how much I can share about my ex with my bf ?

  • gabriel29

    Posts: 44

    Sep 15, 2011 9:39 PM GMT
    Me with with my bf are together for almost a year. My ex is just part of my past but ex of my bf is still the every day realty. It is not the problem.
    I'm not the jealouse type but I know a lot about my ex of my bf.
    Last night we had few drinks and my bf after start asking me about my ex..the seriouse one which I really cared.
    I start talk.We had a conversation untill the early morning. Everythink was fine untill a breakfast. He turn to be upset and angry. I didnt compare him with my ex.. I ask him what is wrong but I suppose figer out by myslef what I had done. What the hell I have done ?
    sorry for my gramatic..icon_rolleyes.gif
  • offshore

    Posts: 1294

    Sep 16, 2011 2:38 AM GMT
    gabriel29 saidMe with with my bf are together for almost a year. My ex is just part of my past but ex of my bf is still the every day realty. It is not the problem.
    I'm not the jealouse type but I know a lot about my ex of my bf.
    Last night we had few drinks and my bf after start asking me about my ex..the seriouse one which I really cared.
    I start talk.We had a conversation untill the early morning. Everythink was fine untill a breakfast. He turn to be upset and angry. I didnt compare him with my ex.. I ask him what is wrong but I suppose figer out by myslef what I had done. What the hell I have done ?
    sorry for my gramatic..icon_rolleyes.gif


    Not really your fault, bf's being insecure.

    Of course if your ex was an Astronaut jet pilot millionare who loves puppies and kittens and also down to earthly nice then I can see his point of view. But then how could you have let him slip icon_smile.gif
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    Sep 16, 2011 2:40 AM GMT
    Why the heck are you thinking about your ex when you have a new bf?
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    Sep 16, 2011 2:40 AM GMT
    My take on it now is that i'm an open book. I'll share as much or as little as the person i'm dating wants.

    @Aggieboy: the OP isn't thinking about his ex his current bf asked him about his previous relationship. think its a conversation everyone should have with their partner to understand what went wrong in the past.
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    Sep 16, 2011 2:41 AM GMT
    Don't sare about your ex's its plain and simple, they are your ex's and in the past so why bring them up.
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    Sep 16, 2011 3:01 AM GMT
    Don't share about your ex anymore...even if your BF asks. If your BF asks you why you're not sharing about your ex, tell him the truth. The last time you asked about my ex and I talked about him, you got upset. So, let's not talk about my ex.

    Then take your BF by the hand, give him a deep kiss, tell him you love him, then take him to bed and fuck him silly.

    That should stop all of the silly drama around talking about ex's.
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    Sep 16, 2011 3:16 AM GMT
    Aggieboy saidWhy the heck are you thinking about your ex when you have a new bf?


    Um f**k that. If you truly loved your ex and you are still thinking about him, that is because that relationship became part of who you are today. Ignoring that would be like hiding true parts of yourself from your new bf. Now, an ex means the relationship is over and you have dealt with those felings... but it doesn't mean that you must forget the lessons or the memories. If your new bf can't handle your history, then he's a shallow and insecure jerk.
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    Sep 16, 2011 3:21 AM GMT
    I also have to add to, my opinion is that the most mature relationships are those that can talk open and candidly about past experiences- including the ex. If you ever have to hide anything from your bf, then you should be questioning the foundation of your relationship.

    It depends what you are in it for though, I guess. If you're just a player looking for some meat and entertainment, lie and hide all that you want.
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    Sep 16, 2011 3:22 AM GMT
    westanimas saidI also have to add to, my opinion is that the most mature relationships are those that can talk open and candidly about past experiences- including the ex. If you ever have to hide anything from your bf, then you should be questioning the foundation of your relationship.

    It depends what you are in it for though, I guess. If you're just a player looking for some meat and entertainment, lie and hide all that you want.


