Single after 9 years

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 26, 2011 8:43 PM GMT
    As some of you know, I'm currently in the midst of walking from my home in NYC to LA (I'm in Atlanta now, for a couple more days, then I hit the road again en route to Birmingham).

    A couple of weeks ago I shared one of my blog posts here, where I talked about the emotional effects of spending so much time alone with my thoughts (http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/1801706). Well, those thoughts have begun to lead to major life changes.

    My partner of nine years and I have separated. I would be lying if I said my heart is not broken, even though it was I who prompted the decision. But I think this is what is best for both of us. We love each other deeply, and I know we always will, but at this point in our lives, at least, I think we're better off apart.

    It is so strange to think of myself as single. In some ways it's even scary, especially when I see how jaded so many gay men in their 30s and 40s are. It's also scary to think that I'm now facing this walk all by myself. I have no home base, and no anchor. This is both good and bad. Liberating, in a sense, but daunting.

    We're just starting to tell our friends, and we haven't told our families. After nine years, this is no ordinary breakup. In more than one ways (including financially), we're going through a divorce. This is also daunting.

    Anyway, I just needed to vent a little. Thanks for reading.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 26, 2011 9:06 PM GMT
    Congratulations and commiserations.

    I've been through a similar thing after a similar time (well minus the walk)

    I get the divorce bit, the ex and I our lives where so intertwined that pulling each other apart to be single was surprisingly difficult not just financially, but emotionally.

    Oddly enough, he was my rock for those years and I was his source of encouragement and belief and now even though we are friends (and good ones) I can't share with him like I once did and he can't come to me for encouragement. Which is so sad but we just can't do it.. But alas that's how things work I suppose icon_smile.gif

    Oh, btw, new guys are HOT, but yes unfortunately very very very jaded and unattractive in that sense!

    But you'll meet a bunch who aren't icon_biggrin.gif
  • kuroshiro

    Posts: 786

    Sep 26, 2011 9:19 PM GMT
    I'm sorry to hear about your separation. I know how it can be hurtful yet for the better. But, here is to hoping that you can keep your spirits up and focus on celebrating once you reach your goal! =)

    While it's not much, I sent you a small donation icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 26, 2011 10:21 PM GMT
    Thanks, guys. I'll be ok. Sadness at closing the chapter on nine years of my life is inevitable, but like I said, I'm at peace with the decision. It's just a strange feeling. I'm at such a different place in life now than the last time I was single. This is probably good.
  • sonnet129

    Posts: 116

    Sep 26, 2011 11:22 PM GMT
    19c79 saidAs some of you know, I'm currently in the midst of walking from my home in NYC to LA (I'm in Atlanta now, for a couple more days, then I hit the road again en route to Birmingham).

    A couple of weeks ago I shared one of my blog posts here, where I talked about the emotional effects of spending so much time alone with my thoughts (http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/1801706). Well, those thoughts have begun to lead to major life changes.

    My partner of nine years and I have separated. I would be lying if I said my heart is not broken, even though it was I who prompted the decision. But I think this is what is best for both of us. We love each other deeply, and I know we always will, but at this point in our lives, at least, I think we're better off apart.

    It is so strange to think of myself as single. In some ways it's even scary, especially when I see how jaded so many gay men in their 30s and 40s are. It's also scary to think that I'm now facing this walk all by myself. I have no home base, and no anchor. This is both good and bad. Liberating, in a sense, but daunting.

    We're just starting to tell our friends, and we haven't told our families. After nine years, this is no ordinary breakup. In more than one ways (including financially), we're going through a divorce. This is also daunting.

    Anyway, I just needed to vent a little. Thanks for reading.


    ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME?
    Try 41 years.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 26, 2011 11:29 PM GMT
    sonnet129 saidARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME?
    Try 41 years.

    I'm confused. Did you recently end a relationship that lasted 41 years? icon_question.gificon_question.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 26, 2011 11:37 PM GMT
    Aww, best wishes. Hope you handle it well, and receive love and support while you figure out your next steps, as continue your walk! [no pun intended]
    It's truly an inspiring endeavor you have undertaken icon_smile.gif

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 27, 2011 1:14 PM GMT
    Thanks, Evan. I think the walk will be good for me.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Sep 27, 2011 1:22 PM GMT
    Wow, Constantino, I'm very sorry and a little surprised when I read this, but it sounds like it was carefully considered... and you know what is important for you. Glad to hear you both are friends. I hope he can always be an important part of your life.

    Hope the travel has been going OK... I hadn't seen anything of late or I missed it. Glad you gave us the news. Be thinking of you.

    Chris
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 27, 2011 4:02 PM GMT
    Thanks, Chris. Yeah, there's ups and downs, but in the long run things will be better.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 27, 2011 4:13 PM GMT
    11337S said*hugz

    You know how to be nice? Did hell freeze over?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 27, 2011 4:14 PM GMT
    19c79 saidAs some of you know, I'm currently in the midst of walking from my home in NYC to LA (I'm in Atlanta now, for a couple more days, then I hit the road again en route to Birmingham).

