I'm ashamed of my home

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 18, 2011 4:45 PM GMT
    I'm 28 and live in a student dorm with no furniture except a futon. Whatever shit that isn't in the closet is on the floor. I can't afford curtains and use a bedsheet... at least my bathroom is clean... but the communal kitchen is not. The only guy who's been over for dinner thought it was disgusting.

    Every year my living conditions become more and more crackwhore and I don't even remember what it's like to have a normal home. I've moved so frequently in my 20's, but now I'll be in the same place for a year, so I'm hoping to make it nice. For now I'm too ashamed of where I live to have a guy over... icon_sad.gif Is there any hope?
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    Sep 18, 2011 5:15 PM GMT
    Then change it.. only you can do that.
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    Sep 18, 2011 5:16 PM GMT
    Just be glad you have a place you can call home.
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    Sep 18, 2011 5:18 PM GMT
    It might be helpful to explain how you ended up in a student dorm in Sweden.

    Have you had a series of difficult financial challenges? Was this move abroad part of overall plan? Are you a starving grad student? Delayed gratification isn't all that uncommon among students working towards professional credentials.


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    Sep 18, 2011 5:23 PM GMT
    Buying new furnishings may not always be in your control, but keeping clean whatever situation you're in is.
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    Sep 18, 2011 5:28 PM GMT
    UberBane saidJust be glad you have a place you can call home.


    ^This. x1000
  • rebelbeard

    Posts: 558

    Sep 18, 2011 5:34 PM GMT
    UberBane saidJust be glad you have a place you can call home.



    Amen to that!

    I have my own apartment and let me tell you, it is probably no better than what you described. I have the basic apartment stuff but nothing more than that. I don't have paintings or rugs. I have 3 knick knacks. My apt is boring and basic and it looks like I have only lived here a few months when its really been a few years. But it is my place that I call home and I am totally content with that. You are school like I am. Who cares what you have and don't have.

    When you finish school and find the job you want then you can have whatever it is you want! Just keep what you have clean. As for guys, people who have an issue with it and show no understanding aren't worth talking to in the first place.

    Good luck!
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    Sep 18, 2011 5:36 PM GMT
    Material possessions while nice, are not important, except to shallow people. It's more important to work on yourself, and the quality within.
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    Sep 18, 2011 5:50 PM GMT
    osakarob saidIt might be helpful to explain how you ended up in a student dorm in Sweden.

    Have you had a series of difficult financial challenges? Was this move abroad part of overall plan? Are you a starving grad student? Delayed gratification isn't all that uncommon among students working towards professional credentials.

    Yes, I'm a grad student and Sweden was part of the overall plan. Housing is notoriously difficult to find here, so I am lucky to be in the system and have a contract.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Sep 18, 2011 6:00 PM GMT
    Hopefully the guy that you want to invite home will be more interested in you than the place that you live. Having a nice home takes time. I hate to move and it seems that the few times I have moved, each time I somehow lost a little here and a little there. It wasn't until I finally decided to put down roots and stay in one place, that I started to build a wonderful home. I wish you the best of luck my friend. icon_wink.gif
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    Sep 18, 2011 6:15 PM GMT
    I am a graduate student too, and some people do not understand that the academic path to the masters degree includes 5-6 years of virtual impoverishment and very limited free time. What little money you do bring in has to be prioritized in terms of spending, and highly limited amounts of free time means one's home is not going to be immaculate at all times.

    That being said, I think over the next couple months you can do small things at a time to improve your living environment. Just keep in mind that with the hectic schedule and limited income, it is not going to happen overnight. Also, there will be guys who understand, especially if they went through/are going through grad school. Don't forget to also look at the light at the end of the tunnel, grad school will not last forever and you will have more time and resources to establish your life when you are done.

  • twostroke

    Posts: 184

    Sep 18, 2011 6:30 PM GMT
    don´t worry about it. and no need to be ashamed about it either. i even think everyone should learn to live with the bear essentials, at least for a while.

    you should be proud of it.
    shows strong personality. NO NEED FOR SUPERFLUOUS CRAP.
    it´s very zen.

