How to verify that someone likes you...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 02, 2011 3:46 AM GMT
    without asking them or revealing yourself to be gay.

    So anyway, I just started work at a new place a couple of weeks ago. One of my co-workers whom I work very closely with is around my age and attractive. I want him, but I'm not sure if he wants me back or if he's even straight. I didn't feel anything for him the first few days, but gradually an attraction began to develop. I decided to study his body language the past week and they seem to confirm some attraction: he faces me squarely when speaking to me, will occasionally wander close to me and then drift off, subconsciously mimics some of my gestures. Also, whenever we start a conversation, he tries to keep it going. I can't say the same for any of the other guys we work with. My interaction with them is pretty normal.

    The main problem is that there are no explicit indicators of attraction. I've got him glancing in my direction but not really staring. There's never been any accidental touching or bumping of bodies. He minds himself for the most part during work, texting away during breaks or using computer. Sure, he inquires about my weekends and stuff, greets me with this nickname his come up with for me every morning, but that's about it. There's just nothing to scream: "I want you back!"

    How would you approach such a situation? I can't come out as the work environment is very straight-male-centric. I can't come out to him since, in the event that he is straight, he'll immediately begin assuming I like him. The most I can do is the exact same things he does: greet him warmly in the morning, throw him occasional glances, find an excuse to be near him, speak to him facing him squarely, etc.

    Any tips?
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    Oct 02, 2011 4:05 AM GMT
    I've seen this suggested in these forums and it sounds good to me, so I'll pass it on - how about asking him if he wants to go "grab a beer' (or some other hyper-masculine way of asking) after work? That way, you get him away from the work environment and can read things at that time to see if he's having a friendly beer or if there's something more.

    Good luck!
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    Oct 02, 2011 4:19 AM GMT
    EliStark saidI've seen this suggested in these forums and it sounds good to me, so I'll pass it on - how about asking him if he wants to go "grab a beer' (or some other hyper-masculine way of asking) after work? That way, you get him away from the work environment and can read things at that time to see if he's having a friendly beer or if there's something more.

    Good luck!


    I don't drink, we are both 24 and new to this job. It would just seem bizarre. I'm considering just asking him if he has a girlfriend, though I don't know how to do that at the moment without coming across as nosey/prying.
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    Oct 02, 2011 4:33 AM GMT
    At your stage of the game you're still new to the business world.
    Rule #1: Don't dip your pen into the company ink. In other words, don't s**t where you eat.
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    Oct 02, 2011 4:37 AM GMT
    1. Let it go for a few more weeks to get to know him better.

    or

    2. While talking to him when he's especially animated about whatever it is he's talkin' about pick imaginary lint off his shirt; smile. Observe. icon_razz.gif

    or

    3.0f93b76ffd0ce94dcd8f1041c69e8b42.gif
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    Oct 02, 2011 4:38 AM GMT
    garyinla saidAt your stage of the game you're still new to the business world.
    Rule #1: Don't dip your pen into the company ink. In other words, don't s**t where you eat.


    The particular co-worker is a fellow newbie to the company like me. We also work the same position. I don't think anyone would care.
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    Oct 02, 2011 5:09 AM GMT
    Try having sex with them. If they say yes, then maybe they like you. But even that it's not a sure thing.
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    Oct 02, 2011 5:54 AM GMT
    Walk around w/ your zipper down and see how much they stare ;) lol jk
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    Oct 02, 2011 6:51 AM GMT
    raindrops said
    garyinla saidAt your stage of the game you're still new to the business world.
    Rule #1: Don't dip your pen into the company ink. In other words, don't s**t where you eat.


    The particular co-worker is a fellow newbie to the company like me. We also work the same position. I don't think anyone would care.


    I know someone who would. He would if he isn't gay. Don't be stupid find someone else. Office romances rarely work out. What if you guys do end up together and break up. What if the break up is bad. There are many many things that can go wrong here which you haven't thought of while only one can go right. Think before you act.
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    Oct 02, 2011 7:52 AM GMT
    I say take it slow for now and don't ask him yet if he has a girlfriend or not. It may come off as questioning his sexuality which may make him go with the default answer. Rather invite him for any after work masculine like activity and see how it goes.
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    Oct 02, 2011 1:40 PM GMT
    Do you love me?

