I think my Nephew is drinking.............

  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    May 16, 2008 2:15 PM GMT
    He had a football match last night. I went, but he was getting home with his friends. BTW, he is 17 years old on this Monday. I went back to his house with my nieces. I was waiting for him to come home, but it was getting late, so his mother sent him a text, and he replied. She was annoyed to here he was in the pub. Now that is not unusual as he has done that before, but it is against the law here for a 16 year old to be in a pup at 11pm.

    She was going to pick him up, but I said I would. I didn't get a chance to go inside the pub, as he came out just as I pulled up outside.

    Anyway, he hoped in and was very cheerful, for a guy that lost a match. Then he was all talk and singing to himself. While it is not totally unlike him, it did seem to me he was a bit tipsy. There was a smell of drink, but then he was in a pub, and I didn't ask to smell his breath.

    When we arrived at his house he seem reluctant to get out. Just kept messing with his phone. Then when he did, he went straight to the bathroom. I went home.

    This is my little boy. I don't want him drinking yet. He is more like a son to me than a Nephew.

    What do you guys think?

    What should I do, or should I do anything?

    Mike
  • ShawnTX

    Posts: 2484

    May 16, 2008 2:20 PM GMT
    I'd relax and not be too hard on him. If he's going to the pub once a week and having a bit of fun there's no harm in it, even at his age. I got into my first bar when I was 15, and we'd usually go every Friday night.

    I didn't go overboard, and if he isn't either, I'm sure he'll be fine. I think when adults make a big deal about drinking it urges the rebellious nature of a teenager to do it anyways, to excess. My parents never made a big deal of it, so neither did I. I didn't have to sneak around and my parents always knew where I was.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 16, 2008 2:26 PM GMT
    Mike,
    How were you when you were 17?
    I've had this discussion with my Brit mates (those ages 20-25) 'cos out of curiosity, I asked what age did they start drinking. The average is actually 14. You'd be surprised that your nephew being tipsy is not an isolated incident at all.
    I appreciate your help in my previous threads. This is me returning the favor.
    Check your math: 17 x 2 = ??
    Make sure you spell the answer correctly.
    Love you lots,
    ZiM x
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    May 16, 2008 3:53 PM GMT
    Thanks guys for the replies.

    I agree with you Shawn, but when he is one of your own, I cant help, but worry.

    I would never be too hard on him, unless he was making a fool out of himself. He is a very sensible guy for his age, and I have always admired that about him. His father went a bit crazy with drink a few years ago, so maybe, I am thinking about that too much. I believe it was my Nephew (his son) that sorted him out.

    I want him to enjoy himself and have fun. He deserves it after all the tough times he had growing up. But I don't want drink to mess him up. And when your with a group of guys and there is pressure there to drink, well, you know what I mean. Also, his debs is on in a few weeks.


    Zim, Believe it or not, but I don't drink, and never did.

    Not sure what you mean by, (Check your math: 17 x 2 = ??) icon_question.gif

    Thanks for the love.

    Hugs

    Mike

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    May 16, 2008 4:21 PM GMT
    This might be my American pov, but if he is going to s pub I would think he is drinking. Seems logical. Also seems like something that's best handled by his parents. Unless you want to be the cool uncle that sits him down and talks to him as a confidant about the dangers of drinking. It might establish some trust. If he can be safe and transparent, it might avoid some potentially sticky situations down the road. Taking the mystique out of drinking is usually a good equalizer. Which is why there is so much binge drinking in the states. Cause you have to be 21 to drink, yet are out of parental control at 18. That leaves 3 years of sneaking around an unhealthy drinking behaviour.
  • MattyC0709

    Posts: 1199

    May 16, 2008 4:25 PM GMT
    icon_rolleyes.gif Lol, he's thirty-fwhore Mike! (17 x 2 = 34) icon_biggrin.gificon_lol.gificon_razz.gificon_wink.gif
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    May 16, 2008 4:51 PM GMT
    I would fine with it as long as hes drinking in moderation and only on occasion, responsibly with his friends. Esp. if hes going to college. So many people come to college not knowing anything about what alcohol does to you or how much you can handle.
  • UncleverName

    Posts: 741

    May 16, 2008 6:39 PM GMT
    muttskins saidicon_rolleyes.gif Lol, he's thirty-fwhore Mike! (17 x 2 = 34) icon_biggrin.gificon_lol.gificon_razz.gificon_wink.gif


