Should I ask him out again?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 01, 2011 2:51 PM GMT
    First of all, I’m 20 y/o and not really out yet.

    A couple of days ago, I met up with a guy from the internet. He’s the first gay guy I ever met up with. He’s the same age as me, however he’s been out for a lot longer than I have and is a lot more experienced than I am but we have similar interests, it seems. We were chatting online for a little over a month before hand.

    So anyway, we met in public, went into a café and started talking. I was quite nervous. I act really odd and awkward when I’m nervous. I kept on going on about the fact that I wasn’t out yet and that he’s the first person I ever had a face-to-face conversation with about my orientation and stuff. I think he might have found it a bit off-putting. I even asked him if he found the fact that I wasn’t out a bit of a turn off (I’m cringing at the fact that I asked such a stupid question) but he’s said it was okay.

    Looking back now, apart from talking about the fact that I’m out, I basically brought up all the stuff you shouldn’t talk about on a first date (if you could call it a date). Stuff like, politics, work or if you’ve ever met up with a guy online before, etc... I was just trying to keep the conversation going. I used to date girls and I'd never talk about those sort of things but I just lost my bearings on this occasion, for some reason, and couldn't keep hold of myself.

    So after about two hours, one of the waiting staff came over to us and told us that the café was closing, so we went to a diner for a bite to eat. We stayed there for about an hour and a half, continued the same line of conversation, etc… I know I shouldn’t have said it but I even ask him if he’d like to go some place for some “fun”. I can’t believe I said that, now he’s probably thinking that all I want is sex and nothing else. He said maybe and I suggested that we meet up again some time, he agreed but I’m not so sure if he wants to.

    So after we finished eating, we walked around the city for a bit and somehow ended up in a gay bar. I guess I really made a spectacle of myself in front of him there. I’d never been to a gay bar before and I was hyper-sensitive about the fact that I might be seen by someone I know who would “out” me. I live, work and go to college in a relatively small city, so I was a bit nervous. I want to come out in my own time and in my own way. I told him this but I went in anyway. Behind it all, I was relative curious and wanted to see what gay bars are like.

    So we sat down in a nice quiet corner. However, sure enough, after about five minutes I saw three or four people I know from college walking into the bar (luck was not on my side). I freaked out a bit. I was sitting near this pillar that kind of hid me from their sight but I was still slightly uncomfortable. I apologised to him for my behaviour. He asked if I wanted to leave and I agreed; we were literally in the gay bar for ten minutes. We parted paths then. The only physically contact we had throughout the night was when we shuck hands at the beginning and at the end, though I didn't go out expecting a lot. The last thing I said to him was, “Maybe, a little bit more than a hand shake the next time”. Yes, I know, cringe!

    I know my behaviour throughout the night was just atrocious but he was a really understanding and sweet guy, I take my hat off to him for putting up with me, lol. So yeah, it was a disaster.

    I've texted him about twice since then, nothing too extensive just asking if he got home alright and stuff like that. Funnily enough, he said it was a "fun night" but I don't know if he was serious about that. Before we met up we had chatted on MSN nearly every day but he doesn't seem to be online now. Maybe I'll just be naive and assume he's been busy.

    So I want some advice. Do I deserve to ask him out again? Do you think he'd be interested? Am I expecting too much? If we agree to see each other again, what would your advice be?


  • Crocodile

    Posts: 18

    Oct 01, 2011 3:09 PM GMT
    Personaly i dont think your behviour was atrocious, you said your not out and it was your first gay guy. It sounds like your where nervous and he should off understood that. Going to a gay bar and seeing people from college would make me freak to.

    If you like being with him ask him out again, there's no harm in asking. If he says yes i guess he is interested.

    If you meet again i think you should go somewhere private and chat to get to know each other more, talk about interest such as films, music, food etc. Dont rush with physical side, do it when you think your are ready.

    Hope i helped.
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    Oct 01, 2011 3:55 PM GMT
    Badumdumdish saidThe last thing I said to him was, “Maybe, a little bit more than a hand shake the next time”. Yes, I know, cringe!

    So I want some advice. Do I deserve to ask him out again? Do you think he'd be interested? Am I expecting too much? If we agree to see each other again, what would your advice be?


    You say ask him out again, as in...you already asked him out previously? If that is so, pass him the ball and let him ask.

    The "little more than a handshake" was awfully corny. Sounded aggressive and would have been so if he did not return the favor.

    Unfortunately, you were so afraid of being noticed at the bar that you didn't steal the opportunity to make out with him. I don't see what the big deal is. They are there just like you're there.
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    Oct 01, 2011 4:02 PM GMT
    Well it was actually him who suggested we meet up first, so I donno. But yeah the last bit was very corny, lol.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Oct 01, 2011 5:45 PM GMT
    buddy, i do not think you did anything wrong. i think you will go through this scenerio a few more times before you get comfortable. i do not think conversation was a turn off. i do not think anything you did was a turn off. however, that is just me. i am not out so i can totally understand. however, i have been out with guys who were ok with me not being out either. anyhow, do not think about it too much. chalk it up as a life experience
  • sbwlguy

    Posts: 566

    Oct 01, 2011 6:57 PM GMT
    I know it was your first time for a lot of things, but try to be a bit calmer next time. The world won't end and life will go on, no matter what happens.

    Take a deep breath, take a second or two to think, stay calm.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 01, 2011 7:08 PM GMT
    If you like him ask him out again. Its much better than wondering what if I had asked him out.
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    Oct 01, 2011 8:28 PM GMT
    Thanks for the advice guys. I appreciate it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 01, 2011 9:18 PM GMT
    Your story is kind of funny. "look, someone I know, where should I duck? under the table?" bahahahaha
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    Oct 01, 2011 11:32 PM GMT
    Yeah, I'll probably be looking back laughing at my behaviour later on when I'm out. Lol.