Feeling alone after coming out.

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    Sep 20, 2011 2:07 AM GMT
    Hi All,
    I came out about two months ago and I am really happy that I finally did it. However, I have been finding, over the last few weeks especially, that I am feeling really isolated. I live and work in an extremely hetero-dominated world, so I am finding hard to meet guys/ gay friends. Any advice on how to proceed/ thrust myself into the gay world?
    Toronto_guy
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    Sep 20, 2011 2:09 AM GMT
    bro, its a toronto thing, u done goofed. Join the club
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    Sep 20, 2011 2:16 AM GMT
    Dude I'm feeling the exact same way. Just came out and I feel lonely/isolated as hell inside. How did ur friends and family react to you coming out?
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    Sep 20, 2011 2:19 AM GMT
    Toronto_guy_2012 said Any advice on how to proceed/ thrust myself into the gay world?
    Toronto_guy
    Move to Wilton Manors.
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    Sep 20, 2011 2:19 AM GMT
    It's nice to know there are others out there going through this. With my parents, it was a total mindfuck.... the way I expected one to react was the way the other reacted and vice versa (one parent embraced it, the other is kind of on the sidelines). I have had a tremendous amount of support from my father, which was really nice.
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    Sep 20, 2011 2:46 AM GMT
    Nice. My rents were real cool about it. The experience feels good but it's also scary. Been feeling real isolated lately especially since my social life is dominated by heterosexuals. Its been difficult meeting gays. Hope you have better luck.
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    Sep 20, 2011 2:48 AM GMT
    That happens pretty often. Don't let it get to you. icon_neutral.gif now go make some gay friends.

  • JP85257

    Posts: 3284

    Sep 20, 2011 2:50 AM GMT
    Go to bars/clubs/sporing events.

    Go find any local gay publications and look and see what is going on where. That is a good resource for around here. I would think it would be the same in Toronto.
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    Sep 20, 2011 3:50 AM GMT
    It's a very normal and typical feeling to have. We have all been there. Or at least I have. It mostly coincides with the "total slut" phase of most gays - just out of loneliness, fear, anxiety, anything else.

    I channeled my energy elsewhere instead of going there. Lost family/friends. Still pretty isolated - but just like me, you are willing to have a RJ account and post here. It is a good place to start.

    You really are not as alone and isolated as you think you are.

    If you want to join the gay world look into gay sports leagues; if you are musical, then the gay choir; other interests? You can probably find something. Even if you just start with the dating/hook up sites, sometimes you can start a conversation if you have a peculiar interest in [insert interest here] and see another dude's profile with that - start a conversation and see if you can make a friend.

    I met my best platonic gay friend on adam4adam. It can happen if you give people a chance. We started talking about cooking odd things. It worked for us ...
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    Sep 20, 2011 3:52 AM GMT
    I live in Toronto (well, near Toronto atm) so if you ever want to chat feel free to message me.
  • waccamatt

    Posts: 1918

    Sep 20, 2011 3:54 AM GMT
    There's a period of adjustment, but get out and meet some people and it will get better. Eventually you'll realize you're in this awesome fraternity and that straight men are jealous of us.
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    Sep 20, 2011 3:59 AM GMT
    I say this as if I have come out. But I think a willingness to go out of your way to meet people will help in the situation. Example, find a friend on RJ in Toronto, there must be a few, and get a drink or such. I find that the problem with a lot of gay guys is they think platonic niceties are come ons, a lot of times they are not. We all want a friend who is understanding of us... and our straight friends, of which I am surrounded by plenty, just don't cut it.
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    Sep 20, 2011 2:35 PM GMT
    Hey Man, ups and downs happen in life, it's a cycle. Eventually you'll find your guy and then you'll also have to expect ups and downs.
    The great part is that you're fortunate to have transcended society's stigma and came out- showing that you respect yourself for whom you are without making any apologies for it! Excellent start! It has only been two months, adjustments (i.e.- genuine deep self understanding) need time and patience - you owe it to yourself and your future. Build yourself on strong foundations even if the foundations take so so long before building the super-structure. Nearly all of us live in that hetero-dominated world. Listening to heteros makes it clear that they too don't have it perfect either.
    The bottom line is you're off on the correct self-chosen path, have hopes, and make the effort. The more you feel good about yourself that feeling will self-broadcast and will attract like guys.
    Sometimes we soar, sometimes we flounder. As long as we don't wallow things will work out just fine. Just have patience and give yourself time.