An old story that doesn't go away. Break up advice needed.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 17, 2011 12:25 PM GMT
    Hey guys,

    last year I fell in love with a guy for the first time. I mean really head over heels crazy psycho love. After a few months he broke it off with me because of complications and misunderstanding. I thought the juice was worth the squeeze so to speak so I remained in his life in every way possible. I tried to make him love me. So we remained close for another year as I tried to prove myself to him. Over that time we were intimate but we both were trying to find other people. I suppose I did it because I didn't want to be overwhelming and because he was also actively pursuing other guys. In the end he found a boyfriend and without any explanation or goodbye he kicked me out of his life. I had no real contact with him since then aside from bumping into him out at the bar or the gym.

    This situation has messed up my mental health in so many ways. One being that he dumped me in such a way that I felt like less than trash. After a year of a close intimate relationship how could he throw me away like that? This also makes me think was I being played the whole time. I did once truly believe he loved me but now I have doubts. Also I see him with his new BF. They are happy and the new guy is an outright gorgeous stud of a man. I could never measure up. No wonder he dumped me that way, huh?

    I've done so much to try to forget him and also improve myself. I picked up the guitar. I work out everyday. I work more hours. Go out with friends. I do everything that I'm supposed to but it's not working. I always find myself mourning his loss.

    One more thing. I'm guilty of my own torture because I have a bad habit of checking up on him... Usually through watching what he posts on his twitter. I try to ignore it but after a while the curiosity becomes stronger than the pain of being hurt. I can't resist.

    I still love him. But I can't continue living like this. The suffering is too great. I just can't understand why or how this happened to me. Is it possible that my patience will pay off in the end or am I just hurting myself without good cause... Does he feel bad at all for what he has done to me? Does he even care? will he ever realize how much I cared for him? Do these questions even matter?

    please help.

    Thanks.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 17, 2011 4:52 PM GMT
    Write a sad poem in your journal and move on.

    Perhaps a little therapy and building your own self worth will help, too.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 17, 2011 9:06 PM GMT
    You want him, he wants someone else. Cut him out completely from your life. NO Twitter, erase his name from all your sites. It's done, it's over, move on. There is someone out there that will find you or you will find them. Someone who will give back as much as you give to him. This is NOT this guy. Consider it his loss and get back into life, gym, work, and all of your other friends. It's not easy but we have all been through it and thinking about it will only waste your life away. You really want someone that does not want you? Think about it. Good luck friend!
  • flahotstuff

    Posts: 154

    Sep 17, 2011 9:11 PM GMT
    you cant EVER make someone love you - get moving and find another man!!
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    Sep 17, 2011 9:31 PM GMT
    Sorry to hear this. As everyone else has said, cut him off and start afresh. Some self talk like "I can do much better" will help.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 17, 2011 10:59 PM GMT
    No surprise on the feedback. I know what to do. Just had to hear it from a dozen more people i suppose. I never knew being in love would have such heavy consequences. I was so foolish to chase him. It made everything so much worse in the end. I have to move on without any proper closure... whatever. That's just it.

    thanks for the advice, cheers.