why do gay people always want to do something gay.

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    Sep 20, 2011 7:02 PM GMT
    So I was with my friends from school yesterday and we were wanted to get some food. I was suggesting places to go and my straight friends were suggesting places too. I had one other gay friend coming and he refused to eat in and neighborhood ofther than chelsea (which is super gay.)

    He said that he would feel more comfortable there, and since out of the seven of us, 3 were gay, that was where we should go. I made it very clear that I disagreed with him, but we wound up in chelsea anyway......

    But as I started to think about it, anytime you want to hang out with someone gay around here, they always want to go to chelsea. If I suggest somewhere else, they get skittish and try to move back to chelsea.... It's super frustrating.

    Why is there such an aversion to hanging out anywhere other than the gayborhood? icon_sad.gif
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    Sep 20, 2011 7:06 PM GMT
    Do your straight friends refuse to do anything in or near a gayborhood?
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    Sep 20, 2011 7:08 PM GMT
    Like posting this gay question on a gay website?

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    Sep 20, 2011 7:09 PM GMT
    I suppose it's a sense of security.
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    Sep 20, 2011 7:09 PM GMT
    Your gay friends sound like dimwits.
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    Sep 20, 2011 7:10 PM GMT
    Availability heuristic: everyone has had at least one bad experience at the Olive Garden or whatever in straightie land. The minute you suggest something back in straightie land their mind instinctively dredges up that evil look the waiter gave or the rude thing someone at a nearby table said a little too loudly, especially if it was on a date or other highly self-conscious moment to begin with.

    My friends are the same way and it bothers me. Yes I have had bad experiences out at restaurants but it doesn't scare me away - and there are way too many fantastic, diverse, and fusion restaurants to keep eating at the same Queer As Folk corner diner/"it spot" in the gayborhood.

    It's just a comfort zone thing at the base of it - the same way as redneck hicks don't want to move away from their trailer park town of 500 people.
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    Sep 20, 2011 7:17 PM GMT
    What?! Gay people always want to do things that are gay. It's because they're not comfortable in their own skin in the straight predominant world. It's really a matter of low self-esteem. They are not straight acting enough to pull off as straight but they are not confident in themselves enough to act gay in straight world.

    In other words, they care too much about how straight people might judge them. I say let them fucking judge as much as they want, but what they think about you should never dictate how you feel inside. Their judgement and stereotype about gays only has an effect on you, if you allow it. icon_wink.gif
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Sep 20, 2011 7:21 PM GMT
    Apparently, it's not about the food but the eye candy for them.
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    Sep 20, 2011 7:36 PM GMT
    I hear you... When I hang out with a mixed group of gay and straight friends, the "gayness" of the place isn't a important factor if we're talking places to eat, a mall, a sport venue, etc. Is not like sexuality is a factor in having a pizza.

    But a club or such other party-all-night-ish place, I just plain refuse to be dragged into one that is not at least explicitly gay friendly, period.

    Otherwise I rarely get to dance or have fun after the first hour when the group dance gets old, or go to say hi to that guy that looks interesting and see how it goes... and with the loud music forget about having at least an interesting conversation with a friend. Heck, once I went with my then-boyfriend and we ended up the last two people sitting in our table not having fun in the dance floor. It sucks, hence my position on that matter.
  • dancedancekj

    Posts: 1761

    Sep 20, 2011 7:40 PM GMT
    Engineer saidI hear you... When I hang out with a mixed group of gay and straight friends, the "gayness" of the place isn't a important factor if we're talking places to eat, a mall, a sport venue, etc. Is not like sexuality is a factor in having a pizza.

    But a club or such other party-all-night-ish place, I just plain refuse to be dragged into one that is not at least explicitly gay friendly, period.

    Otherwise I rarely get to dance or have fun after the first hour when the group dance gets old, or go to say hi to that guy that looks interesting and see how it goes... and with the loud music forget about having at least an interesting conversation with a friend. Heck, once I went with my then-boyfriend and we ended up the last two people sitting in our table not having fun in the dance floor. It sucks, hence my position.