    A couple of weeks ago I shared one of my blog posts here, where I talked about the emotional effects of spending so much time alone with my thoughts (http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/1801706). Well, those thoughts have begun to lead to major life changes.

    My partner of nine years and I have separated. I would be lying if I said my heart is not broken, even though it was I who prompted the decision. But I think this is what is best for both of us. We love each other deeply, and I know we always will, but at this point in our lives, at least, I think we're better off apart.

    It is so strange to think of myself as single. In some ways it's even scary, especially when I see how jaded so many gay men in their 30s and 40s are. It's also scary to think that I'm now facing this walk all by myself. I have no home base, and no anchor. This is both good and bad. Liberating, in a sense, but daunting.

    We're just starting to tell our friends, and we haven't told our families. After nine years, this is no ordinary breakup. In more than one ways (including financially), we're going through a divorce. This is also daunting.

    Anyway, I just needed to vent a little. Thanks for reading.


    Vent all you want sexy. We are here for you.

    tumblr_lntnkv26zJ1qib2ho.gif

    I can be nice too.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 27, 2011 4:22 PM GMT
    11337S said
    waimea said
    11337S said*hugz

    You know how to be nice? Did hell freeze over?


    well, it's not like i'm a jerk or some kind of twisted fuck.
    i just rule with an iron fist.
    deep down,
    i'm very caring.


    I know that. Like when you gave me that nice quote and allowed me to steal it icon_wink.gif

    I remember it when people do nice things for me


    11980884122xX3AP.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 27, 2011 8:26 PM GMT
    Aww, you're so sweet, y'all! icon_biggrin.gif
  • suedeheadscot

    Posts: 1130

    Sep 27, 2011 8:35 PM GMT
    Sorry bud. It must be painful. Have a beer on me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 28, 2011 3:58 PM GMT
    jprichva saidSix weeks in the South and now he's 'y'all'ing everyone.

    Sheesh.icon_rolleyes.gif
    hahaha... you know you love it! ;-)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 28, 2011 4:14 PM GMT
    have you blogged about why you guys separated? I'm curious about how all of this started.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 28, 2011 4:28 PM GMT
    19c79 saidThanks, guys. I'll be ok. Sadness at closing the chapter on nine years of my life is inevitable, but like I said, I'm at peace with the decision. It's just a strange feeling. I'm at such a different place in life now than the last time I was single. This is probably good.


    I don't understand at all a breakup where there is still " love". My relationship of 20 years was over but I was in denial about it. I thought I could fix it with more love . I was wrong.

    I dont want to have anything at all to do with my ex. now. I suspect that you are happy to be free of your partner. The feeling that you still love him is just a way to deal with guilt. Embrace the joy of freedom.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 29, 2011 1:13 AM GMT
    sorry to hear icon_sad.gif.

    in other news, when will you be walking through oklahoma?icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 03, 2011 1:02 AM GMT
    congradulation, you have now grown as a person.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2011 7:35 PM GMT
    He is in my mind today. I ask myself, "que reste-t-il de nos amours?" ...and I wish him love.



  • metta

    Posts: 39099

    Oct 06, 2011 7:58 PM GMT
    9 years...sad to hear about it ending....makes me wonder.... but at the same time, I also realize that it is none of my business. I wish you both well!

    THE ROAD NOT TAKEN

    Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
    And sorry I could not travel both
    And be one traveler, long I stood
    And looked down one as far as I could
    To where it bent in the undergrowth.

    Then took the other, as just as fair,
    And having perhaps the better claim,
    Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
    Though as for that the passing there
    Had worn them really about the same.

    And both that morning equally lay
    In leaves no step had trodden black.
    Oh, I kept the first for another day!
    Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
    I doubted if I should ever come back.

    I shall be telling this with a sigh
    Somewhere ages and ages hence:
    Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
    I took the one less traveled by,
    And that has made all the difference.

    -Robert Frost


    BTW, the subscribe button on your blog page gives an error.
    http://www.walklikeanamerican.org
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2011 8:14 PM GMT
    Thinking of you. Be strong my friend. Never lose the memories. Move forward into the future in search of accomplishing your goals. Be safe. Hugs.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2011 8:44 PM GMT
    metta8 said9 years...sad to hear about it ending....makes me wonder.... but at the same time, I also realize that it is none of my business. I wish you both well!

    ...

    BTW, the subscribe button on your blog page gives an error.
    http://www.walklikeanamerican.org
    Thank you! I love that poem. Nine years don't end overnight--as any separation of this nature, it's complicated--but even though the heart aches at times, and doubts sometimes arise, I know deep down this is what is best for us both.

    And thanks for the heads-up about the button. The site is run by Arizona State University, from whom I received a grant that is helping me fund part of this project. They publish other things on that site besides my "dispatches," as they call them. I'll alert them about the broken link.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 07, 2011 11:30 AM GMT
    hairymusclejock saidhave you blogged about why you guys separated? I'm curious about how all of this started.


    I'm really surprised I missed all this as well!