    I totally agree with you.
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    Sep 16, 2011 3:38 AM GMT
    11337S saidi agree that maturity can help maybe smoothen those conversations but i don't think that the ex's topic should be really touched on with the guy you're daily fucking.. i doubt that's what he'd want to be thinking of; that some other dude was probably ridden in the same way are you're riding him not that long before he met you.


    really? you think every guy you are dating is a virgin? its not a conversation about sex. its a conversation about relationships.
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    Sep 16, 2011 4:03 AM GMT
    westanimas said
    Aggieboy saidWhy the heck are you thinking about your ex when you have a new bf?


    Um f**k that. If you truly loved your ex and you are still thinking about him, that is because that relationship became part of who you are today. Ignoring that would be like hiding true parts of yourself from your new bf. Now, an ex means the relationship is over and you have dealt with those felings... but it doesn't mean that you must forget the lessons or the memories. If your new bf can't handle your history, then he's a shallow and insecure jerk.
    ^ this
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    Sep 16, 2011 4:03 AM GMT
    westanimas saidI also have to add to, my opinion is that the most mature relationships are those that can talk open and candidly about past experiences- including the ex. If you ever have to hide anything from your bf, then you should be questioning the foundation of your relationship.

    It depends what you are in it for though, I guess. If you're just a player looking for some meat and entertainment, lie and hide all that you want.
    and ^ this
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    Sep 16, 2011 5:20 AM GMT
    My bf knows all about my ex's and that I remain in touch with him. One of my ex's was in the area and I was thinking of asking him over for a beer after work, I text'd my bf for his thoughts, he thought I was silly for asking him! He said he trusted me. Ended up it didn't work out but being an open book really does work and, as mentioned, they are a part of my past and friends currently and we're all cool with that.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Sep 16, 2011 7:00 AM GMT
    You both have expartners that you care about. They are still on the planet. You have to negotiate how you're going deal with them if they don't die in a jet crash or something. They're always there.How envious all of the divorced and unhappy people are of you! You both seem to love your exes.
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    Sep 16, 2011 7:10 AM GMT
    I'm sorry to hear that your bf is not as understanding about your ex as you are of his. Sounds like he's getting bent out of shape over what should be a free topic to discuss.

    I have no problem talking about my exes They're a part of my past, and I learned something from each relationship, both the good and bad ones. Like anything else, moderation is key. I prefer not to go into details about my sex life with exes or trash talk the bad ones. I would just admit that some relationships were good and others not so good. However, I would remind the guy I'm seeing that I gained something valuable from each relationship and that I look forward to trying things with him. He should also feel open to talk a bit about exes.

    Fortunately I'm not friends (or even in contact) with any of my exes, so whoever I end up dating in the future won't have to worry about awkward encounters.
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    Sep 16, 2011 7:16 AM GMT
    Your boyfriend made the mistake of asking a question that he really didn't want to hear the answer.

    That doesn't excuse what you said. At some point, if you realized that sharing with your bf was making him uncomfortable, you should stop sharing.
    Just let your bf know that your ex is your ex for a reason. You love/care for your bf very much and just reassure him that you're there for him.

    (Would you think I'm a dick because I read your post in the voice of Mr. Freeze?)
  • janu88

    Posts: 346

    Sep 16, 2011 7:41 AM GMT
    i had the talk with my bf only once, from both sides.
    and thats it.

    never talked about ex's again icon_smile.gificon_rolleyes.gif
  • Buddha

    Posts: 1767

    Sep 16, 2011 9:51 AM GMT
    westanimas said
    Aggieboy saidWhy the heck are you thinking about your ex when you have a new bf?


    Um f**k that. If you truly loved your ex and you are still thinking about him, that is because that relationship became part of who you are today. Ignoring that would be like hiding true parts of yourself from your new bf. Now, an ex means the relationship is over and you have dealt with those felings... but it doesn't mean that you must forget the lessons or the memories. If your new bf can't handle your history, then he's a shallow and insecure jerk.


