Gay Community Different From What I thought?

  • fit19

    Posts: 15

    Sep 19, 2011 1:39 AM GMT
    I'm 21, in shape, with a good athletic build from what I think I like my body.

    But at the same time I still feel so self conscious about myself all of a sudden, I never have before until I met someone. I always thought I looked attractive, and people always told me I was too (no way egotistical comment btw, I was just saying I felt good in my own skin).

    I'm more of bi, but there is this one guy I met who I really like. It seems like we get along great and have all the same interests, but he's not interested in dating.

    And I think he's just not interested in dating me, and it makes me sad/hard to get over because we're so good together. And now it seems like he doesn't want me in the "friend zone" either.

    I can't help but think it must be because of the way I look. I mean, I think he looks good. He has perfect skin, great build, and a great personality.

    Me, I have a great personality, I think a good body, I have a little bit of acne (it's not even severe and on good days doesn't show up, just "stress" acne), but I still feel so self conscious. I feel maybe I don't have enough muscle, because I'm skinny but still have a muscle build. But I think he likes more of the strong muscled chiseled dudes.

    I feel like he thinks he's hot shit (from what he says about himself) and in return that makes me feel like crap, and I've been going head over heels just to try and impress him by the way I dress, or look, but nothing seems to work. And I feel even worse now because it goes against everything I stand for about being yourself.

    When I went into the gay world, I was expecting a more open environment, a more accepting environment. But what I'm seeing now is it seems like a lot of people are just obsessed with their image or being perfect, with the perfect body, perfect look, etc. and to date other people exactly like that. I mean this guy and I get along perfectly, but I feel like maybe he's not attracted to me so he's overlooking that 100%. He also said other stuff about the way I look that made me feel bad to/show that. But I don't feel unattractive, I never have, and I have a great body. I just wish things could be different you know.
    I feel so discouraged now icon_sad.gif. Is it maybe because he's just 21, and people don't realize what they are really after until they get older? I just wish I could have a chance you know. Oh well. C'est la vie!
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    Sep 19, 2011 1:42 AM GMT
    fit19 said

    When I went into the gay world, I was expecting a more open environment, a more accepting environment.


    I don't mean to sound like a douche, but where did you get that impression? Seriously I'm really curious.

  • fit19

    Posts: 15

    Sep 19, 2011 1:47 AM GMT
    Larkin_PLR said
    fit19 said

    When I went into the gay world, I was expecting a more open environment, a more accepting environment.


    I don't mean to sound like a douche, but where did you get that impression? Seriously I'm really curious.



    It wasn't meant to be offensive, I just thought with coming out, etc. that it was a more tolerant environment. I guess I was mistaken. What I'm saying is it seems
    having the perfect image is more of an issue here. I don't know.

    And I'm saying this from a person who does have a good body, I workout 3 x a week with cardio, weights, and muscles, and maintain a healthy diet.

    If I offended you I apologize!
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    Sep 19, 2011 1:55 AM GMT
    I know it's a cliche, but if he doesn't like just because of the way you look, then it's his loss, you sound like you take care of your appearance but you're not perfect (I mean, who's perfect?). I've met some guys that at first, I didn't like physically but then their personality won me over so that's not just a myth. I also find a bit of acne sexy, am I weird? LOL
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    Sep 19, 2011 1:56 AM GMT
    No no, didn't offend me, I was just really surprised that, from the outside, anyone would imagine the gay community was especially accepting. Gays can be viciously judgmental and in particular about physical appearance. The standards for what is "acceptable" are much higher because most, if not all, gay guys have some kind of body dysmorphia (in my experience). Even beautiful guys don't feel beautiful necessarily, so there is a vicious cycle of bar raising on physical appearance.
  • fit19

    Posts: 15

    Sep 19, 2011 1:59 AM GMT
    Hypnotico saidI know it's a cliche, but if he doesn't like just because of the way you look, then it's his loss, you sound like you take care of your appearance but you're not perfect (I mean, who's perfect?). I've met some guys that at first, I didn't like physically but then their personality won me over so that's not just a myth. I also find a bit of acne sexy, am I weird? LOL


    I think that just made me feel 10 x better. Even if it is a cliche, it's nice to hear an outsiders point of view on it. And I do! In fact, I have abs and he doesn't but he has a way better upper body build then I do. But those things never mattered to me, his personality won me over like you were saying.

    I guess I should just leave it alone. Maybe one day he will see what could have been! Maybe he'll come back for me! (I highly doubt it, but it'd be nice for it to be like the movies)!
  • fit19

    Posts: 15

    Sep 19, 2011 2:00 AM GMT
    Larkin_PLR saidNo no, didn't offend me, I was just really surprised that, from the outside, anyone would imagine the gay community was especially accepting. Gays can be viciously judgmental and in particular about physical appearance. The standards for what is "acceptable" are much higher because most, if not all, gay guys have some kind of body dysmorphia (in my experience). Even beautiful guys don't feel beautiful necessarily, so there is a vicious cycle of bar raising on physical appearance.


    It's true, I've noticed that. It's kind of sad I think, I mean it makes me feel sad that because of that people probably miss out on a lot of great people you know?
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    Sep 19, 2011 2:06 AM GMT
    fit19 said
    Hypnotico saidI know it's a cliche, but if he doesn't like just because of the way you look, then it's his loss, you sound like you take care of your appearance but you're not perfect (I mean, who's perfect?). I've met some guys that at first, I didn't like physically but then their personality won me over so that's not just a myth. I also find a bit of acne sexy, am I weird? LOL


    I think that just made me feel 10 x better. Even if it is a cliche, it's nice to hear an outsiders point of view on it. And I do! In fact, I have abs and he doesn't but he has a way better upper body build then I do. But those things never mattered to me, his personality won me over like you were saying.

