Told my best friend that Im gay...

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    Sep 25, 2011 5:32 PM GMT
    Finally after being closeted my whole life I told someone. She took it well and in fact she was excited that "she has a gay best friend, every girl wants a gay best friend!" Talk about a weight off my shoulders...however now its time to conquer the family. Im going to have to give it a while first but its time to start formulating ideas...


    any advice on how to go about it?





    Update* told both my older brothers icon_smile.gif and they responded very well...i was surprised.....one even told me that i have to tell my parents, just so they know....how understanding icon_smile.gif

    all smiles right now icon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 25, 2011 6:50 PM GMT
    congrats! tell others when you feel ready. it's not a race to come out.
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    Sep 25, 2011 9:37 PM GMT
    I'm in a similar situation. Have recently come out to some of my friends back home, and since moving to NYC have been completely out with everyone here.

    I'm flying home in December for christmas and I plan on telling the parents then. I have already told my brother, and he was fantastic, so the parents should be easier. My brother is my best friend, so if he didn't take it well I would have been broken.

    Long story short - I know exactly how you feel right now, and I wish you the best of luck with this journey. But the other posters are right, sooner rather than later is better.

    Good luck!
  • bertieboy1989

    Posts: 16

    Sep 25, 2011 9:55 PM GMT
    im happy for u. i just wish my parents had given me a better reception. mine blackballed me. but i live in a rural southeastern county so i guess that is to be expected
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    Sep 25, 2011 10:46 PM GMT
    I totally agree with CuriousOne, and swimboysa, your story sounds exactly like mine. I came out a year ago Easter to my Greek-Canadian Catholic parents. It took me a few years to build up the courage. I had told my younger brother the previous Christmas, and he was very cool about it. He knew ahead of time that I was gonna do it at Easter. So I get there, the 4 of us are eating this gigantic meal, and --well, to make a long story short, he had blabbed it to them before I arrived, so basically they had been sitting there WAITING for me to say it. LOL
    At the time I was really pissed off at him, but I realized after it was probably the best thing that could happen. After a couple of tense, emotional hours, my parents turned out to be fine with it. In fact, they were kinda hurt that I had kept it to myself for so long.

    Take your time, as CuriousOne said, but when you're ready, JUST DO IT.
  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    Sep 25, 2011 10:50 PM GMT
    Good For you!...Doesnt it take a little bit of the weight off your shoulders by just telling SOMEONE...

    I told my girl best friends 2 years agao...they both handled it great....I havnt told my fam yet...I think I will start telling them soon.

    Im actually about to tell my 2 guy best friends...im gonna email the one because he lives in Hawaii but Im kind of nervous how he is going to handle it. I think he will be cool because hes a very caring/understand peson.

    Their is no fool proof way...each person has ther own process and timeline ya know what I mean? You just have to do whats comfortable to you....It can get very overwhelming but I think you should start with the people you will be most comfortable with and over time you become more more at ease and confident.

    Im starting to get to the point in my life where I need to be myself...life is flying by and im staying hidden and unhappy and lonely and im telling you its no way to live...that why I making it a goal in my life within the next 6 monthes to a 1 year to tell people and not Give a Fuck.

    Good luck and stay strong
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    Sep 25, 2011 10:54 PM GMT
    My best friend had the same reaction when I came out to her! And basically all of my friends for that matter.

    My parents were a little tricky. If you have any siblings, it might help to tell them, and to have them in the room when you tell your parents (assuming your siblings support it). My biggest advice is to just do it in your own time when you feel comfortable. However, I will also say that you will probably feel a huge relief once it's done, even if they seem angry at first. Good luck! icon_smile.gif
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    Sep 25, 2011 11:00 PM GMT
    I'm happy for you. good that she had a positive reaction.
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    Sep 25, 2011 11:08 PM GMT
    Your best friend is a chick and no one knew you were gay? icon_eek.gif
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    Sep 25, 2011 11:54 PM GMT
    I came out by telling the most low-risk people first. Saving the ones who potentially would have the worst reactions until last ensured I'd have the most support possible, in case things went to shit. But.. Surprisingly enough, everyone took it very well. And I agree that time doesn't seem to make things easier. The earlier you come out of the closet, the earlier others will accept, and get comfortable with it. ^^

    My only advice is to break 'em in gently. ;)
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    Sep 25, 2011 11:55 PM GMT
    Scruffypup saidYour best friend is a chick and no one knew you were gay? icon_eek.gif

    icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

    All these coming out stories make me wish I had a son.
    But his coming out would be "Dads, I've known all my life I'm different -- I hope you're not disappointed, but I want to have sex with women".
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    Sep 25, 2011 11:59 PM GMT
    i think that ANY guy that has a best friends that's a girl is gay...

    just stating the facts..

