While I would not call most of my friends femme, I have had quite a few that I would think of as at least somewhat femme. How masculine or effeminate someone is, is a non-issue for me when it comes to friendship. With all due respect, some guys are just feminine and that part of them is a turn-on by certain men and women.
Personally I find masculinity, in my idealistic form, an aphrodisiac but I also find machismo a turn off. If a guy is femme or unnaturally macho, I will lose my woody. I will also say that what I perceive as masculine may not be what someone else sees.
I do have a problem with the amateur femme gay culture being shoved down everyone’s throat. Picture yourself in a bar playing pool. Suddenly Ms Thing gets up to perform some horrific act that drives you home. The jokes are cliché, the singing is off-tune, and their idea of feminine would insult most women. A lot of bad drag queens personify all the negative attributes of women without incorporating the positive. There are good and bad shows but it seems everyone, with or without talent, has to be star.
I also get tired of straights always painting a gay as a stereotype character. They try to recreate their male/female world with leather daddies and drag queens. A gay guy can never be too strong or attractive or it might threaten the weak straight guy. If they really knew how often the women chase after us they would have no security left. “Queer eye…” is loved by straight people because it is just the way the majority are comfortable perceiving us. “Brokeback Mountain”, I imagine, hits too close too home for many men and women, but is probably closer to the truth of the non-heterosexual world.
I have come to the conclusion that only about 1%-3% of the male population is so femme they could never “pass as straight”. I figured this number out by looking at the studies that conclude that gays or a mere 3% of the population. Non-heterosexuals account for a far larger percentage but that would threaten the straight and narrow world if they ever found out. I’m convinced that between a 1/2 to 3/4s of the “not completely straight” population is in the closet. The point is most guys who like cock are not femme.
The femmes, however, are on the front line. They carry most of the homophobic weight of our culture. Many of them don’t have a choice about being in or out of the closet.
I’m not exactly in the closet but my sexuality is not the first topic of conversation when I meet someone new. Consequently many eventually ask me if I have kids, am married, or was ever married. If I’m with my nephews (nieces) they call them my sons or daughters. When I meet a single or divorced woman near my age she often starts drilling me to determine if I’m an eligible bachelor. Some can be very aggressive and it can quickly become awkward. When I meet a straight friend’s wife, girlfriend, or sister, they want to hook me up with one of their friends. I don’t imagine femmes have to deal with that but I bet they deal with many things I would never want to encounter. So I’ll drink to their courage, as long as they keep the theatrics for the stage.
One last point, the more sophisticated and “gay sensitive” a culture the more likely they capable of believing that an attractive eligible bachelor over 40 that has never married and does not talk about girlfriends is probably not so eligible.