Why do I always feel crappy after I hookup with people

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 16, 2011 8:00 PM GMT
    Maybe because it's outside of my comfy zone? Maybe because despite being a mean girl, I am a prude? I always feel horrible horrible for weeks after a hookup. There is no exceptions. I guess I am a lady not a tr...p

    I don't get how people can just go to a sex party and end up having sex with like 20 guys in a given night. Or, people who uses grindr and can just have sex with 2-3 different guys per month. I am in no way, absolutely not being judgmental but I don't even know how people can find the time to have that much sex and still feel like themselves, but people do! I don't know how they do it.

    Thoughts guys? I am perplexed.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Sep 16, 2011 8:07 PM GMT
    It's notprudish to not want to fuck strangers. It's prudish to judge others fir doing it

    Just do what you feel is right for you and not worry about the execrations of others.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 16, 2011 8:11 PM GMT
    nooooooooooooooo I am in no way being judgmental!

    so sorry if I sounded that way. it's not my intention. I am very aware that casual sex happens quite frequently in the gay community and I accept that this is the norm. I am just wondering if others felt the same way (crappy) after hooking up with someone or is this just me alone?

    I am just wondering why I always feel crappy afterwards, and if any of you guys feel that way.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 16, 2011 8:17 PM GMT
    If you feel terrible after hookups then you have to ask yourself if you're really looking for sex or something more.
    Everyone is different; some of us can separate sex and emotions are comfortable with that. In such cases hookups do not tax the soul as they would others.
  • BCSwimmer

    Posts: 209

    Sep 16, 2011 8:18 PM GMT
    This situation reminds me of people who describe feeling guilty about doing something. For the most part guilt is a ridiculous experience (I am not talking about remorse for an accident rather about people who feel guilty for mastubating; for having a chocolate; etc).

    With guilt (and I think this will apply to your situation as well) there are two ways to avoid and/or prevent it: 1) change the behavoir or 2) change the belief.

    Either stop hooking up with people and you won't feel crappy, or change your belief that hooking up with people is a crappy thing to do. I know that is easier said then done but you might be "buying into" a belief system foisted on your by your family, friends, church, holier than thou posters on this site; etc.

    So basically you feel crappy after hooking up because of you current belief system.

    It's your life and if you decide it's "okay" for you to hook-up with others (and to not have to feel crappy for it) you will change your experience over time and you will learn to not feel crappy for hooking up.

    However if you find you are unwilling to change your belief and you just flat out accept that hooking up is "bad", "sinful", "slutty" (or whatever word you want to substitute for yourself) than don't "hook up".
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    Sep 16, 2011 8:19 PM GMT
    11337S saidoffend them! offend them all for being harlots!

    i feel that way after just meeting someone im into and leaving without not thoroughly even being cuddled, screw the rest! i couldn't do it.

    i don't know how some peoplecan.
    they're maybe dead inside.

    they have no conscience
    they have no soul

    don't pity them op,
    it'd be wasteful.


    I'd like to think that I am more compassionate than that. I don't pity or judge people, because they are acting out of their own freewill, who am I to judge them? I just want to know why I always feel crappy and hopefully somebody has a good answer for me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 16, 2011 8:21 PM GMT
    Because you have yet to embrace your inner slut.

    Or maybe because you were taken off the tit to early.

    Perhaps it is your failure to put up and verify a picture?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 16, 2011 8:21 PM GMT
    11337S saidthere's a quote i read somewhere online that said:
    "if you settle for less than what you're worth,
    you'll end up with even less than what you settled for!"
    < / end quote>


    omg I am so sorry but I am stealing this quote. I will always carry it with me for the rest of my life.
  • Montague

    Posts: 5205

    Sep 16, 2011 8:24 PM GMT
    I don't see nothing wrong with a little bump 'n grind! icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 16, 2011 8:27 PM GMT
    11337S said
    waimea said
    11337S saidthere's a quote i read somewhere online that said:
    "if you settle for less than what you're worth,
    you'll end up with even less than what you settled for!"
    < / end quote>


    omg I am so sorry but I am stealing this quote. I will always carry it with me for the rest of my life.


    take it, it's yours!


    Thx. You're not such an annoying bitch afterall icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 16, 2011 8:32 PM GMT
    11337S saidthere's a quote i read somewhere online that said:
    "if you settle for less than what you're worth,
    you'll end up with even less than what you settled for!"
    < / end quote>


    The problem is, most people nowadays think they're worth more than they actually are. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 16, 2011 8:54 PM GMT
    I just choose not to hookup ^^
    Key is to find a great guy who you have immeasurably strong feelings for; forge a strong loving relationship with; then you have yourself a good consistent hookup that involves more than just a physical counterpart.

    Just need to avoid the relationships based on sex or sexual attraction. Trust and loyalty are what keeps a couple together and not to cheat. A strong physicalattraction is somewhat important but shouldn't be the glue that keeps you from being disloyal.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 16, 2011 8:57 PM GMT
    Waimea, you say this as if you are a person who deserves to feel good.

    Get a face pic bitch then we will care.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 16, 2011 9:32 PM GMT
    When I used to hook up with guys I felt crabby, afterwards, but nothing a visit to the drug store wouldn't cure.
    Seriously, it's ok to have sex with someone as long as you both consent. Having a good time is never guaranteed. Allow yourself to live a little and not feel guilty
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 16, 2011 9:59 PM GMT
    You are a person who needs to matter to the person you are intimate with. In a hookup you don't really matter. You are just an object of pleasure. It is a bit extreme to feel horrible for so long (weeks?) after a hookup. But it is not strange or unusual for the experience to leave you feeling empty and used.