    Am i right?
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    Sep 26, 2011 12:00 AM GMT
    thanx for the support errybody......and yeah i had thought that maybe sooner is better and from what you guys have said made it more obvious. I got two older brothers and i have a feeling one will be alright with it and the other might take a bit more work but all in all, i have a pretty good feeling about the whole thing.....and as comical44 said, the weight lifted is enough to make me tell anybody cause it felt kinda nice...

    and....
    Scruffypup saidYour best friend is a chick and no one knew you were gay? icon_eek.gif

    coming from a town of 600 you dont exactly get to choose who youre best friends with lol
  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    Sep 26, 2011 12:36 AM GMT
    I literally just wrote my best friend a long email 3 mins ago and just came out to him...Havnt told anyone in almost 2 years and havnt told any guys in my life...so it was such a scary thing for me to do...I feel liberated and scared all in one Holy Shit....it needed to be done though
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    Sep 26, 2011 12:52 AM GMT
    One down.. many to go.. It gets easier and easier! Go get em tiger!
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    Sep 26, 2011 1:08 AM GMT
    Wohaa .. Congratz bro .. GL with the family :C !!
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    Sep 26, 2011 1:20 AM GMT
    danforthboytoy saidI totally agree with CuriousOne, and swimboysa, your story sounds exactly like mine. I came out a year ago Easter to my Greek-Canadian Catholic parents. It took me a few years to build up the courage. I had told my younger brother the previous Christmas, and he was very cool about it. He knew ahead of time that I was gonna do it at Easter. So I get there, the 4 of us are eating this gigantic meal, and --well, to make a long story short, he had blabbed it to them before I arrived, so basically they had been sitting there WAITING for me to say it. LOL
    At the time I was really pissed off at him, but I realized after it was probably the best thing that could happen. After a couple of tense, emotional hours, my parents turned out to be fine with it. In fact, they were kinda hurt that I had kept it to myself for so long.

    Take your time, as CuriousOne said, but when you're ready, JUST DO IT.


    gotta love the family. hope he had good intentions by telling everyone.
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4865

    Sep 26, 2011 3:14 AM GMT
    I would STRONGLY advise people not to come out before achieving total financial independence. An exception would be if the family has clearly indicated strong acceptance for gay persons.

    I was outed when I was 20 and it was a disaster. There was a very ugly scene during which, for all practical purposes, I was disowned. Fortunately, as I only recently learned, friends of the family intervened and persuaded my parents, particularly my father who was the most vehemently anti-gay, that they were being much too harsh, else I'd even have been disinherited. That was decades ago and at that time, there was no support system for gay men and women.

    How to come out to one's family, whether to do it at all, and when to do it, depend on circumstances. It's fine to help someone consider the options and possible outcomes, but the decision should be made without pressure.

    In my opinion, most people should eventually come out, but at a time and in a manner of their own choosing, and again, not until after achieving financial independence unless there is good reason to expect acceptance.
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    Sep 26, 2011 7:10 AM GMT
    I havent come out to my family;
    But my dream to when i come out to my mother would be telling her that shes gonna be a grandmother ^ ^
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    Sep 26, 2011 7:26 AM GMT
    Congratulations on telling your close friend. Now you're on your way to inform anyone else you choose. As others have wisely said (above me here) take your time and use care not to be hasty. Be sure you're okay financially. One word of caution I cannot stress enough - and that is to be certain you're going to be okay at work (if you're working in a place where you can be fired for any or for NO reason). If that might be the case, my own personal experience and advice would be to use the Need To Know basis. Just be yourself but be careful. Good luck and congratulations.
    icon_cool.gif

