Being Gay and Persian

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 22, 2011 2:00 AM GMT
    Hey everyone,

    Well, you can probably guess from the title that I am Persian, well half anyway. Few months ago I came out to my dad (whom i've hated for years and never really got along with..only reason i told him is because he asked). He looked at me like I was literally possessed and asked me why I was gay and asked if anything inappropriate happened to me when i was younger to feel that way. Oh! Then had the nerve to say he 'accepts' it but doesnt 'approve' of it and its a sin.

    Fucked up right? So, I am pretty sure he told the rest of my Persian family and they stopped contacting me. So I feel like because I came out, I literally gave up half my family and half my heritage.

    So, I was wondering if there was anyone else here that is Persian, or I guess Middle Eastern in general, that had an easier 'coming out' story or if my case is a typical one.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 22, 2011 4:15 AM GMT
    I can understand that being Persian/Middle Eastern this may feel like a unique experience, but trust me, there are a lot of guys who grew up in the American south in a Christian household who completely relate to what you're saying.

    Many people in the older generation, as in your parents, believe too many falsehoods and fake psychology about the root causes of homosexuality that have no connection to reality. Unfortunately it sounds like your father falls into this category.

    It's not surprising that some of your family may become distant. But you might also be surprised how many of them will secretly support you and will let you know that in due time. So don't despair.

    Be your own person. Be who you are. Make no apologies. You have every right to be you.
  • camfer

    Posts: 891

    Sep 22, 2011 4:31 AM GMT
    Hey AlexanderB, sorry about your family. You might like these old gay persian artworks and poetry found at

    http://www.gay-art-history.org/gay-history/gay-art/gay-iranian-art/gay-persian-art.html

    Gayness has always been with us, and we always hope that people will evolve enough to see what amazing value we possess. Fundamentally, it is their problem, and not ours, if they are blind to the beauty and power we embody.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 22, 2011 5:03 AM GMT
    That really sucks.. congrats to you for being yourself though..

    Funny enough, I have at least a third of my family who is muslim... among them people that are extremely closed-minded and the rest of us just roll our eyes at them, but at the same time, it was some of my muslim family that was most accepting and most openly accommodating to me... to the point where they would speak openly about me dating guys, and actually stimulating me to settle down with a person of the same sex in a most warm and friendly way, just wishing for my happiness and totally supporting me being open about it....

    whereas some of my christian family would rather ignore the issue altogether..

    Just goes to show you...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 22, 2011 5:21 AM GMT
    i have a few saudi egyptian amd persian friends and they all accepted me, plus it will take some time for ur family to process it took my dad a year icon_neutral.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 22, 2011 1:13 PM GMT
    I'm from the Middle East (Israel) and my family has no problem with me being a mo.

    Half of my family is either Muslim and/or Mizrahi (Arab Jewish) and even they love me. Even if they didn't, it would not make one damn bit of difference in how I choose to live today.

    So here is my advice: realize that family dysfunction and weirdness knows no religion, region, ethnicity, nationality or color. Trust God, serve others and do the next right thing and you will have the life of happiness and freedom you deserve

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 22, 2011 2:32 PM GMT
    Thanks for the support guys. I really was just curious if anyone had the same, or better, experiences in coming out with a Middle Eastern background. I honestly havent talked to my dad in months (parents are divorced) and frankly, if he or that side of the family can't accept me...fuck them. I don't need it.

    Only thing I really miss though is my heritage. I don't speak persian by any means but I miss the food and celebrating Norooz (Persian New Year). My mom's side of the family is Catholic and when I first told her, she said she didnt care about me being gay.

    Then suddenly, that whole side of the family began asking me during family holidays and what not so obviously she has a problem with it despite her 'supporting' me. I told her in confidence and she told my uncles who have issues themselves? Thanks mom...

    I know this seems like a stupid rant but I just need to get it out and don't really have any gay friends (sad as that is...most of the gay kids I met around here are what I like to call 'bitches with dicks').

    Despite all of this crap, I am not changing who I am. I am closer to my friends than with family anyway.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 22, 2011 2:40 PM GMT
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 22, 2011 3:16 PM GMT
    Iskandar,

    Giving up your heritage has nothing to do with how other people treat you. Keeping the Persian half of your background is entirely up to you; its with you regardless. Its important to be proud and informed about your family's history and ethnicity, and it might be something that you can draw upon for strength.

    Khosh bakht.

    Adam
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 22, 2011 10:33 PM GMT
    AlexanderB said

    Only thing I really miss though is my heritage. I don't speak persian by any means but I miss the food and celebrating Norooz (Persian New Year).


    Start making your own tradition following the Persian tradition. Tell your mom this is important to you and you want her support. Find a community of Persian friends if possible.

    don't really have any gay friends (sad as that is...most of the gay kids I met around here are what I like to call 'bitches with dicks').

    That's why most of my real friends are straight. I have some gay acquaintances but none that are really what I'd call a friend.
  • MelB4Ever

    Posts: 147

    Sep 23, 2011 12:06 AM GMT
    I'm a Persian Jew and its pretty strict in my culture too but I'm out to my mom. I have a good Mom..even thought she was depressed at first..she's coping with it much better than when she first found out. Sometimes it takes times for it to register in someone's mind. Good luck with everything. icon_smile.gif
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Sep 23, 2011 12:13 AM GMT
    OK, it seems bad now, but now they know and you can move on.

    Imagine the other alternative.

    You hid it and developed ulcers and anxiety disorders and got all fucked up because you were so worried they would find out.

    You're much better off in the position that you're in now. Life can only get better.

    Sometimes you have to cut people out of your life if they're toxic. The cousins and siblings will come back, most of the uncles and aunts will come back. They think your father is an asshole most likely anyway, if he deals with them like he deals with you. These big family issues usually boil down to one difficult individual. And who's more important and has more to give to the world? It's always the gay guy. We get all the talents and the brains.

    My father called me a fag when I was 16 and I didn't even know what that meant. He apologized on his deathbed. They come around.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 23, 2011 12:28 AM GMT
    AlexanderB said... So I feel like because I came out, I literally gave up half my family and half my heritage.
    That's not exclusive to Middle Eastern men.
    I gave up over $3mil of inheritance by standing up to my family.