    People who enjoy hookups simply do not have the same need to matter to the person they're doing it with, and they don't mind being objectified. It strokes their egos a bit. They don't associate the need for physical intimacy with the need for emotional intimacy. And so they have a good time.

    Anyhow, its just not for you. Sounds like you need some love.
  • hawkeye7

    Posts: 565

    Sep 16, 2011 10:02 PM GMT
    guilt is the most pointles emotion with reguard to actions
    If you want to feel guilty, than feel guilty about not having a picture and wanting to chat with guys on the internet.
    You are 25, go live the amazing life that you are supposed to. There is no reason to feel bad for having sex with a guy. Most of the men on here have been a little bit of a slut at one time or another. Be smart, safe sex every time whether you are a top or a bottom. (try both it is so much more fun)
    What ever you do be a man about it and own it. 15 years from now this will seem so pointless. Good luck man.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 16, 2011 10:03 PM GMT
    Maybe you're finding that reality is not matching up with what your preconceived ideas of what sex was going to be.
    For me a hookup is somewhat like wanting a piece of candy. Wishing someone was there and actually haveing someone there are the same to me. It's not a grand idea of finding a partner. You've masturbated alone, haven't you ever wished someone was there with you? I sure wouldn't find any guilt in that. You find someone that matches many of your preferences and have fun and not feel the least bit guilty about it icon_biggrin.gif Guys that say if you hookup you have no conscience or use bad judgment or no morals...thats just B.S.
    Please stop referring to yourself as a "mean girl" icon_eek.gificon_biggrin.gif
  • Syphon

    Posts: 366

    Sep 16, 2011 10:07 PM GMT
    Whore's remorse.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 16, 2011 10:18 PM GMT
    Maybe because you're selling yourself short?

    For me, sex without emotional intimacy is empty and unfulfilling. It's just a biological twitching. I'd rather masturbate.
  • neosyllogy

    Posts: 1714

    Sep 16, 2011 10:24 PM GMT
    Getting over inner guilt and removing deep seated negative stereotypes about what sex is. Among other things.
    I mean, is there really any good reason you should feel bad? Was anyone hurt? Was there any untoward risk (everything's risky, but safe sex is pretty safe)? Did you two not make eachother happy?
    If you're not hurting people and are making them happy then you're doing a good thing. Feel good about it. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 16, 2011 10:31 PM GMT
    You probably feel bad because the people you hooked up with weren't worth and you just feel dirty. It's ok. Soap and water wash most of the feeling away. The rest is all mental.

    You just need ti find something worth it. I'm not a prude (not in my eyes) but I won't settle for less especially when I know I can get and do better. You gotta feel comfortable with who you first and then with who sleep with. So basically somewhere along the line you have a mixture of not feeling good about yourself or the person you've banged. Once you fix that then you'll be fine.

    You should always be able to get what you want out of sex without feeling bad.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 16, 2011 10:31 PM GMT
    I think u have normal feelings... since i got the same feelings ..maybe cuz the whole idea of hook-up is wrong ? idk
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 16, 2011 10:38 PM GMT
    waimea said because despite being a .... girl,


    NICE TO SEE YOU CONFESS.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 16, 2011 10:40 PM GMT
    BCSwimmer saidThis situation reminds me of people who describe feeling guilty about doing something. For the most part guilt is a ridiculous experience (I am not talking about remorse for an accident rather about people who feel guilty for mastubating; for having a chocolate; etc).

    With guilt (and I think this will apply to your situation as well) there are two ways to avoid and/or prevent it: 1) change the behavoir or 2) change the belief.

    Either stop hooking up with people and you won't feel crappy, or change your belief that hooking up with people is a crappy thing to do. I know that is easier said then done but you might be "buying into" a belief system foisted on your by your family, friends, church, holier than thou posters on this site; etc.

    So basically you feel crappy after hooking up because of you current belief system.

    It's your life and if you decide it's "okay" for you to hook-up with others (and to not have to feel crappy for it) you will change your experience over time and you will learn to not feel crappy for hooking up.

    However if you find you are unwilling to change your belief and you just flat out accept that hooking up is "bad", "sinful", "slutty" (or whatever word you want to substitute for yourself) than don't "hook up".


    I think this is about the best advice I have read so far. It is spot on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 16, 2011 10:42 PM GMT
    Chainers saidWaimea, you say this as if you are a person who deserves to feel good.

    Get a face pic bitch then we will care.


    I thought you like me being a faceless troll. But this is actually not a troll topic. I am very serious about this thread.

    Nivek saidYou are a person who needs to matter to the person you are intimate with. In a hookup you don't really matter. You are just an object of pleasure. It is a bit extreme to feel horrible for so long (weeks?) after a hookup. But it is not strange or unusual for the experience to leave you feeling empty and used.

    People who enjoy hookups simply do not have the same need to matter to the person they're doing it with, and they don't mind being objectified. It strokes their egos a bit. They don't associate the need for physical intimacy with the need for emotional intimacy. And so they have a good time.

    Anyhow, its just not for you. Sounds like you need some love.


    I really enjoy the wisdom that RJers are imparting these days. Thank you for this answer. I needed to hear it.