For Many Older Gays, a Toll of Time and Isolation

  • metta

    Posts: 39118

    Sep 14, 2011 6:36 AM GMT
    For Many Older Gays, a Toll of Time and Isolation

    http://www.nytimes.com/2011/09/13/health/views/13cases.html
  • starboard5

    Posts: 969

    Sep 14, 2011 2:12 PM GMT
    There's really little about this situation that's exclusively gay, particularly in a culture that marginalizes people proportionally as they age.

    We all die alone and it's important to think about that and come to terms with it however we may. What will matter for us is not that moment when we lie in a nursing home losing absolutely everything, but rather, all the love we've expended in our lives leading up to that moment.

    Ok, sermonette is ended.
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    Sep 14, 2011 2:15 PM GMT
    "We know now that older gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people are more likely to be isolated socially than their heterosexual peers. They tend to be childless and may be estranged from family members, and often live with the enduring stigma that came with being anything but heterosexual in generations past. "



    That was what you were supposed to 'get'!
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    Sep 14, 2011 2:15 PM GMT
    starboard5 saidThere's really little about this situation that's exclusively gay, particularly in a culture that marginalizes people proportionally as they age.

    We all die alone and it's important to think about that and come to terms with it however we may. What will matter for us is not that moment when we lie in a nursing home losing absolutely everything, but rather, all the love we've expended in our lives leading up to that moment.

    Ok, sermonette is ended.
    We do????????????????
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    Sep 14, 2011 2:20 PM GMT
    I ain't dying alone. Old Ryan Gosling is going to crawl into my hospital bed with me, and we are going to die minutes apart.
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    Sep 14, 2011 2:20 PM GMT
    Forever alone?

    lol...

    I'd much rather meet my demise by having a cardiac arrest while plowing a hot muscle-twink.
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    Sep 14, 2011 2:22 PM GMT
    alphatrigger saidForever alone?

    lol...

    I'd much rather meet my demise by having a cardiac arrest while plowing a hot muscle-twink.
    Amen brother preach it!
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    Sep 14, 2011 2:25 PM GMT
    My very first BF was 52 when I was 46, and he expressed similar concerns about finding himself alone as he grew older. And he told me that many gay men worried about it.

    Even those with partners might still find themselves alone in their last years, when one dies before the other, just like straight couples. But added to the special concerns for gays this article mentions, there is lack of legal recognition & protections for gay & lesbian couples in many US States and the Federal government.

    I personally know of cases where one partner died, and relatives swooped in like vultures, with legal court orders recognizing them as the nearest surviving relations & heirs, literally picking a home clean of its contents. Furniture, appliances, paintings, collectibles, souvenirs & keepsakes, even clothing, despite being items jointly purchased by the gay or lesbian couple.

    Meaning that an older single gay can find himself not only socially isolated, but also facing unique financial challenges that can be more difficult to resolve late in life.
  • starboard5

    Posts: 969

    Sep 14, 2011 2:30 PM GMT
    TropicalMark said
    starboard5 saidThere's really little about this situation that's exclusively gay, particularly in a culture that marginalizes people proportionally as they age.

    We all die alone and it's important to think about that and come to terms with it however we may. What will matter for us is not that moment when we lie in a nursing home losing absolutely everything, but rather, all the love we've expended in our lives leading up to that moment.

    Ok, sermonette is ended.
    We do????????????????



    I figured I'd be misunderstood here.

    Yes, we do die alone, ultimately. I've seen a fair amount of death, including those of both my parents. Most typically, death isn't an event, it's a long process than tends to accelerate toward the end with an increasing withdrawal. The senses fail and you are taken more and more into yourself; doesn't matter who or how many are with you. My point was just try to prepare yourself for that, and one of the best ways is to live a loving life.
  • starboard5

    Posts: 969

    Sep 14, 2011 2:35 PM GMT
    Art_Deco writes:

    "Even those with partners might still find themselves alone in their last years, when one dies before the other, just like straight couples. But added to the special concerns for gays this article mentions, there is lack of legal recognition & protections for gay & lesbian couples in many US States and the Federal government."

    1++ Good, practical points.
  • silverfox

    Posts: 3178

    Sep 14, 2011 2:35 PM GMT
    I thought it was an interesting article. I recently was with a straight family member of mine who was chastising me for not putting more time into my will.
    My response was "Hey look I am more interested in getting to the finish line on my own...having enough resources to "make it" and not be a burden on others".


    It might come across as selfish, but actually...for me it is self preservation and realism. There might not be someone there to take care of me so I have to take care of myself. Sorry.
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    Sep 14, 2011 2:41 PM GMT
    silverfox saidI thought it was an interesting article. I recently was with a straight family member of mine who was chastising me for not putting more time into my will.
    My response was "Hey look I am more interested in getting to the finish line on my own...having enough resources to "make it" and not be a burden on others".


    It might come across as selfish, but actually...for me it is self preservation and realism. There might not be someone there to take care of me so I have to take care of myself. Sorry.
    +1... and I've had the same thing happen.. fucking vultures! icon_wink.gif