I Feel Like A Piece of Dirt

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 29, 2011 1:50 AM GMT
    I met this guy on GrindR and we talked on there for about 5 minutes and exchanged phone numbers. We text all day yesterday and all day today. We had to have sent about 400 messages to each other. I told him the shitty guys I've met on GrindR and how it seems no one our age wants a relationship. He said he was shocked I said that, because he felt the same. We spent hours talking about our family, hobbies, likes, dislikes. We exchanged so much info and I decided that I really wanted to meet him. He was super excited but he lived an hour away from me. I told him I didn't care. He said there wasn't much fun in the area and that we could watch a movie. I agreed. I spent all day grooming getting ready to meet him, texting him at the same time. I drove an hour and met him at 5:00 as soon as he got out of class. He picked me up at the Walmart parking lot (because parking on campus would be difficult) and we drove back to his dorm. He named all the buildings as we got on campus, it was my first time there. We got to his dorm and he sat down at his desk and logged onto Facebook, I sat on his bed facing his back...

    I tried to make conversation but he didn't seem interested, he was too busy "liking" guy's pictures to talk with me. I asked him about the movie and he said he didn't have one. We basically sat in silence for about 30 minutes while he text and listened to music. His phone rang and talked to someone on the phone. He told me that his friends car broke down and he had to meet her and take her to her moms house that was on the street behind walmart. He said she had several friends with her and that they were waiting for him in the walmart parking lot. Since everyone couldn't fit in his car He said he would drop me off at my truck and take her to her moms. As we were driving he said we would pickup a movie on our way back after we went to the ATM. He dropped me off at my truck and said Brb. I waited in my truck for 8 minutes and text him to see how long it would be. He text back "15". I waited 30 and asked where he was, no response. I called him twice and he didn't answer. I was sitting in my truck trying not cry because I knew what had happened. So I logged onto Facebook and tried to see if I was right. Sure enough I was blocked. I drove another 50 miles home crying and I almost got into a wreck because I was so hurt. I have never felt so stupid and worthless in my entire life. I never expected for this guy to do this to me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 29, 2011 2:07 AM GMT
    That's gotta be the worst thing I've heard all week. All I can think of to say is I'm sorry that happened to you and... FUCK 'EM! icon_evil.gif

    GrindR iz bad mmkay.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 29, 2011 2:45 AM GMT
    Dude...that is horrible...I am soo sorry that happened to you =/

    That guy is a fucking prick. I cannot even imagine how you feel dude. But honestly, i know you went out of your way to see him, but at least you know now what that dude is like.

    My only recommendation...if you meet someone online...no matter how strongly you feel you two would get along, spend a few days talking to each other and skype. Should also try to meet up halfway somewhere.

    Again, I am sorry that happened to you.

    -Alexander
  • cookingitswee...

    Posts: 445

    Sep 29, 2011 2:51 AM GMT
    What a fucking douche bag, someone should shoot him for being so rude and disrespectful. I'm so sorry that happened to you, but I gotta say grindre is a bad animal and I hate hearing the horror stories of guys looking for a hook-up or worse a relationship on there. try to stay away. What an ass monkey.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 29, 2011 3:40 AM GMT
    I agree with what was said above Adonis, this guy is a douche. Here are some Grindr tips from a pro.

    Do not get emotionally attached until you have met the person. When you meet someone from Grindr, you are meeting them for the very first time. Every time.
    Also, when you travel, get on Skype and see if he is real. Webcamming is a very easy way to see what a person looks like in real life where a picture only says so much.

    Lastly, the problem lies entirely with this guy and not with you. The fact that he lacked the communication skills to tell you it was not a match shows you how immature he is. You are better off without him.
  • Midas426

    Posts: 965

    Sep 29, 2011 3:55 AM GMT
    Wow. Your experience by this clod made me angry. There are so many jerks out there. I wish there was some way to identify them right off so no time is wasted on them. Sorry this happened to you. It's definitely a learning experience though. Here's hoping the next guy is a prince.
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    Sep 29, 2011 4:11 AM GMT
    mynamesadonis saidI'm trying so hard to stay online. It would take me less than 20 minutes to go to the club he's at right now with his friends. I would really like to reintroduce myself.


    NO! DO not reintroduce yourself to him! This guy is a jerk! You deserve someone who reciprocates his feelings to you. You are a human being and it is incredibly rude to treat another person like that.

    Forget this jerk, you can and will do better than him.
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    Sep 29, 2011 4:19 AM GMT
    mynamesadonis saidI'm trying so hard to stay online. It would take me less than 20 minutes to go to the club he's at right now with his friends. I would really like to reintroduce myself.


