Porn Star says: "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" about HIV status

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 30, 2011 3:07 PM GMT
    I just read an interesting article by porn star Michel Lucas about applying "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" when it comes to someone's HIV status.

    http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2011/09/30/comment-dont-ask-dont-tell-about-hiv-status/

    Please note that this article is not about having substantial-risk sex with someone who is positive (and therefore avoids the discussion of legalities of disclosure). Although the title seems to want to generate controversy, the article itself makes sense to me. Thoughts?
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Sep 30, 2011 3:34 PM GMT
    I agree with him when he says that you should always be wearing a condom, but I don't agree with the don't ask - don't tell approach.

    I think one should ask and be honest about themselves as well, whether it's HIV, herpes, or anything else.
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    Sep 30, 2011 4:51 PM GMT
    Don't agree don't agree don't agree Don't agree don't agree don't agree Don't agree don't agree don't agree Don't agree don't agree don't agree Don't agree don't agree don't agree Don't agree don't agree don't agree Don't agree don't agree don't agree Don't agree don't agree don't agree Don't agree don't agree don't agree Don't agree don't agree don't agree.

    Did I mention I disagree?

    I think that's a TERRIBLE thing to endorse. Yes, it's a personal choice whether you ask or not, but I do NOT think it's something we should be supporting. If we endorse this kind of a policy, think of how many young people might get the idea that we're just not supposed to ask, it's private to ask, it's shunned to ask.... Having information can never be a bad thing! What SHOULD be publicised is that is CAN BE SAFE to have sex with somebody who is Positive, but that you need to KNOW ABOUT IT.

    Personally, I would NOT hook-up with somebody who's Positive. Dating them is a whole different story- I would consider it, but if I were into some guy one night, everything is going right, and then he says Btw I am positive... I'm sorry I just wouldn't take the risk. Not that I don't trust him, I don't trust condoms.

    I barely even kiss "random" boys because I'm petrified of getting the Herp! My policy on Guys has always been one of "guilty until proven innocent.' As horrible as that is, it's safe, and I'm clean because of it. Not that I'm saying the majority of guys out there walking around have an STI, but there are those who do...

    HONESTY is the BEST Policy, people!
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    Sep 30, 2011 4:57 PM GMT
    Jeandeau saidDon't agree don't agree don't agree Don't agree don't agree don't agree Don't agree don't agree don't agree Don't agree don't agree don't agree Don't agree don't agree don't agree Don't agree don't agree don't agree Don't agree don't agree don't agree Don't agree don't agree don't agree Don't agree don't agree don't agree Don't agree don't agree don't agree.

    Did I mention I disagree?

    I think that's a TERRIBLE thing to endorse. Yes, it's a personal choice whether you ask or not, but I do NOT think it's something we should be supporting. If we endorse this kind of a policy, think of how many young people might get the idea that we're just not supposed to ask, it's private to ask, it's shunned to ask.... Having information can never be a bad thing! What SHOULD be publicised is that is CAN BE SAFE to have sex with somebody who is Positive, but that you need to KNOW ABOUT IT.

    Personally, I would NOT hook-up with somebody who's Positive. Dating them is a whole different story- I would consider it, but if I were into some guy one night, everything is going right, and then he says Btw I am positive... I'm sorry I just wouldn't take the risk. Not that I don't trust him, I don't trust condoms.

    I barely even kiss "random" boys because I'm petrified of getting the Herp! My policy on Guys has always been one of "guilty until proven innocent.' As horrible as that is, it's safe, and I'm clean because of it. Not that I'm saying the majority of guys out there walking around have an STI, but there are those who do...

    HONESTY is the BEST Policy, people!


    Jeandeau, that is terribly ignorant. You have a much higher chance of getting HIV from someone who thinks they are negative and are not, then someone who knows they are positive and who has the virus in check with medication and so forth.

    Its your choice entirely, but it is still ignorant. Much like the person who says "I dont mind gay people, I just wouldnt want them around my children."
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    Sep 30, 2011 4:59 PM GMT
    can you tell me what about it is ignorant? If I don't want to put a dick which possible could transfer HIV to me into my anus, how is that ignorant? I even said that YES IT CAN BE SAFE, but it's something I personally would not do.

    That's like Saying it's Ignorant of me not to drink Milk because I don't like what lactose does to my body...
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    Sep 30, 2011 5:02 PM GMT
    Let me reiterate my sentiments here. Because I think they were improperly understood:

    I know that it can be very safe with very little risk, to have sex with somebody who's HIV positive... I watched the entire serious of Queer As Folk, I get it.