    Agreed on choosing gay club or dance venues. Nothing like hanging out with a bunch of straight people falling over each other to attract the attention of the opposite sex while I am bored out of my mind. Since I don't drink, and I can't hold a conversation, there is little for me to entertain myself with.

    Luckily for me, the best dance clubs in town are gay, and I have no problem convincing my straight friends to go most of the time icon_smile.gif
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    Sep 20, 2011 7:46 PM GMT
    your friends are small-minded and probably destined to pigeon-hole themselves into doing everything gay-ed up for life. do your own thing if you want.
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    Sep 20, 2011 7:54 PM GMT
    dekiruman saidSo I was with my friends from school yesterday and we were wanted to get some food. I was suggesting places to go and my straight friends were suggesting places too. I had one other gay friend coming and he refused to eat in a neighborhood other than Chelsea (which is super gay.)

    He said that he would feel more comfortable there, and since out of the seven of us, 3 were gay, that was where we should go. I made it very clear that I disagreed with him, but we wound up in Chelsea anyway......

    But as I started to think about it, anytime you want to hang out with someone gay around here, they always want to go to Chelsea . If I suggest somewhere else, they get skittish and try to move back to Chelsea .... It's super frustrating.

    Why is there such an aversion to hanging out anywhere other than the gayborhood?


    Hmm, a few background questions:
    1. Did you ask your friend WHY he felt uncomfortable dining outside a gayborhood?
    1a. Has this friend been gay bashed or harassed in recent times, that you're aware of?

    2. Did you suggest any non-gayborhood but gay-friendly alternatives?

    3. How did your straight friends react to this?
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    Sep 20, 2011 7:57 PM GMT
    dancedancekj said
    Engineer saidI hear you... When I hang out with a mixed group of gay and straight friends, the "gayness" of the place isn't a important factor if we're talking places to eat, a mall, a sport venue, etc. Is not like sexuality is a factor in having a pizza.

    But a club or such other party-all-night-ish place, I just plain refuse to be dragged into one that is not at least explicitly gay friendly, period.

    Otherwise I rarely get to dance or have fun after the first hour when the group dance gets old, or go to say hi to that guy that looks interesting and see how it goes... and with the loud music forget about having at least an interesting conversation with a friend. Heck, once I went with my then-boyfriend and we ended up the last two people sitting in our table not having fun in the dance floor. It sucks, hence my position.


    Agreed on choosing gay club or dance venues. Nothing like hanging out with a bunch of straight people falling over each other to attract the attention of the opposite sex while I am bored out of my mind. Since I don't drink, and I can't hold a conversation, there is little for me to entertain myself with.

    Luckily for me, the best dance clubs in town are gay, and I have no problem convincing my straight friends to go most of the time icon_smile.gif


    Oh, when the gay clubs in town are actually the trendy ones in the general population that's night life nirvana!

    Unfortunately here in my medium sized city that's hasn't happened yet. But during congresses or other such events with friends in the big cities that's what we do and everyone is happy and we all enjoy big time.
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    Sep 20, 2011 7:57 PM GMT
    RunintheCity said
    dekiruman saidSo I was with my friends from school yesterday and we were wanted to get some food. I was suggesting places to go and my straight friends were suggesting places too. I had one other gay friend coming and he refused to eat in a neighborhood other than Chelsea (which is super gay.)

    He said that he would feel more comfortable there, and since out of the seven of us, 3 were gay, that was where we should go. I made it very clear that I disagreed with him, but we wound up in Chelsea anyway......

    But as I started to think about it, anytime you want to hang out with someone gay around here, they always want to go to Chelsea . If I suggest somewhere else, they get skittish and try to move back to Chelsea .... It's super frustrating.

    Why is there such an aversion to hanging out anywhere other than the gayborhood?


