Please do not take this to be rude, as I have complete respect for you, and your point of view. However, I am going to use your example and point out what I mean.
Death is something a bit tricky, as I am of the belief that you do have control over crazy things like that. When someone dies is their choice, or if they are weak willed, the choice of those around them. The mind is the most powerful thing in the world (your mind creates your world as I see it), and with it, you can do and control anything, live forever, fly, whatever. You just need to realize that you are not the only mind in the world, therefore the disbelief of others will effect your own belief.
So....assuming y'all haven't written me off as crazy, and not even taking all of that into consideration, here is my view on your situation. This is strictly theoretical, and not what I would condone, but at the core, it is an example of how it was all a choice.
You chose to have your mother in your life. Her death wasn't something that happened to you, it happened to her. You were affected as she was in your life. It was your choice of how to deal with it. You chose to be involved in things outside of your control (Aunt, funeral, etc.). If you had decided you wanted nothing to do with it, your participation would have been minimal, and the effect would have been much less stressful in the short term. From there, how you are effected is still your choice.
You see what I mean? By saying it is all a choice, I don't expect everyone to chose the path of least resistance, I certainly don't. That could lead to a very lonely boring subdued life. But if you did, you would certainly never have drama in your life.
I guess what I am saying is that all choices come with responsibility. When you bring someone or something into your life, you invite along everything that can and will come with it. While most people believe you can't control what happens outside of you, you can always control how you react to it.