The "Invisable" Asian

  • muscle_grower

    Posts: 9

    Sep 28, 2011 10:12 PM GMT
    I'm at a gay club leaning against the bar waiting for my drink to arrive. My head is bouncing back to the beat of a Gaga remix. Looking across the dance floor, I see an ocean of heads bopping to the beat. Pumped-up male bodies bound about wildly. A head pops into view. He leans forward to order a drink and then turns my way. In reaction I smile. His left eyebrow rises, his eyes look me up and down, he scrunches his nose and with curled back lips he says, "I don't do Asians".He raises his hand to block the sight of me. He palms me off, so to speak, and suddenly I feel ashamed. I'm ashamed to be the object of his disgust, ashamed of my skin, my face, to be in the last moment one of them? One of those 'Asians'. My face flushes with shame, its warmth sinking into me and reforming itself into anger: the heated anger of masculine pride.

    I wanted to lean over and explain, 'the smile was polite, asshole! I wouldn't fuck you with a dildo!' But all this is just ego politics, which is part of the problem. Anger flows too easily from wounded pride in the push and pull of the maintenance of face. What I'm facing here is the politics of the face: saving face in the face of racial interpellation. My anger steps in to protect my wounded pride, my selfesteem: in short, anger saves face. But I'm also attempting to save my face from the ugly clutches of this 'Asianness', which he finds so unattractive. In turn I'm faced by the inconsequentiality of a strategy that throws back his racial recognition with a sexual misrecognition. Instead I falter and decide to leave it alone; as he is one ass among the ocean of head bobbing men who also 'Don't do Asians'

    Having the desired physical attributes of a smooth, youthfully toned, muscular physique, with the charm, humor and personality of the best of them, I continually remain...'invisible'
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Sep 28, 2011 10:23 PM GMT
    MG,

    if/when you are ever in New Orleans.........


    icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 28, 2011 10:26 PM GMT
    What a rude and insensitive douche bag!

    I love your writing style, it's amazing!
  • muscle_grower

    Posts: 9

    Sep 29, 2011 1:42 PM GMT
    COLORED TEXT GOES HERERESIZED TEXT GOES HEREI realize we all have preferences I am just shocked that someone would be so vocal and say something that was viewed as hurtful. What happened to the old saying "if you don't have something nice to say then don't say anything."
  • Iakona

    Posts: 367

    Sep 29, 2011 2:01 PM GMT
    This just goes to show that ignorance and douche bags are everywhere.... That's almost as bad as " I don't usually do asians, but you're different". My response is always, "well you're not going to do this one either". Don't let it get to you. There is someone for everyone in this world. That one is just ignorant and you don't need to waste your time with that.
  • muscle_grower

    Posts: 9

    Sep 29, 2011 4:35 PM GMT
    Good point antijock. Thanks
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    Sep 29, 2011 4:56 PM GMT
    You should have kung fu roundhoused him then kung fu flew out of that place
  • muscle_grower

    Posts: 9

    Sep 29, 2011 5:56 PM GMT
    Claystation wished i new,kung fu. All I know how to do is a handstand and downward dog
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 29, 2011 8:28 PM GMT
    muscle_grower saidI realize we all have preferences I am just shocked that someone would be so vocal and say something that was viewed as hurtful. What happened to the old saying "if you don't have something nice to say then don't say anything."


    Why are you shocked? Have you not seen or overheard some the nasty shit that gay men say to each other?
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    Sep 29, 2011 9:02 PM GMT
    Well, obviously, the guy's a jerk and a racist.

    And I hope you don't take his remarks to heart.

    If I had been there, you would not have been invisible to me.

    In fact, I probably would've been the guy buying you the drink! icon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 29, 2011 10:45 PM GMT


    I think what that guy did was rude and something I wouldn't have tolerated... I personally would have put my fist through his face.. But you seemed to have handled yourself well to prevent more drama in spite of what happened...
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    Sep 29, 2011 10:53 PM GMT
    That guy is a grade A asshole! While saying, "I'm not racist, it's just a preference" is not overtly racist per se, it's still racist because you're dismissing all guys from a particular race/ethnic group just because of their race. I've never been rejected by guys because of my race -although I have been insulted with racial slurs when I don't wanna sleep with some of them icon_rolleyes.gif- but it must be awful to feel undesirable just because of who you are (sounds familiar?). Try not to feel bad, the racist douche is the one who should feel embarrassed.

    Muscle_grower (@OP) for MOTD!!
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    Sep 29, 2011 10:58 PM GMT
    I think you're giving this piece of dog crap way too much credit. You assume this guy is happy, successful and well adjusted. But would a well adjusted person be deliberately mean to a complete stranger?

    I know his type...and he's either a psychopath or has a personality disorder. These types go to bars all the time looking for trouble. You are REALLY well built, and hot looking too. Did you ever consider that he made the comment in the hopes that you'd beat the crap out of him?