    What I AM SAYING, is that a DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL policy is WRONG. We should be supporting AWARENESS AND EDUCATION, not pretending it's not there.
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    Sep 30, 2011 5:04 PM GMT
    Jeandeau saidLet me reiterate my sentiments here. Because I think they were improperly understood:

    I know that it can be very safe with very little risk, to have sex with somebody who's HIV positive... I watched the entire serious of Queer As Folk, I get it.

    What I AM SAYING, is that a DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL policy is WRONG. We should be supporting AWARENESS AND EDUCATION, not pretending it's not there.


    I agree, people should be open about it, to say that you would reject someone because of their status because you dont trust condoms is a little ignorant dude...
  • trijiminal

    Posts: 39

    Sep 30, 2011 5:04 PM GMT
    There is a serious flaw in the logic here:

    "It might also ruin the mood if Mr Right Now revealed that he had liver cancer, diabetes, sickle-cell anemia, or a family history of mental illness. But why would he tell you those things on a first date?"

    You can't GET liver cancer, diabetes, sickle-cell anemia, or mental illness from anyone else. But you CAN get HIV. Even if you have protected sex. Just think about the number of "unexpected pregnancies" you see from straight couples who rely only on condoms.

    Bottom line: if you have sex with someone you are taking a risk. And if you don't know the status of that person, your risk increases because you aren't armed with the knowledge you need to make a reasonable judgment.

    And i don't care if you're HIV positive, have herpes, syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia. for your own conscience, you'd better tell me beforehand. but even if you don't offer it up, i'm going to ask.
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    Sep 30, 2011 5:08 PM GMT
    Chainers said
    Jeandeau saidLet me reiterate my sentiments here. Because I think they were improperly understood:

    I know that it can be very safe with very little risk, to have sex with somebody who's HIV positive... I watched the entire serious of Queer As Folk, I get it.

    What I AM SAYING, is that a DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL policy is WRONG. We should be supporting AWARENESS AND EDUCATION, not pretending it's not there.


    I agree, people should be open about it, to say that you would reject someone because of their status because you dont trust condoms is a little ignorant dude...



    How many people get pregnant even when using condoms? I'm not saying they fail every time, but I've had PLENTY rip in my time...

    whether it's ignorant or not, which I don't agree that it is, the fact of the matter is that people need to be aware and be honest. Not cover it up and just pretend we don't see it.
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    Sep 30, 2011 5:09 PM GMT
    Chainers saidI agree, people should be open about it, to say that you would reject someone because of their status because you dont trust condoms is a little ignorant dude...


    I love you to pieces, Chainers, but I disagree with you here.

    Serosorting is an ugly fact of life. It certainly doesn't guarantee that you won't come in contact with HIV, but when used along with safer sex, it's another tool to help reduce risk.

  • Bigolbear

    Posts: 528

    Sep 30, 2011 5:09 PM GMT
    "It boils down to this: The real way to avoid HIV is not by avoiding people with HIV; it’s by avoiding practices that make HIV communicable. If you want to stay negative, assume that everyone you hook up with is positive, and wear a condom to protect yourself."


    That was the best part of the article.
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    Sep 30, 2011 5:10 PM GMT
    Jeandeau said
    Chainers said
    Jeandeau saidLet me reiterate my sentiments here. Because I think they were improperly understood:

    I know that it can be very safe with very little risk, to have sex with somebody who's HIV positive... I watched the entire serious of Queer As Folk, I get it.

    What I AM SAYING, is that a DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL policy is WRONG. We should be supporting AWARENESS AND EDUCATION, not pretending it's not there.


    I agree, people should be open about it, to say that you would reject someone because of their status because you dont trust condoms is a little ignorant dude...



    How many people get pregnant even when using condoms? I'm not saying they fail every time, but I've had PLENTY rip in my time...

    whether it's ignorant or not, which I don't agree that it is, the fact of the matter is that people need to be aware and be honest. Not cover it up and just pretend we don't see it.


    Like I said before, you have a higher chance of catching HIV from someone who thinks they are negative then you do with someone who knows they are positive and keeps the virus under control.

    Just saying!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 30, 2011 5:10 PM GMT
    Bigolbear said"It boils down to this: The real way to avoid HIV is not by avoiding people with HIV; it’s by avoiding practices that make HIV communicable. If you want to stay negative, assume that everyone you hook up with is positive, and wear a condom to protect yourself."


    That was the best part of the article.