    ^ one of the best things I've read on RJ. I haven't really looked at it that way even though it's obvious now that you wrote it out.
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    Sep 16, 2011 1:35 PM GMT
    Hmmm...there's an interesting double-standard here.

    Your BF still has his ex involved in day to day life.

    Your ex on the other hand, is history that you merely spoke about and your BF got upset.

    He's not being fair.

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    Sep 16, 2011 1:46 PM GMT
    GAMRican saidDon't share about your ex anymore...even if your BF asks. If your BF asks you why you're not sharing about your ex, tell him the truth. The last time you asked about my ex and I talked about him, you got upset. So, let's not talk about my ex.

    Then take your BF by the hand, give him a deep kiss, tell him you love him, then take him to bed and fuck him silly.

    That should stop all of the silly drama around talking about ex's.


    I agree with everything in this post! I personally could get upset depending on how he was talking about his ex. If my bf talked about his ex a lot and was talking about all this good shit they shared together and all that I would probably think "wtf". But then again I guess the OP's boyfriend asked so he can't be too mad.

    GAMRican's solution would definitely make me feel better though haha

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    Sep 16, 2011 1:48 PM GMT
    My boyfriends are part of the past and I live in the present.. so if he wants to talk about them I will, but they don't and never did define me as a person.

    In your situation I think you should find out why he is upset. I think he cares about you and was upset to hear that someone else shared that as well. Jealousy isn't good, but just let him know you care about him!
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    Sep 16, 2011 1:57 PM GMT
    Questions like this almost always get asked at some point and time in a relationship. One always has the option of not answering as well as not asking.

    Your boyfriend asked you a fair and serious question so he should've been prepared for a fair and serious answer from you. The fact that he got mad is a sign of his immaturity and insecurity to a fact that he should be well aware of: Your ex is an EX and he (your bf) is dating you now. There should be some comfort in that fact but your bf clearly doesn't see it that way if he is capable of getting mad.

    Basically if your boyfriend didn't want the answer then he shouldn't have asked the question and the only one he can be mad at is himself. You shouldn't feel sorry or feel like you have to apologize to him about anything because you didn't do anything wrong. He shouldn't let your history be this damning to the relationship.

    I think westanimas has the best answer.
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    Sep 16, 2011 1:59 PM GMT
    adam228 saidMy boyfriends are part of the past and I live in the present.. so if he wants to talk about them I will, but they don't and never did define me as a person.

    In your situation I think you should find out why he is upset. I think he cares about you and was upset to hear that someone else shared that as well. Jealousy isn't good, but just let him know you care about him!



    Ironically adam228, The OP shares his BF with his BF's ex on a daily basis.

    Apparently the OP has to accept the BF's ex in his life on an ongoing basis, but the BF apparently doesn't want to even hear about the OP's ex.

    Odd.
  • Scorpio1113

    Posts: 90

    Sep 16, 2011 2:53 PM GMT
    Your past helps shape who you are. Ignoring it doesn't mean it never happened. I feel like people who don't mention their ex's in a relationship are hiding something. By that, I don't mean frequently talk about your ex all the time. I just think it is important to know why your past relationships ended...but not to dwell on them.

    My boyfriend referenced his ex early on in our relationship to bring up a point about someone else, and he then said 'but I am done talking about because I have you now.' He knows how sour things went with my first boyfriend, and I tell him when my ex is being a pest and texting me. Other than that, we don't talk about it. But I figure...at some point you should be able to share these things with your boyfriend comfortably. We may live in the now, but we do learn from the past.

    Your boyfriend sounds a bit insecure, which is a double standard for him, but nonetheless you should ask him why. Why it bothers him that you answered his question and why it is okay for his ex to be in his daily life.
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    Sep 16, 2011 2:56 PM GMT
    If you love him and trust him and he truly loves you you should be able to tell him everything.

    Secrecy breeds mistrust and mistrust will destroy a relationship

    Trust me on that as I kept things from my man of 5 years and in the end I pushed him away.

    I will forever regret it.