Stuck and need new alternatives

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 01, 2011 8:55 AM GMT
    ...As in, stuck with absolutely no options of where to meet people anymore. I was watching Real World San Diego (I know it's just TV) but I was listening to how some of the people met their S/O or BF or whatever. Most of them met at like a class, or something that they met from a hobby. I didn't hear any of them say, "we met online."

    I'm at the point where I don't have any dating profiles up anymore. I don't enjoy being on adam4adam and getting the same nasty fucks hitting me up and the decent people not responding to me. The clubs are okay but I don't have as much interest going to them out here every weekend even though usually I have conversations and sometimes end up clicking with someone. Tonight was the first time I felt like going out since labor day

    As far as these other straight dating sites that have the option of meeting gay people, it never fails the guys are full of crap. They always have stuff come up at the last minute. It's the strangest thing with those sites; POF, BigMuscle, Connexion, OKcupid...none of them worked.

    I'm just at the point where honestly, I do not know how I can meet people beside online. Meetup.com, tried it. And it didn't work. Anything gay related was like 50 years old and up. It's sad that the site emails me about 50 million events going on in town, but they are all catered to straight people.

    My thing is, I haven't really been able to pursue many of my hobbies. It's like I'd enjoy doing this that and the other, but I haven't really come across people who would join me into doing it. Like show me the way. Not just suggest, "oh go find some local events in your area". Like what? It's great that people throw the ideas out there but for a person living in a new town and not really know many people it's hard to just show up to stuff and have no idea if the people are even remotely compatible, have the same interests or anything. I don't want to go an events where there's married 30 year old folks who are out of shape and like to play volleyball icon_rolleyes.gif And that's exactly what happened couple weeks ago. Someone can argue anyway they can to just show up, but I it's obvious that I try to hard to fit into those type of things.

    I just feel like I'm stuck in a vortex. And if I drop everything online and stop going out to bars I want to know what can I replace that with. icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 01, 2011 3:52 PM GMT
    Well it's either you give up totally and take up knitting or you just carry on. You come off by reading this and your previous similar posts as a "fault finder" accentuating the negatives about people and groups and cities and clubs. Maybe that has something to do with it, I dunno..
  • Karnage

    Posts: 704

    Oct 01, 2011 3:57 PM GMT
    You should look for gay-specific groups for the hobby you're interested in. I'm a singer, so I joined a gay chorus. I've had friends join gay volleyball leagues, kickball leagues, and cycling clubs. It's a great way to meet other gay men who have similar interests, even if it's just to meet new friends.

    Did a quick search, and here's a site with a list of Denver gay leagues: http://www.milehighgayguy.com/p/denver-gay-sports-teams-organizations.html

    Good luck!
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    Oct 01, 2011 4:09 PM GMT
    beneful1 saidWell it's either you give up totally and take up knitting or you just carry on. You come off by reading this and your previous similar posts as a "fault finder" accentuating the negatives about people and groups and cities and clubs. Maybe that has something to do with it, I dunno..


    You seem to be going back to when I went to the lonely hearts club where everyone was like 50+ years old and I said I didn't like it. It's not finding fault with people, it's just making sure I'm around a group that I have some common ground with such as age, physical fitness, etc.

    I'm not sure where in this particular thread I've mentioned anything about finding fault with people. Don't backtrack to threads from 3 months ago. Just point it out here. Real time.

    Karnage saidYou should look for gay-specific groups for the hobby you're interested in. I'm a singer, so I joined a gay chorus. I've had friends join gay volleyball leagues, kickball leagues, and cycling clubs. It's a great way to meet other gay men who have similar interests, even if it's just to meet new friends.

    Did a quick search, and here's a site with a list of Denver gay leagues: http://www.milehighgayguy.com/p/denver-gay-sports-teams-organizations.html

    Good luck!


    Thanks for checking that out for me. I've been referred to those by a couple of people in the past.

    But I will admit another thing is I'm not really a HUGE sports guy either. I'll get into them for a little while, but after a few scrapes and sprains I'm done LOL.

    I'd like to start biking again, but after dropping $1,200 for dental crowns I have to think hard about doing anything that may chip another tooth LOL.
  • sbwlguy

    Posts: 566

    Oct 01, 2011 8:02 PM GMT
    How about at a ball game? Heard that's quite good for it.
  • dancedancekj

    Posts: 1761

    Oct 01, 2011 8:17 PM GMT
    If there's anything I've learned, it is to be happy first, then everything else comes after. Success at work, personal achievement, and relationships with family, friends, and romantic pursuits all thrive when I take care of my own problems and am a happy person myself.

