Gay in the Idaho Sticks

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 24, 2011 7:34 PM GMT
    So just moved from fabulous Florida to SE Idaho for a job, and am having buyer's remorse. I never realized that Grindr could have no results. Anybody near me, or have advice on a social life in the middle of nowhere.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 24, 2011 8:07 PM GMT
    oozyrat saidSo just moved from fabulous Florida to SE Idaho for a job, and am having buyer's remorse. I never realized that Grindr could have no results. Anybody near me, or have advice on a social life in the middle of nowhere.

    Not a lot anyone here can do to change geography or demographics. Here's what I did to survive in North Dakota, which in places is even more sparsely populated that where you are:

    I did a search for gay online groups in the State. At that time some groups were with eGroups, later Yahoo took them over (my principle site was Rainbow Ranch). I networked in that way, and we set up monthly get-togethers, including dinners, dances & outdoor camping. But you had to travel to them. Got me laid a few times, but no BFs came out of it. Still, better than nothing.
  • BardBear

    Posts: 533

    Sep 25, 2011 1:38 PM GMT
    I met my husOtter online. I lived in rural South Dakota and feel your pain. But you're in a wonderful new world right now. The computer is at your finger tips, everything is really just digital arm's reach away. Start posting on boards and starting conversations.

    Here's the thing, however. Know that your concept of relationship might change. I never thought I'd fall for a guy's personality before actually meeting them. I figured I'd fall for someone like me--a jock who we could spend Saturday night at boxing matches watching hot men--but it ended up we started with small talk. We were just friends, quite literally, knowing we'd probably not meet. Time marched on. And we talked, talked and talked some more.

    And now look.

    Join groups, just like Artie D suggested. But also, don't seek out men. Instead, get involved in the things you like to do. Local sports groups. Make straight friends and they might be able to help you. I fixed up on several dates with friends of friends and they were always kinda cool too.

    Hang in there.

    Peace,
    Bardy
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 25, 2011 1:51 PM GMT
    I may be silly in asking this, but did you do any modicum of research prior to moving?

    Your plight brings to mind this Onion article from a while back: http://mobile.theonion.com/articles/i-cant-seem-to-find-the-moline-gay-district,10847/?mobile=true

    I wish you luck.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 25, 2011 2:00 PM GMT
    oozyrat saidSo just moved from fabulous Florida to SE Idaho for a job, and am having buyer's remorse. I never realized that Grindr could have no results. Anybody near me, or have advice on a social life in the middle of nowhere.


    In a way i'm jealous of you. Your in the country and it will be a new experience. I live in NYC and at times I hate it. Too many people, high cost of living, and loud noises. I would give anything to move back to Arizona right now. My advice would be to get out and meet new people. Join groups, they dont have to be gay, as another poster said. Every new person you meet can lead to better things, just have a positive attitude about it.
  • ArmsandLegs

    Posts: 125

    Sep 25, 2011 2:01 PM GMT
    I just moved out of Idaho earlier this summer, and know what you're going through. Although I did live in Boise, which is the gay hub of the state, there was still much to be desired. Depending on what interests you have, I would look into a.l.p.h.a. Idaho, it is an HIV/AIDS awareness group that is based out of Boise but has chapters all over the state. Looking into Idaho State University to check if they have any resources could also be helpful. There are gays on that side of the state, trust me! You just have to look for them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 25, 2011 2:19 PM GMT
    I lived in Idaho 12 years. 11 years in the Wood River Valley and 1 year in Boise.

    You will find some gays in Pocatello and Idaho Falls but I'm not sure about Blackfoot.

    Idaho, despite being sparsely populated, is BEAUTIFUL. Check out Mackay, Stanley, Sun Valley, McCall, and Driggs for outdoor recreation that is not only outstanding, but completely untouched and pristine.

    If you don't enjoy the outdoors, I would start to... Otherwise you'll really resent moving there.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 25, 2011 2:31 PM GMT
    Network and be willing to travel. Where I grew up it is common for guys to drive 60 or even 120 miles just for happy hours and dinner parties. But you may be surprised..I dunno maybe it depends on what area of the country you are in because people are not the same everywhere...but sometimes guys who are willing to drive 60 or so miles are worth meeting.

