Online Relationships Ever Work?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 18, 2011 5:59 PM GMT
    So has anyone ever had anything good come out of an online relationship where they don't even live in your state/region? Have one of you actually moved in with each other and it ever working?...

    I'm just asking because im kind of in a situation... I met this awesome guy online (Not on RJ) So at first we just had some cute talks where me get to know each other and us flirt jokingly... But eventually we both grew on each
    other...

    He is a very honest guy and has told me stories of crap he's had to go through in the past that he hasn't told anyone. And quite frankly, I have never felt so comfortable with talking to a guy before... And at the same time I have never had feelings like this for someone seeing that I have never been in love.

    He has feelings for me too but one day he told me that he doesn't look at me as some kind of hookup toy... He said that he would make love to me which is probably the sweetest thing I have ever heard from someone.

    Anyway to get to the point, before I didn't really take it seriously since he lives in Minnesota and me in Florida but... with us getting very emotionally attached, it's hard to ignore all this.

    I'm thinking of purchasing a plane ticket when the prices are down after the holidays and flying up there for a few days...

    So again, has anyone ever had anything good come out of online relationships and do you guys think I am doing the right or wrong thing here?
    Thanks guys!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 18, 2011 7:06 PM GMT
    I knew 2 guys that met on gay com and lasted 8 years together, moved in after just knowing each other for 3 months. But this happening is rare with meeting on line. longest I wwas with someone I met online was 1 year
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 18, 2011 8:17 PM GMT
    Don't know about different states/regions, but it's possible to find anything you want online. I was looking for a good time at one point in my life, found a man I ended up loving like my own life. If you have a the patience to search/wait you can find anything.
  • sbwlguy

    Posts: 566

    Sep 18, 2011 8:56 PM GMT
    You have to keep it in perspective. There is a VAST difference between forming a bond in real life and online.

    Be careful.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 18, 2011 10:53 PM GMT
    You don't have a relationship. You have never met.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 18, 2011 11:08 PM GMT
    I believe so...

    my first relationship was online. Grant it we were only 45 mins away from each other. we would talk online from chat... to web cam... to phone. It was a growing process just like a normal relationship. Until we finally met for the first time. Where we decided that we would start Dating. We met a lot for the next 4 months... doing stuff. Activities, shows, dates, Sleep overs icon_razz.gif.

    However, towards the end of our 4 months... he tells me he is leaving to go to Europe for school. He tells me he wants to stay together to make it work. He was only going to be there for 2 years. I originally wanted to call it off.(because of my thoughts on a LDR.) But I stayed and he left and it was fine for a few months. But once month 8 came around... he wanted to take a Break. And I was more pissed but that's the way it happens i guess.

    Anyway, the thing to take away is that Long Distance is rough, but if you can make it work thats awesome.

    But the truth is... and I really hate to say it. If you aren't there enough... Out of sight, out of mind. icon_sad.gif

    I hope my story helps Bond
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 18, 2011 11:09 PM GMT
    It's really tough because we are approaching a time in the gay world where some young gay adults don't even know of a time where they actually had to socialize with other gay people in real life; while they were able to express their same-sex desires freely, they never had to develop any kind of compassion, empathy or social skills that would someday make for a solid relationship. They have been brought up on porn and false images of what being gay is (looking like a straight college athlete, affluent, over-educated, Real Housewife/rich bitch attitude)...while this is funny and witty on sitcoms, it's not very sexy or cute when you're a gay man who keep on seeing the same...goddamn...types...of...gay...men...(submissive, rich-bitch, $600 sunglasses, etc) - no substance or genuine personality - nothing that makes you want to get to know him better.

    The thing is, gay men's meeting places have a short lifespan...the xxx bookstores, saunas, bars that lasted from the 1970s-1980's made way for the discussion/support groups of the 1990's-2000's mixed in with the internet that really took off for gays in the mid '90's. Most of these relationships are partly genuine - but it always seems that the other part is either closeted indefinitely, is extremely immature and will likely never be able to have a relationship, sexually so submissive that it would be the same as being with a woman, or he has serious confidence issues to where he can't even leave the house. Now, a lot of these guys online - there is no mirror being held up so they can see who they really are, as they talk to you - often the problem especially with gay men is this blur between fantasy and reality- we demand that other men be 'our type' and no less than perfect - our expectations are so ridiculous that even straight people, who have more than 90% more choices than we do don't even expect to find someone like this; yet we don't expect ourselves to be as exceptional as the person we want to meet. So you have a supply/demand - too many gay guys who've never seen the gay world for what it really is (instead see it via porn, gay lifestyle magazines that suggest affluence and perfection) and are devastated when they get out there and discover that gay people are just like anyone else with bankruptcies, weight problems, homelessness, drugs, insecurities, etc. - the more we isolate from each other the more unrealistic we tend to be when it comes to meeting each other.

    This sense of rejection and hatred - FROM OTHER GAY PEOPLE! - is what is driving us away from each other. And that's what organizations like 'It Gets Better' really need to work on - straight people are understanding they need to be nicer to us. Now we need to work on the gay people who treat each other like shit and think they can get away with it. It's causing a whole underground world of gay suicides, addictions and isolation. It's not helping anyone to find friends, hope, and sure as hell not marriage.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 18, 2011 11:14 PM GMT
    It is very possible if both people are honest, share common interests, and are great communicators. I've been with my guy for 2.5 years and I moved (after a year) from NY to ATL. We're very happy with our fairytale romance!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 18, 2011 11:31 PM GMT
    I managed 6 years
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 20, 2011 2:01 AM GMT
    I could technically relocate if I wanted since I am signing up to an online recognized college.... The only thing is that, it may be a lil hard getting a job up there right away. (Minneapolis/Saint Paul Area)
  • iowaboy86

    Posts: 12

    Sep 20, 2011 9:54 PM GMT
    I've been offered this advice several times by many people: Never move for a guy. I would also say that moving from Florida to Minnesota is a horrible idea, it's too cold

    I did meet a guy who was passing through Des Moines last September. He was stationed in Seattle. We talked every day up until the first time he was deployed, then again when he came back. I ended up flying out to see him for thanksgiving and had an amazing time. We still talk to this day and I don't regret a thing...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 21, 2011 2:07 AM GMT
    Haha. Believe me.. I need a change in weather. I can't stand Florida.
    And I know people may think a big move to Minnesota may be a dumb move but if I get a job offer out there to relocate then there ya go icon_cool.gif
  • waccamatt

    Posts: 1918

    Sep 21, 2011 2:14 AM GMT
    I say, "nothing ventured, nothing gained". If you're unencumbered and can afford to support yourself, see how it plays out, but don't move until you're sure you want to fully pursue the relationship.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 21, 2011 6:38 PM GMT
    Honestly, it won't work. Your only satisfying half of your needs as a person (emotional).... it seems ridiculous but you need that physical satisfaction, the ability to hold someone, kiss them, and well you know... And let's say by some chance you do move to wherever he is... ok cool, now your together... you get to know him better, hes a slob, or has bad habits, or something that rubs you the wrong way (no pun intended)... now what if it doesnt work out? You resent the fact that you made a life altering choice for someone thats not even in your life anymore? It just doesnt seem logical unless your within a reasonable distance where you can go to see each other and get to know one another before making any drastic decisions... hope this helps man.