    That thirty-fwhore thing reminds me a lot of Betty Whorez...
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    May 16, 2008 6:52 PM GMT
    Having raised two kids myself, and often felt like I was raising their friends too, I went at it like shawnTO suggested his parents did. I immediately acknowledged their right to experiment, I would have a drink at restaurants with them present or at a home party and share some with them as young as 13. I always gave them an example of drinking moderately, and when they were leaving our house to go to a party or a bar, I always reminded them to drink moderately and made sure they new that they could call me if they were too drunk to drive. there were a few tipsy returns home but in the whole of it this tactic worked well. Just be very open about it, so if it does become a problem the young man knows he can come to you, knowing that he won't catch hell.
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    May 16, 2008 6:57 PM GMT
    i'm with shawn. i was boozing at 15. my parents had some rules... main one being,

    "don't drink so much you puke. and if you do. it's not allowed in the house."

    my folks weren't the "cool" parents who said "we prefer you drink in the house if you're going to" they just knew which bar i was at, had a call in time (1AM) and if i wanted to stay out later could just call. it was my responsibility if anything happened. it really took the fun out of hiding in peoples driveways and stuff. cuz i never had to be scared of getting caught.


    honestly, if he wasn't calling his mom from the bottom of the stairs cuz he couldn't get up them, then i think he's fine. you can sit him down and tell him your concern, but don't be overbearing. tell him he just needs to watch out for going too far. he'll hit that point one day and realize it's only fun to a certain point.
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    May 16, 2008 9:06 PM GMT
    Mike Phil,

    Your nephew is Irish. He lives in Ireland.

    Do you even need to ask that question?
  • auryn

    Posts: 2061

    May 16, 2008 9:45 PM GMT
    Have you talked with his parents about this? It may do well to see what their stance on this is so you don't look like you're overstepping your boundaries. It's clear you love your nephew and don't want him to hurt himself or anyone else, so maybe taking an approach to educate him on responsible drinking might work.

    Telling him about taking Vitamin B and Acidophilus tablets and pacing himself with a glass of water between drinks may be worth it. But I'd, first, talk these things, and your concern about him overdoing it, with the parents first before I, as we say in the old country, snatch a knot in his neck.

    Just a thought.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    May 16, 2008 9:58 PM GMT
    I wouldn't worry... yet

    Kids, esp boys are going to drink
    It's part of the adolescent hazing that we went thru and I'm assuming he's going thru right now

    at the sametime should you keep an eye on this and see if it becomes a habit with him...absolutely
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    May 17, 2008 12:12 AM GMT
    DJBens77 saidThis might be my American pov, but if he is going to s pub I would think he is drinking. Seems logical. Also seems like something that's best handled by his parents. Unless you want to be the cool uncle that sits him down and talks to him as a confidant about the dangers of drinking. It might establish some trust. If he can be safe and transparent, it might avoid some potentially sticky situations down the road. Taking the mystique out of drinking is usually a good equalizer. Which is why there is so much binge drinking in the states. Cause you have to be 21 to drink, yet are out of parental control at 18. That leaves 3 years of sneaking around an unhealthy drinking behaviour.



    I know what you mean DJ. You would have to be stupid to think a 17 year old guy in a pub is not drinking, but this is the kind of shit that goes on here. Young guys play a football match, and the trainer's want a drink, so it's of to the pud with that guys. You cant have a football match here without drink. Anyway, don't get me started on that.

    The point is you can go to a pub and not drink. I do it all the time. I never drank, and yet I go to the pub from time to time.

    Also, it is illegal for the pub to sell him drink, and it is also illegal for him to even be in the pub at that hour.

    I agree it is his parents responsibility, but I don't want to tell them. His father is an ass, and probably would encourage him to drink. His mum (my sister) is a great mother, and practically raised him, and his two sisters by herself, but I feel she will be too hard on him. I would be the bad ass uncle if I told. I would tell if I thought he was over doing it though. And as Shawn said, if his mother is too hard on him, it may just make his drinking worse. BTW, you may have guessed it by now, but his mum and dad are divorced.

    There is trust between him and I, so I'm sure we could have a man to man talk about it if the need be, so long as I don't say anything to his mum. We have done this in the past over less serious things. The thing is, I think his mother knows that he tells me things that he doesn't tell her, so I could get myself in a very awkward situation.
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    May 17, 2008 12:13 AM GMT
    muttskins saidicon_rolleyes.gif Lol, he's thirty-fwhore Mike! (17 x 2 = 34) icon_biggrin.gificon_lol.gificon_razz.gificon_wink.gif


    OK, smart ass I get it icon_rolleyes.gif
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    May 17, 2008 12:15 AM GMT
    carthesis saidI would fine with it as long as hes drinking in moderation and only on occasion, responsibly with his friends. Esp. if hes going to college. So many people come to college not knowing anything about what alcohol does to you or how much you can handle.