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    Sep 26, 2011 11:23 PM GMT
    Congrats! I came out to my best friend 4 months ago. Telling him was pretty hard, we hung out a lot in college and I was scared that he might have thought I was attracted to him or something. He was perfectly fine with me being gay in fact he said that he figured I was. So yeah it feels good having someone besides myself know.
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    Sep 26, 2011 11:49 PM GMT
    Congratulations!
    Come out on your own schedule, not because someone wants you to.It is your information about you to share as and when you see fit. Make sure you are in a good and safe situation, financially and physically. Pick who you tell, pick when and where and the situation, privately or in a public setting...individually or in groups, etc.....control as many surrounding distractions as you are able to make your environment as safe and non-threatening for you and those you come out to.
    Be careful about employment....as mentioned by others before, I too lost my job because I came out gay, in 1997. I has happened and I know it still happens! Use each coming out experience to refine how you come out and gain some more confidence.... Parents can be difficult.....stand your ground, but give them time to absorb what you told them....and then have information to help educate them when they are ready for it....you'll know.......GOOD LUCK! icon_cool.gif
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    Sep 28, 2011 1:23 AM GMT
    tiggah said
    danforthboytoy saidI totally agree with CuriousOne, and swimboysa, your story sounds exactly like mine. I came out a year ago Easter to my Greek-Canadian Catholic parents. It took me a few years to build up the courage. I had told my younger brother the previous Christmas, and he was very cool about it. He knew ahead of time that I was gonna do it at Easter. So I get there, the 4 of us are eating this gigantic meal, and --well, to make a long story short, he had blabbed it to them before I arrived, so basically they had been sitting there WAITING for me to say it. LOL
    At the time I was really pissed off at him, but I realized after it was probably the best thing that could happen. After a couple of tense, emotional hours, my parents turned out to be fine with it. In fact, they were kinda hurt that I had kept it to myself for so long.

    Take your time, as CuriousOne said, but when you're ready, JUST DO IT.


    gotta love the family. hope he had good intentions by telling everyone.


    I think he was hoping to diffuse the situation. And it did. But he's still my bratty brother! LOL
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    Sep 28, 2011 1:40 AM GMT
    Congrats my friend! You're on your way :-) Take your time, think it out...but not too deeply. Life is short, so be who you are and be happy about it. You'll probably find that YOU were the only one who was worried about it. If mom cries a little, thats ok, natural - she carried you inside her for 9 months...she'll love you anyway ...and so will dad. Be ready for some questions, because family needs to learn about how you feel about yourself. They'll take their cues from you. You be the teacher. They just want to know that you're ok, be open with them. That's kinda how i did it...and it was a TOTAL FREAKING DISASTER!!!!!! icon_eek.gif


    ... the first time, then the second time, it was much better and here i am very happy about who i am, and so are they :-) Good luck! Jump in ! God Bless :-)
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    Sep 28, 2011 2:08 AM GMT
    Congratulations!
    its a good thing your best friend was a chick cuz i feel like they're a bit more accepting than a guy best friend
    My best friend's a chick too lol, but my situation is a bit different ( i got outted by a f***in douche) so she heard from one of my friends the douche told...but she was still extremely supportive and understanding! but this isn't about me lol

    I agree with you on a big weight lifted off your shoulders...doesn't it feel amazing?!? lol
    As for telling your family...the process i guess will depend on how your parents are. like if your parents are conservative, and christian it'll be harder than parents who are more accepting/open minded
    my parents are the like the former so i honestly wouldn't know how to approach that situation, but for the latter, i'd probably just ease into it...maybe drop small hints every now and then, and then eventually just bring up the topic or a topic leading into it and tell them
    this can either be a process that takes a short amount of time, or a long amount of time...it'll depend on if you're ready or not for the most extreme reaction from your family, so prepare yourself for any possible reaction!
    but of course, YOU MUST be ready for the aftermath and comfortable with it all before taking action...take your time..like a few guys already mentioned, the sooner the better, BUT everyone has their own time of when they're ready so no pressure!

    good luck with this! even though we're all strangers (or at least most of us are) we're all supporting you!

    p.s. idk if everything made sense...i kinda think i over thought this a bit haha