    Hmm, a few background questions:
    1. Did you ask your friend WHY he felt uncomfortable dining outside a gayborhood?
    1a. Has this friend been gay bashed or harassed in recent times, that you're aware of?

    2. Did you suggest any non-gayborhood but gay-friendly alternatives?

    3. How did your straight friends react to this?


    Wow, thats alot. I would have probably done:

    1. What the fuck is wrong with you.
    2. Shut the fuck up and either come with or go home.
    3. Im not calling you next time and putting up with this shit.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 20, 2011 7:58 PM GMT
    why do gay people always want to do something gay?

    Cause they're gay. icon_wink.gif
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    Sep 20, 2011 7:58 PM GMT
    I was going to say it sounds like your friend isn't comfortable being gay, because if he was, it wouldn't matter where you guys ate or hung out.
  • JDean

    Posts: 166

    Sep 20, 2011 8:02 PM GMT
    Gay establishments are more fun. Olive garden just makes me think of pompous old people that pretend they have money.


    I say this with respect to the fact that i'm a student with a job, and I don't go out much, at all......
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    Sep 20, 2011 8:10 PM GMT
    Jd22639 saidGay establishments are more fun. Olive garden just makes me think of pompous old people that pretend they have money.


    I say this with respect to the fact that i'm a student with a job, and I don't go out much, at all......


    Sooo.....the Olive Garden isn't considered a gay establishment? Seriously, there's usually a lot of gay going on there.
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    Sep 20, 2011 8:10 PM GMT
    Jd22639 saidGay establishments are more fun.


    QFT.

    Why shouldn't they always want to do "something gay"? What's wrong with it?
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    Sep 20, 2011 8:14 PM GMT
    TroyAthlete said
    Jd22639 saidGay establishments are more fun.


    QFT.

    Why shouldn't they always want to do "something gay"? What's wrong with it?


    I love gay establishments but the world is not gay and there's so much out there. Gay does not always equal better.
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    Sep 20, 2011 8:17 PM GMT
    My guess is that your gay friend fears being harassed or physical violence OR is just comfortable in an area he knows well.

    My suggestion is that when you're going out with your friends again and don't want to go to Chelsea tell your friend that you're going out someplace outside of Chelsea and you're extending your friend an invitation out of courtesy.
    If seven of you are going out, you shouldn't always have to bend to the desire of one person. It's ok if that friend doesn't always go out with the rest of you.
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    Sep 20, 2011 8:22 PM GMT
    TroyAthlete said
    Jd22639 saidGay establishments are more fun.


    QFT.

    Why shouldn't they always want to do "something gay"? What's wrong with it?


    There is a big, wide world out there that isnt catering to people being gay. Gay people get in airplanes, go to shopping malls, visit other cities and a whole host of other things that every day people do. If you cannot stand to be out a gay cocoon for more than a few hours you have serious mental health issues.
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    Sep 20, 2011 8:29 PM GMT
    coolarmydude saidApparently, it's not about the food but the eye candy for them.



    Correct. A lot of theories in this thread, when really it is as simple as this.
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    Sep 20, 2011 8:53 PM GMT
    Iceblink said
    coolarmydude saidApparently, it's not about the food but the eye candy for them.



    Correct. A lot of theories in this thread, when really it is as simple as this.


    Btw, did you get out of the house for Dream Cruise? I swear, you’re in the world’s friendliest city for at least a week per year.

  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Sep 20, 2011 8:58 PM GMT
    Ermine saidMy guess is that your gay friend fears being harassed or physical violence OR is just comfortable in an area he knows well.

    My suggestion is that when you're going out with your friends again and don't want to go to Chelsea tell your friend that you're going out someplace outside of Chelsea and you're extending your friend an invitation out of courtesy.
    If seven of you are going out, you shouldn't always have to bend to the desire of one person. It's ok if that friend doesn't always go out with the rest of you.



    I agree, good answer.