    I used to work as a bouncer at a straight nightclub, and I'd see this bullshit happen constantly. Some troublemaker (often drunk) insults a guy, or worse, calls the guy's hot looking girlfriend an ugly whore or a fat bitch. A fight starts. I'd see it happen out in the parking lot too...troublemaker calls another guy's shiny new Mustang or Corvette a douchbag car...and it would be game on. The MO was always the same...insult what the other person is most proud of. Maybe the instigator needs the attention, or maybe it's a power trip...or maybe he's looking to sue the club, claiming injuries and emotional trauma.

    The bottom line is you never know what somebody else is thinking. It sounds more like he was trying to provoke you. So, kudos to you for keeping your cool. The guy is a boil on the butt of society...lol.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 29, 2011 10:59 PM GMT
    First of all, you're beautiful and nothing anyone says should change that.

    Asian people have a very hard time in the U.S. because their is this idea that we are American and they are "Asian" and don't belong.

    The only way to change that is to stand up for yourself. You aren't going to change it by yourself, but for every other Asian person you share that story with and work to empower them, a difference can come about.

    It wasn't that long ago that gay people were ashamed to be open with their affection. Yes the laws change, the press came, but the real change came from those couples that held hands and kissed in public.

    You don't have to stop and lecture people, but just think of something quick and cutting. When he said "I don't do Asians" -- I thought, well "I don't do assholes" would be a good start.

    I don't think that violence is the answer. Violence is just going to entrench opinions and make it worse.
  • gwuinsf

    Posts: 525

    Sep 29, 2011 11:07 PM GMT
    Well as a fellow Asian, I feel and understand what you are saying. But you are making his douchiness about yourself. It's not about you. It's about this guy being a douchebag, which has nothing to do with you.

    I totally get where you're coming from. There are a lot of guys that are not into Asians. I myself am not attracted to Asians so it's a bit of a self-esteem issue for myself.

    But in this instance, this guy is just an asshole and it's not about you being invisible or anything else. That's you projecting the situation onto yourself. Don't do that.

    Next time, instead of doing this "My face flushes with shame, its warmth sinking into me and reforming itself into anger: the heated anger of masculine pride." how about putting your hand up to his face and saying "Well, I don't do douchebags."
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    Sep 30, 2011 12:34 AM GMT
    Maybe what this guy had done to you was too direct, but I am sure there are others that are like him out there anyways [although their ways of communicating the "same" message may be different]. I don't think it should be the first time you've experienced this sort of situation, if it is your first time, its a good experience for you to face, although it isn't a good feeling, but a lot of douchebags out there are like that.
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    Sep 30, 2011 3:04 AM GMT
    Don't you ever be ashamed for being who you are. You didn't choose to be a certain way. You're not invisible, the right person has not found you yet. Its hard enough being gay, don't throw this shit on top of it.

    And try to be a little more positive. Believe it or not, you exude vibes that people will pick up on. If you read or watch "the secret" it would explain it a bit more.

    Sending e-hugs your way!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 30, 2011 4:21 AM GMT
    Gurl don't let them tell you they don't do Asians. You need to stick your chopsticks and sticky white rice up them White bitches arse!
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    Sep 30, 2011 4:31 AM GMT
    JakeBenson saidGurl don't let them tell you they don't do Asians. You need to stick your chopsticks and sticky white rice up them White bitches arse!

    If you do "do" him I wanna see a vid. icon_wink.gif

    *To the OP, I hope that's just isolated incidence. icon_sad.gif You should never feel ashame of who you are. icon_sad.gif

    All the white boys that I have had sex with, or wanted to have sex with me but was rejected, would have said something other than asians are invisible. **shrugs**

    (sorry I'm usually modest but when it comes to these topics, I'm not)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 30, 2011 4:35 AM GMT
    ASIANS ARE HOT icon_exclaim.gificon_biggrin.gif

    the end.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 30, 2011 4:35 AM GMT
    I do Asians.
  • muscle_grower

    Posts: 9

    Sep 30, 2011 4:46 AM GMT
    thanks guys well thanks guys I guess I shouldn't take things too personally or perhaps I need to move to a different city less conservative than denver
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 30, 2011 4:46 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidI do Asians.

    Yes yes, and you prefer to eat sushi off their nekkid hot bods. We get it. icon_wink.gif

    ummmm....Did I just turn myself on....? icon_confused.gif Damn now I can't get that sexy image out of my mind.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 30, 2011 4:54 AM GMT
    Let me guess.....you were in a gay bar. This is why I don't go to them. The shallowness I've seen in them is unparalleled anywhere else. These nasty queens like to think of themselves as bitchy divas (why, I don't know), and they take great pride in their cruel remarks. This incident says nothing about your attractiveness, but tells much about the fag who did this to you. I mean really....what kind of self esteem do you suppose this person has if he needs to do this to someone to make himself feel superior? Think about that....
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    Oct 01, 2011 8:13 PM GMT
    Seriously dude -You are asian In general I don't find those features attractive. If I saw you in a bar next to me I would probably turn the other way and go someplace else or maybe I would ask where to ge the best chinese food. Get a LIFE and stop hanging out in the clubs and maybe you won't get your poor feelings hurt. CLubs are not for the sensitive