose name, location and crowd are a complete and total mystery to you. While you are sitting in the darkest back corner you will be a "welcoming individual" but have no intentions of initiating a conversation. That's your plan.

    If you are concerned about anyone getting too close to you, just read them that line you wrote above about your clients and revealing your identity to them. Trust me - EVERY dude in the room will move away and give you plenty of space.

    Why is this the plan for the "first two weeks" btw? What happens in the third week? Do you move to the middle of the room ? Do your shoulders get broader? How do you get from 13th and B to 69th and West End Ave in 15 minutes?

    Yer in yer 30s Dude. No one gives a shit about your high profile secret career. Get outta the house and yer head and have some fun. If there are things you don't wanna discuss over small talk at bar or GLBT organization -- don't. Tell 'em your a freelance PR consultant and change the subject by asking them something - anything - about themselves. They will forget they ever asked you.

    If this weren't something you HAD to do - you wouldn't be here asking rhetorical questions and supplying your own lists and answers. It is taking up more mental space than you may realize. And the clock is ticking.

    Good luck.



    Well, your post here was simply uncalled for in the way it was put, and the manner in which you nearly entirely misread me.

    And, yes, if nothing comes out of a two week trial, I'll simply stay where I am, where I've been comfortable. I might give it four weeks. Who knows? But, contrary to what you imply, there is no NEED to do something now - and I could care less about any clock. Furthermore, I've claimed nothing as it relates to any professional position, and do not state that someone or anyone should care. Hence, that statement also was unhelpful.

    Overall, I'd say you get frustrated with people who are indecisive... Not that I was asked.


    My apologies, then. That is good advice, though (I am not famous, and do not claim to be) in my profession (not religious based), the identity that is truly mine, and established, combined with the clients and organizations I represent to the public, therefore prevent me from going to any of those groups.

    The number one reason being that I may reveal something about myself too much so as to be identified, and/or there may be someone attending that I actually know that has less to lose than I in an "outting" type situation


    Then what in the Hell did THAT mean?!?!??!

    I am not frustrated but get annoyed with faceless dudes(?) who troll RJ, offer nothing, ask rhetorical questions and show no interest in any advice given by members because they clearly already have no intention of doing anything.

    Essentially, you want a hot gay lover to come and find you in your living room, ask no questions and support your anonymity while you "explore."

    It will not happen. Sit in the dark in a bar or your living room or your head. The result will always be the same.

    And if you think with a 40 inch waist, 20 pounds is all you need to lose because of your amazingly broad shoulders, you are too delusional to leave the house let alone be allowed into a bar with alcohol.

    Again, Good Luck!!!

    icon_wink.gif

    icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif
    Oh snap, no he didn't! icon_eek.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2011 6:34 PM GMT
    ReallyNew said
    JakeBenson said
    ReallyNew saidI am entirely new to the gay scene - anywhere. In fact, I'm not even new, yet. I am in NYC, closeted, and would NOT like to come out, but would like to explore what the other side of me wants.

    How does one even START to do this? Thank you.


    Grindr


    What? What does that mean?


    Do you have a smartphone? If so, download the Grindr app. It loads the nearest gays to you and you can chat with then anonymously. If you don't have a smart phone, well then throw yourself into a pack of gays at a gay bar and learn to swim.