Long Distance Relationships? Subtitle: do we get stupider as we grow older?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 16, 2008 10:30 AM GMT
    I really have the hots for a guy 7,000 km away. (We're not even talking the same continent!) And there is every indication that he feels exactly the same way for me. I've been around, I don't get the hots easily, and I like to think that I've had time to carefully evaluate this man's character... and I like him and am proud of him very much.

    We chat and talk on the phone many hours each day. Over the course of three months we have stopped having sex with other men, started using the "Love" word and have moved onto the "boy friend" word. There have been many intimate conversations, we seem to share the same values, and of course he looks hot as a button!

    We decided that the next step is to meet in person and that will be happening in the next few weeks. If things work out well during that, we have a problem, and if not, it was a great adventure and undoubtedly we will be good travelling companions or the like.

    But if we are still serious after we meet, things get a little more difficult... we were thinking of arranging a number of times together, his county, mine and some neutral trips in between. The idea being to spend some quality time together and decide if we still want to and of course check out various cities we want to live and work in.

    As a quick background - Many years ago for me, a much shorter long distance once worked well for me because it allowed us to grow together slowly and focus on getting to know each other and yet also having some private space and time to make the adjustments when two "maturer men" move together. After two years we moved in together and on the whole it worked well. But this long distance is an order of magnitude bigger.

    If we both want it, I really want to make this work. Are we just plain out to lunch? Does anyone have experience with this? Or suggestions on how best to proceed?

    Thanks

    Chris
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    May 16, 2008 10:45 AM GMT
    Chris,
    Are you meeting for the first time? If yes, have you found ways to verify him? 'Cos I think you're threading into dangerous waters here, dahling.
    That's 'cos I see another one of my "been there, been that" situations, apparently.
    ZiM
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 16, 2008 11:55 AM GMT
    Chris,
    Well Zim does have a point. I think so long as you have done your homework and are confident as to who he is, thats enough.

    Well I have plenty of experience on a long distance relationship (that isn't' so long distance). Within the same state. It is going to be more of a challenge for you no doubt.

    My question and its important... are you of different nationalities (I would assume so), different religions (perhaps).... but very different backgrounds.
    I think you must talk in great detail so you have a good understanding of one another.... and if you are to be a couple, how its all going to work. You just have a much larger mountain to climb (so to speak) than someone such as myself who just has about 100 miles.

    Good luck to you. Actually I think many here would like to hear how you are doing and how its working. Please consider posting the latest.

    icon_biggrin.gif
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    May 16, 2008 3:06 PM GMT
    I have never quite understood the long distance relationship. But, in all fairness, have never been put in that situation. Two of my best friends met online, James and James. One lived on the east coast and the other on the west coast. When east coast James moved to SF after several months of long distance dating, I was very skeptical. But they knew what felt right for them. Which is what you need to do. No one can tell you how or when to love. It just happens. Fast forward a few years, they just got married in vegas and are one of the warmest loving couples I have met.
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    May 16, 2008 3:19 PM GMT
    Amor de lejos, Amor de pendejos! icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 16, 2008 6:20 PM GMT
    Well good luck Chris but it aint easy long distance relationships?

    Where is he what country?


    You cant fall in love unless you have met and touched ?


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    May 16, 2008 7:24 PM GMT
    Zim, you are wise beyond your years.

    When I first read it I thought you had known and met the guy but apprarently you haven't and now youare claiminglove. That my friend is atypically rookie mistake. Don't go seeing this guy with an open heart.

    Long distance relationship only for those who are situated and have all their problems worked. If youare the ype of person who needs to have you significant other around you then I wouldn't tempt a trying to make LDR work.

    You might've spoken with himonline but that's completely different from actually meeting someone and getting a feel for them. Just be careful in your decisions with this guy and leave yourself an out incase things don't go as planned.
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    May 17, 2008 2:15 PM GMT
    Thanks guys.. I really appreciate the comments. You know sometimes you get too close to the trees to see the forest... And thats why I wanted some straight shooting (no pun intended) advice.

    I think I'm going into this with my eyes open. He really is an awesome guy, checks out, has a context and family and all that sort of thing. I have always been transplanted myself, so I'm not particularly worried about culture and religion, no more than with a local guy. In anycase we seem to be a pretty good match there. And in terms of character, I know this man way more then some of the picks ups I used to do in the bars in my younger days.

    The biggest point to me is that long distance relationships have to be temporary. Check each other out at the start, and if its a go, then work out how to live together.

    Thanks again.

    Chris
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 18, 2008 7:37 AM GMT
    Guy101 saidZim, you are wise beyond your years.

    Sorry to burst the bubble but I'm in an almost similar situation as ChrisN's --only mine is worse: in love with someone online who I haven't seen in person, touch, heard, feel nor even spoken too on the phone. Yet we exchange I love yous already. Sad but better than nothing; and that's realistically speaking from where I'm coming from. lol
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    May 21, 2008 9:19 AM GMT
    Long distance relationships take a lot of work. My last relationship lasted for six years, out of which three were long distance (he moved to London). It ended painfully and very badly. I can only wish you luck.


    As for RJ's most beloved member (ZIMSTER), tell your boyfriend that if he ever hurts you, he'll have hell to payicon_evil.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 02, 2008 12:35 AM GMT
    Long-distance relationships may take a lot to work... But they can work, or rather, they can be made to work.

    It just requires both parties to understand the rules of the game and to adhere to them. These rules are largely unwritten and are set by mutual agreement.

    Should one member decide to stop thinking with his head or heart and start thinking with his penis instead, the other is fighting a losing battle and is better off retreating.

    I've been in a long-distance relationship too, and in my opinion it worked pretty well. But that was my opinion. However, when one falls out of love and the other remains madly in love, there is little future for that relationship than to end painfully and bitterly... and it did.

    For some of us, 'distance' becomes an excuse. I don't see why else some of us would want to repeat the same mistake twice!
  • ShawnTX

    Posts: 2484

    Jul 02, 2008 1:05 AM GMT
    Ok...so we need an update.
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    Jan 27, 2009 6:33 PM GMT
    ShawnTX saidOk...so we need an update.


    ChrisN, are you there??? icon_eek.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 27, 2009 7:02 PM GMT
    The only thing you can be sure about is yourself.

    Maybe you have not been on here long enough to have seen the string of long distance ..pen pal..chat buddy fakes that guys have really been burned on.

    What can be done when our prime educator is the media that has fantasy at its core.