    And this is how I practice my life. I treat every person as if they are HIV positive.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 30, 2011 5:11 PM GMT
    Chainers said
    Jeandeau said
    Chainers said
    Jeandeau saidLet me reiterate my sentiments here. Because I think they were improperly understood:

    I know that it can be very safe with very little risk, to have sex with somebody who's HIV positive... I watched the entire serious of Queer As Folk, I get it.

    What I AM SAYING, is that a DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL policy is WRONG. We should be supporting AWARENESS AND EDUCATION, not pretending it's not there.


    I agree, people should be open about it, to say that you would reject someone because of their status because you dont trust condoms is a little ignorant dude...



    How many people get pregnant even when using condoms? I'm not saying they fail every time, but I've had PLENTY rip in my time...

    whether it's ignorant or not, which I don't agree that it is, the fact of the matter is that people need to be aware and be honest. Not cover it up and just pretend we don't see it.


    Like I said before, you have a higher chance of catching HIV from someone who thinks they are negative then you do with someone who knows they are positive and keeps the virus under control.

    Just saying!



    Yes, and I have a higher chance of catching the virus from somebody who has it period, than someone who does not.

    Just saying.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 30, 2011 5:12 PM GMT
    Jeandeau said
    Chainers said
    Jeandeau said
    Chainers said
    Jeandeau saidLet me reiterate my sentiments here. Because I think they were improperly understood:

    I know that it can be very safe with very little risk, to have sex with somebody who's HIV positive... I watched the entire serious of Queer As Folk, I get it.

    What I AM SAYING, is that a DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL policy is WRONG. We should be supporting AWARENESS AND EDUCATION, not pretending it's not there.


    I agree, people should be open about it, to say that you would reject someone because of their status because you dont trust condoms is a little ignorant dude...



    How many people get pregnant even when using condoms? I'm not saying they fail every time, but I've had PLENTY rip in my time...

    whether it's ignorant or not, which I don't agree that it is, the fact of the matter is that people need to be aware and be honest. Not cover it up and just pretend we don't see it.


    Like I said before, you have a higher chance of catching HIV from someone who thinks they are negative then you do with someone who knows they are positive and keeps the virus under control.

    Just saying!



    Yes, and I have a higher chance of catching the virus from somebody who has it period, than someone who does not.

    Just saying.


    lol your being really dumb here Jeandeau.

    95% of new infections are caused by 5% of people. If someone has their virus in check with medications your chance of catching it falls extremely low. If you add a condom to that, its practically nothing.
  • Bigolbear

    Posts: 528

    Sep 30, 2011 5:12 PM GMT
    collegekid12 saidThere is a serious flaw in the logic here:

    "It might also ruin the mood if Mr Right Now revealed that he had liver cancer, diabetes, sickle-cell anemia, or a family history of mental illness. But why would he tell you those things on a first date?"

    You can't GET liver cancer, diabetes, sickle-cell anemia, or mental illness from anyone else. But you CAN get HIV. Even if you have protected sex. Just think about the number of "unexpected pregnancies" you see from straight couples who rely only on condoms.

    Bottom line: if you have sex with someone you are taking a risk. And if you don't know the status of that person, your risk increases because you aren't armed with the knowledge you need to make a reasonable judgment.

    And i don't care if you're HIV positive, have herpes, syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia. for your own conscience, you'd better tell me beforehand. but even if you don't offer it up, i'm going to ask.


    The part I bolded above doesn't make sense. Are you saying you would only chose safer procedures IF you know the person was positive?
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    Sep 30, 2011 5:13 PM GMT
    seriously people. you really have to write posts to defend this guy or even refute his stance.

    Any non-mongoloid would understand he is an idiot, and not an authority on anything aside from how to spit into the anus of another person while ensuring the angle is fine and the set is properly lit. That's about it.

    Who cares what he thinks. All he knows how to do is have sex, and record it on camera.

    I'd sooner take advice on how to shoot a rifle from Santa Claus than listen to sexual etiquette from him.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 30, 2011 5:14 PM GMT
    Hawken saidseriously people. you really have to write posts to defend this guy or even refute his stance.

    Any non-mongoloid would understand he is an idiot, and not an authority on anything aside from how to spit into the anus of another person while ensuring the angle is fine and the set is properly lit. That's about it.

    Who cares what he thinks. All he knows how to do is have sex, and record it on camera.

    I'd sooner take advice on how to shoot a rifle from Santa Claus than listen to sexual etiquette from him.



    Such an angry post from someone who knows jack shit.