    I guess I should just leave it alone. Maybe one day he will see what could have been! Maybe he'll come back for me! (I highly doubt it, but it'd be nice for it to be like the movies)!


    I'm glad it made you feel better icon_smile.gif
  • waccamatt

    Posts: 1918

    Sep 19, 2011 3:26 AM GMT
    You'll meet someone who likes you just the way you are. Each person is an individual and the gay community is the same as any other group of people. There has to be chemistry for a relationship to work and maybe this guy just doesn't feel the same way that you do. Just be yourself, be friendly and keep meeting guys and you'll meet someone great.
  • confidentcrip

    Posts: 111

    Sep 19, 2011 4:03 AM GMT
    Larkin_PLR saidNo no, didn't offend me, I was just really surprised that, from the outside, anyone would imagine the gay community was especially accepting. Gays can be viciously judgmental and in particular about physical appearance. The standards for what is "acceptable" are much higher because most, if not all, gay guys have some kind of body dysmorphia (in my experience). Even beautiful guys don't feel beautiful necessarily, so there is a vicious cycle of bar raising on physical appearance.


    I never thought of the dysmorphia angle, until right this moment. wow.
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    Sep 19, 2011 4:06 AM GMT
    fit19 saidI'm...


    Pure here-say unless pic proven.
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    Sep 19, 2011 4:12 AM GMT
    Get used to it man - life is never what you expect or wished it would be. Take that from someone who's learned that the hard way.

    The same applies to the gay world. The gay community is just as boring, shallow, cliquey, and ridiculous as any "community." But you find your way eventually and make loyal homo friends that matter. It's not always about how well you fit in or how much you're "accepted" by others. It's not even about the guys you're trying to date. Take your time! Make friends with people who you feel at ease with and don't have to put on a show for. You're only just getting started...
  • danisnotstr8

    Posts: 2579

    Sep 19, 2011 4:19 AM GMT
    fit19 said
    Me, I have a great personality,
    BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH


    I'm tired of reading this repost. I don't think you have a good personality. I think you have a need for incessant attention. Even if it's all made up.

    Luv yer new profile name that you made for this thread!! GTFO LULZ

    SPAMTROLL™
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    Sep 19, 2011 4:19 AM GMT
    I really hate to tell you this and I hope you really take it to heart. But you don't need to make every single gay men like you (that is, wants to date you, or wants to have sex with you). You just need that ONE person who you want to also want you. So it really doesn't matter what you look like, if you want to look good for yourself, then do it; good for you. You should not want to look good so you can get laid like all the time, because frankly there are a lot of messed-up shit out there. And also there is more to life than just gay sex. Try to be happy with yourself and feel good. Because one day that dream guy will come along, and you're gonna wish that you have enough good substance up there in your brain to keep him interested long enough in you to get to know you more, other than your good looks and hot body, and hopefully share a substantial part of your life with you icon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 19, 2011 4:20 AM GMT
    danisnotstr8 said
    fit19 said
    Me, I have a great personality,
    BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH


    I'm tired of reading this repost. I don't think you have a good personality. I think you have a need for incessant attention. Even if it's all made up.

    Luv yer new profile name that you made for this thread!! GTFO LULZ

    SPAMTROLL™


    This is a spam troll thread?! Damn I just spend like 5 minutes typing all that shit up for nothing?! WTFH!?
  • fit19

    Posts: 15

    Sep 19, 2011 4:25 AM GMT
    Cityaznguy saidI really hate to tell you this and I hope you really take it to heart. But you don't need to make every single gay men like you (that is, wants to date you, or wants to have sex with you). You just need that ONE person who you want to also want you. So it really doesn't matter what you look like, if you want to look good for yourself, then do it; good for you. You should not want to look good so you can get laid like all the time, because frankly there are a lot of messed-up shit out there. And also there is more to life than just gay sex. Try to be happy with yourself and feel good. Because one day that dream guy will come along, and you're gonna wish that you have enough good substance up there in your brain to keep him interested long enough in you to get to know you more, other than your good looks and hot body, and hopefully share a substantial part of your life with you icon_biggrin.gif


    That's the point, I wasn't looking for sex all, I genuinely liked/could see myself with this person, I think they just were the one's being shallow towards me is what I felt, which made me feel that way. This has all been great advice, and I thank you all very much for you input. Hopefully the next one that comes around will be better than the last icon_smile.gif.
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    Sep 19, 2011 4:27 AM GMT
    tumblr_lh5uavdAPL1qafrh6.gif


    Problem bro?
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    Sep 19, 2011 4:31 AM GMT
    fit19 saidI'm 21,
    Then why does your empty profile say you are 71?
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    Sep 19, 2011 4:31 AM GMT
    gay troll physics
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    Sep 19, 2011 4:34 AM GMT
    dumbbitch.jpg
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    Sep 19, 2011 4:39 AM GMT
    i will date you

    icon_smile.gif
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    Sep 19, 2011 4:39 AM GMT
    dekiruman saidi will date you

    icon_smile.gif
    what about me boo? icon_sad.gif
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    Sep 19, 2011 4:40 AM GMT
    dekiruman saidi will date you

    icon_smile.gif

    You have a thing for internet trolls don't you?! omg

    First waimea and then this faceless guy. Who's next? icon_razz.gif
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    Sep 19, 2011 4:41 AM GMT
    Cityaznguy said
    dekiruman saidi will date you

    icon_smile.gif

    You have a thing for internet trolls don't you?! omg

    First waimea and then this faceless guy. Who's next? icon_razz.gif


    1715845552_tn_memes_no_face_of_course_no
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    Sep 19, 2011 4:49 AM GMT
    OP = images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQeIBfbrc-HpIdzbIhIqn_