    If you think you are there for the long haul, or want to position yourself to move later but stay in the region- If I were in se Idaho, I would try to branch out a bit and network to find guys in Boise and also down in the SLC area. That may seem like a long haul and you may only travel to one of those cities two or three times a year, but you would be surprised where some long-term networking can get a rural gay man. I say this because I came out in rural Colorado back in 2000 and now I have friends in the gay community all over the state icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 25, 2011 2:35 PM GMT
    Inostrankan saidI may be silly in asking this, but did you do any modicum of research prior to moving?


    lol, I actually grew up here, so I know the area well. I wasn't expecting some bastion of gay activity. I'm pretty low-key anyway, I don't like bars or clubs, and I prefer 1 on 1 meetings, so I figured it wouldn't make that big a difference. What surprised me is how openly hostile regular people are, even kids, about gay people, and how deep in the closet all the gays are. There are no people on any of the networking sites! I guess cause they're worried someone will find out about them. I don't know, I figure if I'm on a gay site, no one but other gays is gonna be trolling around, so I don't worry so much.

    We'll see I guess. Thanks for everyone's advice. The job is good, and maybe after a couple years I'll get tired of it and move on. It's too bad though, because the gay thing aside, it's a great area with great people, and I'd probably end up settling here. I hate that being gay ends up as my defining characteristic.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 25, 2011 2:40 PM GMT
    oozyrat said
    Inostrankan saidI may be silly in asking this, but did you do any modicum of research prior to moving?


    What surprised me is how openly hostile regular people are, even kids, about gay people, and how deep in the closet all the gays are..


    Yep, people are not the same everywhere. I have never really run into that in Colorado, but other states are quite different. Just be real about where you are.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 25, 2011 2:42 PM GMT
    You have me beat big time. How far are you from Salt Lake City?

    I know all about this. I've lived most of my adult life in New York. I have a condo in Miami frorm when I lived there a couple of years but spend most of my time in a small town in NC. We have three gay bars here and the occasional small take over. It doesn't take long before you've met pretty much all the openly gay men in town.

    Yes it was an adjustment but I'm not sure if it is better or worse than the life I had in the big cities. Big cities give the illusion of endless choices so most gay men become so frenetic about dating and hooking up they end up alone anyway. In rural America, gay men might be starving for meet but in big cities it seems most are on a junky sugary diet.


    BardBear said......

    Here's the thing, however. Know that your concept of relationship might change. I never thought I'd fall for a guy's personality before actually meeting them.......


    Bardy gives a lot of good advice but this one is key. Get to know some of the larger cities nearby. Learn how to date on cam. I've met guys all over the world by chatting on cam. Dating at a slower pace gives you the chance to really know a guy before you become intimate.

    I don't know SE Idaho but I imagine it has a lot of raw beauty as where I live does. I see you already snowboard so you will probably like whitewater kayaking when the snow melts. You can make some great friends that way who look out for you. I've done a lot of sports but never any, where there is so much comradery as whitewater kayaking. So enjoy the great outdoors as much as possible and cast a wide net for dating.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 25, 2011 3:07 PM GMT

    The town I live in is in fact quite progressive and you can see rainbow flags on some houses but like you said many people still live in the closet because they arrived here from the sticks where it is hostile.

    Still I can't tell you how much this:

    oozyrat said
    Inostrankan saidI may be silly in asking this, but did you do any modicum of research prior to moving?


    ..... it's a great area with great people, and I'd probably end up settling here. I hate that being gay ends up as my defining characteristic.


    hits home for me. I was watching the sunset over the sound with just a few fishermen on the beach. A few boats were returning from the undeveloped barrier island across the inlet that can only be reached by a boat. They would drop off a surfer. He'd paddle to shore and the most perfect example of beauty would emerge from the blue water onto the white sand, backlit by a spectacular sunset and I thought, I live in a Carona commercial only with a guy emerging from the water.