    There are plenty of highly educated porn stars out there. Just because they can get paid to be hot doesnt make them less of a person than you.

    That being said, he is wrong, you deserve the right to know about your partners status.

    THAT BEING SAID!!!! It doesnt matter if your partner is negative or positive, you should be treating them the same which drastically reduces your chances of getting HIV to practically nothing.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 30, 2011 5:16 PM GMT
    whether I'm being dumb or not, I chose not to put myself at risk. Putting an HIV dick in my bumb is putting risk in there, whether I wrap it up, take pills, or not.

    Like I have repeatedly stated, and you still chose to focus on one element of what I have said: I WOULD CONSIDER IT WITH SOMEBODY.

    Just not somebody on a night out (implying alcohol consumption, which decreases effectiveness of medication) of whom I have no prior knowledge of their character, personality, honesty etc etc...

    Obviously I have less risk of getting it from somebody who knows abotu it and treats it, but isn't the point of "Don't Ask Don't Tell" that we don't honestly and openly acknowledge it?

    I think you're just trying to perpetuate an argument here by saying I'm a silly stoopid little boi. The point is this: Telling people not to ask or tell is a BAD.IDEA.

    *section removed because on second though: IT'SNONEOFYOURFUCKINGBUISINESS*
  • trijiminal

    Posts: 39

    Sep 30, 2011 5:19 PM GMT
    BigolbearAre you saying you would only chose safer procedures IF you know the person was positive?


    No, in my opinion, you should ALWAYS use protection with someone unless you have a full blood panel in front of you.

    What I meant to do was acknowledge that some men don't want have sex with HIV+ men period (not that this is right or wrong - thats a personal choice). Whether you agree with this or not, I think its foolish to sleep with someone without having some knowledge of their sexual health.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19119

    Sep 30, 2011 5:25 PM GMT
    Jeandeau said

    What I AM SAYING, is that a DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL policy is WRONG. We should be supporting AWARENESS AND EDUCATION, not pretending it's not there.



    EXACTLY!!!! It's kind of a no-brainer that "Safe Sex" is what everybody should be practicing. Regardless, in this day and age, ignoring what can sometimes be the elephant in the room -- someone's HIV status -- is just not the right approach at all. Open communication and trust is also part of a good sexual relationship.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 30, 2011 5:29 PM GMT
    Jeandeau saidwhether I'm being dumb or not, I chose not to put myself at risk. Putting an HIV dick in my bumb is putting risk in there, whether I wrap it up, take pills, or not.

    Like I have repeatedly stated, and you still chose to focus on one element of what I have said: I WOULD CONSIDER IT WITH SOMEBODY.

    Just not somebody on a night out (implying alcohol consumption, which decreases effectiveness of medication) of whom I have no prior knowledge of their character, personality, honesty etc etc...

    Obviously I have less risk of getting it from somebody who knows abotu it and treats it, but isn't the point of "Don't Ask Don't Tell" that we don't honestly and openly acknowledge it?

    I think you're just trying to perpetuate an argument here by saying I'm a silly stoopid little boi. The point is this: Telling people not to ask or tell is a BAD.IDEA.

    *section removed because on second though: IT'SNONEOFYOURFUCKINGBUISINESS*


    I do not think your stupid Jeandea. I have nothing but respect for you. It is foolish to choose not to have sex with someone who is positive because you dont trust condoms.

    That being said, the conversation needs to happen. People should be aware of others having HIV and so forth. STDs become my business when you want to stick your wee wee in my no no part.
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    Sep 30, 2011 5:38 PM GMT
    So apparently we do agree.

    My point is still this, While It can be safe, it's my choice. And I chose not to put myself anywhere near that risk. (or put it anywhere near MY prostate..) Sex isn't worth it. However, if Professor Ben Bruckner wants to come and show me just how safe it is? Be my guest.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 30, 2011 5:38 PM GMT
    Jeandeau saidSo apparently we do agree.

    My point is still this, While It can be safe, it's my choice. And I chose not to put myself anywhere near that risk. (or put it anywhere near MY prostate..) Sex isn't worth it. However, if Professor Ben Bruckner wants to come and show me just how safe it is? Be my guest.


    We agree on everything except the casual sex with someone who is HIV +.

    Then again it is easy for me to judge because I dont like to have casual sex.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 30, 2011 5:47 PM GMT
    but casual sex is sooooooooooooo much fun!

    That said, (not to quote you or anything) I am back in my committed, long distance (i.e. no sex for long time) relationship... boo. So I can't talk either.