    If you really want to make it a bit "homelier" you can and you don´t even need to spend money to do it. when i was a student i shared with others and we got tables, chairs, a tv and even carpets (all in a good state and even expensive stuff) straight from the street. some people throw away lots of still good things.
    it really is a mad world!
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    Sep 18, 2011 6:32 PM GMT
    wow.......I'm like the most spoiled boy in the history of all time, but I would never judge someone based on where they lived.........sounds like the guy you brought over to dinner was a gigantic douche. You should be looking more at who you are bringing into your home than at the home you are bringing them too.
  • danisnotstr8

    Posts: 2579

    Sep 18, 2011 6:37 PM GMT
    1. Make a list of the things you think will make your place feel and look better.

    2. Go to this website and join for free. Once approved by a moderator, you can search for your items or put up a posting of everything you need.

    3. Check "free" stuff on craigslist.

    There are a lot of people who would love to help someone in your situation. When I first came to Chicago, I had to leave a bunch of things behind. I made posts on freecycle and had a new Foreman Grill, two new chairs, a toaster oven, a couch, and a dresser within a WEEK. People really do like to give.
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    Sep 18, 2011 6:42 PM GMT
    danisnotstr8 said1. Make a list of the things you think will make your place feel and look better.

    2. Go to this website and join for free. Once approved by a moderator, you can search for your items or put up a posting of everything you need.

    3. Check "free" stuff on craigslist.

    There are a lot of people who would love to help someone in your situation. When I first came to Chicago, I had to leave a bunch of things behind. I made posts on freecycle and had a new Foreman Grill, two new chairs, a toaster oven, a couch, and a dresser within a WEEK. People really do like to give.


    And don't forget the random entertainment center than someone wanted to get rid of at my old storage unit. People love giving away stuff they can't keep anymore.
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    Sep 18, 2011 6:46 PM GMT
    danisnotstr8 said1. Make a list of the things you think will make your place feel and look better.

    2. Go to this website and join for free. Once approved by a moderator, you can search for your items or put up a posting of everything you need.

    3. Check "free" stuff on craigslist.

    There are a lot of people who would love to help someone in your situation. When I first came to Chicago, I had to leave a bunch of things behind. I made posts on freecycle and had a new Foreman Grill, two new chairs, a toaster oven, a couch, and a dresser within a WEEK. People really do like to give.


    Thanks, that freecycle site looks like a great idea.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 18, 2011 6:47 PM GMT
    I don't think anyone who knows you are a student would expect to live in opulence.
  • danisnotstr8

    Posts: 2579

    Sep 18, 2011 6:47 PM GMT
    ^^^ Yes, that too!! And my bookshelves, which were also given to me. And my beautiful bed from West Elm that my friend sold to me for 100 bucks.
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    Sep 18, 2011 6:55 PM GMT
    You can live frugally, without living in a slum. If you had a bigger place, I suspect it would just be a bigger mess. Take control of your living space and get some order into your life. As has already been said, there are plenty of furniture and furnishing recycling schemes that you can take advantage of (I cannot see Sweden being short of such schemes). Good luck.
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    Sep 18, 2011 7:08 PM GMT
    Haha! Ice cream was a nightly ritual. icon_cool.gif

    I haven't dared to bring ice cream home since I moved in and was warned that there is a food thief on our floor! In fact there are notes taped inside the freezers that say, "STOP EATING MY ICE CREAM". icon_razz.gif But I could use some Carte d'Or Dulce de Leche...
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    Sep 18, 2011 7:09 PM GMT
    You're just in challenging phase in your life....As for the communal kitchen...Perhaps you be the one to spear head in getting that place cleaned up. I'm sure others will follow as well.
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    Sep 18, 2011 7:16 PM GMT
    Move out. Don't say "I can't." Yes, you can. Hope and change. Robust.
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    Sep 18, 2011 9:27 PM GMT
    make your room what u want it to be. Jag var studenten pa Lunds Universitetet i 1978 och bo pa studenthem dar. There must be the equivalent of the Salvation Army/Value Village...everything gets recycled. seriously its time to dumpster dive.
    necessity creates determination...fix it . helvete.

    Jag ata pa korv med mos. jag alskar det.


    oh yeah you'd think IKEA would at least be cheaper in Stockholm? As-is has a cheaper piece or two.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 18, 2011 10:23 PM GMT
    Christ if you were truly gay your place should look better than the Palace of Versailles.. c'mon, exercise that decorator gene
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    Sep 18, 2011 10:41 PM GMT
    You have nothing to be ashamed of man! And your bedroom and bathroom are clean!

    Besides, like others have said, you do have a place to live when millions of people don't or live in slums.