Cheating men

  • bertieboy1989

    Posts: 16

    Sep 28, 2011 1:57 AM GMT
    I have been in five relationships in the past five years. The guys i were with all cheated on me. the relationships only lasted one week to six months. why is it that when i start getting cloe to someone they run away? Is it cause i am not good looking or worth the time? I just wish i could get someone to love me for real and not just for sex.icon_sad.gificon_redface.gif
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    Sep 28, 2011 4:46 AM GMT
    'It's not you, it's (them)'

    Five years for five relationships lasting at most six months per? It just gives on average about 6 months layover for the next one icon_confused.gif. I doubt that's a good enough time to jump into a relationship. Take some time, and learn from the relationships and understand why it happen. Maybe there are some signs that you missed that it was too late when the inevitable happened.



    Just remember, don't scuffle away to the next one without understanding the previous relationship. These experiences, however bad, should give you an ammunition to protect yourself and avoid from being cheated again.
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    Sep 28, 2011 5:40 AM GMT
    The one weeks ones weren't relationships. Hell they weren't even long hookups. They six month ones were kinda sorta on their way to relationshipville. Basically none of them took off the ground. Guys go on two dates and they Facebook-plaster that they have a boyfriend.
  • Diceroll

    Posts: 224

    Sep 28, 2011 9:09 AM GMT
    Ariodante saidThe one weeks ones weren't relationships. Hell they weren't even long hookups. They six month ones were kinda sorta on their way to relationshipville. Basically none of them took off the ground. Guys go on two dates and they Facebook-plaster that they have a boyfriend.



    It drives me up the wall when people do this! Especially when you advise them to slow down and they accuse you of being bitter or jealous.

    To the OP - I would just advise you to take your time when you meet someone new. There's nothing wrong with telling a guy that you want to know him better before comitting to be his boyfriend, especially if you've been lied to before.
  • sayheyfoolyou

    Posts: 6

    Sep 28, 2011 12:21 PM GMT
    remember this...... only pussies cheat
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    Sep 28, 2011 12:30 PM GMT
    I think the bottom line is not all, but a lot of guys cheat. Straight or gay. It even is from the people you least expect. Hell my brother who I would never think cheat (even though his wife was very emasculating)....cheated on his wife which subsequently lead to divorce. I just would not get involved with anyone else until you can build trust and I think everything should be an open book.

    I don't see the point in cheating, I mean I'm neurotic so I'd be worried even with safe sex that I'd give something to my partner. That would be the worst betrayal to give your partner some awful STD. Plus it just shows a character flaw in a person that they lack integrity.

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    Sep 28, 2011 12:30 PM GMT
    A therapist will ask you what the constant is in all those relationships with the cheaters... it's you.

    If you're out there looking for one specific thing, LTR, you're probably not properly stepping back and judging these guys properly, and missing the obvious signs. Don't be so gung ho about finding a relationship. If you fixate on finding that you're obviously missing the bad signs and seeing just what you want.

    Enjoy things for you and it will find you.
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    Sep 28, 2011 12:50 PM GMT
    Ariodante saidThe one weeks ones weren't relationships. Hell they weren't even long hookups. They six month ones were kinda sorta on their way to relationshipville. Basically none of them took off the ground. Guys go on two dates and they Facebook-plaster that they have a boyfriend.


    QFT
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    Sep 28, 2011 12:53 PM GMT
    Ariodante is assessing this correctly. You need to slow your roll and place the importance on YOU and not on a relationship. Once you've achieved the former, the latter will come more easily and daunt you less when/if it's unsuccessful.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Sep 28, 2011 1:00 PM GMT
    Cuz your 21.
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    Sep 28, 2011 1:05 PM GMT
    Celticmusl saidCuz your 21.


    I was going to be nice and not point this out.

    Young people in general - straight, gay, whatever, - seem to be in a huge rush to find love and settle into something. Never mind that sooooooo many of those young loves, esp the ones that marry, end up splitting a few years later.

    At 21, let's face it, we hadn't or haven't lived enough life to TRULY know ourselves. I don't want to discourage anyone from looking for and or finding love, even true love of a romantic variety, but at 21 the priorities should be better directed. If I could go back and talk to my 21 yr old self, I'd shake his hand for not chasing romance, but I'd slap him for not having more fun.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Sep 28, 2011 1:25 PM GMT
    Well not to belabor your age, it certainly can be about life experience.
    You go through some of the things you have and you become a little more
    atuned (I won't say smart) to what you want and the behavior of a partner.
    Don't berate yourself, learn from it and make it a positive. Don't go through life thinking they all cheat... they don't.
  • studflyboy87

    Posts: 194

    Sep 28, 2011 1:38 PM GMT
    I am 24 and I have yet to be cheated on by a bf, so it is possible.

    I think you are right to say that younger guys tend to be looking for less of a LTR, and more for friends and fun. It makes sense that the older you get, the more interested you are in a LTR. But that doesn't mean that you can't find a young guy who won't cheat. I usually find things work out a lot better when we get to know each other as friends, and meet, talk, and get to know each other several times before we make it official. I find if you make it official within the first week of knowing someone, you are setting yourself up for failure. Get to know the guy before you commit.
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    Sep 28, 2011 1:53 PM GMT
    Don't take anyone's advice who says you "NEED" to do something.
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    Sep 28, 2011 2:00 PM GMT
    Try getting to know the other guy before calling it a relationship. Take your time, learn about him, and let him learn about you.Unlike the stock market, past performance is a good indicator of future results, and the more time you learn about folks, the more you'll be able to predict their behavior.

    And don't forget--be Mr. Right, instead of looking for Mr. Right. The rest will sort itself out.

    Good luck buddy.
  • bertieboy1989

    Posts: 16

    Sep 28, 2011 7:13 PM GMT
    Thnx for all the advice. Im sure things will work with this for me. I am talking to a guy in prison who is an old friend of mine. He lived in my area until he moved away about two years ago. Anyway, he ran from a state trooper and the judge threw the book at him. so he got 10 months for it. well, in one of his letters, he told me he was bi and he had a crush on me since we were about 14 or 15. icon_surprised.gif It never even occured to me that he liked me. Well, in the letter that came in today, he told me that he wanted to be my bf. another icon_surprised.gif.when we talk on the phone tonite, i will tell him that we need to take it slow and get to know each other at first. hopefully this will turn out to be a good relationship.
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    Sep 30, 2011 1:03 AM GMT
    kaoi saidA therapist will ask you what the constant is in all those relationships with the cheaters... it's you.

    If you're out there looking for one specific thing, LTR, you're probably not properly stepping back and judging these guys properly, and missing the obvious signs. Don't be so gung ho about finding a relationship. If you fixate on finding that you're obviously missing the bad signs and seeing just what you want.

    Enjoy things for you and it will find you.

    I agree with this.
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    Sep 30, 2011 1:37 AM GMT
    davidt122389 said Im sure things will work with this for me. I am talking to a guy in prison who is an old friend of mine. ..he told me that he wanted to be my bf.
    when we talk on the phone tonite, i will tell him that we need to take it slow and get to know each other at first. hopefully this will turn out to be a good relationship.

    Hopefully?
    This doesn't bode well.
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    Sep 30, 2011 3:02 AM GMT
    Some people are non-committal you have to accept that but more than that they should know where they stand. You are not a guinea pig for their experiment.


    Also, there are always open relationships, may be your partner will refuse but being honest does not hurt.