    YES

    NO

    (circle one)



    Or when you're comfortable with him, out yourself non-challantly in conversation....like it's no big deal and you don't expect it to change anything.

    If he's gay and interested, that's all the prompting he'll need.
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    Oct 02, 2011 1:46 PM GMT
    Seems shady and evasive at best.

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    Oct 02, 2011 2:33 PM GMT
    ^
    I know you don't mean me, biotch.icon_question.gif




    icon_wink.gif
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    Oct 03, 2011 1:41 AM GMT
    the_leo saidI say take it slow for now and don't ask him yet if he has a girlfriend or not. It may come off as questioning his sexuality which may make him go with the default answer. Rather invite him for any after work masculine like activity and see how it goes.


    I had the opportunity this morning to invite myself into a Football league game he plays every Saturday but missed it. Basically, after saying hi to each other this morning, he asked me if I did anything exciting the previous night. I gave him an ambiguous and playful response, then asked him what he did. That's when he told me he plays the league game the previous night with his friends and went on to add that it was something he did every Saturday. I wasn't too smart to realize at the time that maybe he was trying to get me to invite myself to the game. Anyway, after a little more casual chit-chat we got to work.

    And then at some point during the day - I swear I have no idea what happened - his attitude towards me just totally changed. It's like whatever romantic tension between us that might have existed just turned into repulsion. I couldn't feel the interest anymore and he wouldn't speak or acknowledge me in any way. Sure, I caught him glancing in my direction twice or thrice before looking away, but damn - the rapport we'd developed the past three weeks just evaporated into thin air. I was getting the sense that he was angry or frustrated for some reason, and I was responsible.

    I'm considering just letting him go and just waiting for someone else to show up. The dance I feel we've been playing is wearing me out.


  • waccamatt

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    Oct 03, 2011 1:54 AM GMT
    Since this is a co-worker, just play it cool for now until you get to know each other better. Do people go out for lunch together in your office? If so, ask him if he wants to grab some lunch. You'll know in time if he's interested.
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    Oct 03, 2011 1:55 AM GMT
    I'd say, enough playing, go back to work, lol icon_biggrin.gif
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    Oct 03, 2011 2:21 AM GMT
    raindrops said
    And then at some point during the day - I swear I have no idea what happened - his attitude towards me just totally changed. It's like whatever romantic tension between us that might have existed just turned into repulsion. I couldn't feel the interest anymore and he wouldn't speak or acknowledge me anyway. Sure, I caught him glancing in my direction twice or thrice before looking away, but damn - the vibe I was feeling between just seemed to have died. I was getting the sense that he was angry or frustrated for some reason, and I was responsible.

    I'm considering just letting him go and just waiting for someone else to show up. The dance I feel we've been playing is wearing me out.

    Let me see if I can put this gently.... icon_rolleyes.gif

    No, I can't. Just quit being stupid. Sorry, but you're so scared that someone at work might think you're gay that you're about to convince yourself you're not interested in this guy. Guess what? YOU ARE GAY. That's who you are. If your co-workers have a problem with it, they'll get over it.

    Maybe this guy is straight and you're just getting confusing signals. But maybe he's gay and he likes you. And he doesn't have any more balls about the situation than you do.

    So, what do you do?

    You have to approach this in a way that doesn't threaten either one of you, and lets both of you keep doing this "is he or isn't he dance" while moving toward some answers.

    Co-workers typically go to lunch once in a while. Sometimes often. These off-site lunches are a good time to get to know your co-worker. Talk about sports, talk about current events, talk about things going on in your city. Talk about what you like to do, talk about what you did this weekend. Ask what he did.

    At every opportunity during these conversations, if ever the topic of gays in the military, gay marriage, gays and the church, etc. comes up, you make it clear you're on the side of gay rights. He'll get the picture and both of you can keep up this facade that maybe this is just your objective political views. That way, if he chooses, he can approach it more personally. If he's not interested, he can pretend this is just an impersonal political conversation.

    If he does decide to get more personal, don't push him away. Run with it and see where he wants to go with it. Don't be paranoid. No one is interested in making you the office laughing stock because you're gay. If he wants to make it personal, go along. This may be the start of something really satisfying for you (for both of you actually).