    If by reintroduce yourself you mean go there and kick him in the nuts, then I agree you should.
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    Sep 29, 2011 4:22 AM GMT
    mynamesadonis said
    Chainers said
    mynamesadonis saidI'm trying so hard to stay online. It would take me less than 20 minutes to go to the club he's at right now with his friends. I would really like to reintroduce myself.


    NO! DO not reintroduce yourself to him! This guy is a jerk! You deserve someone who reciprocates his feelings to you. You are a human being and it is incredibly rude to treat another person like that.

    Forget this jerk, you can and will do better than him.

    When I say reintroduce I mean my fist in his face.


    NO! Do not give him any attention at all. He is nothing, he is dirt, he is not worth the thoughts you are wasting on him Adonis.

    Forget him and move on, he will get his in the end.
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    Sep 29, 2011 6:11 AM GMT
    I'm sorry to hear about this, just think that this may happen to him in the near future when he is trying to date someone else. Just ignore him, and move on, it is actually the best solution, you will get over it in time and forget about him. Someone better will pick you up, no rush.
  • twilight2010

    Posts: 307

    Sep 29, 2011 9:41 AM GMT
    Chainers said
    mynamesadonis saidI'm trying so hard to stay online. It would take me less than 20 minutes to go to the club he's at right now with his friends. I would really like to reintroduce myself.


    NO! DO not reintroduce yourself to him! This guy is a jerk! You deserve someone who reciprocates his feelings to you. You are a human being and it is incredibly rude to treat another person like that.

    Forget this jerk, you can and will do better than him.


    I could not agree more with Chainers.

    This man is not a very nice person, he sounds like a person that takes pleasure in seeing people suffer. Like pretending to like you and then stand you up.

    He sounds very wicked, I do not even think he would feel remorse as his actions speak louder than words. You can do so much better, regardless of what he looks like, he may be a fresh fruit(excuse the pun) but inside he is rotten with worms.

    You can do so much better

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 29, 2011 11:50 AM GMT
    Chainers said...

    Do not get emotionally attached until you have met the person. When you meet someone from Grindr, you are meeting them for the very first time. Every time.
    Also, when you travel, get on Skype and see if he is real. Webcamming is a very easy way to see what a person looks like in real life where a picture only says so much.

    ...


    +1, for sure.

    This goes for Adam, Manhunt, etc. etc. No matter how long you've spoken to and/or flirted with a guy online, when you see them in person that's you're first meeting. Do not invest in them before that. There could be any number of reasons in the other guy's presence that you don't like him or he doesn't like you. Even Skype doesn't really convey a man's physical presence reliably.

    And this guy is a special kind of insecure asshole. He knew before he invited you back that he wasn't interested for whatever reason (and believe me, there are a range of possible "whatever" reasons that have no bearing on you necessarily).

    This situation is a good example, though, of why you always do coffee/lunch with an online guy first. Even just a hookup (get a beer at least). That way you eat/drink/chat for a minute and gauge the chemistry, so afterwords you or he can say "well, nice meeting you" in a much less awkward way than you can from someone's bedroom.
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    Sep 29, 2011 12:10 PM GMT
    What a jerk..........that is so cruel to make you go through all of that. I know the stereotype is that women are deceitful but men are just as bad.

    Just forget the dickhead and move on. Your young and there are plenty more fish in the sea man.

    Rejection is never easy but just remember that it probably has more to do with his fucked up psychology than anything that is wrong with you.

    I don't know whether it's a product of the internet/virtual world timeframe these guys have been raised in but they seem to be more and more callus these days with no real manners.

    Like another poster said, don't be swayed by 'attractive wrapping', guys like that can be artificially sweet. You have to protect yourself.

    May I also suggest a break from Grindr, not the healthiest way to find a relationship as the app's name says it all- just sex.
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    Sep 29, 2011 12:40 PM GMT
    He has a friend that lives near a Walmart.

    That's reason enough right there to not give this one more damn second of thought/attention.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Sep 29, 2011 12:46 PM GMT
    Well I would have skipped the "Walmart" connection as well, just saying.

    Sorry, just trying to be funny, but seriously. No reason and I mean "none" as to why you should feel like "dirt".. he clearly didn't give the same serious view of the meeting as you did and thats about it. For you it was a serious meeting with someone you certainly wanted to know and maybe build something in the future... for him it wasn't serious or he wouldn't have done what he did. Anybody knows after driving like you did, the time, the effort.. you needed to be the most important thing driving his attention while you were there.