    He is off to collage later on this year, so you may have a point there.
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    May 17, 2008 12:23 AM GMT
    realifedad said they could call me if they were too drunk to drive.


    "Too drunk to drive" If he ever got behind the wheel of a car with just one drink on him, I would personally take the car of him. Drinking and driving no matter how much is just not on. It is craziness.
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    May 17, 2008 12:27 AM GMT
    jms84 saidyou can sit him down and tell him your concern, but don't be overbearing. tell him he just needs to watch out for going too far. he'll hit that point one day and realize it's only fun to a certain point.


    I'm thinking about doing that, but I think I will wait and just keep an eye on him for now.
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    May 17, 2008 12:28 AM GMT
    JohnnyD saidMike Phil,

    Your nephew is Irish. He lives in Ireland.

    Do you even need to ask that question?



    We are not all drinkers, I am proof of that.
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    May 17, 2008 12:35 AM GMT
    Auryn saidHave you talked with his parents about this? It may do well to see what their stance on this is so you don't look like you're overstepping your boundaries. It's clear you love your nephew and don't want him to hurt himself or anyone else, so maybe taking an approach to educate him on responsible drinking might work.

    Telling him about taking Vitamin B and Acidophilus tablets and pacing himself with a glass of water between drinks may be worth it. But I'd, first, talk these things, and your concern about him overdoing it, with the parents first before I, as we say in the old country, snatch a knot in his neck.

    Just a thought.



    As I said I don't want to say anything to his mum. At least not yet. We have a good relationship, and I want him to feel he can talk to me about anything, and not to worry that I will tell his mum. If something is serious enough, I would tell his mum, but let him know that I have to tell.
  • ASH557

    Posts: 112

    May 17, 2008 12:37 AM GMT
    Mike:

    I'm sure you love your nephew to death. What I think you should do is wait to see if some other occasion arises that leads you to think he is drinking. If he is, then (depending on how close yall are) talk to him about it.

    I didn't have a single drop of alcohol until I graduated high school. I was 18 then.

    He should be lucky to have such a caring uncle to look out for him.

    x
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    May 17, 2008 12:40 AM GMT
    Sorry for all the replies. LOL But I thought you all were entitled to a reply seen as you went to that trouble of posting.

    Thanks to everyone for your advice. It all helps.

    Mike
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    May 17, 2008 12:43 AM GMT
    ASH557 saidMike:

    I'm sure you love your nephew to death. What I think you should do is wait to see if some other occasion arises that leads you to think he is drinking. If he is, then (depending on how close yall are) talk to him about it.

    I didn't have a single drop of alcohol until I graduated high school. I was 18 then.

    He should be lucky to have such a caring uncle to look out for him.

    x



    Thanks Ash. Yeah, I will just keep an eye on him for now. If it happens again I will have a chat with him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 17, 2008 8:56 AM GMT
    I was drinking out with friends in freshman college at 16. Some high school friends started earlier - 14. Even then only for social occasions.

    I was deathly scared that my parents would find out and give me a smackdown lecture or something but heh, they just reminded me to drink moderately and all that. The first icon_redface.gif time I came home lurching drunk, I puked on the kitchen sink at 3 in the morning, and all my mom did was laugh, made me coffee, and told me that's what happens when I drink too much.

    If they did the opposite, It'd probably have made me want alcohol more. I've got two friends like that whose parents are tyrants icon_razz.gif Guess what? They're the most frequent drinkers, and the only honest-to-goodness potheads in the group.

    So yeah, just talk to him, tell him to be responsible for his actions and stuff. Remind him someone cares for him but don't put him on chains. That's the worst thing you can do to a teenager. icon_razz.gif

    And icon_redface.gif In um... 15 more years I'll probably be worrying the same thing with my nephew and nieces. LOL
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    May 17, 2008 9:11 AM GMT
    MikePhil,
    I'm afraid you're arousing my father figure issues (It's bad enough for me that you're in a monogamous relationship). Muttskins and I are nothing more than brothers under your parental guidance. Anyway, if it's any consolation, I only began drinking at age 27. But geez, he's Irish for Christsakes and you were prolly a Muslim in a previous life.icon_wink.gif
    ZiM x