Disappointed with a "Friend"

  • offshore

    Posts: 1294

    Oct 01, 2011 6:48 AM GMT
    So this was a pretty close friend.
    Since I moved away from the USA I can't get certain surfing gear. So I found a place online but they only ship to US addresses. I asked my friend (her) if I may have them shipped to her address, and she can forward them to me - I will pay for all shipping cost of course.
    She sounded really happy and willing to help out and said no problem, so I went ahead and placed the order.
    After 3,4 weeks, nothing, I FB msged her, asking how she is etc and oh btwm did the stuff got delivered - I don't want to be ripped off by internet mechants.
    Well the stuff are there, but she "was feeling down so not had the chance to visit the post office"
    I msged back voicing my concerns, and offering some suggestions.

    So now, another month and half later, still no post. I msg'ed her recently and got the blank.

    You can say, well she's depressed, so posting stuff for you is not a big issue for her, but from her Facebook postings, I really can't see how depressed she can be (from her activities and comments to other ppl). Seem to be very cheerful...

    I dunno, when I promise someone to do something I will do it to the best of my abilities. I don't like letting ppl down. Maybe I shouldn't hold others in up tot he same standard to avoid disappointment.

    If she couldn't have helped then she shouldn't have agreed in the first place?

    How would you guys deal with a situation like this?

    I can't even be bothered with the stuff I ordered anymore, although it is a small substantial money I spend I could do with. (or have the equipment right now)

    How would you guys deal with a situation like this?

    BTW, before you guess she wanted to pocket the gear for herself, it is guy stuff, so unless her new bf is the same size as me, it;s useless to her.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 01, 2011 7:46 AM GMT
    Not really sure what advice to give regarding your friend. You'll have to work on that. But in regards to your stuff. Make it easy for her. I'm assuming all the gear is still in the original shipping box. If yes, then pre-pay for a shipping label. Mail it to her, or email it if it's a PDF or whatever. Then all she needs to do is slap the label on the box and drop it off it at the post office. Or give it to her mail carrier when he comes by.
  • offshore

    Posts: 1294

    Oct 01, 2011 1:04 PM GMT
    I might do that cheers. But I am not really botherred by the stuff as much as a broken promise/ lack of effort. Unlike some I don't have 500 hundred ppl I call ;friends;, those I do are usually people I get to know well and developed the relation over the years. I guess I'm surprised sometimes even after years ppl do behave differently if youa re not there with them.
  • creature

    Posts: 5197

    Oct 01, 2011 2:06 PM GMT
    Good advice from xrichx regarding the pre-paid shipping label. Sending her that does two things: first, it nudges her to ship out your items. Secondly, and this may highlight the reason she's reluctant to send your items, the pre-paid label will relieve her of some burden and stress.

    I'm only guessing here, but I've witnessed several instances like this on another message board I frequent where there is a lot of buying/selling/trading going on. People put up a lot of items for sale, they're quick to accept the money, but can be slow to act. It's understandable that personal things get in the way. However, it's typically because they feel overwhelmed by the responsibility and are stressed about it.

    Your friend may feel overwhelmed about being tasked to ship your items and the potential to keep doing this with whatever orders you may place in the near-future. Some people view their lives as a delicate balance. Even small favors asked of them can be seen as too much. Whereas others may think nothing of it.

    If she does eventually post your items, warmly thank her and apologize for putting her in this position.
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    Oct 01, 2011 2:20 PM GMT
    That's unfortunate that your friend is "putting off" a promise she made.

    You have every right to hold her accountable on her actions. It sounds like you covered all the bases as far as expensive of the items are concerned. Common sense would dictate that if she can't move the stuff herself that she should ask someone to help her. She had to of known what she was getting into and if she couldn't have done it then she shouldn't have agreed to help out.

    Why she is avoiding to send you your stuff is a mystery but I'd think twice about asking her to do something like this again since she's taking her sweet to send you your stuff. When you do get your stuff I would just thank her kindly and afterwards look for another option since your 1st option wasn't reliable.

  • offshore

    Posts: 1294

    Oct 01, 2011 2:35 PM GMT
    All sound analysis and advice so cheers folks. I realise there are friends on diff levels, those who you can trust your first born with, those who you can chat forever on a topic, those who's good for a drink time story. Keep them at different distance is a balaning act.

    Maybe it's because I myself never refuse small favours and always carry them out in good time makes me think everone is the same. But of course others might see it as a burden. Just gotta be more inclined to make 100% sure in the future.

    BTW, girls are so hard to understand, I'm glad I aint dating one.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Oct 01, 2011 2:43 PM GMT
    Pretty difficult situation. I'd be careful about doing something like that in the future....come up with some other way to get the ordered stuff.

    Take it as a lesson learned... I wouldn't get all negative with the friend. Just understand she isn't someone you can rely on in this context, let it pass and maybe she'll get her own life worked through.

    It may be that the Post office will return the stuff to the company. I'd contact the company and explain. Maybe they will contact you if the items are returned and you can get a credit. Do what you can proactively.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 01, 2011 2:54 PM GMT
    offshore saidSo this was a pretty close friend.

    You can say, well she's depressed, so posting stuff for you is not a big issue for her, but from her Facebook postings, I really can't see how depressed she can be (from her activities and comments to other ppl). Seem to be very cheerful...

    I dunno, when I promise someone to do something I will do it to the best of my abilities. I don't like letting ppl down. Maybe I shouldn't hold others in up tot he same standard to avoid disappointment.


    Offshore sorry to hear this.

    She's your friend, so you might be able to shed more light on this.

    Has she been depressed like this before?

    I have the feeling that she isn't doing too well and maybe the Facebook posts are a facade. She might want people to think that she's a lot better than what she really is.

    Take everyone's advice and send the labels.

    If she does send the package to you - send her back a little gift (flowers or even something tacky/ cheezy from Oz - a little koala perhaps - if she has a sense of humour and would appreciate it. icon_razz.gif )

    If she doesn't, unfortunately it's an expensive lesson learnt.Honestly, you're asking her to drop a box into the post office, not for a kidney.


    The last part is the saddest.

    Try not to let this taint your view of others. People , for the most part, are warm and generous.

    .


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 01, 2011 2:59 PM GMT
    So you canĀ“t lean on this one again... she will break
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    Oct 01, 2011 3:36 PM GMT
    Not sure about her but what I would do is suggest she just take the stuff to a local UPS store as is.. they will package it and box it up if needed and ship it.. Everything is done right there, all she has to do is take it there in her car and not worry about anything.
  • bmoney1

    Posts: 244

    Oct 13, 2011 5:57 PM GMT
    Man, that sucks completely. I, like you, do not like to over extend myself in the way of having too many close friends. I know a lot of people and have a pretty good rapport with most, but few- like less than ten- I consider true friends. True friends to the point I have full faith and confidence in them, as they do me.
    I hear you about not caring so much about the stuff, but how it doesn't mean enough to her to follow through.. Tough situation. What's so sad about it is even if you get your stuff and everything works out.. The burned child fears the fire.. One less person you can truely count on.. Good luck, hope it all works out!
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Oct 13, 2011 6:16 PM GMT
    damn, that sucks buddy. i am sorry to hear this has happened to you. i hope you can get your stuff. i mean if you are not in the states there isn't much you can do other than maybe come to the states and get your stuff from here