    I know its hard, but take it as a learning experience for the future. Don't assume you will be treated like that in the future and don't dwell on the negative... just sum it up that he had a different emphasis on the meeting than you did and move on.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Sep 29, 2011 12:52 PM GMT
    As bad as it sounds, after meeting you, this guy obviously was not "into" you. Granted he should have handled it differently than what he did, but you just have to move on from here. We all make mistakes and mistakes of the heart are the most painful. When we put ourselves out there and someone rejects us for any reason, it hurts terribly.

    Take some time to get your emotional thinking and feeling in line before trying to meet someone else. You seem very lonely and emotionally vulnerable at this time in your life. You have to get these emotions and thoughts under control ( whatever it takes) before you can proceed with confidence to meet someone.

    The only thing I can tell you my handsome friend is this: The strength to carry on has to come from within you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 29, 2011 12:56 PM GMT
    mynamesadonis said We got to his dorm and he sat down at his desk and logged onto Facebook...I tried to make conversation but he didn't seem interested, he was too busy "liking" guy's pictures to talk with me. I asked him about the movie and he said he didn't have one. We basically sat in silence for about 30 minutes while he text and listened to music.

    Not to excuse his behavior, which was brutal, but -
    The signals were as obvious as could be that there was no connection. He must have been hoping that you would figure it out, invent some face-saving excuse, and leave.
    If he had any social skills, or decent manners, he would have felt obliged to tell you it wasn't working. But he didn't. So it was left up to you to take control of the situation.
  • misternick

    Posts: 234

    Sep 29, 2011 12:56 PM GMT
    Consider the experience, as crappy as it was, as having dodged a bullet.

    At least you didn't talk to him for longer and get more invested. It was brutal but it was quick. Shit happens (and I mean that in the most positive, uplifting way).
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    Sep 29, 2011 1:03 PM GMT
    Sorry you had to experience this, but shit like this is part of the gay life. It was only a matter of time before it happened to you.

    All very good advice has been given to you.

    Just remember how you feel now and make sure that you do not ever do this shit to someone else.

    Break the chain!
  • citypartyboy

    Posts: 187

    Sep 29, 2011 1:08 PM GMT
    i agree with everyone else when they said its him, not you. this guy is trashy; thats the instant thought I got after reading your story, like who does that? I would never do that to someone, but if I wasn't interested, i'd tell them straight up (in a nice way) and still want to be friends possibly, etc. not every relationship has to be a 'relationship'. I feel that finding great friends is just as important and worthwhile.
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    Sep 29, 2011 1:12 PM GMT
    Thanks so much for the advice. I did a lot of thinking last night and I think I've got my head straight. I think I was mostly hurt that this person I talked to for hours turned out to be someone completely different. I really wish I could have met the guy that was genuine and sweet on the phone. I wanted so badly to get to know that guy. I've never talked to a guy that long who made me happy. I need to understand that there are some people out there that will do and say anything to get what they want. I will never trust another person so easily that hasn't proved to be trust worthy. Never again will I travel that distance to meet another guy again. I'm most certainly taking a break. It's really fucked how I told him about all the crappy guys I've met, then he makes them look like gentlemen. Last night I felt like a different person. I've never wanted to truly physically harm someone in my entire life. I can't let that happen again, so I'm done.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 29, 2011 1:40 PM GMT
    Don't feel bad this stuff happens to everyone. after being burned a few times I tend to look at everyone on line as full of shit until proven otherwise.
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    Sep 29, 2011 1:52 PM GMT
    atljoe75 saidDon't feel bad this stuff happens to everyone. after being burned a few times I tend to look at everyone on line as full of shit until proven otherwise.


    Yes, absolutely. You'll be more careful next time.
  • Voice22

    Posts: 79

    Sep 29, 2011 1:55 PM GMT
    stay strong buddy.
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    Sep 29, 2011 1:58 PM GMT
    Seriously! I'd understand if you were actually dating this dude but you just met him the one time and stared at his back most of the time. There's nothing for you to cry about here. You need to buck up, buddy, and the signs were there staring you in the face suggesting that this dude was a totally "no-go". C'mon now....two guys walking around talking about campus buildings? You went from texting crazy to boring conversation to just not talking in less then 30 minutes. Not a good sign.

    Your first mistake was being on GrindR looking for someone to be in a relationship with and then complaining about all the guys you met on that site. Doesn't paint a good image. Everything else followed afterwards. Lesson learned I hope and next time you find someone don't spend your time texting them to death because that's pretty much what you did and by the time you met him he was burnt out on you. just that simple. You should've picked up on that the minute he turned his back on you and spent it looking at Facebook "liking" peoples profiles. You got emotional attached waaaaay too quickly and that was your downfall of the situation. Hopefully you won't do the same thing again.

    I can't say I'm sorry this happened but as long as you learned something from this experience then you can consider yourself wiser for the future.

    Just keep pushing on and hold your head high.