Gossip, secrets & lies

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    Sep 25, 2011 1:56 AM GMT
    Well short story I met two guys last year and we became friends, after some time they stop hanging out with me and I never new the real reason. I moved on but always had that doubt. A couple of days ago I found out the reason and discovered that someone said a lie about me. Today a friend of mine told me something that someone else told him about me and he knew that was a lie but in someway it still get's to me. I guess the only thing I wanna know is how not to let all the lies and gossip get to me. (Sorry for my english, my main language is spanish).
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    Sep 25, 2011 12:03 PM GMT
    I'd confront the guys and ask them if there was something you did to upset them and if they say that it was because of something they were told then I'd correct them. If you don't do anything and let the lie spread around then you will think about it and it will get to you so set at least a few people straight so people will support you.
    If I'm told something about someone that I don't believe I usually say, 'Well that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. It makes no sense/ I know them better than that' until I know more and in your situation you know the facts. Being told something is different from actually knowing.
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    Sep 25, 2011 12:13 PM GMT
    kinda blaming your friends here.
    I mean they dropped you over something they heard?

    Any journalist would tell ya, don't believe everything ya hear.
    If it's sufficiently disturbing to drop a buddy, maybe it warrants further investigation.
    if your own mother says she loves you, check that source.icon_razz.gif

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    Sep 25, 2011 2:54 PM GMT
    If these friends are dropping you over something they heard then they aren't worth the time of day.
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    Sep 25, 2011 3:08 PM GMT
    Thanks for the advices. Really reading them and doing some thinking icon_smile.gif
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    Sep 25, 2011 3:08 PM GMT
    Be a man of integrity and character and you won't have to worry about gossip and lies.

    Read "The Speed of Trust" by Stephen Covey.

    FYI, the more you progress and succeed in life...the more people will gossip and lie about you.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Sep 25, 2011 3:12 PM GMT
    I have a friend who is a forensic teacher and served at an area high school until he left after a tough year with the administration. There were rumors that he had "something" with a student.... but the reality of it, the only "something" was that my friend didn't allow the student in a production in drama class after he had "tried out" for a role. It is in a relatively small town. That was 4 or 5 years ago.

    This past week we chatted and he was very unhappy.... told me a story about someone he had met and was into, then suddenly the guy dropped him. Come to find out the guy had heard a story about my friend when he was at the previous school and also heard my friend was "clingy" and dropped him. You could tell my friend was really upset by the whole thing.
    My view was the guy wasn't worth his time of day... if he convicted him without asking any questions in an open minded way. Gossip can really be damaging.. to the point "slander" could be alleged if my friend had lost a job or other monetary consideration. Very sad.

    Sorry to hear you also had something like this happen.....I'd move on, but you know from personal experience how you SHOULDN'T treat others!

  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Sep 25, 2011 3:19 PM GMT
    Confidence is the key...and also very hard for some people to obtain. I have had everything in the book said about me behind my back and still I can brush it off and smile. If it helps, I'm here for ya! icon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 25, 2011 4:18 PM GMT
    dmen_31 saidWell short story I met two guys last year and we became friends, after some time they stop hanging out with me and I never new the real reason. I moved on but always had that doubt. A couple of days ago I found out the reason and discovered that someone said a lie about me. Today a friend of mine told me something that someone else told him about me and he knew that was a lie but in someway it still get's to me. I guess the only thing I wanna know is how not to let all the lies and gossip get to me. (Sorry for my english, my main language is spanish).


    Sorry that happened. People like to spread rumors and gossips. The thing is that you never know, and you just need to learn how to keep your distance from the crazy ones and stay close to the honest good ones as your real friends. I'm sorry that sounds so simple, but to know which ones are good and which ones are bad is not an easy job. Good luck icon_smile.gif
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    Sep 25, 2011 4:23 PM GMT
    If your friends drop you over something they heard without bothering to check with you, not so goo friends after all. They probably were looking for a reason and found one.
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    Sep 25, 2011 5:17 PM GMT
    They aren't your "friends" if they suddenly wanted to dis-communicate just from a rumor they heard about you. If they are smart enough, they would come and talk to you about it to see if the rumor was true or not.
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    Sep 25, 2011 7:08 PM GMT
    I once encountered someone who basically told me that I was a big boyfriend stealing slut.

    Apparently some queen started to gossip about 'that guy'

    A first I was upset to why someone would say so but a friend of mine pointed out that it could be that I rejected one of them and so decided to say nasty (untrue) things about me

    The best thing I could say is to continue to be yourself. People who know you well enough, would often defend you. I know I've defended my friends and they have defended me back.

    So while it would be nice for you to confront the guy who said the lie, just push on and don't dwindle on it.

    Look how celebs go through a storm of gossips. Most of their careers are largely intact
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    Sep 25, 2011 8:36 PM GMT
    Thank you very much for all the stories and advices, honestly everything you said I'm reading it and in someway it makes me feel better and realize that I just have to be myself and don't really care about what others will say about me. I guess people that are worth it just don't let a gossip to really interfere with the friendship if you know the person.
  • dancedancekj

    Posts: 1761

    Sep 25, 2011 8:45 PM GMT
    Fivealive saidI once encountered someone who basically told me that I was a big boyfriend stealing slut.


    Happened to me as well.

    The only person's actions you can truly control is yourself. Don't let them get to you, just be yourself. A good friend would ask about the rumor before they would defriend you.
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    Sep 25, 2011 8:48 PM GMT
    I've lost track of all the falsehoods told, repeated and purposefully spread about me over the years. Thing it, none of it ever bothers me. I figure, if they're dissing me, they're not hurting someone who might be more negatively affected by such garbage.

    As far as how that impacts my interactions in dating and such, if someone is so weak-minded as to believe rumors, suggestions and what not without asking me about it first, they are not worth my time.
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    Sep 25, 2011 8:55 PM GMT
    dancedancekj said
    Fivealive saidI once encountered someone who basically told me that I was a big boyfriend stealing slut.


    Happened to me as well.

    The only person's actions you can truly control is yourself. Don't let them get to you, just be yourself. A good friend would ask about the rumor before they would defriend you.


    Yep. I've since past it...The funny thing is that I never even had a bf to begin with so how am I a bf stealing one...Or a big slut....