Advice

  • ccrr85

    Posts: 14

    Sep 27, 2011 2:48 AM GMT
    Hello All,

    I'm writing you to ask for advice about what I should do, I'm from South America, I started dating a guy, hit it off right away, we had great chemistry and connected intelectually and sexually, it might sound ridiculous but I felt he was the love of my life. 7 months into the relationship I got a scholarship to study a masters in a top University in the US. I did not know what to do about the relationship, originally when I apply for the masters my intention was to look for work in the US after getting my degree. However, 2 months before leaving I decided not to return for various reasons, one of the reasons was him, I told him this and he got scared, he broke it off with me without giving any reasons, never talked to me again, and blocked me for every form of communication. It was extremely hard for me getting over the loss of him and the way he dumped me. Suddenly, a few days ago, he contacted me, said he wanted to give me an explanation for what he did, he said that he thought that that he was ifluencing negatively my decisions and that I was making a mistake by coming back after the masters and he got scared and did not found a way to properly ending, that he thought it would be better for my future me to stay here. He apologized for everything he did. At the beggining it was more about getting closure, but now, we have continued talking and I'm scared that I'm starting to have feelings for him again, this weekend he told me that he still loved me that he was miserable without me, and he told me that he's coming to the US in a few days to talk to me, and that he's probably going to be transferred here. I dont know what to do if he comes, I think I havent completely forgiven him, but I still love him and if he comes him i dont think I will have the strenght to say no, but at the same time its not fair to me or to him if I say yes and I still havent forgiven him, what should I do when he comes?
  • commoncoll

    Posts: 1222

    Sep 27, 2011 3:57 AM GMT
    You both love each other. He tried to do what was best for you- you can say that in a way that is how he showed his love. He let you go so you could be free to do what you feel is best for you. Now he's moving to a new country to be with you. When he's here let him know how you feel.

    You seem like you are ready to greet him with open arms. What's wrong with it?
  • NyRuinz

    Posts: 887

    Sep 27, 2011 4:12 AM GMT
    commoncoll saidYou both love each other. He tried to do what was best for you- you can say that in a way that is how he showed his love. He let you go so you could be free to do what you feel is best for you. Now he's moving to a new country to be with you. When he's here let him know how you feel.

    You seem like you are ready to greet him with open arms. What's wrong with it?


    I agree, he did what he thought was best however it may have been easier if he just discussed this with you like an adult instead of hurting you.
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    Sep 27, 2011 5:47 AM GMT
    interesting situation.. mostly its your hurt feelings in this situation, which are entirely understandable, that is influencing your anxiety. You prolly have lost some trust due to the sudden falling out and no contact. I would suggest first off to be calm so any anxiety is no longer there and you can decide what YOU want... to see him, or not to se him.. and not think about conditions or have any expectations about anything else
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Sep 27, 2011 6:34 AM GMT
    forgive him. he made a mistake. we are only humans. he got scared and ran away. now you know how much he loves you and you love him so make it work
  • ccrr85

    Posts: 14

    Sep 27, 2011 12:02 PM GMT
    He's not been transferred by choice, so he's not moving to the US for me, I realized something a few days ago, after I began speaking to him again, he didn't hear from him in 3 days and I felt the same kind of sense of dread that I felt when he dissapeared, got scared that he had done it again, he reapeared but what that showed is that I still can't trust him, very confused but thanks for all of you advice. When he left me a few months ago i almost felt into a depression, only got by by not thinking.