    For the fun activities, do something that you like and enjoy and are passionate about first - then concern yourself with the people. For example, I took ballroom dancing classes. Sure, most of the people in the class were middle aged heterosexual couples, and I didn't meet any gay guys out of it. But you know what? I had a blast, and made friends with all sorts of people. If you are having fun and enjoying life, then other people will be attracted to you.
    They may be people you have no interest in dating, but you'll be making friends regardless. You'll be learning about people's lives, getting and giving advice, and learning about yourself in the meantime. Since you said that you're new in town, why not just make friends before seeking out your soul mate? You need a social network whether you are single or in a relationship.

    Quality guys don't just fall into your lap. Meeting good people takes work. I have to spend hours combing through the single men in my city just to find one that I can talk with, much less pursue anything romantic with. Utilize the dating sites as a tool - eliminate the straight people from the equation and get to work. And most of all, live your life. Don't wait for a man.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 01, 2011 9:06 PM GMT
    Look how I met my current partner of 25 years... I didn't meet him online because it didn't exist and I didn't meet him at a club and I was at the clubs 2-3 nights a week back then (worked part time bussing at one occasionally) . I was 22 and intro'd to a couple of older guys at a party given by a best friend of mine, they were in there mid to late 40's at that time, very social and partook in various gay stuff around town. We all went out New Years eve some months later to party followed by more drinking over at their place afterwards. I crashed in their basement bedroom and got up the next day to find them sitting in their kitchen having coffee with this goodlooking guy I'd never seen before . Me and that goodlooking guy have been together ever since.

    If I'd have given up on those two guys initially after meeting them for the first time , well you get the picture. Don't think to yourself oh that's just luck or whatever.
    Those two "old guys" back then had a lot of younger friends and acquaintances and they also had a lot of friends their same age who in turn would hold Christmas and New Years, birthday parties etc inviting scads of people young and old.
    Get to know some of those guys instead of just tossing them off because you have nothing in common with them.. Network.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 01, 2011 9:40 PM GMT
    beneful1 saidLook how I met my current partner of 25 years... I didn't meet him online because it didn't exist and I didn't meet him at a club and I was at the clubs 2-3 nights a week back then (worked part time bussing at one occasionally) . I was 22 and intro'd to a couple of older guys at a party given by a best friend of mine, they were in there mid to late 40's at that time, very social and partook in various gay stuff around town. We all went out New Years eve some months later to party followed by more drinking over at their place afterwards. I crashed in their basement bedroom and got up the next day to find them sitting in their kitchen having coffee with this goodlooking guy I'd never seen before . Me and that goodlooking guy have been together ever since.

    If I'd have given up on those two guys initially after meeting them for the first time , well you get the picture. Don't think to yourself oh that's just luck or whatever.
    Those two "old guys" back then had a lot of younger friends and acquaintances and they also had a lot of friends their same age who in turn would hold Christmas and New Years, birthday parties etc inviting scads of people young and old.
    Get to know some of those guys instead of just tossing them off because you have nothing in common with them.. Network.
    This is very trueeee. Networking is very importantttt.
  • Scriven

    Posts: 61

    Oct 04, 2011 5:35 AM GMT
    Wow, the arrogance coming off you is rather apparent. You want a hot, quality guy, and you don't really want to look that for him.

    Well, here's my advice, you're probably not going to listen, but whatever.

    If you want to find quality men, short of changing your attitude, the best thing you can do is get involved in the community. If you only go out to clubs all you're going to get is club kids, and while they might be great for a quick fuck, uhm, that's all their good for. People don't meet in clubs.

    You're profile says you live in Denver. A quick call to the Denver GLBT Community center will probably solve a lot of your problems. Call them up, say you're new in town and you're looking for an organization to volunteer your time with. You might have detail your interests, I'm assuming here that you have some interests other than yourself, and meeting cute boys shouldn't be one of them. You might :::: Shudder ::: have to spend some time with people you don't find attractive, or aren't on the same physical fitness level you are, or serve on a board that has straight and gay board member, but that sort of thing is how you meet the quality Gay folk like doctors and lawyers.

    Denver also has a GLBT sports leagues, I know a number of couples, gay and lesbian, who met by playing in the same softball, or volleyball league. Most of the gay couples I know, either met through Atlanta's gay nonprofit/activism scene or though sports leagues. So you could always get over yourself and realize you're playing for the social interaction and not because you enjoy the sport.

    The way most successful relationships happen is from people you meet socially, not at clubs. If you don't go to social events you'll never meet them. The internet is for chumps. My current boyfriend said that if messaged him on A4A or Okcupid he'd never respond to me, and I wouldn't respond to him either because of the age difference, but in fact he was the one chasing after me because we met in a casual social setting.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 04, 2011 5:39 AM GMT
    Well, YOU live in Colorado and I live in Colorado and I don't know you.

    Maybe, if you are COMPLETELY desperate, that can be a starting point.

    Warning: I am jaded failure of a human being prone to obsession, crazy rants and liberal usage of swear words in public venues.

    pax.